by Dwight Schrute
Over the years, we have had several safety incidents involving fires here at Re/Max NOC. You may remember the infamous "Matchbox Magic Trick Gone Bad" event from 2001 or the "Cigarette Wastebasket" fiasco of 1999. Perhaps the most tragic fire-related occurrence was the "Cheesy Pita in the Toaster" disaster of 2005, (way to go ~ not ~ Oakley!). Thank you again, Edward Pascual, for that classy display of fire-safety Ignorance. I hope you're reading this, wherever you are. The reason I bring up all of these bad memories is to remind you of some of our most basic fire-safety procedures. Primarily, I want to focus on the "Stop, Drop, and Roll" exercise. It's an easy three-step process to remember when you see a fire.
First, stop what you're doing. There is nothing more important than a fire, even if somebody is being murdered before your eyes. One death is less important than many deaths. Second, drop to the floor in case a fireball is coming at your head. A lot of gas gets trapped above us - heat rises, in case you didn't pay attention in science class - and when a spark is introduced, fireballs are formed. These fireballs aim for your head, so you want to drop immediately after you've stopped. Once you're on the ground, roll towards the door. You want to roll, as opposed to crawling or dragging yourself, because the rolling action scares the fire away with static electricity. Fires don't come near static electricity. That's why fabric softener dryer sheet factories never catch on fire. Just remember, if there's a fire around, stop, drop, and roll. It could save you from dying.
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