Real Estate Blog - CLIQUES AND NETWORKING DON’T MIX

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CLIQUES AND NETWORKING DON’T MIX

Remember high school? Everybody belonged to a clique.

You had the popular kids, the jocks, the cheerleaders and prom queens, the nerds..you sat with your own clique at lunch and hung out with them before & after school.

And those groups seldom mixed with people outside the clique, because you just didn't do that.

Adolescents like being part of a clique. It gives them a necessary sense of belonging. It's an answer to the question "where do I fit in?" and it's a key step towards building an adult identity.

But ActiveRain is a social networking community for adult real estate professionals (even though a few members may occasionally act like they're in high school at times) and that means you network with industry colleagues. Networking brings credibility and establishes you with peers as someone knowledgeable and competent. It can lead to referrals, buyer/seller leads and other business and personal opportunities.

Networking successfully means you abandon the "clique" scene. It means mingling with others and engaging them.

In order to succeed, you need to go outside your comfort zone and meet people who are not necessarily just like you are.

ACTIVERAIN IS NOT MEANT TO BE A COUNTRY CLUB

Go out on a limb. Chat up someone who's not from your state or your part of the country.
Break out of your clique. Comment on a post by someone you DON'T KNOW.
Your Associates and Subscribers are a reflection on who you meet and engage. Ideally, your list should be a cross-section of people in our industry. That means people of varying age groups, geographic locations, industry segments (home stagers, mortgage brokers, agents, etc.) and so forth.

If you can do that, you'll succeed in social networking. Of course, we still have our cliques, our "popular" members (and their groupies), our nerds and other types on ActiveRain.

The real estate industry is a microcosm of society. Those cliques and groups represent a cross-section of the people you'll meet in the real world. And we need them all.

Not all real estate answers can be found on Google.

Let us help you gather the information you need to achieve your real estate goals. Contact Wayzata Lakes Realty today at 612.670.2539.

Eric Kodner is a luxury property specialist and real estate educator in the Minneapolis & Saint Paul area with a unique perspective on the Twin Cities real estate market. Wayzata Lakes Realty LLC is a member of the LuxuryRealEstate.com broker network.

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Posted by Eric Kodner, Lake Minnetonka Homes & Madeline Island Real Estate on 06/01/2008 09:42 PM

Comments (51)

Post is included in group: Social Media Marketing
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51 Comments on CLIQUES AND NETWORKING DON’T MIX

JUN

2008

Hello Eric -- very interesting point of view indeed. Enjoy your day. Regards, C.

C Tann-Starr - Glad you saw the logic in this post. ActiveRain can offer super networking opportunities, if people will just take advantage of them.

Hi Eric ... Eloquently put. I came to AR middle of May, and I have had a great time sharing with people from all over the country. You're missing a lot if you do not. AR in many ways mirrors life, and life is often a popularity contest ... high school forever! However, I find that if I talk to everyone (popular members, people with whom I am slowly becoming familiar, and people I do not know at all) I get the most from my participation. On a couple of occasions, when I commented on a post, I felt as though I had taken a seat at the wrong table in the lunch room :) I don't care; I would sit there again and put in my 2 cents. With age comes maturity.

Marie, it's human nature to gravitate towards a group of people who you feel share your values and so on. But it's funny to realize that instinct is contrary to success in networking.

If you look at truly great salespeople or public speakers, they're very successful at engaging people they've never met. They reach out to them and build a rapport. Being a wallflower or surrounding yourself with a "gang" is no way to build a network!

Nice to get to know you! Come visit me at www.thecenturytreereader.com and get ot know me as well.

:)
Susan

Bravo, Susan!

Thanks for the link to your other blog. I just glanced at it and will give it a more thorough read in a few minutes.

It's a pleasure to meet you!

Eric, excellent point. Thanks for your frequents comments on my blog. I still need to research the super memed e-mail you sent me. I was memed awhile ago but it was not a "super meme" I not really sure what a meme really is. :-)

JUN

2008

ERIC - I started to have flashbacks when I saw this post. Paul Slaybaugh wrote a post in December that actually labeled cliques, and it became a powderkeg. Your post takes on a more general approach, so I can't see any controversy being stirred up this time around. While I agree in the mingling part, I also realize that there will be people that we gravitate more towards because of commonalities, and move away from because of differences. Like society, it's important to note that AR doesn't need to be a big lovefest where everyone likes each other, but having a diverse group of people to network with just makes good sense.

Nice parallel, It is easy to get caught with the same group of people and the fun of AR is meeting new people from around the country. I really enjoy knowing the market conditions in other areas.

Well said Eric.....It IS getting cliquey around here....I'm glad you didn't name names - but just SAID IT! To that end...I just do my thing, but I've noticed something interesting. I have strong views...I've made many, rainer's my associates...but for someone with my number of points etc. - I have very few associations. It is not reciprocated - yet I have a relatively strong readership. MY guess is that not being afraid to argue turns people off - which it shouldn't since we are supposed to be adults.

David - A "meme" is meant to get members to tell others about themselves. Some memes are free-form (you might write a mini-biography about yourself which tells other members five things about yourself that nobody on AR knows) and others ask you to answer a set of specific questions.

Memes can be fun. But even more important, they reinforce our unique differences and talents. Have fun writing yours!

Adam, I remember Paul's post.

My goal certainly wasn't to antagonize anybody. As I wrote, it's human nature to belong to a group of like-minded people.

But for a member who's seeking referrals from other agents, or looking to build a broad network, this could be a crucial issue.

We may never be a love fest (LOL) but it wouldn't hurt for AR to try to become a "big tent" that covers a wide variety of people, interests, industry segments and views. A glance at all the controversy last week over the removal of a member makes that goal even more significant.

Charles, members who limit themselves to communicating within their "clique" are missing out on a huge opportunity.

I read posts by members asking "how do I get referrals?"

How do you build a referral network by limiting your contact to a tight little group of social networking buddies?

Ruthmarie -- Look at all the posts lately that lecture us to "stick to real estate topics" or "avoid drama in your post". And look at the members who sat on their hands, on the sidelines, during the heated discussion last week about the removal of a member.

You have people on AR who are afraid to stand for something positive, for fear it will label them as a "do-gooder" (heaven forbid). Arguing is fine if you argue for something positive.

Your strong views are a huge contribution to AR. Some may not agree with all of your views, but without airing a counterpoint to the issues, the big picture view of ActiveRain could become pretty grey and dull.

Eric, I think some posts are so clique-ish that if you are not in the clique and leave a comment, no one even acknowledges your comments. I see it a lot. You are right, we should mingle and mix more. I think those of us that take the higher road will get a bigger benefit out of AR.

Very well said.... There are a number of cliques around the 'Rain. It would do us all good to get out of our boxes and explore a little more. It's ok to have favorites but successful networking requires reaching across all boundaries.

Audrey -- Some of the clique behavior seems to be aimed at pumping up comments on certain members' blogs.

As long as some members continue to leave hundreds of "attaboy" and "let's party!" comments on some posts, the number of comments won't have much meaning or significance.

When a member's buddies hijack their post and pump up the comment total to an outrageous extent, that could be considered "gaming the system", right? It certainly isn't taking the "high road".

Jesse -- It's essential to have friends here. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

However, ActiveRain is an industry-specific social network. It's not MySpace or Facebook. It exists (presumably) for networking between professionals, as well as to bring the public to us. So I agree you have to reach out and expand boundaries to be successful here.

JUN

2008

Eric, I disliked high school intensely because I never found a clique that would have me, presumably. That has served me well in life in being an independent thinker and raising kids in the same manner. I married a man like that too - it makes me crazy much of the time but it also makes me free. Sometime the rigidness of this plarform is stifling and other times I just ignore it - que sera, sera. (That is about all I remember from 5 years of high school Spanish, sadly.)

Eric, I could not agree more part of the fun of the site is getting out there and networking with all the people you can. With a little over 89,000 members you can stay busy meeting new people all the time if you just try.

Susan,

I see the clique mentality as something contrary to the idea of business networking. On the other hand, it's human nature for some to surround themselves with a group. Some people are "joiners" and others are not, It sounds like you don't number yourself in the "joiner" category.

Robert,

When I read a comment by some member who asks "which posts should I read?" or "which posts should I comment on?" it makes me chuckle.

There are tons of new posts every day. Why read only the writing of fifteen people, day after day, week after week? Because they're the only people among the 80,000 who can write?

Eric - like any networking, think proactive. If you go to a conference and wait for people to talk to you, you can wait a long time. One of the ways I "meet" new people is when they comment on my posts - I try to not only comment back, but also to visit their blogposts and get to know a bit about them.

Sharon, it's an excellent idea to do more than returning the comment with one of your own. Taking a little extra time to visit the commenter's own blog demonstrates an interest in them and in what they do.

JUN

2008

Good post Eric, and a timely suggestion. When we comment on another's post, we should read their profile and get a feeling of where they are and how they do business. That is what I try to do but it does take time. On the upside, I know people all over the US that I wouldn't have "met" any other way, including you !!

Bonnie, there are a lot of positive steps that newer members could learn from the old-timers on AR.

You can (and should) add Associates and subscribe to blogs where you regularly find useful information. Join quality groups where you find good content and agents with something on the ball.

Last fall, a fellow member (Margaret Rome) phoned me out of the blue to introduce herself! She liked what she read in a post of mine and she just picked up the phone!

Now that's networking!

JUN

2008

Eric...Don't know how I missed this before!

There are definately Cliques on here and I think a lot of it is because of familiararity....that being said...I have had a blast meeting people on here and feel a connection to so many for many different reasons (actually for me a dry sense of humor is a big draw...and that crosses all lines!)

Anyway...I'm meeting Carol Smith from Toledo this month when she's out this way and can't wait!

I always look forward to your reasoned perspective....it's good to know you!

JUN

2008

Joan,

Glad you found this..better late than never!

The cliqueishness can be destructive at times. I've seen a clique turn into a lynch mob.

Great point. If you feel the need to network with people you know there is always that archaic device called the telephone. :)

OurMonmoth friends in New Jersey -- Yes, there's networking and then there's killing time on the phone with buddies!

JUN

2008

Eric ~ Excellent post and good comments here as well. I like that you mentioned stagers as a group that other real estate professionals could connect with -- and it reminds me to venture out of the stagers' groups to explore others as well. Thanks for the reminder!

JUN

2008

Maureen, some members tend to pursue the inclination to "stick to their own". I'm a big believer in going outside your immediate circle if you're truly looking to network for business.

JUN

2008

Hi Eric - Congrats on making Lola's Blogger's Choice selections. I enjoy a lot of posts on your blog.

Regarding cliques, without denying their existence, it is important to be careful about assuming others are not getting out and around in the rain. It is impossible to track where people are all the time. When I get really busy, I try to make it to a few blogs, and they might be some of my more familiar ones. When I have more time, I like to explore and see what else catches my eye. I subscribe to blogs from across the occupational and geographical spectrums.

You make a very important point about getting out of one's own comfort zone. It really contributes to our own professional knowledge base.

Eric-yes there are definitely moments in life and on social networking I still feel like I am in high school.

The number of people on the rain is larger than many cities..interesting coming from all walks of life..different values and different goals.

I just be me..and reach out to other's...

Great post and Congrats it was selected as a Blogger's Choice Selection.

Eric- So nice to see you won a Bloggers Choice Award ~ CONGRATULATION :) I loved the last 2 lines as it also reminds me of being in the Military: "The real estate industry is a microcosm of society. Those cliques and groups represent a cross-section of the people you'll meet in the real world. And we need them all."

Elaine, I'm delighted to read that you enjoy my blog!

The existence of cliques aside, I think it's worth encouraging members to go outside their comfort zone and take advantage of the huge networking opportunities here. And new members should be encouraged to do that from the beginning as well.

Midori, I especially enjoyed your comment about the ActiveRain community being "larger than many cities". Sometimes we forget what a large family this is!

I'm honored to have a post named as a "Blogger's Choice"!

Kathy, you know I'm a fan of what and how you write. Your praise means more than you realize! Thanks.

JUN

2008

Eric, such an important topic here on AR. I just made some new friends on AR at an AR girls weekend getaway. Not only was it wonderful meeting the members I knew but getting to know memebers I hadn't found on AR was great too!

Diane, sounds like the networking aspect is succeeding for you!

Maybe it's time for AR to put together an annual "convention" of some sort. We certainly have enough members!

JUN

2008

Eric...great points about networking and not just trying to network and get to know others who are most like us, sometimes we learn more and become more enriched by associating with others that are NOT like us, too:-)

Debra, I've found the best networking opportunities seem to happen almost by accident! And you improve your chances by meeting a few new members each week.

JUN

2008

Eric - One thing I do now and again is click on the 3,059 Online Now and randomly click on somebody. Then, I'll read and comment on a post of theirs. As a matter of fact .... off to do that now:-)

Eric: Wonderful point about cliques. I try to make a point of commenting on anything I find interesting.

Jason, I applaud you for doing that! I try to do my own version of the same thing.

Jan -- Thanks so much! We can all make more of an effort to cast a wider net when "fishing" for members' posts.

JUN

2008

I will consider your advice when networking. Congrats on your featured post.

JUN

2008

Mindy & Jay, the feature was a complete surprise to me!

JUN

2008

Eric: I noticed about two months into my Active Rain membership that the cliques seemed pretty tightly developed. It also seemed that there were some who wrote posts... where it seemed like every other of their posts got a gold star and was featured... no matter what they wrote about. I have never been much of a follower (surprised ?) so I never tried to get "cliqued." LOL. Great post... keep up the great work !

Thanks Karen Anne!

I've never been a "joiner" either. I like that Woody Allen quote, "I would never want to belong to a club that would have me as a member".

Eric: Interesting that you would use that quote. For some reason, I felt the urge/need to watch Annie Hall again last night... and the lovable Mr Allen used that quote twice. And actually, I haen't been "cliqued" in years... LOL. Or... as Annie would say... "Lah dee dah... !

Karen Anne -- Even though Woody has had his personal misadventures, I still enjoy his films!

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