I think we have all experienced those moments in life when we accused of some level of malfeasance... when none of the sort occurred. This is the worst situation in my estimation.
There are several other times when following a train of thought in any conversation ends up in a false conclusion and you know that the truth has not been served.
Political discussions especially, or even religious ones, seem to get out of hand as well. And there are many other categories here. These can end in tantrums and broken friendships, family problems.
But let's center on a case in a business setting when things have gotten a bit out of hand...
Let's say that you have been pushed to do more than you bargained for. Either explicitly or inferred...
Now the second case can be tricky to prove. The first can be obvious, but at the end of a project when things are all getting tied up -- and you have already gone the extra mile... what do you do?
- Staying calm helps a lot.
- Pointing out facts means tiptoeing carefully.
- Asking for clarifications or questioning a bit... also must be done with care and caution, especially if the other party has already come to an erroneous position and is pushing you unfairly.
- No one wants to be wrong. About anything
...so how long can a back and forth go before one or both sides completely lose their cool?? and even more precarious: what if there are several people at a table -- what if 5 people are principals sharing the same email thread and a problem like this arises?
- How about conceding a simple point and thanking the other party for a good decision or a favor that went further than normal?
- Invoking a higher good or value can be tricky as well.
- DO try to get to a position where there is some kind of win-win.The problem is that if you push your 'correct' position, the other party may feel intimidated and blow up. Too often a simple disagreement escalates immediately to DefCon 5. So you have to gauge at which level you are at in the discussion to find some kind of tactical maneuvering.
- If you lose your cool not only do you lose face, you will lose your reputation.
- Avoid getting personal in any manner whatsoever. Try to be clinical about things.
- Back up a bit and ask for time to think things over.
- Conceding your position is not a good sign though.
- Losing face. This needs to be avoided if possible, especially in a group setting. No one wants to be called out. But what if the culprit is the main player in the deal?
It is difficult to get specific about these matters because each case has so many nuances, facts, time elements, policy or contractual language, etc.
The question is this: is your point so important to push that it will jeopardize the current project and possibly future ones with other parties in the mix?
If so, and if especially a final payment or sign off is required, you may have to bite some or all of the bullet to make things end well.
I know that we have talked about going the extra mile, etc. but some situations can escalate quickly and get out of hand to where...
maybe you should stop drinking coffee.
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