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A weary divorced father in Naperville...

By
Real Estate Agent with Coldwell Banker Residential

I woke this morning in sadness…

 

The kind of sadness only a divorced father could know…

 

I separated from my ex wife in 2012, and we finalized our divorce in June of 2013.  

 

Those were very hard times.  Scary times for me…

 

After years of identifying myself as a happily married father of two beautiful girls, my identity was gone…

 

I woke up alone and afraid one night in a strange apartment.  Yes, it was my home.  My new home.  But not one I ever envisioned for myself.  And I wasn’t prepared for the loneliness…

 

My girls were not there.  Nobody to tuck in.  To kiss goodnight.  To make a sandwich for.  To sit on the couch and watch tv with…

 

Oh how I missed the mundane.  And I still do…

 

The years that have followed have been good years.  Rebuilding years.  I focused my energies into my business and myself.  I have accepted my new identity as a loving divorced dad...

 

The every other weekend and Wednesday type of dad.   That was me, except I was lucky.  I had my daughters on Tuesdays too…

 

While I would generally describe my relationship with my ex wife as a decent one, there has been conflict.  More conflict then I care to endure…

 

Mostly arguing over parenting time.  Always around the holidays.  But more and more, I feel my time with my daughters is being squeezed.

 

And at this point in my life, I have decided that I am done fighting.  It saps my strength.  My energy.  Takes away the focus I have for making myself and the world around me better…

 

I love my daughters.  I know they love me.  I  will always be their Dad.

 

But I am weary.  Weary of fighting the good fight.  Weary of defending the words in a divorce agreement written 7 years ago…

 

Ken

 

 

Comments(4)

Wayne Martin
Wayne M Martin - Chicago, IL
Real Estate Broker - Retired

Good morning Ken. Time does not heal all wounds but as your daughters age they more likely understand your continued love more! Enjoy your day!

Nov 27, 2019 04:34 AM
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Pasadena And Southern California 818.516.4393

Hello Ken - it's understandable that you are weary from the result but remain grateful for the good times of the past, currently and in the future.  Don't be weary, be happy.  Sorry - I should have stopped while I could but I couldn't resist(well I know I could but it seemed it was time for a bit of levity) --- I hope you have an enjoyable holiday.  Be well.  Do good.  

Nov 27, 2019 05:12 AM
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Prop. Mgr, Wenatchee, WA

Hi Ken,
This time of year can make the difficult seem more difficult.  I know you must be weary but do not give up.  It may not seem like it now, but the time you will have with your daughters after they grow up will be more than before... and that is something to look forward to. 

These young years are really a blip in time but it doesn't feel like it now.  In the meantime, do the best you can. Support them. Let them know you love them and want to be with them.  You might find going with the flow creates more harmony. 

Nov 27, 2019 10:15 AM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Hi Ken- Carol Williams gave you excellent advice. When I met Larry he was divorced with an 8 year old daughter.  It hasn't been easy. What I admire is that he didn't fall into the divorced dad's trap and grant his daughter everything she wanted out of guilt. He has been supportive of his ex-wife and her parenting. His daughter is almost 50 and after many bumps in the road they have a good relationship. If I may, one bit of advice...be a parent, not her buddy. 

Nov 30, 2019 05:47 PM