Special offer

I Can't Hear You! I'm Too Busy Defending Myself!

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Beam & Branch Realty TREC #547752

Today I had an interesting exchange with a local elected official. I had hoped to meet this person to be able to discuss some concerns as a constituent. I was kind, polite, to the point, and kept the conversation private. My concerns echo many others in our community.

What I have found within our political arena are those who say things behind someone's back and the very few who will look you in the eyes and say the difficult things. I believe in the importance of going directly to a person. It's the right thing to do always.

Sadly, this individual did not hear a thing I was saying because they were too focused on being in defense mode. Instead of listening to what I was saying, the posture of defense drowned out my concerns. It became evident this politician did not desire to discuss anything. 

This entire encounter brought me back to real estate. How many times have we valiantly tried to mentor another agent or provided needed feedback to a fellow agent only to be met with the attitude of defense? This exchange falls on deaf ears and ends up being completely non-productive.

So what can we do when this happens? First, we need to assess ourselves and make sure that we are mindful of coming across as defensive in these situations. Secondly, we need to accept that not everyone is ready to hear your concerns. Finally, despite the outcome, don't shy away from difficult face-to-face conversations. 

Our clients, colleagues, and even our companions need to be heard. Are you listening or are you too busy defending your stance? Listening well is a learned skill.

 

Posted by

Comments(14)

Charles Ross - eXp Realty LLC
eXp Realty LLC Salina Group - Salina, KS
Love To Help People

This is a very true post, Paula. Thank you for sharing. Have a blessed day

Jan 18, 2023 09:04 PM
Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

It’s like I said to someone else: we were given two er and one mouth so that we might listen twice as much as we talk. 

Jan 18, 2023 10:52 PM
Nina Hollander, Broker
Coldwell Banker Realty - Charlotte, NC
Your Greater Charlotte Realtor

Excellent point and reminder, Paula. We've all come across our share of people whose first instinct is to get defensive. I've always wondered why.

Jan 19, 2023 04:18 AM
Kat Palmiotti
eXp Commercial, Referral Divison - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

Good point. If someone is being defensive, they are not ready to listen. They may never be.

Jan 19, 2023 05:16 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate Services

That is why they are called difficult conversations Paula.  I've learned over the years that some most people can't handle the real grown-ass adult conversations - the deep ones and the not-so-deep ones.


I've lost friends people in my life as a result of having difficult conversations - difficult even for me yet I knew it was a conversation that I needed to have. Some people just disappear because it is just more than they can deal with. 

 

As for politicians, most are only in that role to self-serve. I am sorry that your concerns fell upon ears unwilling to listen or a heart unwilling to care. 

That is all I have to say about that. 

Jan 19, 2023 08:00 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate Services

FEATURED IN CRAP-TACULAR

 

Mr. Crappy Says

Open the Ears

Close the Lid on the Mouth

And Listen!

💩💩

💩

 

Jan 19, 2023 08:03 AM
Dr. Paula McDonald
Beam & Branch Realty - Granbury, TX
Granbury, TX 936-203-0279

Oh, Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist this is why I love you so. That comment, "grown-ass" I love!!!!

Jan 19, 2023 11:27 AM
Ed Silva, 203-206-0754
Mapleridge Realty, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

It could also be that that politician couldn't respond as he lacked his handler that feeds him everything

Jan 19, 2023 01:40 PM
Dr. Paula McDonald
Beam & Branch Realty - Granbury, TX
Granbury, TX 936-203-0279

Oh, Ed Silva - it's as if you know this person because that is EXACTLY what is going on.

Jan 19, 2023 01:46 PM
Myrl Jeffcoat
Sacramento, CA
Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

That title line reminds me of today's episode on "Judge Judy," Paula!  I thought she was going to smack a guy who wouldn't stop talking.

Jan 19, 2023 05:18 PM
Kimo Jarrett
Cyber Properties - Huntington Beach, CA
Pro Lifestyle Solutions

The following is Dictionary.com's definition of a politician.

Definition of politician

noun
a person who is active in party politics.
a seeker or holder of public office, who is more concerned about winning favor or retaining power than about maintaining principles.
a person who holds a political office.
a person skilled in political government or administration; statesman or stateswoman.
an expert in politics or political government.
a person who seeks to gain power or advancement within an organization in ways that are generally disapproved.
I'm not surprised by your experience yet most of these politicians get reelected time after time and therefore change is awfully slow or non existence. 
Jan 20, 2023 02:02 PM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Hi Paula- it is a shame that our discussions/conversations/learning opportunities have become more of a battle of who won. We can learn so much if we allow ourselves to listen to the other person. It doesn't mean you have to agree or surrender your point of view. 

Jan 21, 2023 12:36 PM
Mary Hutchison, SRES, ABR
Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate-Kansas City Homes - Kansas City, MO
Experienced Agent in Kansas City Metro area

Kudos to you for taking the time to *try* and have a conversation with a politician!  Ever hear their soundbites?  Esp when asked a direct question involving yes/no--they WILL NOT answer. They are trained to say very generic statements that won't get them in trouble. 

Jan 23, 2023 12:38 PM
Diana Dahlberg
1 Month Realty - Pleasant Prairie, WI
Real Estate in Kenosha, WI since 1994 262-308-3563

Many have ears to hear but never listen.

Jan 26, 2023 09:30 AM