HONK

HONK

Honk is a cute word.  Honking is fun to say.  If I say I say Honking out loud and really drop my jaw and get a certain sound to come out, it makes my ears go weird as if I'm talking underwater.  I like to say Honking like that.  But I can't go around saying Honking like that in public.  It does make ones face seem a bit disproportionate.  On top of enjoying the verb honk and its conjugations, I also enjoy being a honker. 

I like to honk.  I'll honk to say hi.  I'll honk to say, hey that house you bought from me is looking just great! I'll honk to say watch out.  I'll honk to say excuse me, can you see me here, just wanted to let you know that I'm actually here.  And of course I'll honk to say GET LOST IDIOT, or something even nastier than that.  But the most important honk, and we all must agree here, abates accidents.  So why - Why on earth is there not a horn attached to all the seats of a car? 

I'm an avid campaigner for passenger horns.  (Ok, I just started writing about it.)  But for years I've been talking about it.  If nano-seconds matter, and they do, then sometimes by the time a passenger yells out....and sure you drivers are saying here that you know the road and you're careful and all that and of course you are, but even you teachers don't have real eyes in the backs of your heads, so by the time a passenger sees something that the driver didn't or couldn't and he or she yells, OH MY GOD, if they can even get those words out because maybe they'd be too scared to say anything, and if the driver looks over and registers that a giant truck is heading in their direction and the truck driver can't see them so therefore the horn must be honked...it could be too late.  However, had the passenger been rightfully equipped with his or her own horn, the driver of the truck would have had time to swerve and miss them and the diver of the car could calmly comment, maybe something like this, "Darling, good job there, I didn't see that truck careening around the corner and luckily you did, bravo mate."  I'm sure dialogue like that would become common and we'd all live longer happier lives.  No more arguing in the car, "oh why didn't you honk when I screamed?" or more negative conversations of the sort. 

Also, how many times have you been sitting in the car watching the town go by and you spot a friend, you quickly say to the driver, "hey there's Marge," and as you sit waiting to hear a honk and see Marge turn to you and wave, nothing happens, scenery passes and so does Marge, unaware that your paths had crossed.  How sad.  Marge just listed her land with you and you'd like to show her some appreciative acknowledgement as you are rolling by.  IF only you had had your passenger side horn. There'd be no more relying on the driver to say hello to your friends and clients.  You would have control!

 I'm not talking about laying on the horn and causing chaos and noise pollution just to say hi.  No no no,  I'm saying a little toot would suffice during these friendly crossbys.  Of course a loud wallop of a sound, a real Cadillac horn must be available to avoid those unwanted axceedants.  It's a win win.  The driver certainly doesn't want to hear you screaming commands to honk or hear you whining that your new acquaintance just flew past your window without an acknowledgement of any sort.

 You see, simply installing a passenger side horn benefits everybody in the car.  Heck it increases the well being of mankind!  It would solve marital problems and lower insurance rates.  AND, might I add to you Real Estate agents, has it ever crossed your mind when somebody says, "no thanks, I'll just follow you" when you suggest that they ride with you, that the real meaning is that they are subconsciously afraid of losing control.  It's the HORN folks. They will ride in your car if you offer them a horn.  It's a proven fact.  (well, it could be I'm sure.) So I have to ask, why aren't the car manufacturers doing this?  It would increase our sales.  Sure, we give the speeches in the cars, everybody knows that.  But that's not what they fear, our clients fear the loss of their horn. 

Certainly, I'm not the first to think of this idea.  But if so, are any of you readers out there helpful with the patenting laws?  Ha, really! We could go halvies and be rich (not to mention Alive and Happy due to our new passenger side horns!)