Home buying can be a traumatic, anxiety-provoking experience these days, especially for first time home buyers in tough markets, and with the number of short sales/ foreclosures and bank-owned properties that available, since for some buyers this is all they can afford.

Coping with the vagaries of the home purchase process is often a major task for buyers, sellers, AND their agents. Experience helps, but does not eliminate the possibilities of trying times. As they say, if something can go wrong it will...Murphy’s Law.

We are often in a position of needing to hand-hold, comfort, encourage, empathize, sympathize, calm, and much more. Some folks in our business are adept at doing so and willing to, others are not so clued in. We really don’t much of a choice, since issues come up and if we are truly representing our clients, we need to be involved, take action, get answers and decisions, and assist our clients through the process. That may include providing a bit of therapy.

Are you really qualified to be a therapist for your clients?

Can you truly assist them through the trying times, listen to their concerns and feelings, and enable them to move along as opposed to becoming stagnated at the first sign of trouble?

Can you be honest with them and tell them the truth even when it hurts? Or do you find that this makes you uncomfortable?

You avoid it, don’t want to do it, or ignore it completely. Do your clients reach out and find you aren’t there to help, physically or emotionally? Do you resent the role you must play at times? Do you tell clients what you think they want to hear, or skirt about the issues to avoid conflict?

Are you able to be diplomatic and tactful, or is that foreign to your style?

Consider the buying transaction for a moment. It is a time of big decisions, high emotions, anxiety, and a host of other stressors. Lots of money is a stake, people disagree, problems arise unexpectedly, folks get told no when they want to hear yes, and so on. No wonder so many buyers feel like they need therapy. Add in the craziness of short sales, foreclosures or REOs with the lack of decision, progress, and any semblance of a “normal” transaction and you are sure to find buyers who will feel that drinking and drugs are a good alternative.

Here’s where you step in, provided you are well suited to the task. Not everyone is, despite what they might think.

• A good therapist is able to listen closely to the client, no matter what they say or how they say it. And to hear not only what is being said but also what is not.

• A good therapist provides a trusting atmosphere where the client is willing to acknowledge their deepest feelings and concerns without fear of retribution. And to reach out for support, guidance, encouragement, advice, suggestions, ways to improve, and to feel that they are respected as a human being no matter what.

• A good therapist keeps their own agenda at bay, although the goal is to help the client overcome their fears, calm their anxieties, change their behavior, etc.

• The therapist knows it’s all about them, and offers possible solutions to problems.

Are these not potentially similar situations to what we might encounter with our buyers in difficult times?

Admittedly there are some buyers (and sellers, and agents) who really do need true therapy. Better they should get it from someone else.

That being said, here are some thoughts on how to best help our client’s through these stressful times:

1. Remember, it’s all about them. They are thinking “what’s in it for me” so forget your personal agenda. Not easy to do. Many agents don’t do this. That’s not to say clients should be able to do whatever they want. Part of the therapist’s job is to let folks know when what they are doing is a problem and why, as is treating bad behavior. This can be done tactfully, however.
   
2. Listen, listen, listen. So easy to say, not so simple to do. Take the time to listen before you jump in with your thoughts and recommendations. And perhaps just listening to how they are feeling is all you need to do. We all need a shoulder sometimes.
   
3. Anticipate potential problems, concerns, questions and address them head on. Don’t mince words or beat about the bush, but be diplomatic and tactful about how you respond. You can do this while being honest and telling them the truth, not what they want to hear.
   
4. Be available when your clients need you or might need you. Having a client in crisis, for whatever reason, who can’t reach you may exacerbate the problem, and how your client is feeling about the situation, and you. Of course you can’t be available to one client 24/ 7, nor should you, but not returning a phone call for 24 hours is probably not going to help. No one wants to feel like they have been abandoned, especially when they have something on their mind. And isn’t that part of your job as their agent?
5. Buyers are human - they struggle daily with what they are dealing with...a home purchase, and they put up all the defense mechanisms we all experience when times are tough - denial, anger, and sorrow. Be prepared for these, and recognize them for what they are, a way to protect how they are feeling and the fear adn anxiety they are coping with.
   

I’m sure that’s not all that might be important, but there’s some food for thought.

This is not to say that we can, or should, help all clients. Some have issues that we cannot solve, or situations that can jeopardize us legally or in terms of our reputation. Knowing when to let go is also something a good therapist may have to do from time to time.

Come sit on my couch...let's talk.