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There's No Harm in Asking, Right?

Okay, okay, you are all tired of me ranting and raving about the sins of Referral-Begging and Referral-Bribing, which in my opinion, just annoys and irritates your friends. Oh, and a nice side-benefit; it advertises how desperate you are for business. beg

Of course, I hear all the time; "There's no harm in asking!" or "You gotta ask for what you want if you expect to get it!"

I disagree. I think there's all kinds of harm in asking, and no, I don't believe you always gotta ask for what you want. But I've written thousands of words on this topic already...

So, allow me to be a little more helpful today. What should you do instead of Referral-Begging?

Well, today, I had a listing appointment with someone referred to me by a current client. During our conversation (notice I didn't say "presentation"), I took the opportunity to toss out two comments about how I Work By Referral... without implying that they were in any way obligated to participate...

Watch how I slipped it in...

#1: Me: "You guys are so cool. This is what I love about working by referral - I get to work with the nicest people!"

#2 Me: "Did Jane (the client who referred me) tell you the story about the toaster (click here to read about it)? So, if you ever refer anyone to me, don't worry, I won't send you a toaster!"

It's really not hard to let people know in a non-threatening way that you enjoy a referral-based business. See how I worded that? That you "enjoy a referral-based business." That sounds a whole lot more professional than "I {HEART} Referrals!" or "Oh, By the Way... Do you know anyone...?" or "The Greatest Compliment I Receive is...." doesn't it? Kind of like it just happens naturally, without effort... 'Cause You're So Darn COOL!"

Which you are, aren't you?

www.SellwithSoul.com

Posted by Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn, Author of Sell with Soul on 07/31/2008 06:04 PM

Comments (25)

Sphere of Influence Asking for Referrals in the Sales Strategies / Tactics Channel

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Originally posted at: Selling Soulfully with Jennifer Allan: There's No Harm in Asking, Right?

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Post is included in group: Selling Soulfully
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Post is included in group: More Referrals: Strategies & Tips on Getting More Referrals
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25 Comments on There's No Harm in Asking, Right?

JUL

2008

Well said. I agree that the "begging" tactic is pretty sad...

I use the F.O.R.D. technique when I call past clients or SOI. The conversation really is all about them. I ask them open ended questions about their lives and the opportunity almost alsways arrises to remind them that I'm still in Real Estate and loving it! It ends up just being a great conversation and I often get referrals...not to mention I get to keep up with what's going on in their lives as well.

I, too am not a fan of begging. Thanks.

Jennifer that was a wonderful approach to a referral. I am going to have to try that sometime. Didnt sound like you were asking at all.

I wish every client was a referral! Sure would cut down on wasted time........Begging will chase your friends away.......lol.

Great advice! So much cooler not to be beggin' for business.

Congrats again Jennifer. You write my business strategy every day!!!

Ken

My friends think I'm always so busy because I'm always running around so they know to send people my way without me asking. However, it has backfired a couple of times where my friend told me she thought I was too busy to want to deal with her co-worker so she didn't refer me... oh well, you win some you lose some.

Jennifer,

As always very insightful. Your so sneaky.

I've read many of your posts about how adamant you are about NOT asking for referrals. And this is something I've never done either. The affiliations I have with others in this industry, who ask for referrals, always seem strained.

This is well presented. Good advice for those who have trouble figuring out how to get the business without asking for it.

AUG

2008

I've got to agree with you. Better to seem non-threatening than referral grubbing.

You know there are agents in my office that use a huge canned presentation and really push for referrals and I find them to appear desperate. Other agents are more laid back. They get the same information across but don't appear over-barring or invasive. I much prefer the later. It seems like these agents get listings that are priced more realistically because of the conversational style. Do you think this might be true?

Paddy - Probably so - when you push someone on your agenda (e.g. pricing), they're going to resist you - it's human nature. By being "conversational" you're actually showing your prospect/client respect and they're much more likely to listen to your advice.

Mark - it seems kind of obvious, doesn't it?

Lisa - Perfect description - "strained"

J&K - LOL!

Donna - I've had a few situations where someone has asked me if I'm too busy for referrals, which is fine with me! I'd rather give that impression than the opposite - that I'm so lousy at my job that I'm desperate for business!

Ken - now THAT's pressure!

Susan - we agree on something??? LOL

Linda - It can happen! I swear!

Heather - actually I wasn't asking. In fact, it didn't occur to me until later what I'd done.

Laura - Perfect approach

Beth - sure comes across that way to me when it's DONE to me!

Everything we do in our business is about communication style. Asking open-ended questions gives the appearance that you are interested in what the other person has to say (and you should be). People love to talk about themselves and this approach builds rapport. The person on the other end of the conversation feels like they are being listened to. You will find out so much more and be able to guide the conversation by the type of questions that you ask. Ask, acknowledge, and follow up with another open ended question.

By the way this conversation style works with not only your clients, but your spouse, your children, the car sales man and everyone else you talk to. It's all about how we communicate!

it is true, You have to be a little sneaky about it and can never appear desperate (even if you are!)

You need to make it about the client from day one and the referrals will come naturally. But you do have to stay in touch... Just think of it as a value added approach... dont send something that begs for a deal... I like Jennifer's idea of taking people to lunch to catch up, it is about the relationship after all. And if you like them, you will probably like their friends... Birds of a feather flock together... so if you dont like a client... dont take them to lunch!!!

The referrals will come if you treat all of your clients the way that you would like to be treated as a CLIENT!!

I think if you stay in touch with your database, the referrals come naturally. I try to remember birthdays, invite them to client appreciation events and a few other reminders that I remember them and want to work with people they know. I still am not 100% referral base, but getting closer every year I am in the business.

AUG

2008

You are always good with words..... And of course, you do it so alloquently.

Thanks for sharing your approach. I like your style.

I thought I was cool 'til I started reading your stuff...oh well. Amazing the little tweaking of words (I guess it's really a tweaking of mind-set) makes such a huge difference.

I like a more natural approach. It seems to work well too. Maybe it will help us shed our "used-car salesman" coats that everyone seems to think we wear...

AUG

2008

What is F.O.R.D. technique? All I know about FORD is that it is FOUND ON ROAD DEAD, and somehow, I don't think that's what was implied. LOL

I don't like to ask for referrals either. I much prefer things to occur when conversation flows naturally.

I agree, I am also uncomfortable with asking people for referrals but that is the best way to work!

Karen,

F = family
O = Occupation
R = Recreation
D = Dreams

When contacting past clients, friends, or SOI you start you conversation by talking about their family and sharing what's going on with yours. Ask open ended questions (people love to talk about themselves) ex. "my daughter is getting married next month" this opens the opportunity to send a card of congratulations to the client and their daughter and find out if they are looking to move into their own home.

Occupation example: "How's work?" They will tell you and often ask about your work. Great opportunity to remind them that you are still in real estate.

Talk about their vacation plans or hobbies.

Talk about their dreams (retirement, purchasing that retirement property, etc.) Don't end the conversation asking for a referral. End it talking about their dreams. This way the call or conversation (could take place at a party or in the grocery store) doesn't end on you asking for a referral. The conversation feels like a natural conversation you would have with a friend. Practice the types of questions you would ask. Make sure they are not yes or no questions...keep them open ended to keep the conversation flowing.

Ahhhhh!!! Thank you very much for such an excellent explanation!!!!

It's my pleasure, Karen!

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Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn, Author of Sell with Soul

Pensacola Beach, FL

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