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NOT GETTING THE RESPECT OF YOUR PEERS? YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Matt Hodges writes "it seems that I don't get any respect due to my age".

Oh yeah?

Fact is, age and/or gender is a common basis for people in our business or any business to pigeon hole others in order to, I believe, make themselves feel superior.

Want to hear folks say you can't be Internet savvy because the older generation isn't comfortable with computers?

What about the articles that claim that only younger agents are technologically competent because they grew up with computers.

Meet an older male agent and the first question is "what did you do before you retired?"

Meet an older female agent and the first question is "how many grandchildren do you have?"

True Story #2. I was going to sponsor a video program with and agent, but he wanted to limit the copyright assignment to 5 years because he figured I might not last much longer than that. For some reason, I lost interest. I was focused on developing a fantastic video database of local communities. He was focused on my age. I don't really need him. I was giving him an opportunity. He blew it. I'll do it myself.

True Story #1. One agent who was an associate broker in my company said he wanted to position himself to take over Homefinders.com when I retired. That was 10 years ago. He's out of the business and I'm stronger than ever.

Depending on how they were raised, many male agents will never have respect for a female agents as an equal.

Depending on their family structure, many older female agents view the young agent as representative of their own children who are always "our babies".

We'll always find fellow real estate practitioners who either make us feel uncomfortable or at least try to.

Not to worry. There isn't an ActiveRain member who doesn't time to time feel a lack of respect from some person or group of persons.

If one is serious about this business, the solution for any type of age or gender discrimination or lack of respect is to simply. . .

Out think them.
Out work them.
If the above doesn't work, out last them.

Works for me.

When our peers begin to "dance" around a subject, you can guess what they are thinking.

"He can't understand this stuff, he's too young".

"She won't do much business, she's too old".

Courtesy, Lenn Harley, Broker, Homefinders.com, 800-711-7988.

Posted by Lenn Harley, Real Estate Broker, Maryland & Virginia on 08/13/2008 06:46 PM

Comments (74)

Post is included in group: Realtors®
Post is included in group: The Ninety-ninth Percentile

74 Comments on NOT GETTING THE RESPECT OF YOUR PEERS? YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

AUG

2008

Lenn,

There is no form of prejudice that makes one stronger.

I have learned too much from women agents to even consider that anyone may be inferior due to gender.

I have seen too many mature people outlast their disrespectful young padawans to believe that youth and vigor will overcome age and experience.

That makes too much sense :)

Thank you for putting it in this perspectice Lenn. I guess I was to focused on people thinking I was to young, when people judge others all the time.

I guess I will just sell RE and forget about everything else.

Thanks Again,

Matt Hodges

Amazing, the perceptions. I was talking to a young(er:) agent who was amazed that I can text. One of these days, she will notice that I can blog, too. Of course she will have to actually look at what is on the internet for Mesquite NV! I have also enjoyed some negotiations with agentst who thought I was a dumb blonde. They found out later.

Mike. Right you are. Neither the gender nor the sex is a predictor of success in real estate sales.

Matt. Sometimes it helps to focus. As for what your peers think, who cares?

Virginia. Shucks, when I was young, no matter what my job was, I was a sex symbol which was the case for most women professionals in those days. That was one of the reasons I gravitated to self employment. I don't know what they think now, but then again, I don't really care.

Love the out think them, out work them, if the above doesn't work comment. Thing is the more time people spend on judging others and pidgeon holing them the less time they are spending on real estate, that leaves more for us - works for me let them have at it.

There is actually a young, rookie agent in my office that I heard through the grapevine was checking out everything I'm doing and trying to figure out my internet presence. In my book, age doesn't matter - character and ability are what get the deals done.

Miriam. Absolutely. Folks who focus on others and not the job to be done will not keep up. They are looking for excuses for their own failures.

Lisa. That's funny. I've had competitors trying to figure out my Internet strategy for 13 years now.

I guess I better be careful what I joke around about... I'm not too old, I'm experienced!

Lenn I subscribed to your blog long ago, not because of your age or sex, but because I think you are smart.

Much of my business comes from the Internet and I have a pretty fair mix of age ranges contact me via the web. I agree it's not very productive to buy into the tech vs age thing.

Doreen. Me too.

Brett. Thanks. My business is all from the Internet. I get the precisely the buyers from the Internet that I'm seeking.

Lenn- I've had a difference experience. The company I worked for (before real estate) was slowly shutting down. Two days after they cut my hours in half, I quit. I then found out that the working world felt that anyone who wasn't in their forties, or younger, was one step from dead. The last straw was when I was turned down for a part time data entry job. I guess my Ivy League degree didn't qualify me. I decided to get my real estate license.

My age actually helped me to never be perceived as a "newbie." The best advice I received from a colleague was "remember, you may be a new agent, but you're not a new person." Even the agents in my office assumed I had been in the business for years.

Hi Lenn,

You and my mom would have really liked each other - she was a Realtor and a broker from 1956 until her death in 1996. When she got into the biz, she was the 2nd or 3rd woman in the San Jose area (now Silicon Valley) to sell real estate, and she got a lot of non-believers telling her she couldn't do it.

I loved her response: "Just watch me."

Mom never believed that anything limited her except herself. She delighted in showing people that she could do whatever she wanted if she put her mind to it.

In my marketplace, a lot of the best agents are older, but there are some very young ones taking the industry by storm. My thinking is that I can probably learn something from all of them - even if it's learning what I don't want to do in the biz.

Aloha Lenn,

Agism, sexism, racism and all the other isms are indicators of fear based thinking. We all can be fearful but when fear irrationally pervades our thoughts, decision making, and actions it keeps all of humanity in a race towards devolution and extinction.

Peace,

Lenn,

I'm too old to argue with your logic here...so I'll just accept it!!! :^) Thanks, Fran

Marilyn - One RE trainer I met said that wrinkles are an advantage - they make you look experienced. A positive perception in this case.

... out last them, I've always loved that perspective of yours, Lenn.

Lenn, one of my favorite colleagues worked into probably well into her 90's, and the night before she died, she wrote an offer on an $8million house in Georgetown. Then the Washington Post obituary said she 79. She's my role model!

Virginia - Probably true about the wrinkles, but I do miss the days when my hair was thicker and my body was thinner. ;-)

Amen to that Lenn. I think I'm set to outlive the competition too.

You have spunk Lenn and that is important at any age.

Lenn, you know what?

Some of the best and smartest agents I know are grandparents.
Some of the best and smartest agents I know are young enough to be grandchildren of agents in category #1.

I've met people well into their 70s or above who are tech wizards. I've also met twentysomethings who wouldn't know a blog if it hit them upside their head.

Sex has no bearing on an agent's ability. Perhaps no woman swimmer could ever beat Michael Phelps in a race (then again neither can any man). However, when it comes to a career where one excels on brainpower, sex is irrelevant. There are just as many smart women as smart men. And just as many stupid agents of both sexes.

At my first real estate office, the founder of the company was well into her 80s. SHE came into the office every day. SHE's been selling real estate for over 40 years. I'd venture to bet that SHE knows more about real estate than most anyone in Northern Virginia. I also bet that you know her. Hint: the brokerage bears her name and is located in McLean.

Marilyn - my hair is still very thick, and so am I. I am finally getting old enough that the wrinkles contradict the dumb blonde look. :)

Lenn, I have been out working the young pups for many years now, and I would like to think that I have been out thinking them as well. Many of them have come and gone because they could not make it, and the reason that they could not make it was because they were not willing to work as hard as the old timers.

I plan to be around for a long time. In fact I plan to kick the bucket while writing a Loan .......... LOL

This market is going to weed out a bunch of folks. Those who survive will need the energy of youthful enthusiasm and the strength of matured experience.

Anyone who falls for the dumb blonde trick anymore deserves the whippin' they are about to receive. :)

One story on me - I was helping an out of town client apply on my website. So I was making sure he was on the right site. He said, Yes it is the website that has the picture of the man with white hair.

I said, No you are on the wrong website.

But he was on the right site, the one with the picture of the man with white hair.

Richard

Ok, ROFLMAO, my last comment for the night because I am old and need to go to sleep. I'm helping my 18 year old set up a blog tomorrow on WP.

I will be the first to point out that us "youngters" are a generation of hand outs. If something is not easy "we" will move on to something that seems easier. I truely believe that most agents get into this business because it seems easy.

I admire those who have been doing this for more than 10-20 years. You really know what it takes to survive.

I think this is funny, Lenn started this post because of my post, "Do you judge agents due to there age?" Well this post has been more helpful than anything thus far.

Great post Lenn!

I complained to my kids that I was afraid of age discrimination and my son-in-law replied, He said, "Let me tell you this. If I were looking for a REALTOR or an attorney I'd want someone who has a
little gray in their hair and lots of experience in their head." That made me feel good. I qualify in both and probably you do too.

Lenn: You know who is surviving in this market? It's those of us with some 'age on us!' I think our generation was taught that older generally means wiser and I'm NOW a true believer in that! (HA!)

In regards to your technology comment--I'm proud to be an example of a 'technology competent older agent' thriving in this business! Congratulations to you and your success with HomeFinders.com young lady!

Older is wiser and you're right we just have to use our age to our advantage.

Hi Lenn, Chivalry is not dead, it appears though it has been on an extended vacation. I have no idea how much experience you have but I sure know one thing, you demonstarte way better than most that you know what you are talking about, you know what you are doing and anyone that would fail to recognize it is just plain stupid , no matter how many or how few years they have already wasted. " blessed be the bright, for they provide the track for dull to run on".

LOL! We have outlast a bunch of so-called "stars", haven't we? Hmmm.... I think we got the last laugh!

AUG

2008

Great post about not judging others, and not letting others define us! I love being involved in an industry that doesn't have the corporate ladder......where we go is completely up to us!

Good reminders of how wrong it can be to stereotype. Judge not lest you be judged ;)

Len...I just have to say I pity the poor misguided soul who thinks they can a) out work you b) out smart you or c) out google you. ha. You, my dear, are a true powerhouse!

This is something I've worried about Lenn. My first "love" has always been for first time home buyers. Typically they are in their early to late 20's in my area.

I'm 50 now. When I'm 60 will they feel that I can help them effectively?

In order to combat that type of thinking I try to keep on top of technology. Am I as savvy as Missy Caulk or others who take to it like ducks to water? No. But I can keep trying.

Marilyn. The interesting thing about your comment is that your co-agents were assuming you were experienced because of your age.

Suppose you had been a 35 year old who had been in the business for 10 years? I believe that it takes about 5 years to really have sufficient experience to understand and be comfortable with the many aspects of real estate brokerage Unless you limit your practice to perhaps one condo building or one new home community, the many resale areas, values, land, demographics, etc. will not be fully integrated into your practice as they will with years of experience.

So, a person with 5 years hard and varied experience will have a better grasp of the complexities of the practice than a person with 20 years of very narrow experience. I know agent who never go out of their own zip code. They are not serious practitioners and it's usually not their primary source of income.

Your description of the fact that your co-agents assumed, just shows how worthless pigeon holes are for humans. We just don't fit.

Mary. You've got a good handle on folks. It isn't the age, it's the motivation behind the individual that determines whether or not that person will succeed.

Kimo. I agree. The three you mentioned, Agism, sexism, racism, really limit the ability of the person focusing on others to succeed. Best focus on the transaction and not the description of the persons involved.

Fran. Wise move.

Virginia. Interesting. Wrikles on a person's face make me thing that they must be a smoker.

Jason. Thanks. It's true.

Patricia. I have know of several DC agents who work well into their 80s and to about 90.

Susan. Just don't give them a thought. You can still be around and successful when they're gone.

Melina. Indeed. Spunk, rather than simply being brazen, comes from experience and having sufficient knowledge to get the job done and blaze new grounds. When I went on the Internet in 1995, most folks didn't even know what the Internet was.

Brian. About the only place that women are still somewhat behind is the lingering effect of being denied access to many fields of education in the 50s, 60, and even into the 70s. As recent as the 1970s I was denied promotion at the SEC and the person doing the hiring said he thought the job should go to a man because they have a family to support. That's when I resigned and I've been self employed since. The educational barriers have mostly fallen, but not the lingering perception of some of the older men in decision making jobs. Soon, soon.

Virginia. Ah! The dumb blond look. That is one of the still lingering handicap for women. Shucks, I figure, "if you have it, flaunt it." The folks who believe that axiom should simply fall to it.

George. Good for you. I too have seen many come and go. I can't count the ones I've out lasted. I chuckle when I think of folks I've worked with who saw me on the road to oblivian and, guess what?, I'm still here and they're pushing paper in some office. One is driving a beer truck. Of course, I have a secret weapon. I have so damn much fun.

Richard. Can you imagine how off guard and disadvantaged a competitor or adversary is when they assume that any attractive blond woman is limited in ability?? They are a lamb going to the slaughter.

Missy. Isn't it the truth. Every time I bring someone in to help me with a task, it's I who teach them how.

Matt. My pleasure. Your post cried out for a "conversation" and I didn't believe it was sufficient to simply make a comment. ActiveRain has a wealth of experience and you appear to be one who will benefit from the experience of others. Soak it up and it's yours.

Barbara. Good for him. Time in service doesn't equate to experience but it's a safe start.

Debe. Indeed. I've been able to see ahead of the industry and modify my market plan accordingly about 1/2 dozen times. Understanding a complex industry like housing takes some experience.

Terry. In many ways, age is an advantage. Of course, there is a down side.

William. I'm a research animal. I want to know. I want to know how and I intend to find out. That's all it takes.

Margaret. You are so right. I wonder how many of the folks who were in our respective offices when we met are still in the business and succeeding. I'd be willing to bet it's probably about 25%.

Pam. Absolutely! You identified one of the great attractions of real estate practice. What folks don't understand when they decide to "get a real estate license" is that this is a very complicated business and success doesn't come easy. Even Matt Hodges, a younger agent by any measure, realizes that he must work hard to succeed. Goodness, he had the awareness to even write about it. Imagine how he'll do when he as experienced another 100 transactions or so??? He should do very well.

Lisa. Right you are.

Jesse. Thanks. It's a labor of love. I enjoy every minute of what I do.

Kris. Woah. 60 is not old. Let me ask you. If you think that the young First Time Home Buyers will not respect a 60 year old woman, do you believe that they would not respect a 60 year old man??

In my experience, all I have to do is speak with a First Time Home Buyer for 1 minute or so and they are MINE. I had one call yesterday that was "doing her own research". Five minutes into the conversation and reviewing listings that interested her, she asked to take a tour and work with one of our buyer's agents. It doesn't take long. Just let them know that (1) it's not as simple as they believe it is and (2) you have the knowledge to help.

Lenn, never meant to mean that 60 was old. Heck, I'm of the mind that 90 isn't old :-) But the younger generations mindset it is different.

Your 2 pointer approach (above in your comment) was just what I wanted to hear, needed to hear, and believe to be the right approach.

Thanks Lenn.

As to your question, gender didn't even play into my mind. I was thinking more of the younger crowd feeling as if a "younger" agent would appreciate their needs and wants more. Not a male-female thing at all.

Lenn, our Boomer generation is redefining what 'old' is and inside I still feel very young! We're only limited by the mental boxes we put around ourselves. Young or old, we can achieve way more than most of us think we can.

Retirement? That word really isn't in my vocabulary. I plan to keep my hand in real estate and investing and in the Web for the rest of my life. Peter Rummell, who stepped down as Chairman of St. Joe Companies (major FL landholder/developer, think ARVIDA) just took CEO position for Nicklaus Companies. His comment? "I found one thing I flunked - retirement."

Hi Lenn,

I think I told you this story before and if I did.. sorry! (I forget a lot at my age). I was interviewing a beautiful twenty something young lady who wanted to join our company, she was a little bit in awe of our business and mentioned she would love to be successful, happy and be treated like an adult instead of a kid and sell lots of real estate. (I was thinking I wish I had her talent, was young and beautiful, and had her outlook on life) Long story short, we hired her, she was very successful for 5 or so years, was discovered by Hollywood and is now making movies. Moral?? Keep plugging maybe I will be discovered (again)

Dick Beals

Kris. I understand. I have to admit that when I speak with prospective buyers, if they are the type who has "done their research", I led drop a few facts related to their needs of which they have no comprenension. At that point, I tell them just enough to make them believe that

1. I walk on water.

2. They suddenly realize that they know virtually nothing.

The Devil makes me do it.

Sharon. I loved that story. That's just the way I feel. Work is fun. When it pays well, it's even more fun.

Dick. That's a great story. She left a business where she could be successful and went to a business where she could be spectacular. I'd take that job any day.

You're on a roll...where's the star?????

Great blog Lenn, Don't you just love to surprise 'em! Me too! :)

Lenn.... thanks for the chuckles before I head to bed. I am glad that I read this, because I loved both stories. I just ran into a guy much younger than me in the grocery store tonight, who worked for me for 3 weeks and was offered a job as a manager some where else. So he left me... He wasn't manager material, let alone, had a lot to learn about when it came to mortgages. Long story short, he got out of the mortgage business about 3 years ago and now does insurance. Not knocking what he does... but he just didn't want to work and thought being a manager would be easier and better money. nite...

jeff belonger

Lenn,

You said it. A nice way to quiet these disrespecting co-workers is to just show them how it's done. Period. That'll get their attention better than anything else.

AUG

2008

Esko. Right you are. The example of deeds is far more effective than mere words.

Jeff. I've seen that many time. It's called The Peter Principle.

Ricki. Indeed I do. Indeed I do. I especially enjoy a "Sting".

Laurie. I gave up on stars long ago. I get my share. I wanted a star for the RESPA post earlier this week. That was Hard Core stuff.

Not a problem. I rely on my subscribers.

Lenn, I would imagine that you need about 5 minutes in front of someone before age and gender are no longer an factor. You just WOW then with your knowledge and expertise. And if that don't work you can "kung foo" them like that little graphic up there :)

Shucks Bryant. Within 5 minutes I know how much money their grandafather made.

There are no secrets to communicating with folks. It's simply a matter of engaging them, listening well and then taking control. Control is important.

Agents who have trouble communicating with consumers are the ones who have canned presentations, rapid-fire questions, get ahead of the transaction in order to make a quick sale, etc. If an agent just listens to the consumer, knowing where to go and when is really very easy. No one ever feels pressured, but they are grateful that you've taken them into a comfortable place in their home search.

It's often quite fun. When I meet or speak with a consumer who has spend 2-3 hours "researching" real estate and considers themselves a well informed consumer, I can easily slip into

"real estate "ese".

Since they don't know the language, they quickly stop trying to tell me my busines and then I can take good care of them.

One of the best clients I ever had was my attorney. He took my advice on everything and sold his property for about $40,000 more than expected. I don't question his expertise and he doesn't question mine.

I'm sure you have the same ability. You know your business. You know your market. Finally, you do care about the consumer's needs. This really isn't rocket science.

Hi Lenn: I learned long ago that whatever people think of me is none of my business. Quite frankly, I don't give a crap. When I started in this business in the 1970s, nobody ever said, "Oh, you're too young." Because they knew I woulda smacked 'em.

Lenn, I got in the business with red hair and I am thrilled because I can stay in it until I have blue hair. You are one of the people who helps me know for certain I will be able to do this for the rest of my life. It never bores me, always challenges me and I love the important changes I am facilitating in lives and communities.

Ignoring prejudiced jerks is delightfully easy when I feel this good about myself and what I do for others.

AUG

2008

Lenn, I enjoy your posts because you're just spot on and I want you around forever. Thank you for just being you. BTW, I know what time it is.

Elizabeth. Having been the subject (I don't like the term victim) many, many times, I usually know, and make sure it inures to the detriment of the perpetrator.

Dawn. That excitement about what you do will permit you to stay on top of your game. Working because you love what you do is fun. Working because you have to is for my competition.

Debbie. One thing is for sure. I was "catching ZZZZZs" when you wrote that.

Lenn I have this problem a lot...that is when I just show them my knowledge, share my experience, and that is the end of the questioning of my capabilities normally

Jeremy. Agreed. I love it when a prospective home buyer wants to play 20 questions and I won't play.

The first thing they usually ask is "How long have you been selling real estate?"

My answer is "About 150 years".

That's the ice breaker and they chuckle and rarely ask another question.

I have lost at least one job by being a woman. One man actually said he had never hired a woman before...and while he knew I would do a great job, he for some reason couldn't get over the fact that I was a woman. He actually used that as his reason for not hiring me! The nerve!

HI LENN!

I pray that I'll still have my right mind and the fire that you possess when I get your age, God willing!

Make the MOST of TODAY.

Kelly. Too bad it doesn't go both ways. We can't discriminate but the consumer surely can and does, every hour of every day.

I've had several female buyers insist that they work only with a female agent. I had to assure them that the agents helping them would respect their needs. And finally that these agents were working FOR a female.

That was enough to persuade them that our male agents would help them.

Yvette. I'm sure you will.

Lenn,

You know what they say about assumptions. They exist about every business, race, gender, ethnicity etc. I pay them no mind, they have nothing to do with my success- that part is all about my mindset and about me.

Good for you Rebecca. You're right. They do exist in every business.

Lenn, This post reminds me of my first year in real estate. I stopped to get gas (in NJ we can't pump our own) and the gas attendant saw some files I was looking through etc and asked what I did. I told him I was a realtor and his remark "Oh, you'll never make it...you look too young, people won't trust you." That was 6 years ago.

AUG

2008

Matt. Not unusual. Folks are, regrettably, burdened with preconceived notions.

Lenn, Love true story #1, please bust your butt for years and hand it to me Lolol. That attitude gets you a brand new occupation!

AUG

2008

Next time they want to play 20 questions I think we should just say, "Listen, I'm hardcore! If I can't sell it, nobody can!"

Frank. You'd be surprised to learn that many agents believe that the broker is there to serve the needs and wishes of the agents and brokers have no needs.

Jeremy. That's good. I can recall turning sellers or buyers down because I knew that they would turn in to a big waste of time. I don't have any time to spare.

AUG

2008

I am with you...don't waste my time...I could be Blogging!

SEP

2008

I think older agents often open the door for some of this. You teach people how to treat you. I get discouraged when I hear my peers self deprecate their lack of tech skills! There are too many resources available to not learn this stuff.

Lenn - well said, as always. Lots of different beliefs and prejudices out there. No different than the corporate world. Well, some difference. We have some choices in our world, as do buyers and sellers. Not really so in corporate - sometimes you get the manager or employee like it or not.

Some male attitudes haven't changed all that much, have they? Some are just more subtle. Oh, and the other biases, like sexual orientation, religion, and so on. Yep, alive and well, unfortunately.

Jeff

Makes one think about what to say before saying it...

Joe. I am of the opinion and always have been, that age is not a factor in the "readiness" of a realestate practitioner to be "state of the art".

Jeff. You are so right. Fact is, folks are folks and it isn't necessarily age that determines our attititudes, ability to learn and adapt. It is, IMO, largely our upbringing, opportunities, etc.

GA-Agent. Right you are, always.

SEP

2008

What's age if not relative....there is always someone both younger and older than you...so just be who you are, and the best you can be at whatever age you are. You can stay "younger" by continuing to learn and being open to new opportunities and change.

Anyway....I think 60 is the new 40.......;-)

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