He wanted to tell me something but the way his eyes focused into the distance, you could see a little fear, as if to say, "People will think less of me for saying what I'm really thinking."
I'm not judgmental and I don't remember saying anything at that point, just tilting my head to the side a little. But what I got back, I never would have expected from this formal and staid lawyer.
"I WANT A HOUSE!" he exclaimed. "I want a place where the neighbors respect where we live. If they see trash on the ground, they pick it up because they feel ownership. I want to live in a place where I don't have to be ashamed to say, 'I live here.' I want my neighbors and I to be peers and for them not to look at my car and go, 'Who does he think he is?' I want my wife and kids to feel important. I want to be able to carry on a meaningful educated conversation with the people living around me. I WANT A [ed. deleted] HOUSE!"
That joke one of my clients made about me being an iceman must be partially true because with a hint of a smile in my expression, I winked a little and asked in an ironic, almost dry manner, "So, what did you want again?"
Home Search Criteria People Don't Like to Say Out Loud
I wanted to share this conversation because it's critically important when buying a house. There are things people never say they're looking for during a house search, but actually really need. This gentleman was brave enough to share some with me:
1/ Prestige. This is a really sensitive subject. On the one hand many people want to be regarded and respected. On the other hand, people fear that by wanting to be regarded and respected, that people will actually think less of them. But the root cause is that sometimes people judge others based on a mental picture of where they live. What do you think of when I say New Jersey or Alabama? Or East Palo Alto? (I'm from Louisiana: insert stereotype here!) If prestige is important to you, then that should be included as a criteria in your home search without emotional prejudice.
2/ Owner's Mentality. I have a personal story here, all this over a simple piece of paper. I lived in a large apartment complex that was in a good location, was kept in decent condition, and had below market rents so I could save money and buy a house. I stepped out of the elevator next to the trash chute and noticed a crumpled piece of paper lying there on the ground. As a renter, my first instinct was, "Oh, the maintenance people will take care of it." I eventually did throw that paper away but it left me wondering whether I would have thought twice if it were in front of the home I lived in.
3/ Neighborhood Pride. Have you ever been to a sleepy old manufacturing town whose plant closed long ago? Where people can't wait to find a way out? Or a town that's languishing under the weight of its own lack of culture. The transient nature of people living there is much different than the sense of community an identity engenders.
4/ Belonging. Whether it's being close to the culture of your parents or your parent's parents, to feeling like you can relate to your neighbors, that sense of belonging can be very important to your enjoyment of your home. Sometimes it doesn't even boil down to culture. If you're single, living in a family community with lots of kids around may not be preferable to being closer to other singles whom you can relate to. And being a movie junkie with a huge home theater system (read: speakers) in the middle of a complex of semi-retirees might not make you any friends.
5/ Less competitive schools. Some parents, even though they care about their children's education, don't want to put that much competitive pressure on their kids. This is one I hear with increasing frequency.
What are some of yours?
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