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For EVERY Action There is a REACTION

By
Real Estate Agent with Liberty Homes RS-#62825

After much thought (and sleeping on it over night) I do believe that it will always be an ongoing problem to voice ones opinion and get a negative reaction....instead of acceptance that we are all human. We all have different thought patterns, beliefs, and opinions. I like being different.

So I am regurgitating an old post of mine (and deleted the old one) to give insight into this ongoing battle of the blogging minds.

For every action there is a reaction but be rest assured the theory that follows is....it's all in the manner of how each individual handles it.  We all have the ability  to take that first step to awareness. How we react and how we handle situations as they arise is on us...not them. If you are not interested in topics that really make your mind work ....well....read anyway. It just may give you a little insight into how all this relates to blogging and interacting with others ....with your keyboard.

Broker Bryant wrote Being responsive in a reactive world. and of course those "thinker posts" really rev me up to go deeper and use the brain, open the mind and...well....think.  Broker Bryant starts with talking about a conversation and how people react instead of respond and how it usually happens when the two sides collide....or plain and simple.....disagree.

He says, "Their presentation is always full of harsh criticism, focus on others, blame and an unwillingness to "open their mind" to other possibilities. They are not the only one. We have all fallen into this trap before."

 The site he found Bowen Theory  really got me going. I started reading the first page and this statement jumped out at me, "People solicit each other's attention, approval, and support and react to each other's needs, expectations, and distress".  

Letting other people dictate the way we feel and react.  Wow. You think?

Whether in business, our personal lives or fleeting passing moments with a stranger we have to interact with other human beings at some level throughout our lives. On ActiveRain we interact by way of the keyboard and unless we actually make the effort to call someone "we think" we are in conflict with then it's all in OUR minds and our mind only.

The 'reality' of the interactions we have with people 'online' can be interpreted in so many ways...obviously because we are all human and we all have our own minds (thinking) and therefore have our own opinions. Are we being transparent or do we hide behind the keyboard?

Just 'think'. If we all thought things through until there was a certain awareness of WHY we are 'feeling' the way we do about a conflicting situation there would be a certain amount of clarity to keeping an open mind.

I am not perfect although if I do take a step back and evaluate the situation I can guarantee I become aware that 'it all starts with me'. Self. I'm the one feeling the way I do and therefore the other person is NOT 'making' me feel anything. We so often use the words, "you make me mad". The same thing goes for other people. I do not MAKE them feel the way they do and I really try to be aware how I may be affecting other people. No one is making me do anything.....but me. 

I'm starting to wonder right about now...how many readers fell off the post already. LOL!

More often than not I react because of my emotions. I tend to take things personal and whether others admit it or not....they do too. We're human but it does not give us the excuse to intimidate, point fingers or cut down others to stroke the egos and try and PROVE others wrong.

And when two worlds collide....Then just detach; and agree to disagree!  Easier said than done although it sure shows the better person. Go take a break from blogging or go read something else.

Accepting others for who they are...and who they are not.

Respond or React. Face to face or Hiding Behind the Keyboard. Reality or Assumptions. "IT" .....Can Drive You Nuts   

Open the mind.

Clear the Heart.

 

Posted by

                                                       

 

Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman  is a Realtor-Associate® and Certified Residential Specialist (CRS) with Century 21 Liberty Homes in Mililani, Hawaii. With a sharp understanding that a listening ear is the key to a client's needs  she serves the island of Oahu (Honolulu County) and all Hawaii Military Relocations, Hawaii Retirees, Hawaii Job Transfers and Hawaii Residents, Home Buyers and Sellers.

 

 © 2007-2015 Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman's

Hawaii Real Estate and Relocation Blog.

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Comments(14)

Linda Mae Croom
Topock, AZ
(928) 768-3040

Sally, I read this post word for word, twice, Broker Bryants post, and the Bowen Theory. Thank you. I will be the first to admit that what I lack in formal education I try to make up for with common sense. I entangled myself in a recent posting "debate" and your post has enlightened me on the behavior of the "attacker'.   Your words of insight and wisdom are needed in a community so diverse in attitude, education and opinions. You, Sally, are my Mentor here on AR and well deserving of the title.

Aug 20, 2008 08:48 AM
Fred Chamberlin
Guild Mortgage Co - Oak Harbor WA - Oak Harbor, WA
Oak Harbor/Whidbeynulls, #1 Experienced FHA Mortgage Consultant

Sally this follows up nicely with your previous post about watching the tone of our comments and posts. Good job.

Aug 20, 2008 08:52 AM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

The Manders Group:  Yup...that's what it is.

Linda: I appreciate you reading my lengthly post. Sometimes Most of the time we waste too much energy taking things personal when it really has nothing to do with us....just the malcontent. I choose not to feed the negativity to breed more. :)  I have my own opinions too....it's just that online is not the place to make every quirk known.

Fred: Thanks for coming by and reading this one too.

Aug 20, 2008 09:26 AM
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth

Sally, in communication of the written word it is open to misinterpretation. Even in expressing a thought or opinion you may not write it down well. I think a phone call to clear the air is good if it comes to that on a strong disagreement. There's no need to get harsh or rude though, but with large numbers of people, some will act that way.

Aug 20, 2008 10:30 AM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

Gary: Exactly. I know I don't always write things down well either....therefore the lengthy posts all the time :) I will continue to be an advocate for respectful blogging and keep adding on to the ever lingering negativity. :)  BTW....I went to an Acupunturist this morning for the first time...wow....releases a bunch of stuff.... :)

Aug 20, 2008 10:52 AM
Randy L. Prothero
eXp Realty - Hollister, MO
Missouri REALTOR, (808) 384-5645

If I feel that I have a problem with what someone writes, I usually will not comment and move on.  It is their blog and if that is what they want the public to read, I leave it alone.  If it is my blog and they leave negative comments, I will reply and move on.  If it is designed to be vulgar and insulting, I may delete it.

Aug 20, 2008 12:13 PM
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 FHA, CHFA, VA Mortgages - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Sally, more people should take Randy's approach, but unfortunately some just love to try to pump up their chest by trying to make others look bad.  What they do not realize is that they usually come across looking like fools by doing that.  I just recently had someone comment on one of my comments on someone else's blog by basically telling me that I did not know what I was talking about.  Knowing how this person works, and is intimidated by anyone who knows more then him, I ignored him, because to respond to him would have given creditability to what he said.  Helping an idiot get creditability is not something that I will do.

Aug 20, 2008 02:09 PM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

Randy: I do the same and even for my own. Lately...all I've deleted is advertising.

Aug 20, 2008 02:46 PM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

George: I agree. And that is logical advice....don't help them get any credibility and don't feed into their need for attention by answering. Good call.

Aug 20, 2008 02:48 PM
Deb Brooks
Brooks Prime Properties Wichita Falls Texas - Wichita Falls, TX

I'm starting to wonder right about now...how many readers fell off the post already. LOL!

I was still there Sally! And, enjoying it....oh oh...I had better go finish it...

Okay I'm back. What you say is right. There's no disagreeing here! I am an emotional creature and was not born or blessed with a steady tempermant. I have in the past allowed a person I don't even know and that lives across the USA hurt my feelings...how lame is that?  I am attempting to learn to let most...notice I said "most" things roll off my shoulders.

Our written word has the ability to draw a picture in anther's mind. Without our voice inflection the picture is open to interpretation. Were we being sarcastic or sincere? Were we being playful or hurtful? Did we unintentionally leave out a word that slanted the entire thoughts meaning?

All of this can happen. I'm trying to grow up in the rain and think,  re-think,  and then usually just not comment.

The old saying, if you don't have something nice to say then say nothing at all shall live on in blogging and commenting. Thanks for the "thinker" post Sally. I enjoyed it as always...I am smiling while I say that...whoa, now I'm paranoid. LOL.

Later in the rain~Deb

Aug 20, 2008 05:00 PM
Harold "Hal" Place
A1 Connection Realty, Inc. - Sun City Center, FL

Morning Sally,

You sure have a knack for hitting the nail right, square on the head! Geezzzzzzzzz!

I learned many years ago to think before I type. Reacting to a comment made electronically sometimes causes a riff. One that goes way beyond where it should have. Comments can be taken to heart as the intent was misunderstood. I too have a short fuse, nicked named "Irascible"in my younger days. Being a slow learner to boot has caused me grief and embarrassment.

Because of those learning experiences I am a better man today. Great post, as always.

Aug 21, 2008 01:11 AM
Dale Terry
Yadkinville, NC

Sally, another great post.  As someone who periodically blogs about things that maybe we would rather stay in the closet, I find myself torn between falling in line and have somewhat benign posts or someone who can and will use this forum to express myself completely.  Regardless, you make a truly valid point,  Everybody has an opinion, sometimes we disagree, but we don't need to be rude about it. 

Aug 21, 2008 01:18 AM
Bryant Tutas
Tutas Towne Realty, Inc and Garden Views Realty, LLC - Winter Garden, FL
Selling Florida one home at a time

Sally thanks for the link love!!! As you can probably tell I am catching upon my reading today. I think this is the 3rd post of your I've commented on today. Tha "bowen theory" is interesting stuff. I actually got turned on to it by my Pastor through a book he lent me about congregational leadership. It's funny how all this negative stuff goes on in the Church as well. Thanks for bringing this topic up again. 

Aug 21, 2008 10:31 AM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

Deb: You're too funny..paranoid? You?  lol! Thinking is good...asking ourselves questions is really good...and rethinking how I'm thinking is awesome. Keeps one aware how they affect others. :)

Home REalty Group: Good deal! Believe me...we all do!

BB: I gave you link love a couple before this too...on a Localism Star thingy. That's okay..you can't be all over all of the time. It's ALL over the place...there is no perfect world :) Take care...of you and TLW.

 

Aug 21, 2008 05:03 PM