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Mother Nature has a Sense of Humor

By
Real Estate Agent with Long and Foster Real Estate VA License # 0225089470

This picture is not a joke.  It is not plastic.  It is a type of that mushroom grows out of my garden in the fall.  It is called a stinkhorn.

The first time I encountered one, it actually caught my nose's attention first.  You see, it smells like human semen.   I had heard of bushes that smelled like that, so I thought it must be something in the woods by my home.  It was, after all, the first fall in my new home.

I walked to the end of my porch and  lying there in the mulch, was a sight much like this picture that I took last Fall.  Loreena Bobbit was all that went through my mind.  Was there some dismembered man who was lying in agony in the woods?  Then I took a stick and touched it.  It was spongy.

The internet is such a great thing.  I ran inside, completely horrified, and typed in the only thing I could think of to describe it:  d**k mushroom.  Eventually, I figured out what it was. 

Now every fall, my husband and I have to dig these foul things out of our garden.  They seem to sprout up out of nowhere.  One day you are outside and all is right with the world. The next morning...the smell hits you.    You are almost afraid to walk to the edge of the porch.

Today we set a record.  Ten of these nasty things had popped up overnight.   GROSS!!  And I'm sure we've not seen the end of them yet. 

Comments(22)

JL Boney, III
Coldwell Banker - Columbia, SC
Columbia, SC Real Estate

You must harvest several of these and spread them across your neighbor's yard.

Sep 02, 2008 11:45 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

JL:  I'd be afraid too.  But it would be hilarious.

Sep 02, 2008 11:55 AM
Richard Weisser
Richard Weisser Realty - Newnan, GA
Richard Weisser Retired Real Estate Professional

Chris Ann...

Never heard of them, and I hope I never do! Very interesting though.

Sep 02, 2008 01:08 PM
Cameron Wilson
Labrum Real Estate - Murrieta, CA
The Short Guy - Murrieta,Temecula,Menifee Californ

Ha Ha The Bobbit Shroom.

Good thing they don't grow in California cause if it's grown by Mother Nature somebody will tell you to leave it alone.

Sep 02, 2008 01:13 PM
Karen Anne Stone
New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County - Fort Worth, TX
Fort Worth Real Estate

Chris Ann:  Ahhh... the lovely and charming Ms Loreena Bobbit.  I remember when she did her thing to what's-is-face... and funny thing, I could remember the exact corner where she supposedly flung that lil thingie of his out the window.  Last I heard of Loreena, she was working as a nail tech in Arlington, VA.  In the same little shopping center where Bistro, Bistro... and some movie place the name of which I forget.  Might it be Shirlington ?  I wonder if she'd cut your finger off if you didn't leave a nice enough tip after getting a manicure. ??  Just wondering, here... :)

Sep 02, 2008 05:40 PM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Richard:  They are shocking to experience when you have no former knowledge.

Sep 03, 2008 03:43 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Cameron:  I don't know if it's regional.  But I did figure out that the reason we get more every year is that the sticky, stinky top draws flies, and they carry the spores that create more.

Sep 03, 2008 03:45 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Karen Anne:  I would personally be afraid to go near Loreena for a manicure.  :)

Sep 03, 2008 03:48 AM
JL Boney, III
Coldwell Banker - Columbia, SC
Columbia, SC Real Estate

Seriously Chris, you have to spread them out in a neighbor's yard and take pictures for us. When my wife and I first moved into our old house, the guy that lived next door was not very social. So, one morning while he was outside raking up pine straw, I walked out to get the newspaper wearing my wife's pajamas. Pink pants with hot pink hearts on them and a tank top that matched. Then I walked over and spoke with him until he nearly ran away from me. After that, he started speaking to us all the time.

Sep 03, 2008 07:03 AM
Mandi Perkins
Pioneer Title Agency - Pinetop Lakeside, AZ

I would have to say Chris....J.L. has a point maybe if you don't want to do it to a neighbor possibly a family member?

I have to say I'm glad we don't have any of those mushrooms here!

Sep 03, 2008 07:31 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

JL:  You sound like you'd be a lot of fun to live next to.

Sep 03, 2008 10:05 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Mandi:  I would love to do it to a family member.  Actually, we've read that they are edible, so my husband and I wondered about making a dish out of them for Thanksgiving. Can you imagine the looks? 

Sep 03, 2008 10:07 AM
Anonymous
Anne

Hilarious!!

Sep 08, 2008 09:16 AM
#16
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Anne:  It's disgusting and funny, all rolled into one.

Sep 08, 2008 09:18 AM
April Hayden-Munson
Brookfield, WI
Brookfield Wisconsin Real Estate

Chris - You just found another source of income.  PUT them on EBAY!!

Sep 08, 2008 09:20 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

April:  That's an idea!  Don't think they would last to be shipped, but it made me smile.

Sep 08, 2008 09:24 AM
April Hayden-Munson
Brookfield, WI
Brookfield Wisconsin Real Estate

Hey if they will ship Doritos that look like someone's profile, I think your mushroom could go.  Let's see, charge a shipping charge that includes dry ice?  I just have to laugh.  I've been trying to think out of the box lately.... ha ha ha.

Sep 08, 2008 09:29 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

April:  No need to try...you are there!

Sep 08, 2008 09:56 AM
Anonymous
Heidi Warner

Seriously, looks like an ex of mine. That's why he's an EX! (He smelled pretty bad too!)

Sep 11, 2008 11:43 AM
#22
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Heidi:  You're disgusting!

Sep 12, 2008 12:33 AM