Torn - Is the Good Going to Outweigh the Bad?

Renae,  As a man maybe I should reserve comment, but in my opinion every mom, family, and situation is unique.  There is no ONE answer on how to raise your kids.  The important thing is that the time you do spend with them is quality.  I've known stay-at-home moms that shouldn't have been and I've known working moms that should have stayed home.  So, make your decision (you can always change later) and move forward.  Good luck.

My son had a nanny. My job was to support my son on a single income and without a nanny, I would not have been able to do that.  (Plus I was not impressed with group child care centers). Margaret had been a nanny for 30 years and was a grandmother.  She doted on my child and cared for him with more experience than I did as a vice president of a construction company that had never even held a baby before I held my own.  Nannies are part of the family when it is all said and done (as was my own-her name was Lilly). 

You will know when you have meet the right nanny for you.  Be clear and precise as to the realities of your wants and needs - if you have a schedule like I did, make sure the nanny knows you ETA of home arrival is often miscalculated. 

Hi   We only had one daughter and I created a job that I did from home to be able to stay at home with her.

Every situation is different, so I can not see an answer that will work for all across the board.

I prayed to have a baby for 5 years. When God granted my prayers,  I felt, in my heart, that I had to be home with this beautiful gift God had blessed me with ..my daughter...sure we never had the extras that we could have had

but we had something that no amount of money could compare.  She is 37 now with her own little son and I cherish

those 37 years and watching growing up to be the beautiful daughter,wife and mom she is today.  Like I said every situation is different.  I only thank God I was able  to make the choice to stay at home.  Pray about it..God will speak to your heart.  It has to be a difficult choice in today's economy.  It will all work out...it always does. BTW if I did have to make a choice other than staying home,  I would consider a nanny over a day-care center..

Like Julie said in the above comments...most of the time, if the choice is right) a nanny will be with you for years and become a part of a family and to  me the more family the better.

As a single parent working full time with a small child, I can certainly relate to anxiety over child care.  Trust yourself and your instincts.  What works for someone else may not work for you.  Ease up on yourself and the right decision will come to you. 

Renae,

Wow...you really have quite a decision to make here. And as a mother of three, I can understand how that must feel. Before we decided to have children, my husband and I agreed that I would be a stay at home mom...it was just what had to be done. I stayed home, with my kids until the youngest was able to enter Kindergarten. I never felt like I was "cheated" out of anything by doing this for my family. Quite the contrary...it allowed me time to "prepare" my children for school. They each got such one on one attention from story time, learning time, to just playing out in the sand box...in fact, I prepared my son so well for school, that he started school early at 4 years of age...he's graduating from High School at the equivalence of a Junior in College this year! My second child (High schooler) is well on her way like her brother...in the same education program as he is...And my youngest is doing well in elementary school.Do I think that it was all because of my staying at home and giving them my undivided attention? I don't know...but I'd like to think So! My husband often tells me, "there are no DO OVERS when it comes to our children's childhoods...you can't turn back time and do things differently" 

So, as soon as they were in school, it was my turn to get out there into the "real world" and get my carreer...a career that allows me to come home in time to gather them off the school bus, allows me to help with homework time, or do afterschool activities with them. So, now I have the best of BOTH worlds...

You have to go with your gut here Renae...just follow your heart...and if you have any DOUBT...any at all about anyone you've interviewed then do not hire them. And Renae, I DO have friends and family that have Nannies and it works out so wonderfully for them...so you'll be fine...trust your heart.

Hi Renae,  I am back again,  I read all your responses and my heart goes out to you for being in the position that causing you such emotional anguish.  Do you not have family that is able to help?  What a beautiful blessing to have 5 children.

I read your profile are you not able to do some work at home. 

{since you are an assistant} having a nanny help and being at home would ease your mind about leaving the house totally. Maybe your search for a nanny could be a referral from someone  or even better, someone from your church.  It is a dilemma for all young parents who are forced out into the work force and have responsibilities at home.  The truth of the matter is..these children are little for only so long and grow up faster then ever.  There is a song

if you go to my blog I have it on the right of my blog to listen to,  The song is "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney.  It just tells the whole story.

My brother had 5 children and including a set of twins,  I realize the work and commitment from the both of you toward your children.  Ranae I know God will honor and bless that commitment you have made to your children.

I admire you for not only being a mother of 5 but for seeking out help to find the answer.

Hi Renae Well that's better than you will be at home..within   ear shot and..occasional check things out..you will be fine and your children will be fine ...God's choicest blessings on you all.  Keep in touch & let us know how thinks worked out.

Whatever your decision ...it'll be the right one....there are no right answers from us. I've been working since my kids were toddlers (they're 26/27 now) and they turned out just fine responsible young adults. 6 children need your income I would imagine ...wow....way back when I would have lost a couple LOL.....I commend you for working and raising children too....that in itself is a grand accomplishment!

Renae - I have two and struggle with that decision everyday! We thought we were gonna hire someone to come in and nanny a couple hours a week. I even had someone that I trusted that agreed to do it... In the end my hubby wouldn't do it. He always makes excuses why but I know in my heart it's the same struggle we feel. We should be able to do it all. I don't envy your decision, but I'm watching what you do to see how it works. :-)

Renae - Did you smack him at the back of the head?!?!?! LOL. The only thing that REALLY makes my hubby understand is when I leave the kiddos home while he's trying to work. Hmmm. That doesn't really work either because that's when he decides it's break time. Yeah, like I ever get one, you know? I guess I just keep holding hope that he understands one day. He IS trying to be supportive... just doesn't understand what that means... :-)

Hi there Renae!  It looks like we have something in common....I have a 7 month old and have an occasional babysitter, but have been thinking of starting the process of interviewing nannies.  It sounds like everything worked out with Maria....the one thing I'm learning as a new mom is that there is lots of good advice out there, but you can't let any of it make you feel guilty for doing whatever is best for you and your family.  Best wishes!

Renae, this decision is for you and your husband.  Whatever you decide is what you think will work best for your family.  If it turns out to be a bad fit for you -- change it!  There are so many parents who don't have a choice to stay home and the kids are just fine.  There are others who come alive by having a job outside and it works great for them and their families.  There are those who stay home and hate it -- how good is that for a family? 

The nanny might be your eyes and hands part of the time, but you are their loving mom all of the time and the kids know it.  This may work out great -- and I hope it does.  Let go of the guilt (easier said than done, I know) and be happy!

Renae - I'm writing here as someone who grew up with a nanny/housekeeper. I never felt neglected or not loved by my parents and I did not suffer for it. The nanny was home when we got there from school, we had a filling hot meal (my #1 priority haha), and before we could finish our chores and homework our parents were home. I didn't feel as if I spent a lot of time away from my parents - they had jobs and ran businesses and I often worked side-by-side with them in the business.

I have no doubt you will do the right thing by your children, and that you will know the right person when you meet her.