About 2 months ago I received a phone call from my website to list an elderly gentleman's home.  This gentleman was scheduled to have surgery, spend some time recovering in rehabilitation, then move to an assisted living community.

Today, he's been in his new home for about 1 1/2 weeks. He called me this week and told me he was very unhappy with where he was living, and wanted to move home.  We spent some time talking and I was trying to get a sense if this was a case of buyers remorse (something that would wear off) or if we were really going to move him back to his home.   

  • Prior to the move he had gone to visit his new community a number of times, even ate lunch and participated in some activities.
  • His family was very involved and supportive of the move
  • He has the financial means to stay where he is for a very long time.
  • He told me all the reasons he wanted to move and sell his home.

So what went wrong? 

1.  The family encouraged this senior to to a senior community that was just too far away from where he was comfortable.  The family's intentions were in the right place, they wanted him to be close to them so they could visit. His home was in the NE metro, and his family moved him to a suburb on the west side of the Twin Cities.  He still drives, and he feels lost.

2.  We know the average age of seniors in independent housing is about 80 years old. My client would have done very well in an independent living community where he could add-on home health care services as he needed them. Unfortunately, he was brought to an assisted living community where most of the residents used wheel chairs and needed health care assistance.  My client was probably the healthiest one in the building. He had been thrust into a community where his neighbors were "older" and not as healthy. Talk about being thrust into a situation where you are faced with your own mortality! 

Unfortunately, because of this experience my client isn't willing to look at other senior housing options, and is moving back home, where he will once again, be put into a situation where he is lonely, and receives poor nutrition.  

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll be safe and happy back in his home, if for no other reason than he got to enforce his own will on his own life decisions.  This isn't about my losing a listing, it's about him choosing his own destiny.  When we work with seniors and their real estate needs, we become the guardian of their free will, which holds much more responsibility than "listing agent."

 

See also:

 

 

 

23 Comments on Helping a Senior Move isn't about the Listing

APR
04
2007
260,831 Points 26 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Bless you!  Realtors like you make the world a much better place.  Thnak you for taking such great care of your client
6:13pm • #1
182,934 Points 9 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
So True... I have never had that happen but most of the time when I'm on a listing appointment with seniors they wind up staying put.  People tell them selling the house will yield a pile of money and reduce living expenses but in most cases the condo's are as expensive as their homes and the monthly fees create equal or higher operating costs.  Plus they really want to stay home!
6:19pm • #2
1 Featured Post
I am glad to read about what happened. You have my KUDOS for taking GREAT care of your client and not just looking at the money side of deals.
6:35pm • #3
17 Featured Posts

Thesa - Thank you. 

Dan - It's not very much fun when it happens!  For seniors knowing when to move is hard enough.  With all of the choices - at least in MN - it's quite an overwhelming task!

Rick - Thanks for the Kudos. Now I need a nap!

6:44pm • #4
193,680 Points 64 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Great to see you back and writing. :)  My folks are almost 80.  we moved them 2 years ago.  they didn't want to live with a bunch of old people.  I don't get how they live with each other but it has been working for almost 50 years so I won't mess with it.
8:26pm • #5
195,752 Points 7 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
Lisa, I helped a older client move last year.  She was going through cancer treatment and at the last minute we realized she did not have anyone helping her.  My husband, daughter and myself physically moved this wonderful lady.  Thank goodness she doesn't want to move back!  LOL  You did the right thing to help your client.  When the time is right, they will call you. 
8:28pm • #6
123,570 Points 24 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Lisa: Well Dunn! (sorry about that) I hate the thought that sooner or later, if my health permits, the day will come when I, or heaven forbid, my sons will have to make such a decision. I live alone, but I'm not lonely (big surprise there--eh?).

I intend to do so as long as possible!

Your empathy with your constituency shows, Lisa.

Jay 

8:30pm • #7
141,278 Points 1 Featured Post Outside Blog
Lisa-My parents will be in similar position within the next few years.  I hate to say that but it is a fact.  When the time comes, I hope that there will be a realtor around who is just like you!  My feelings for seniors is just like yours....when I see an older person I will always try to do for them what I would do for my parents if they were in that persons shoes.  Aloha!
8:40pm • #8
Lisa,

You did the right thing, kudos!  Glad that the Codgers chimed in... 

jo
8:45pm • #9
121,614 Points 22 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Hi Lisa,

This is a great post.  I think you are right on target that he'd do better in an Independent Living place, and that would be more ideal too if it were in an area in which he were familiar.

I have had a LOT of relatives in all kinds of senior housing, from independent to assisted to skilled. Each time, it is a VERY difficult adjustment - even if the move is only "one rung down". But your poor guy moved two rungs down and he's in total shock!  Each time someone moves down the ladder (more care, more cost) the quality of the folks there (mentally, especially) goes noticeably down. I think the inherent lonliness is overwhelming.

Even when the move IS a good fit, it often takes a year for the senior to really adapt!

If at all possible, I would suggest doing whatever you can to transition this dear man to an independent living place - preferably one where he knows someone (and if not, someplace where others attend his same place of worship, or have his level of education, or some same hobbies  or background - anything to "bond").

If you are not already an SRES, you'd be a great one!

Best of luck and I hope you'll write about this gent soon and let us know what happens.

Best regards from Silicon Valley,
Mary

8:53pm • #10
3 Featured Posts

Lisa, We moved my mother into an assisted living facility years ago. She'd been at the hospital at least once a month before that time. I think she was lonesome and it was a military facility where she could get treatment at no cost. Once she moved, she never went back to the hospital until she died. She was known as the "Sunshine Lady" at the facility and was happier than she had been for a long time. It did take some time for her to adjust, but it was one of the best decisions we were able to help her with. No regrets.

Not everyone is ready. I'm glad you were there to help.

9:05pm • #11
294,748 Points 100 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
This was a very insightful post.  There are so many different issues and considerations which impact what type of housing is best for a senior citizen.  I have always valued the wealth of wisdom and knowledge that those who are my elders provide.  When we considered housing alternatives for my mom, we decided to design a home which allowed her living quarters to be incorporated into our new home connecting her apartment to the grandchildren. Our lives & hers have been enriched.
9:17pm • #12
177,171 Points 16 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Lisa, you just did your client a great service by putting his needs before your own. I have no doubt that you will be rewarded with 3 other listings to replace the one you lost. Great job!
9:25pm • #13
I think the last line in your post is the most valueable statement in this industry. I believe in helping and putting others first, you've represented a great display of your human spirit. What you put into life, will ALWAYS come back to you (good or bad). Good things will be happening for you!! You Dunn well Lisa!
10:10pm • #14
1 Featured Post
Lisa, you deserve the spotlight. It's agents like you that put the shine on a REALTOR's pin. Doing the right thing will pay dividends in the future
10:27pm • #15
358,300 Points 9 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
You are the model for others in our profession.  It is about the counsel we give our clients -- after all, isn't that is what is meant by the term "fiduciary"?  You deserve 5 gold stars!
10:31pm • #16
1 Featured Post
Lisa...what a story.nice to see people caring about people.We will all become "older" someday...may our own free will and spirit prevail.
10:48pm • #17
APR
05
2007
8 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Many a time, helping people out isn't and certainly shouldn't be about the listing or the sale.  It should be about being a good person....
12:55am • #18
4 Featured Posts

Wonderful story Lisa.  Great work....it really comes down to caring for others and things will come back ten folds.  Our business is not only about real estate but about people.  Keep up the awesome work. - Aloha

2:58am • #19
Great story Lisa. Thank you for sharing.

I think sometimes people tend to forget about what’s really best for the seniors out there. And how to really help them.

But these types of situations are going to come up more and more, as a huge percentage of our population (baby-boomers) rapidly moves toward that age bracket.

Again, thank you.

: )

6:25am • #20
457,004 Points 28 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
Lisa,  It's a lovely story.  I am dealing with these issues with my mother right now and they are difficult.  I'm just trying to keep her home and SAFE.  Thank you for sharing this.
6:44am • #21
5 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor

Lisa,

I read your story last night.....and slept on it.  WOW.... that poor man, I can see why he felt lost.

What a comfort that you were there.

8:01am • #22
174,674 Points 44 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Lisa...my hat is off to you for having a heart of Gold.  There are too many Realtors out there that think about their pocketbook and it is so refreshing to see someone with compasson for humanity.  This gentelman is blessed to have you on his side.  I am sure his family didn't think they were doing anything wrong...they wanted him close by for good reasons.  I care so much about the elderly and it hurts me to see many of them without anyone that cares about them.  God bless you for having a wonderful heart and for looking out for the needs of a wonderful man.
10:54am • #23

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Lisa Dunn www.TwinCitySeller.com

Minneapolis, MN

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Edina Realty

Office Phone: (651) 690-8439

Cell Phone: (612) 599-3484

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Lisa Dunn is a Realtor in the Minneapolis St. Paul area who offers some thoughts for your review.


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