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Helping a Senior Move isn't about the Listing

By
Real Estate Agent with Edina Realty

About 2 months ago I received a phone call from my website to list an elderly gentleman's home.  This gentleman was scheduled to have surgery, spend some time recovering in rehabilitation, then move to an assisted living community.

Today, he's been in his new home for about 1 1/2 weeks. He called me this week and told me he was very unhappy with where he was living, and wanted to move home.  We spent some time talking and I was trying to get a sense if this was a case of buyers remorse (something that would wear off) or if we were really going to move him back to his home.   

  • Prior to the move he had gone to visit his new community a number of times, even ate lunch and participated in some activities.
  • His family was very involved and supportive of the move
  • He has the financial means to stay where he is for a very long time.
  • He told me all the reasons he wanted to move and sell his home.

So what went wrong? 

1.  The family encouraged this senior to to a senior community that was just too far away from where he was comfortable.  The family's intentions were in the right place, they wanted him to be close to them so they could visit. His home was in the NE metro, and his family moved him to a suburb on the west side of the Twin Cities.  He still drives, and he feels lost.

2.  We know the average age of seniors in independent housing is about 80 years old. My client would have done very well in an independent living community where he could add-on home health care services as he needed them. Unfortunately, he was brought to an assisted living community where most of the residents used wheel chairs and needed health care assistance.  My client was probably the healthiest one in the building. He had been thrust into a community where his neighbors were "older" and not as healthy. Talk about being thrust into a situation where you are faced with your own mortality! 

Unfortunately, because of this experience my client isn't willing to look at other senior housing options, and is moving back home, where he will once again, be put into a situation where he is lonely, and receives poor nutrition.  

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll be safe and happy back in his home, if for no other reason than he got to enforce his own will on his own life decisions.  This isn't about my losing a listing, it's about him choosing his own destiny.  When we work with seniors and their real estate needs, we become the guardian of their free will, which holds much more responsibility than "listing agent."

 

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Comments (23)

Lisa Dunn
Edina Realty - Minneapolis, MN
www.TwinCitySeller.com

Thesa - Thank you. 

Dan - It's not very much fun when it happens!  For seniors knowing when to move is hard enough.  With all of the choices - at least in MN - it's quite an overwhelming task!

Rick - Thanks for the Kudos. Now I need a nap!

Apr 04, 2007 11:44 AM
Teresa Boardman
Boardman Realty - Saint Paul, MN
Great to see you back and writing. :)  My folks are almost 80.  we moved them 2 years ago.  they didn't want to live with a bunch of old people.  I don't get how they live with each other but it has been working for almost 50 years so I won't mess with it.
Apr 04, 2007 01:26 PM
Kay Van Kampen
RE/MAX Broker, RE/MAX - Springfield, MO
Realtor®, Springfield Mo Real Estate
Lisa, I helped a older client move last year.  She was going through cancer treatment and at the last minute we realized she did not have anyone helping her.  My husband, daughter and myself physically moved this wonderful lady.  Thank goodness she doesn't want to move back!  LOL  You did the right thing to help your client.  When the time is right, they will call you. 
Apr 04, 2007 01:28 PM
Boomer Jack Boardman & Carl McIntyre, the Codgers
Noted Curmudgeons - Saint Paul, MN

Lisa: Well Dunn! (sorry about that) I hate the thought that sooner or later, if my health permits, the day will come when I, or heaven forbid, my sons will have to make such a decision. I live alone, but I'm not lonely (big surprise there--eh?).

I intend to do so as long as possible!

Your empathy with your constituency shows, Lisa.

Jay 

Apr 04, 2007 01:30 PM
1SG (Ret.) David Kucic
Hawaii Military Realty, Inc. - Ewa Beach, HI
President and Owner
Lisa-My parents will be in similar position within the next few years.  I hate to say that but it is a fact.  When the time comes, I hope that there will be a realtor around who is just like you!  My feelings for seniors is just like yours....when I see an older person I will always try to do for them what I would do for my parents if they were in that persons shoes.  Aloha!
Apr 04, 2007 01:40 PM
joanne Douglas
Terrie O'Connor Realtors - Ridgewood, NJ
Lisa,

You did the right thing, kudos!  Glad that the Codgers chimed in... 

jo
Apr 04, 2007 01:45 PM
Mary Pope-Handy
Christie's International Real Estate Sereno - Los Gatos, CA
CRS, CIPS, ABR, SRES, Silicon Valley

Hi Lisa,

This is a great post.  I think you are right on target that he'd do better in an Independent Living place, and that would be more ideal too if it were in an area in which he were familiar.

I have had a LOT of relatives in all kinds of senior housing, from independent to assisted to skilled. Each time, it is a VERY difficult adjustment - even if the move is only "one rung down". But your poor guy moved two rungs down and he's in total shock!  Each time someone moves down the ladder (more care, more cost) the quality of the folks there (mentally, especially) goes noticeably down. I think the inherent lonliness is overwhelming.

Even when the move IS a good fit, it often takes a year for the senior to really adapt!

If at all possible, I would suggest doing whatever you can to transition this dear man to an independent living place - preferably one where he knows someone (and if not, someplace where others attend his same place of worship, or have his level of education, or some same hobbies  or background - anything to "bond").

If you are not already an SRES, you'd be a great one!

Best of luck and I hope you'll write about this gent soon and let us know what happens.

Best regards from Silicon Valley,
Mary

Apr 04, 2007 01:53 PM
Jennifer Steck
Rocky Mountain Homescapes, Keller Williams, Denver Colorado - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate

Lisa, We moved my mother into an assisted living facility years ago. She'd been at the hospital at least once a month before that time. I think she was lonesome and it was a military facility where she could get treatment at no cost. Once she moved, she never went back to the hospital until she died. She was known as the "Sunshine Lady" at the facility and was happier than she had been for a long time. It did take some time for her to adjust, but it was one of the best decisions we were able to help her with. No regrets.

Not everyone is ready. I'm glad you were there to help.

Apr 04, 2007 02:05 PM
Lola Audu
Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate - Grand Rapids, MI
Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI ~Welcome Home!
This was a very insightful post.  There are so many different issues and considerations which impact what type of housing is best for a senior citizen.  I have always valued the wealth of wisdom and knowledge that those who are my elders provide.  When we considered housing alternatives for my mom, we decided to design a home which allowed her living quarters to be incorporated into our new home connecting her apartment to the grandchildren. Our lives & hers have been enriched.
Apr 04, 2007 02:17 PM
Ryan Hukill - Edmond
405home @ ERA Courtyard - Edmond, OK
Realtor, Team Lead
Lisa, you just did your client a great service by putting his needs before your own. I have no doubt that you will be rewarded with 3 other listings to replace the one you lost. Great job!
Apr 04, 2007 02:25 PM
Brad Andersohn
Retired Executive Director of Education at eXp - Boulder Creek, CA
ActiveBrad - 707.646.1876
I think the last line in your post is the most valueable statement in this industry. I believe in helping and putting others first, you've represented a great display of your human spirit. What you put into life, will ALWAYS come back to you (good or bad). Good things will be happening for you!! You Dunn well Lisa!
Apr 04, 2007 03:10 PM
Wayne McMullan
Royal LePage ProAlliance Realty - Belleville, ON
Quinte Real Estate
Lisa, you deserve the spotlight. It's agents like you that put the shine on a REALTOR's pin. Doing the right thing will pay dividends in the future
Apr 04, 2007 03:27 PM
Joan Whitebook
BHG The Masiello Group - Nashua, NH
Consumer Focused Real Estate Services
You are the model for others in our profession.  It is about the counsel we give our clients -- after all, isn't that is what is meant by the term "fiduciary"?  You deserve 5 gold stars!
Apr 04, 2007 03:31 PM
Maurice McLaughlin
Nations Princeton-Nassau Inc. d/b/a NATIONS - Naples, FL
Maurice McLaughlin
Lisa...what a story.nice to see people caring about people.We will all become "older" someday...may our own free will and spirit prevail.
Apr 04, 2007 03:48 PM
Kaushik Sirkar
Call Realty, Inc. - Chandler, AZ
Many a time, helping people out isn't and certainly shouldn't be about the listing or the sale.  It should be about being a good person....
Apr 04, 2007 05:55 PM
Kengo Ueno
Prudential Locations LLC - Honolulu, HI
(R)

Wonderful story Lisa.  Great work....it really comes down to caring for others and things will come back ten folds.  Our business is not only about real estate but about people.  Keep up the awesome work. - Aloha

Apr 04, 2007 07:58 PM
Michael Cole
CPG Tours - Corona, CA
Great story Lisa. Thank you for sharing.

I think sometimes people tend to forget about what’s really best for the seniors out there. And how to really help them.

But these types of situations are going to come up more and more, as a huge percentage of our population (baby-boomers) rapidly moves toward that age bracket.

Again, thank you.

: )

Apr 04, 2007 11:25 PM
Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher
Lisa,  It's a lovely story.  I am dealing with these issues with my mother right now and they are difficult.  I'm just trying to keep her home and SAFE.  Thank you for sharing this.
Apr 04, 2007 11:44 PM
Fran White
North Kansas City Real Estate, Reece and Nichols Residential - Kansas City North, MO
Kansas City North Real Estate, 816-682-3897

Lisa,

I read your story last night.....and slept on it.  WOW.... that poor man, I can see why he felt lost.

What a comfort that you were there.

Apr 05, 2007 01:01 AM
George Tallabas
RE/MAX Advantage - Nampa, ID
Idaho Real Estate
Lisa...my hat is off to you for having a heart of Gold.  There are too many Realtors out there that think about their pocketbook and it is so refreshing to see someone with compasson for humanity.  This gentelman is blessed to have you on his side.  I am sure his family didn't think they were doing anything wrong...they wanted him close by for good reasons.  I care so much about the elderly and it hurts me to see many of them without anyone that cares about them.  God bless you for having a wonderful heart and for looking out for the needs of a wonderful man.
Apr 05, 2007 03:54 AM