Last night, I noticed a surge protector, fully loaded with plugs, including another surge protector - which was also fully loaded with plugs! If this office continues to mock my fire safety memos, they're going to get burned. Literally. Do you know what a fifth degree burn feels like? It feels like nothing... because your hypodermis will all be burned off, straight down to the blackened muscle, tendons, and ligament, destroying your pain-sensing nerves in the process. "Well at least it's not painful. I'll probably just have my skin grafted back on and nourished by plasmatic imbibition. I'm sure capillary inosculation will occur within 36 hours," you smugly say. Well, here's what I say, "Shut it, no back talk! I don't care about advances in modern medicine, you put the lives of everyone in the office at risk (except for me because I'm fast). In the future, you need to heed proper surge protector and outlet safety regulations."

Oh, post script, if you're missing a surge protector, you brought it on yourself.