On Sundays I usually get a Reality check as I do something that makes me ever so grateful for all that I have.  Regardless of how difficult my week has been, regardless of the problems at hand, I leave the place that puts it all in perspective with renewed appreciation for my own life. 

 

What is it that I do on Sundays that gives me a new lease on life? 

 

I visit my 95 year old grandmother who lives in a nursing home.  She is one of the fortunate residents there.  She is still of sound mind, and although her body has been weakened by the osteoporosis that has caused numerous fractures of her sponge like, brittle bones, she is still in good shape and in good spirits. 

 

My grandmother has lived in that nursing home for several years.  During my Sunday visits I've gotten a chance to befriend several of the residents there.  A few of them have already passed away and some are dwindling before my very eyes. 

 

The girl who lives next to my grandma is in her thirties and suffers from a degenerative disease.  She is such a beautiful and sweet natured girl and it breaks my heart to see her deteriorate year after year.   She now has a hard time speaking and makes screaming sounds in lieu of words.   The nurse told me that she almost swallowed her tongue this week.  She might not be with us next year...

 

There is a man in his forties who has been getting shorter and shorter every year.  They keep amputating more and more of his legs.  When I first saw him a few years ago he only had an ankle missing; now his body stops right at the groin area.  There is a deep sadness in his eyes and he is always pensive and quiet. 

 

Then there is the old Italian lady who has that mischievous look in her eyes and is always pulling me over, whispering all sorts of conspiracy theories in my ear.

 

There is the young guy in the wheel chair who slobbers all over himself constantly.  He is always so happy to see me and tries to tell me so much, yet I understand so little of what he says.  I smile, listen and try to carry on a conversation, and he seems pleased with that. 

 

My dear grandmother is just delighted that I spend time with her.  She likes her long, white hair brushed.  She likes it when I caress her head, the way she used to caress mine when I was a little girl.  Sometimes I feed her.  I break the food into little pieces and I put them in her mouth, the way she used to feed me when I was little. 

 

I take her for walks in her wheelchair and she is always so thankful.  She blesses me and tells me that she hopes my kids will take care of me as well as I take care of her.  I shudder when she says that, for I feel lousy for not having her in my home, instead of letting her stay in that place all by herself.  I don't feel like such a good granddaughter.  I wish I had the energy and resources to provide her the proper care in my home.  She is too fragile and is safer in the care of strangers, or at least that's how I justify my inability to take care of her myself. 

 

How is it that one mother can take care of ten children, but ten children can not take care of one mother?

 

That's another blog...  For now suffice it to say that although my grandmother always makes me feel guilty when I leave her on Sunday evenings, I consider myself ever so lucky when I step outside that nursing home.  I give thanks for all that I have: my good health, my children's health, my home, my career and all the wonderful things in my life.  Problems...  What problems?

 

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24 Comments on Problems? What Problems? Reality Check and the Pursuit of Happiness

SEP
30
2008
351,739 Points 30 Featured Posts Outside Blog

If you ever feel blue, go visit a nursing home!  You'll come out skipping for joy...

12:39am • #1
347,975 Points 3 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

We have so much for which to be grateful.  Thank you for reminding me of this.  That said; cherish the time you have with your grandmother.  I wish mine was still with us.

12:52am • #2
365,039 Points 23 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Hi Mirela... How wonderful of you to visit her each Sunday and care so much for her.  I think that your visiting her shows how much love you have for her and clearly she sees that.  I would give a lot to have my grandmother back with me... she's been gone for almost 20 years and I miss her still.

12:52am • #3
157,123 Points 1 Featured Post Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Hit Router

Mirela,

I know what you mean while my grandmother was still with us she was very strong woman.  She lived in a senoir apartment building for along time even after my grandfather passed.  It was not until she was hit by a pickup crossing the street that she started to go downhill.  The driver said the sun was in his eyes.  Anyway even though her body never did really recover her mind was still very sharp.  I remember when we took her to the assisted living center where we moved her after she finally got out of the hospital.  It was a nice place and had a very large grounds with gardens and a long driveway with a large front yard.  She took one look at it and said you know why the front is so large don't you.  Well my mother said no why?  She said so they can see you trying to get away. 

12:55am • #4
351,739 Points 30 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Steve:  You made me cry!  Grandmothers are irreplaceable !  I am so close to mine.  She just adores me and always has.

I bought her a beautiful baby doll that she sleeps with.  She had forgotten that I gave it to her.  When she realized that it was from me, she exclaimed: "No wonder this doll is so dear to me; it's from you!"

Seeing those people in the nursing home is difficult for me, but it really makes me appreciate my own life and my good fortune.

By the way, I don't visit her every Sunday.  I try, but sometimes I'm out of town and other times I work 7 days a week.  I have a lot of guilt about it when I don't go (her nursing home is in another town about 40 min. away).

12:59am • #5
351,739 Points 30 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Larry:  Thank you for sharing that story with us!  Your grandmother was such a witty woman!  Your story is both sad and happy, just as life is...

Christine:  Yes, we do!  I wish everyone went to visit these folks on a regular basis.  They need the attention and we need the reminder...

 

1:05am • #6
305,807 Points 1 Featured Post Outside Blog

Mirela, I have to agree with Steve, you do show your love for your grandmother by making sure that you visit her every week.  I also would give anything to have the chance to visit with my dear grandmother, she too has been gone for many years.  Cherish the time that you spend with her!  We are all lucky to have what we have, and love who we love!

1:26am • #7
284,118 Points 4 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

Loneliness is rampant in the elderly.  You are lucky to have your grandmother, and she is lucky to have you. There is always someone who would love our attention. 

2:06am • #8
1 Featured Post

There is so much to be thankful for.  I think we can all use a gentle reality check every now and then to put things into perspective.

2:41am • #10
254,701 Points Outside Blog

Mirela - You said it very well.  We are so blessed and need to be thankful...  :)

6:04am • #11
292,469 Points Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Hit Router

 Mirela, what a nice post and tribute to your grandmother.  She is very lucky to have you! 

6:23am • #12
254,341 Points 3 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Mirela, You are a very good grandaughter and both so fortunate to have each other. I wish I could still visit my grandparents, they were incredibly important in my life and I would visit my grandmother every week. I know she lit up when we came.

6:29am • #13
Localism Sponsor

What a lovely tribute Mirela.  Your weekly visits mean alot to her and her neighbors!

6:57am • #14

See what a grateful heart can do?  Great post, makes me feel good today too!

8:53am • #15
31 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor

Mirela, how lucky and blessed you are to still have these visits with your grandmother - I'm jealous.  I am sure you are the highlight of her week bringing such positive and loving feelings to her and I'm certain from what I read that you are getting just as much.  Thank you for the reminder about being grateful for all we have...those words will be with me all day. :) ~Anne Marie

9:53am • #16
351,739 Points 30 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Other kids had several grandparents.  I've always only had one, but she was more than sufficient.  Her love and adoration has always made me feel like the most beautiful, brilliant and extraordinary person in the World, for I am all those things to her.

 

My other grandmother died of typhoid fever when my father was only 9 years old.  His father perished in the second World War.  My other grandfather died of TB when my mom was only two years old.  Eastern Europe, where I come from, has been so ravaged by the events of the twentieth century...  I am very fortunate to have my grandmother, indeed!  

 

She was born in the year of the Titanic, and what that vessel couldn't weather, she has...  What an amazing life she's had, but the most remarkable thing of all, is that in spite of the immense hardships and huge disappointments, she has managed to keep an innocent heart.  For that I admire her immensely!

10:07am • #17
351,739 Points 30 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Thank you all so very much for your kind comments!

My Sunday visits sets it all in the right perspective for me.  It's easy to forget how fortunate we are.  Life is a privilege...  We are owed nothing, and we are lucky to have what we have... 

Being grateful, only begets more things to be grateful for...

Adjusting the "gratitude setting" in your home can do a lot to propel you forward and fill your life with joy...

Live well!  Life is short! 

10:14am • #18
219,687 Points 4 Featured Posts

Hi Mirela!

You are a wonderful Granddaughter to make a regular Sunday visit. I would bet that your Grandmother is one of the few that have regular visits from family.

10:19am • #19
351,739 Points 30 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Susie:  Thank you for that eye opening comment:

Loneliness is rampant in the elderly.  There is always someone who would love our attention. 

I watch my spoiled girlfriends in California get their lipos and augmentations, their vacations at Club Med and their constant supply or anti depressants, and I feel so sorry for them.  They could actually catch all that they're chasing after, by simply going outside themselves and paying attention to some of the needs of these less fortunate folks...

Joy is EARNED; it can never be bought...

10:32am • #20
350,208 Points 11 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

This is a beautiful blog that should make us all feel so fortunate that we are blogging and doing well.  Nursing homes are very depressing while you are visiting but seem to make you feel lucky to be alive once you step outside.

1:15pm • #21
208,589 Points 16 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Mirela,

This is such a beautiful post...it caused me to pause and think of just how very lucky I am and also to ponder about those less fortunate and how, at the very end of it all, the only thing that matters is love.

thank you.

Jo

8:23pm • #22
OCT
01
2008
285,645 Points 3 Featured Posts

Man after reading this I realize I don't have any problems. What a wonderful post. All the best Mirela and it says a lot about you that you could do this. My sister went through this with my mom and I will always love her and her husband for doing what I couldn't bare to do.

3:01pm • #23

Hi Mirela,

What a beautiful & sweet story. You are a good grand-daughter to visit her... I'm sure she appreciates you so much. The love you are demonstrating to her and your children is to be commended.

"How is it that one mother can take care of ten children, but ten children can not take care of one mother?" What a great question!

In light of your story about your grandmother, I would have to agree... problems, what problems? Having a sense of gratitude in life can really keep things in perspective. Thanks for sharing your story with us!

Deborah

5:29pm • #24
OCT
10
2008
351,739 Points 30 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Barbara:  Thank you!  We are indeed fortunate and it's nice to make gratitude a regular occurrence in our lives.  Gratitude begets more good things to be thankful for...

Jo:  You are so right:"to ponder about those less fortunate and how, at the very end of it all, the only thing that matters is love". 

Charles:  I loved reading your comment:
"Man after reading this I realize I don't have any problems."

Deborah:  Thank you for your great comment:"problems, what problems? Having a sense of gratitude in life can really keep things in perspective."

 

 

12:11am • #25

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