I want to move but my foot is stuck in the front door!

 

As a Home Stager, I see my role as someone who can view a person's home through the buyer's perspective. My job is to guide the seller to turn their property into a real asset. Often times, however I meet with resistance. What is this all about? Doesn't everyone want to get the best dollar for their home? Why wouldn't they want to take the advice of the professionals they have available to them?  This really bothered me until I entered the selling market myself.

 

We had lived in our house for 23 years.  Like everyone else, I had collected quite a storehouse of stuff.  When it came time to sort it all out and pack it up I found myself paralyzed.  I was now faced with having to make myriad choices.  What do I keep and what do I release?  Much of it was too good to simply throw away and the other half was attached to memories and symbols of my life-passage.  I was caught unaware.  After all, I make choices for my clients all the time and I always felt organized and in control.  Why was I having such a tough time doing it for myself?

 

When forced to analyze my own feelings I came to understand that the emotional attachment to the "stuff of my life" was a large part of what held me back.  There were items given to me by my mom and grandma, momentoes of my son's childhood, boxes of books collected, perfectly good linens that I no longer used, boxes of, believe it or not, slides, pictures, art work......Aaaaaaagh!!!!!!!

 

Sanity finally prevailed so that I was able to step back and get centered.  Here's what I learned and what we can share with our clients about decluttering7.

  

•1.      Who says, "You can't take it with you"!  This realization calmed me down immediately.  The house we were moving into was larger than the house we were leaving, so I could pack it all up and take with. Of course I will have to have a, "I can't believe I paid to move this stuff" sale when I am settled in the new house.

•2.       Another thought was, "Do I want the kids sorting through all the stuff of my life after I'm gone?" Not!  This was the perfect opportunity to allow them to sort through and take what ever they wanted while I'm still here.  If the children are still at home, contact family members.  They may be able to use your recyclables.  My sister, niece and nephew picked up a few treasures and it's fun for me to see those things being used again.

•3.      My biggest obstacle was deciding what to do with perfectly good stuff that I hadn't used in years.  Donate, donate, and donate.  Libraries and schools took the books.  Clothes went to a couple different charities that came and picked it all up.  There are several charities that will also take furniture and accessories.  Another place to contact is a Women's crisis center.  Many women have to leave their homes with nothing but the clothes on their backs, literally.  The center will let you know what they need

•4.      Sometimes you just have to, "pull up the ol' bootstraps" and toss it.  My son lives in another state, so we e-mailed him a picture of the pile in the basement with a caption that read, "Choose!"  Three weeks later my husband took a picture of the pile at the curb side with a caption that read, "Too late!" and e-mailed that to Jeff.  He loved it and we all had a good laugh. My son did not want all that special stuff I had saved for him.  Get rid of it now.

•5.      Because we were building our dream home, located on the other side of the State, I was too tired and stressed out to have a garage (moving) sale, but for those of you who have the time and energy, go for it.  It's much better than the "I can't believe I paid to move..." scenario.

 

This moving experience (no pun intended) has helped me deal with and understand the resistance I've faced with clients.  I am greatfull for the insights I have gained and am looking forward to sharing them further.

 

25 Comments on I want to move but my foot is stuck in the door!

APR
09
2007
6 Featured Posts
Penny, Where have you been? This is a fantastic post with great information. You are wonderful for taking the time to share. I love the part about the e-mails to your son. Great job!
6:41pm • #1

Great Post!   Luckily I don't keep anything.  I am one of the most clutter free people.  My philosophy is if I haven't seen it or needed it in 2 or 3 months then it goes bye bye...

Oh yes sometimes I kick myself and I have bought many duplicates of things but I just HATE to pack and have clutter period. 

I do have all the stuff that will never go anywhere because  I do have 3 kids that hang on to EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN!  Oh and let's not even BEGIN about the hubby....

 But what a great post thanks for sharing!

6:48pm • #2
3 Featured Posts
Sounds like a yard sale waiting to happen! Good luck.
7:02pm • #3
15 Featured Posts

Penny,

I, too, moved from a large house into a much smaller one 1 1/2 years ago.  I was amazed at what we had accumulated - myself included!  I must tell you that I had a wonderful time viewing things that I had not seen in years - what a thrill!  But then I thought about it and realized that it would take another 20-30 years for me to become so excited over accumulated 'treasure' again.  I thought long and hard and realized that our fondest memories are embedded in our hearts...we really don't need to 'see' the artifacts of a certain time in order to conjur up happy thoughts and memories.  I decided to 'let go' of a lot of "stuff".

BTW, I found baby teeth tucked away in little plastic pouches and didn't have a clue which daughter of my 3 the tooth belonged to!  So much for 'memories'!!

VAL

8:52pm • #4

We are contemplating moving right now... the thought of having to stage my own home, packing things up, rearranging is overwhelming and I'm a Stager!!  AND we have only been in this house for 1.5 years.  It really hits home again the struggles our clients face and why some are reluctant.

9:01pm • #5
294,236 Points 100 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
Penny this was a great post!  You brought into focus several poignant issues that are a part of a move.  The list of suggestions about how to deal with the inner resistance we sometimes face is priceless.  I loved the e-mail idea!  Moving is often times about so much more than stuff...
9:28pm • #6
199,746 Points 13 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Penny,

Great thought-provoking post.  I found myself in a similar situation when I decided to move from Oregon to Ireland and needed to really pare down on what I owned and brought with me.  I sold my house and shipped most of my better furniture to my daughter.  But there was years of accumulation of "treasures" as well as "stuff" so I donated much of it, held a garage/moving sale, gave some to friends, etc.  I thought it would really bother me that I was without these items, but guess what?  It was a blessing in disguise!  I loved the feeling of freedom that it gave me and now, 10 years later, I don't regret my decision to thin-down my belongings one bit.  The important things in life aren't in your house anyway (unless they're family or pets!)  Good luck with your move!

9:34pm • #7
I just went through moving 30 banana boxes, 25 black plastic bags and that was only the accumulation of 5 years.  I think you should move every 3 years just to go through all of your "treasures"
9:59pm • #8
4 Featured Posts
What a concise and eloquent way of putting it!  Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
11:36pm • #9
254,371 Points 3 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Penny, another great post directed at me, I just know it was! I am learning to let go of 'things' by letting my daughter have a yardsale, she can keep the money if she deals with the clutter. I'm packing up boxes for each girl for their future homes. I don't really need XXX sets of china in my cabinets. The clutter stresses me, I don't like it, it is disruptive and I realize I don't have to have it all in my life. (The first step to getting help is acknowledging you need it........  :) )
11:54pm • #10
APR
10
2007
1 Featured Post
Penny - I adore the way you titiled your post!! Fabulous attention-getter.  I agree, the process of paring down is difficult for most people. I was fortunate enough to have a fire in my home about 7 years ago.  Though tramatic at the time, it makes you realize that stuff is stuff!  And when you have a fire you get new stuff (paid for by the insurance company!)  I am not mocking the tragedy of a fire. . .all people and animals got out safely. . .but it did help me to cleanse my home and life of the superfluous stuff that bogs us down.  Actually, I remember reading at the time about an indian tribe that burns all of its belongings every seven years in a ritual of renewal. . .interesting idea.
9:25am • #11

Thanks all of you who have responded to my blog.  I'm a Newbie, only two weeks on this system.  Your responses have given me such a boost.  I always thought I had something to say, but wasn't sure anyone wanted to hear it.  Because of you, I will be writing more.

Penny

5:05pm • #12
6 Featured Posts
Penny, this "moving" experience has made you a better home stager. And you are already a good blogger ;>)
6:22pm • #13
Outside Blog
No. 4!!!  You have motivated me to take a picture of my son's bedroom and email it to him!  You have helped all the mothers in America!  Love it!  And, on a serious note, your step by step approach shows how vulnerable we are when we have to make change.  What is the old saying:  walk a mile in my shoes.  Penny,  this is a great post! 
9:31pm • #14
159,499 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog
I've already told my staging partner if I were to sell SHE would have to stage it - it's hard when it's your stuff and this is a great way to connect with your clients - you understand! When it's personal it's different -there are not emotional attachments - you are preaching to the choir here with me - I know exactly what you're talking about !
9:49pm • #15
APR
11
2007

Hi Penny - Great post!!! I had the same experience as you.  I was going to move last summer.  (Didn't happen/long story).  When it is your home, it is definitely overwhelming!  It is so much easier to see someone else's stuff as clutter, but not our own.  One thing that helped me was that I grew up with a pack rat mother, so I kinda became the opposite.  I realize the importance of throwing things out.  When moving or just spring cleaning, sometimes you have to be ruthless!  Hanging on to stuff is not necessary, It can be very cleansing to throw things away and unclutter your home (as well as your life).

 

6:39am • #16
135,515 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Penny - I try to encourage clients to take pictures of the wonderful mementos they have accumulated and make a scrap book of them.  I even help them out by providing them with beautiful photos of the home.  Don't save the _________________ take a picture of it - then put it in a scrapbook and write about why it was special.  I think when we are gone people will not even know why we chose to keep certain mementos. I love scrap-booking - I think having pictures of the items along with the stories that accompany them will be cherished by family members. (not to mention scrap books are very portable)

I know parents that save every piece of artwork their child has ever made.  Seriously who is going to want that when they turn 25? I take a photograph the child with the prized artwork - I like is so much better because you can throw it into a scrapbook and they can see exactly how old the were and what they looked like when they created the masterpiece.  If I'm feeling particularly enterprising I have the child write a description of the work in their own hand.  It's really so cute! 

*actually I think this may be a blog for another day.  Thanks for inspiring me! 

8:09am • #17
APR
13
2007
453,480 Points 28 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
It can be SO hard to let go sometimes.  I love Maureen's idea and I remember a post of Sheron's where she took pictures of the clothes as well!  What wonderful ideas to let go of your things and "keep" them, too!  Thankfully, when I move, there's not a lot I really want to bring with me!  Good luck, it's stressful.
8:00am • #18
8 Featured Posts
Great post, Penny and excellent comments.  I love the scrapbook idea!  Especially taking pictures of the kids with their artwork!  Rather than be traumatized by throwing out all my old treasures (i.e., junk), I moved into a new house with twice as much storage for my ever-expanding collection. :-)
9:16pm • #19
AUG
21
2007
Hi Penny - this one really had me laughing, especially the part where you e-mailed your son a picture of his stuff.  What a great idea!  But in all seriousness, these are great tips.  
5:25pm • #20
1 Featured Post

Hi Penny: Great post! When i volunteered as a therapist right after Hurricaine Katirna, one thing I noticed is how people felt stripped of their identity because they had lost all of their "stuff." Really hard on the kids too. Yet for some, it was freeing to know they would have assisatance to start over-"fresh."

My last big move was from a huge victorian to a one bedroom apartment-it was so freeing but my daughter accused me of "giving away her chidhood." She survived and is now my business partner in staging-getting others to let go. Funny how life works out!

5:55pm • #21
178,475 Points 9 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Excellent post!  I had to laugh at number 4 - that was very good.  I am going to be going through the same thing in another year and a half, but to a smaller house, so I won't have the option of taking "everything" with me.  Thankfully, last year we got a dumpster and did a good clearing out, so I just have to get rid of all the crap I've accumulated since then!

Thanks for sharing that! 

 

6:22pm • #22
117,466 Points 11 Featured Posts Outside Blog
I am glad that your post has been revived because I have a funny story...I live on a property with several detached buildings and we moved 4 years ago to an area where we wanted to build. Owning the property free and clear, I only took what I loved and wanted and worked to our new house and left everything else packed in a orderly fashion in one of the buildings. That was great because I didn't have any junk with me. Well, after 4 months, we decided that the grass was not any greener and would build on the land that we had and moved back. Ugh...my junk was still there because I thought someone would want it someday. NOT! Sure they want me to store it but I quickly realized that Moms become the storage shed and had 6 separate garage sales and made a lot of money for other things. Woohoo!
7:50pm • #23
278,445 Points 1 Featured Post Outside Blog
Hi Penny, numbers 1&2 spoke to me.  I cart tons of old family stuff from place to place.  How can I possibly ditch the last vestigas of my grandparents and parents lives?  But my son will have to sort through all that stuff and I can guarantee where it will end up, not in his house.  Its sad to think things that meant so much to other people are now so meaningless to others.
7:59pm • #24
MAR
24

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Penny Nowakowski

Holland, MI

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Address: 5105 Coltons Run, W. Olive, MI, 49460

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