A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" "Hunting flies," he responded. "Oh. Killed any?" she asked.
"Yep. 3 males and 2 females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone."
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
"Excuse me. I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow said, "Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?"
"I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman that looks like you she seems to appear out of nowhere."
Bubba, who lived in Minnesota, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day they each walked across the nearby lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Bubba's 21st birthday cam around he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Bubba stepped out of the boat....and sank like a rock, nearly drowning.
Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused Bubba went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like daddy grandaddy, and great grandaddy?"
Granny looked deeply into Bubba's eyes, and with great concern said "Because your daddy and your grandaddy, and great grandaddy were born in January and you were born in August!!"
I saw a story that the Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will recieve sums of money, but in reality senior citizens never see any of it. The most popular of these scams seems to be called "Social Security".
At the local university there were four freshman taking chemistry and all of the had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to the campus until early Monday morning, the day of the final.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed that they could make up the final the next day. The gues were excited and relieved. They studied all night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in seperate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem which was worth 5 points. Cool, they thought. Each one, in seperate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy....then they turned the page. On the second page was written.....
For 95 points: Which tire? __________
Have a great week!