Hurry up and wait. Now wait a little longer.
You already know that the short sale process is prohibitive to all but the most resolute and patient buyer, but patience is a pre-requisite of pursuing that bank-owned property as well. You submit your offer, you wait a couple of business days, you are lobbed a non-binding verbal counteroffer or urged to throw out your original offer in favor of your "highest and best" shot.
Once you receive verbal confirmation that you are the winning bidder (that's right, you are often bidding for property again when it comes to the REO market), you wait a little while longer for the contract to return, fully executed by the bank representative. The listing agent is tired of his phone ringing off the hook about this property, so you feel moderately secure in your position. He already pended the thing in the MLS after all ... surely you can rest easy now. Right?
Not until it's signed, sealed and delivered, baby.
Now that the lister on the property I am chasing with a buyer right now is screening my calls, I've had to come up with a few diversions to keep my overactive imagination at bay. Be you a fellow agent tap dancing on the hot coals of the Real Estate underworld or a buyer just trying to understand why the offer you penned a week and a half ago is still in limbo, I offer the following avenues of endless entertainment:
- Drunken cartwheels - By day three you will be drinking heavily. It's the only thing that stills the twitch you have developed on the left side of your face. Nothing goes hand in hand with alcohol like gymnastics, so get cartwheeling! If you can make it to five without running into a wall or losing count, you need to drink a little bit more.
- Apply for federal bailout money - Banks, insurance agencies, automakers, bingo parlors, Joe the Plumber, Rod the Rocket Scientist, Hank the Tank, Barry the Bovine Intestinal Specialist ... all are jockeying for poll position at the federal teet. Your resume is as good as the next guy's, so figure out why your operation is "too big to fail" and make application. Be sure to include pictures and crayon diagrams so that it is easily understandable to the Department of the Treasury. Monosyllabically speaking, they like small words, too.
- Compile list of defunct loan programs - Actually, scratch this one. It would require a degree in advanced mathematics and a complete abandonment of hygiene to complete before the end of Obama's presidency. That's right, I said it.
- Create office pool for next bank to go under - This could also be extended to countries. I've got The First Bank of Azerbaijan in mine.
- Author 50,000 tweets about your cat, Mr. Fuzzynuzzles.
- Work on impersonation of Bobcat Goldwaith circa 1986's "Police Academy 3: Back in Training."
- Write stunning expose which details how Kabbalah is directly responsible for transforming female pop icons into overly muscled men
- Beat own face in with hammer
- Register listing agent's cell number with every lead generation service on the web. Can you hear me now? Good!
You can find great deals in bank properties, but you've gotta have a sense of humor or a Flowbee to pass the time.
;)
;)
Paul, this is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh right before bedtime!