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Networking Done Wrong.

Networking is a great way to get your business and your name known, find new potential strategic partners, and to surface some prospects. But networking isn't just about finding prospects. You know that, and I know that. Pretty much everyone in business knows that, right?

Wrong.

I was at a business networking event a few weeks ago, ready to meet lots of new people to add to my ever-growing network of colleagues, clients, alliance partners, prospects, and contacts.

I spoke to another marketing professional, and we chatted about getting together so that we could refer to each other. (Hey, not every person who wants marketing help wants to work with ME, so I like to have a few good marketing experts in my network to whom I can refer with confidence.)

I traded jokes and business cards with a charming husband-and-wife life insurance sales team. I have a great relationship with my own insurance lady, but she isn't right for everyone, so I was happy to spend a few minutes getting to know these two nice people. I will definitely send business their way.

And then I was approached by one of the smiling hosts of the networking event. She asked me what I do (although I got the feeling that she didn't listen to my response), and asked me for my card.

Then she asked me if I had heard of a certain type of make-up and skin care line that is sold exclusively through personal sales reps. I said yes, and mentioned that I my wife was wearing a lipstick from that line at that very moment.

Her smile turned into pursed lips, and a crease appeared between her eyebrows as she looked at me for a moment. Then she (rather abruptly) asked the name of my sales rep.

You probably won't believe this, but she returned my business card to me, because (and I'm just paraphrasing here) she had no reason to keep it if I was already working with a competitor.

No interest in finding out whether I might have anything to offer HER.

No interest in asking if I knew anyone who meets her ideal client profile (and who may not want to work with my sales rep, because of location, age, personality, or whatever reason).

No interest in getting to know me, period, because she saw no immediate sales potential in me.

I don't think I need a crystal ball to predict that this woman is not going to win the "Networker of the Year" award. And she isn't doing her business any favors, either.

Because networking isn't about making sales or setting up sales appointments on the spot -- it's about developing relationships. It's about becoming known, liked, and trusted.

It is not about what I will buy from you right now, or what you will buy from me tomorrow, it is about adding resources to our business tool boxes. And those resources are so much more than just one-time sales (and they certainly contribute to sales); they are intangibles like support, referrals, suggestions, introductions, tips, information, mentoring, advice, and alliances.

The bottom line is this: The value of networking isn't in the potential of an on-the-spot sale -- it's the relationship.

The woman who returned my card saw no value in knowing me. She had no idea how very many people I know, how open I was to referring to her, and how access to my network could help her build her business. And now, she will never find out.

That's a networking lesson worth learning.

Carpe diem,

Chris

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Posted by Chris Pollinger on 11/10/2008 09:30 PM

Comments (82)

networking

Originally posted at: Chris' Blog: Networking Done Wrong.

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82 Comments on Networking Done Wrong.

NOV

2008

Isn't it amazing how some people just don't get it?

I was at a real estate event and Realtors from all over were networking during the break. A young woman started talking with me - telling me all about how great she is and her partner blah, blah, blah. She then gave me a card and walked away. Didn't even ask me my name. Tore up her card and threw it in the trash on the way out.

I happen to be a personal use consultant of one of those cosmetic companies (only because I don't want to pay full price!) and the group of women I am affiliated with are encouraged not to bad-mouth the competition and to always say something positive.

Some people just don't get it.

Chris.... Truer words were never spoken. Networking is about "building relationships." You instincts are right on the mark. Relationships and sales are not in the same catagory.. However, one often does lead to the other.

Chris... great message! I often find myself networking with my own competition as well as clients of my competition. I never turn down the opportunity to network, no matter who it is with!

Networking is all about building relationships. It helps build a strong reliable team that is capable of providing many services. This person just doesn't understand that you need more than one person from each service to be on your team.

Chris - That is simply terrible "networking". Great post - I am going to flag it for a feature right now.

Chris- I am always stunned when I read stories like this one. I cannot believe people actually do this! I know it happens but it amazes me. Thanks for sharing your story as we can all learn from reading it.

Best,

Scott

Chris- Obviously, she had no concept of the power of networking or how it differs from one on one sales pitches.

You may represent zero potential, as a future client, but your cousin, brother, friend or colleague may be buying or selling s house, in my market. If, through networking, I have established a positive relationship with you, there's a fair chance that you will think of me and recommend me to them.

As the word implies, a network is not just the connection between two people but the secondary, tertiary, on and on, relationships formed by the contacts of my contacts, etc.

Got to love it. Good story and lesson. Thank you

That has got to be the first time I have ever heard of someone giving back a business card. Something tells me that she isn't going to do well in the business world.

Chris,

What a ditz. I bet she didn't play nice in the sand box going up either.

People are so short sighted sometimes. They are only there for what is in it for them!! You are right, it is about the relationships, the sales will come. I have people ask me "how I do it" all the time and I tell them I can't explain it to you, but if it is not in your heart I can't teach "it"you.

Wow - not only was that poor networking etiquette, that was downright rude to hand you your business card back. Great post...

Cannnn you say...Short sighted! Networking is an art...if performed correctly it can be very effective...if done like your example can lead to frustration...I remember one time a later came up to me and basically pushed her real estate card in my face...IF YOU KNOW ANYONE THAT I CAN SELL A HOME TO, CALL ME, SHE YELLED!!! Wow I wonder is she is still in business today?? Any guesses?

Rick

A really great blog post here.

The example that you illustrate is actually one of the reasons why I consider network marketing to be a huge waste of time.

I have found that most of the people that I meet at these types of events tend to come off really strong, desperate, and insincere.

And it is because of these reasons that I don't attend networknig events anymore.

That being said, AR has provided a great way to establish "soft" relationships that have the potential to grow into something.

I agree with Richard, Networking is an art. You either get it or you don't. Some people do and some people don't. :)

Confucius say: Lady with "purse" lip lose money from wallet. Something I have learned from the Asian culture, take the card, look at it for a while and say thank you. If you decide to trash it, do it in private. Tsk, tsk on her.

Wow! What a major faux pas! I prefer to look on the relationships I make through networking as compensation enough. If I happen to get business, great! If not, I still consider my life enriched through meeting interesting people.

as they say in BNI, "Givers Gain"....or you might have heard you get by giving...obviously this woman never heard that before!

WOW.. How rude could this person be to act this way in handing your card back and reacting this way.

Amazing response, what do people think and how do they even survive with that kind of thought pattern. Well from your point you saved a business card to be given to someone worthy of it

All that I can say is how very rude! I am sure that her demeanor would have bleed through even if that had not occured.

I wouldn't worry about people who are that shallow. There are too many respectful people out there to worry about one sour grape.

Chris - that is just plain bad behavior! There is no excuse to be so blatantly rude - ever! You didn't say how you responded to her...I'm sure you were professional, but I hope you educated her on the error of her ways ;-)

Chris,

I have observed a similar instance that was shocking to watch such a snob at work.

That is why people stay at the level they are at.

It is great for the rest of us.
J.

WOW!!!!!!

My jaw dropped as far as it could!

Unbelievable!

Sometimes I wonder if they actually know what they're doing...if they have a clue.

Will they ever get a clue?

Chris, unbelieveable! She has completely missed the boat on what networking is all about.

What an amazing lack of understanding on the whole concept of networking.

Well, besides the fact that she was rude and treated you very poorly, shows little class, and shouldn't even be at an event of this type with her attitude, just what if your wife's sales rep moved to Brazil or quit the biz tomorrow? Now honestly, would you look up the offensive woman so your wife could get her lipstick replaced when it runs out? That was a rhetorical question. Of course not.

I not only need to work on my networking skills but I also need to do it more. Like you said,Networking is about building relationships not trying to get the sale on the spot. Thanks for sharing. And congratulations on the featured post.

NOV

2008

Wow- that is cold -- returning the business card. Geeze. Well guess she won't get the business when the rep you already use moves away or something. All the best.

Chris

Pretty amazing sometimes who we meet. Your post was a great reminder, and as we all know, it was her loss ......not yours in the end.

I hope she reads this. Seriously. That lady needs a course not only in manners, but in marketing herself.

Hey Chris - great post. I never pass up an opportunity to network. My problem is I forget where I meet people so that is now one of my goals is to pay closer attention. I have put together some awesome relationships that have turned into great clients by the simple act of showing up at an event to network.

Thanks and have a great day.

That's plain stupid! I bet her career doesn't go very far given her attitude.

Chris - I don't understand people like that. It is important to net work with many people in different situations.

Wow that's an unbelievable story. Better to find out sooner than later though.

That's quite a story! Networking is about building relationships, bottom line.

Bizarre behavior, I think you nailed it with your statement, "The value of networking isn't in the potential of an on-the-spot sale -- it's the relationship." Thanks!

I know people are a little "prickly" right now with the way the market it is, but what she did was unnecessary, and unprofessional.

Very strange. I am surprised everyday by people that I encounter. Good that you saved the price of a business card!

Great post Chirs.

I went to a networking party put on by the local chamber of commerce here recently and one of the things they did was bring in a guest speaker to talk about how to network at a party. Kyle Sexton is his name and he is known around the country for teaching networking and he provided us with a lot of good information.

Chris, the lady is definitely wrong. The best marketing is no marketing. You develop a relationship and then business follows after a year or even ten years.

OMG that is so funny that someone would do that, seems pretty common knowledge doesn't it?

Knock out !!! Great post, thanks for sharing that. You illustrate such an important point regarding networking. You are right where folks look to expand business right away and close people right then and there and not understand the bigger picture of what networking is - building relationships, a network and a referral post.

Wow--what a story. That person is just plain STUPID (sorry to be so blunt). What if your rep quits the business? Moves away? Ticks you off?

The trick with networking is not to LOOK like you're networking!

Oops--pressed submit too soon. You can network and get business.... without looking greedy and self-interested. It's not all about you. It's about connecting people together, who may or may not, some day down the line, be able to do business together!

Well there is no understanding the lost...... Just remember you are the lucky one what if you wife loved her lipstick and used her???? You would have that individual in your life. Call it luck or fate but buy your wife a new shade from her sales representative.

She gave the card back. Bless her soul, for she simply does not know. I hope some day she will find out.

Hi,

I love networking that is how you get your referrals. Maybe she doesnt do them!! Great post

Tinker

Chis - amazing isn't it that there are some folks out there that are only in it for themselves! At least you didn't waste one of your cards on her... ;) Great post...

Your Raleigh Realtors

So true Chris. Plus competition is a good thing or we wouldn't all be in this business. We all have something different to offer clients. I remember subing for a friend of mine at a networking group and she was a Commerical Realtor, which I am Residential. There was a Residential Realtor in the group - he ran up to me before the meeting started and said to me that I couldn't give out my business cards - because there was already a Residential Realtor in the group and their was no competitiors allowed. I smiled at him and walked away. I had other friends in the group and they know me very well. When the time came around to introduce ourselves, I represented my friend and everyone was asking my name and what I did. I could feel the Realtors eyes piercing right through me and I simply stated my name and didn't say much more. I felt so uncomfortable in this group and unwelcomed ONLY because of this Realtor. My friend sitting next to me told me to get my business cards out and pass them around, she said I was there for a reason and why not make the most of my time. I reported back to my commerical real estate friend that it was the most uncomfortable networking group I had ever been to. She stated to me "We want to get rid of that Realtor in the group" because he has done this to others. He just doesn't get the networking concept! There is plenty of business to go around, I looked him up the other day and found out he is no longer in the business. What goes around, comes around. :)

Wow! If anyone needed to keep your card, it sounds like she did. Unless business falls in her lap, my guess is she will struggle. I guess this means your wife won't be ordering any lipstick from this rep? LOL...Sounds like this person will learn the hard way!

some sales people cannot turn of the 'sales person' hat, ... ever, even when they are building relationships with peers or clients

Interesting. I had some temporary office, filing, etc. work done by a former real estate agent a couple of weeks ago. She tried to sell me hair products while here. I declined indicating that I have no interest in such products. Now, she's not doing my office/filing work. Haven't heard from her in weeks.

some folks just don't get it.

Some people don't get it at all....and I bet she won't be in business very long...what comes around goes around in this small, small world we live in!

Flippin' Brilliant Post. Well-deserving of a Gold Star. If you posted it on my forum, you'd get one from me, too!

Unreal, this is just another chapter to the book of "People don't have a clue." I'm sure that this reaction was a reflection of her attitude to some level, but it could go deeper than that. People feed off the stupidity of others. What if her trainer (assuming she had one and assuming this person was dumb too) told her that when she realized there was no immediate source of income, don't waste your time and move onto the next person. This leads to another equally disturbing realization. Stupid people are teaching their ways to others!

I have a feeling that someone is going to knock some sense into her soon, if they haven't already.

As with many things, I dont think this woman will get any sense "knocked into her" as Brett claims... fact is, when she fails miserably to make her effort work, she will not realize that it is due to her attitude... she will think it other people being stupid, or other circumstances, and she will likely end up feeling that she is a victim, and asign blame everywhere but where it should go...

And she will move on to the next failure embittered from the start...

I think that if she could make the realization jump, she would have by the time she got into the direct selling market... I beielve this is part of the training given to these folks... at least it is for some... obviously she is not cut out for that business, and probably not many other sales businesses either...

WOW...she actually handed you back your card...but at least you didn't waste it on her. Printing can be expensive!

How tacky! It is incredible she gave your card back to you. It borders on the amusing side.

Chris: Thank you. I think most of us understand. it's just the few that cause us all grief!

Paul

I would of made it a point to go up to people she had spoken to and tell them how she treated you. That is not networking!

I have come to really enjoy networking. As one who is new to the business world, I was clueless that the essence of networking is exactly what you describe, but I am blessed to have fallen in with a group of networkers who really get it, and were able to teach me. Now I just love to find business prospects for my friends. It is so satisfying. That they have given me some great leads is the icing on the cake! Thanks for expressing it so well.

Funny, my husband and I were having a conversation about this type of thing yesterday. We are out in our community constantly. We don't go out looking for clients, we go out to better ourselves and meet some great people as well as help an organization or school. Hopefully there will be results when people find out what type of people we are. If they enjoy our company and respect our commitment then the business will come eventually.

Chris, It's probably best you found out about her at that moment - It would have not been good if you'd actually referred her out to a few of your friends -

Isnt' it amazing how stupid people are sometimes? And so rude! How did she get to be the hostess of this event anyway. Too bad you couldn't come up with some polite but cutting remark to let her know how stupid she was. It's one of those things that I would have thougth to say 2 days later.

Great Post--- you can't make this stuff up!

Wow, what a shallow person! I am not sure what I may have said when she handed me back my card. I am a believer in never burning a bridge and I am afraid she may fall in very shortly!

Some folks just don't get it. It is always great for us to see how not to do business with others. Every interaction is a learning experience. ~ Evelyn

Amazing. There are some truly clueless salespeople out there. Thanks for demonstrating how NOT to network.

I think this is so true. I have had a lot of people that think since I am younger that I am not good at networking and dont have anything to offer them. This is so far from the truth, I network constantly and I truely enjoy passing a referral as much as getting one myself. Great topic by the way!

Oh my! This is sad. Just think how much goodwill she lost in that action too! Now "there's" a person you'd want to do business with in the future, right? (not!!)

Chris~ How in the world do people make it in this world acting like that? Sounds pretty selfish and ignorant to me! It is her loss, not yours......

Bravo.

Lisa VonBargen

Great post...I don't think an "All about me" person gets the concept of networking. Too bad!

NOV

2008

I've been preaching about realtionship building for years. Some people just don't get it. They hand you their card and expect you to give them business, It doesn't work that way.

Rich

Charlotte NC

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb. Of course, I am referring to the "pursed lips" lady!!! If she has any confidence in her abilities, she should encourage competition. Besides, she doesn't know who was standing in the corner and witnessed her pouting.

Sorry, I forgot to sign in!!

How true this is sometimes unfortunately, but we as Realtors can set the example and hope others will take notice.

Chris, my stomach knotted as you described her facial expressions (an indication that I too have met this type before). Your encounter is a blessing really. What if she had done a better job at masking her true self...and you actually did refer her to someone in your network...and they got to see her nastiness unfold. Now THAT would be a bad ending. ;-) Tana

Some people just don't get it!

Amazing how she didn't want to have anything to do with you once she thought she wasn't going to get a sale from you. How shallow!

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