Communication, Communication, Communication.. (or the lack thereof)

This is perhaps one of the biggest problem areas identified by clients, employees and managers in virtually any business.  It doesn't matter what industry you're in, effective communication can make you or break you.  Good managers recognize the importance of this and they are always striving to improve their communication. 

Huh, ah what did you say?

Have you ever delegated a task to another person, only to find the end result resembles nothing like what you expected?  Was the task clearly communicated? Did the receiver of your message hear you? Or did they effectively listen to you?  The difference being comprehension. 
(My wife complains to me about this all the time.  I hear her, but I certainly don't listen) :-) 

Often we complain about poor communication meaning the message delivered was poor, but instead the problem often resonates within our ability to listen effectively.  Our brain can process auditory signals faster than we can speak, therefore its easy for our minds to drift and think of other things even as someone is speaking to us. 

As an HR manager, I've managed hundreds of employees and I've been on both sides of good and bad communication.  Through my experience, I've learned a few tricks along the way that can help promote clarity when managing important discussions.  You can apply this technique in real estate negotiations, mortgage lending, parenting or just about any discussion that requires effective communication.  

Help me understand?. 

One of my favorite phrases is "Help Me Understand"  I use this phrase anytime I need to gain clarity in a conversation, but I also use this phrase to probe and draw out additional information that may not have been originally communicated.  For example, when speaking with a client that has a concern, an objection, or a need.  The words "help me understand" sends a message that you are genuinely interested in gaining better clarity of their problem or thoughts.  Ask this question and then listen carefully.  Don't interrupt, just listen.  When the person finishes, don't reply with a solution or a suggestion.  Paraphrase the main points of the message and then ask for additional clarity about specifics as necessary, once again using the phrase "Help me understand". 

Synchronize your mind with your ears.

Since we can think faster than we speak, we must take steps to focus our attention on the speaker. 

• Clear your mind of distractions and learn to consciously focus your attention on the speaker.
• Learn to recognize your own internal cues that will serve as a signal that you are drifting from the speaker. 
• Paraphrase what you heard by repeating the key points back to the speaker, but do so using your own words.
• Like paraphrasing you can also parrot what you heard, meaning you are repeating what the speaker said verbatim.  (However, remember that parroting doesn't imply understanding. It only means that you heard what was said, paraphrasing on the other hand does imply understanding)

Once you master this technique, you can get through most conversations by saying, Help me understand, and "So what I heard you say is ....."  

A typical conversation between a realtor and client might sound like this:

"Hello, Mr Jones, so help me understand - why do you want to buy a new house?"  ............. "So you're buying a bigger house becuase you need more room?"   Well, help me understand what exactly was the problem with the old house, was it not enough bedrooms or where you looking for a bigger living room?  Oh, So what I hear you saying is that you need a bigger house becuase you want a bigger yard, not necessarily more bedrooms?......"

Do you see how this can work?  Help me understand, invites the client to speak openly.  All you have to do is take notes and steer the conversation to extract the information that you need.  Paraphrasing what you heard ties down the conversation and ensures that clear communication occurred.  Never move on to your next topic until you have confirmed that clear communication was both transmitted and received.

As a mortage broker, one of my biggest responsibilties is to have a clear understanding of my clients needs and goals.  A minor break down in communication, or a misunderstanding, can cost a client thousands of dollars and can potentially tarnish my reputation as a professional mortgage consultant. 

I hope this article is clear and that you understand what I'm saying here.  If not, leave a comment with your help me understand question...

Martin Rodriguez
Sage Commercial Capital