Real Estate Blog - Do Not Fear: EDITED

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Do Not Fear: EDITED

Hurricane WV Real Estate This is a post I wasn't sure I'd ever write. Maybe I shouldn't now. But here I go.

Maureen McCabe wrote a post titled "Women Shouldn't Blog Because ..." and got me all riled up. It was all about fear of what "might" happen. I felt myself mentally stand up next to her ready to go to battle to protect my right to do what anyone else can do. Fear doesn't own me.

This follows closely on the heels of the Virginia Tech tragedy. Feelings are close to the surface.

I just want to send a message not to let fear take charge. I know what I'm talking about, and I'll share my experience with you so you'll understand. I shared just a bit in my comment to Maureen, so I guess if I'm "in for a penny, I'm in for a pound."

I used to be a bank teller in a big city. In our training, we were told what to do if we were robbed. We were told that if we stayed in that job for a long time, chances are we would be the victim of a crime.

They were right. In one year there, my branch was robbed three times. Two of them were "polite robberies", where a quiet note is passed and no weapon is shown. The other robbery was worthy of a Hollywood action movie.

The robber waited in line with everyone else. When it was his turn to be waited on, he ran at the counter, planted his hand on top and leapt over to our side. He pulled a gun out and went to each one of us, holding the gun pointed right at us, and yelled at us to give him our money. I was the vault teller and was terrified he'd make me take him to the vault. I did not want to be in that small space with him and his gun, and I thought he'd kill me when he saw all that money. My older daughter was just four months old at the time. I flashed on a mental image of her sweet little face and my loving husband for just a moment, and the pain was so deep that I blocked them out. The robbery seemed to take an eternity. He got the money from all of us, then leapt back across the counter. On his way out he turned and fired a single shot in our general direction. The bullet went into the wall next to me.

I was scared. I was terrified. I was MAD. I felt such a mix of emotions that I'm still not sure everything I was feeling.

The point of my writing this is that I had to go back to work the next day. After being robbed and shot at, I had to smile at my customers again. It was hard. I had a lot of fear. I did NOT want to go back.

I did go to work the next day. I smiled at my customers. I did not feel like smiling at all. Eventually, over time, I realized I was smiling for real.

One of my coworkers quit, she never came back. I wonder about her now. I wonder if she is still afraid. I'm not. I know that bad things can happen at any time. I think I know better than most that any day that I wake up might be my last. I love my life and I choose to be happy. This is a wonderful life, if only you'll let it be.

I'm going to blog. I'm going to advertise myself and do all kinds of other things that possibly put me in danger, because it's my job. I refuse to be silenced because someone else might be insane.

I got to go home that day and hold my little girl. My husband held and comforted me. I realized that I could be afraid and let a bad man win, or I could go to work and kick him out of my head. He holds no power over me.

Maybe I shouldn't have written this, it's very personal. But it's my blog and I won't be afraid. There's a whole campus full of kids that were terrorized in ways much worse than I can imagine, and I don't want them to live in fear. I want those kids to remember their friends and mourn them, but I want them to go on to live happy lives. I know this soon afterwards, it doesn't seem possible, but they can. I want them to remember the heroes among them and celebrate the good. Kick the bad man aside and move on, a step at a time. Every day is a gift.

EDITED: Just wanted to point out to any readers that the comments on this post are incredibly touching and inspiring. There are a lot, but if you have time, please read them. I was amazed at the response to this post and can truly say that the comments are worth reading much more than the post itself!

Posted by Sarah Cooper on 04/19/2007 07:26 AM

Comments (95)

fear

95 Comments on Do Not Fear: EDITED

APR

2007

I'm with you Sarah! I appreciate your view at things like this. More of us should have the same view and perhaps after awhile we could eradicate this fear in our society that criminals have placed upon us.

P.S. what kind of music do you like?

Thanks, Danny. I'm still wondering if I should have posted this. I feel better knowing you appreciated it.

Music? Mostly rock, some country. Daughtry is my favorite now. I've almost worn a hole through the CD in my car. What kind do you like?

Hi Sarah, I read Maureen's post and was a little afraid too! I decided not to write much other than "fluff articles" and mostly just to Localism. I know bad things can happen anywhere but it pays to be careful.

Sarah, thanks for sharing your experience with us. Sharing is something that brings me to AR on a regular basis.

Sarah

I've been meaning to stop by and compliment you on the quality of your posts. This one is no exception. Great job.

Sarah, if you ever have another post as this one, would you please not give it a second thought, and just post it. This is what we are all about, I am glad you posted your real feelings. We here in our home would have it no other way, than yours. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt story.

I totally agree with you. There will always be bad people out there. We can't let them get the best of us. I was once a naive kid that never expected anything bad to happen to me. But it did. It crushed me at first. But I got a beautiful daughter out of it and she made me be a stronger person. I am still alive. I love everyday I am given.

Yes, you should have written it. All too often, people allow many types of fear to become crutches that keep them from being as successful as they could have been. Like you said, we must move on, a step at a time. Thanks for sharing your heart touching story!!!

Sarah, I'm glad that you went with your gut feeling and posted this. I am so sorry you went through this but it gives me another insight into what makes you unique. You're a survivor. I know someone who might benefit from reading this very blog. I am emailing it right now.

I am also going over to read Maureen's post. I've been meaning to but got sidetracked. Thank you.

Thanks again my friend for writing yet another powerful and heartfelt post that touches the soul and is oh so very true. Once again your writing talents hit home and I am sure will touch a lot of members souls. I have something wonderful to share with you along the lines of our conversation yesterday. I will contact you later to discuss. Have a wonderful day.

You shout it out with the feisty passion that only someone with your experience can write. I think it is great when someone stands up and says NO... I'm not going to live in fear!

I live in Brooklyn... Enough said?

Sucks that you had to go through that with your daughter.

Glad you wrote this very personal experience. We have to be able to face our fears, learn and grow from the experience. I, too, have had a couple scarey experiences in my lifetime, and it does feel good to be able to "move on". Blogging doesn't scare me, but as Lizette mentioned, I tend to avoid writing some of the opinions I REALLY have just to avoid being too controversial on this public forum.

You have to get back on the horse. Good for you.

Sarah-Thanks for Sharing your experience. We have so much in common! I went through a very similar experience when I was a Bank Teller, three robberies, one "polite robbery", one were my co-workers were tied up in the vault room (I was lucky to be late that morning) the third was on my personal time at an atm machine were the robber put the gun in my face and car jacked me. You just move forward and don't let fear win. You are a strong woman and it shows!

Lizette - Yes, it is best to be careful. I don't say my kids names here (they're Tall One and Little One in my blog) and I don't mention their schools. I worry more about them than me.

Eric - You're welcome. It's why I'm here, too.

Ed - Thank you very much. That does mean a lot to me.

Bob - I was STILL having second thoughts on my way to work! By the time I got my laptop up, I saw this post on the front page of AR and actually said, "Oh no, they featured it! Now I can't delete it!" LOL! All for the best I guess. If I need to say it, it needs to be said.

Christy - I was that naive kid, too. I had a happy childhood and didn't think bad things could happen to me, either. I had a crappy first husband. Because of that happy childhood, I realized I had too much worth to waste myself with an abusive man. I made the right choices and that too made me stronger. It sounds like you've benefited from your troubles, too. Whatever you had to go through to get your little girl, I'm sure you'd say it was worth it. You've got a great attitude. Thanks for sharing with us.

Vickie - Thanks, I still wasn't sure. I'm glad you think it was worth sharing.

Maggie - Maureen's post was very good, I think you'll like it. (You'll probably get fired up like I did!) Please share with your friend. That's why I made this one public. If someone needed to see it, I wanted to make sure they could. And then I wasn't sure if I should have said it at all ... I'm a Gemini, I flip-flop occasionally.

George - I spent some major time fiddling with my website last night! I'll let you know how it pays off. Thanks.

Dan - THANK YOU.

Luke - You always make me smile! It does suck that I had to go through that, but my daughter was in day care and had no idea what Momma was going through. Thank God. I felt better in the moment that she and my husband were not there. I could bear it for me, I couldn't have if they were in the same danger.

Thank you all.

Elaine - If it matters, you have my permission to be controversial. (You do NOT need persmission!) It's your blog, have your say. I think some of the best blogs are when people let fly -- as long as it's done with respect.

Herb - I love my horse!

Suzanne - Wow, thanks for sharing your experience! It sounds like you've really been through it. There's a choice to be made, whether you'll cower or stand. You've got to stand. YOU DID. Thank you.

Sarah--It was brave of you to share something so personal. Thank you!

Hi Sarah, Wow! That's quite the experience you went through. I agree we cannot change what we do in life because of fear. Fear will cripple you. We can be alert and careful but we have to live our lives. If not, they win. Be like TLW buy a gun, learn how to use it and carry it on you. I pity the fool that ever comes near her or me or our house. Thanks for sharing this Sarah, I know it wasn't an easy thing to do.

In the comments on my blog entry Sarah and Ines both shared real interesting personal perspective about experiences that could have made them hide in fear from the world. Experiences that could have made them messengers via blogging that the world is a scary place and we should hide from it. Instead both are spreading a message of empowerment!

Women should blog! Women in the real estate industry should blog!

Jen - You are very welcome.

Broker Bryant - Funny you should mention that. :o) After the robbery, I really did not like guns. I didn't like to see them, my heart rate would speed up if I saw one, even on a cop. I had my brother (a State Trooper) take me out to Grandma's farm and show me all about guns. He taught me about loading, safety, aiming, firing and cleaning up afterwards. He has a medal for his shooting ability, but I outshot him and it was my very first time. I don't fear them now either because I know I can shoot better than most people. I don't like to feel afraid of anything. TLW is my kind of woman, nobody's going to mess with her!!!

Maureen, YES!!! NO FEAR IN MY BLOG. Thank you so much for your post and for setting me off on this. I don't think I would have written it if you hadn't gotten me all riled up on your behalf.

If you haven't seen Maureen's post, please go give it a look and leave her a comment. It's will probably get you all worked up, too!

Hi Sarah, I am so sorry you had to go through something like that, but it has made you a very strong person. Fear can completely shut down a person's thought process, and if you give in to fear, it just seems to lead to more things to be afraid of in the long run.

Sarah, this is a wonderful post, thank you so much for writing it. I had not read the other and just went back to do that but if I'm afraid to even blog, I might as well just close down my business. I, too, walk into people's homes all the time that I don't know. I speak to them on the phone beforehand, of course, and am as careful as I can think to be but it's my work! I don't want to be worried about that or blogging or anything else I'd like to do....again, thank you for posting that.

Sarah... courage and confidence win the day. I applaud you writing this.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must to the thing you think you cannot do." Elanor Roosevelt

Sarah, you've got this human being thing down pat...you rock, and I thank you.

Sarah.....

Your husband must be SO happy the bullet did NOT hit you......

And he must be so proud to have a wife with such courage and femininity at the same time.....

=-)

Thank you for sharing your experience. I know of women who have given up their agencies because they were afraid to show property alone.

Blogging and open houses can be risky as pointed out, but if we remain invisable, we are even more tempting victims because it appears we do not have a support system.

Wisdom plans like

letting people know where you will be (and letting clients know that you have people)
trying to team up when you can (especially when your 'gut' says get a buddy)
self defense training if available (martial arts teach you first how to avoid a confrontation and attack)

apply to men and women alike. We all must use common sense about self-defense, but hiding isn't one of the options for me.

Hi Sarah - you are so inspiring and such a joy to know, even if only through being here on Active Rain. Thank you so much for sharing this personal story with us. And congratulations to you for not letting fear rule you.

All too often, it's all too easy to let fear take over and take control. Not everyone has the kind of strength and courage you are blessed to have. Tackling our fears makes us stronger people, but tackling our fears is one very tough job as well.....one step at a time sometimes is the only way to do it.

My thanks to you for sharing this post with us, and big hugs to you and yours for living life as you do!
Ann Cummings

Thank you for sharing, Sarah. Thank you, and Maureen, and all the other women, for continuing to blog. If we live in fear, THEY (terrorist/robber/pervert) have won. Be cautious, be smart, but be creative and LIVE.

Wow Sarah- what a powerful post! You touched me for sure with this one. You exemplify triumphant human spirit, courage and grace. It was not easy to write I am sure, but it is testimony to your strength. Well done!

Sarah...

Comment withdrawn for reasons I prefer not to share.

TLW...ROAR!

Sarah, Normally I read all the comments before posting my own, but for right now I just wanted to comment while your blog was fresh in my mind. I have goosebumps and I have shivers girl. I'm glad you posted this, and I want to thank you for posting it. Your blogs are always good, but this one will stick with me for a long long time. I bet the last thing you wanted was to talk about this to anyone but your husband after it happened. I bet you just wanted to be left alone with your family. Your emotions are standard for someone having gone through such an experience.

I wish they (the news) would leave those poor folks of VA alone and let them grieve in peace instead of hounding them for interviews and making the kids relive the horror on national news. They had the girl who found the first two victims on GMA this am and it made me angry, I thought why can't they leave that poor child alone, hasn't she been through enough? They need their families and friends right now, not reporters trying to get the story. Give them time.. they need time, time like you had before you posted this blog.

This was a great one, I am glad you wrote it and shared!

Sarah, good for you - do not live like a victim - so many of us in today's world live like a victim - there are a lot of us that have been touched by violence in life, some of us are able to do what you have done and others are not. I can not and will not live in fear either - I will not allow a "scum bag" to have that power over me. I love your attitude and spunk - keep it going -

Great post.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind!

It's all in the numbers. If you work in a bank you are more likely to be faced with a bank robber than if you work in a funeral parler. If you work in an all night grocery store, you are more likely to be faced with a robber than if you work in an office on the 10th floor in a security building. That's just the sheer numbers of accessibility of reward to the robber. These are simple precautions we can take when we decide to take a job. Showing properties to strangers as a real estate agent is hardly what one would consider a "safe" job, yet, we do our jobs daily. Some will go just about anywhere. Some will not.

One of the problems is that there is little to no enforcement of existing laws against the individuals who do threaten, are known to threaten, have threatened and are free to continue to threat. In my opinion, a person who would threaten a person would commit the very harm upon a person that they threatened. In fact, the act of threatening takes that person one step closer to committing the deed that they threatened. Which is why threats MUST be taken seriously. In fact, must be taken VERY seriously.

The problem is that there is usually nothing a person who has been threatened can really do. Sure, there are laws against threats of harm from others, but they are NOT going to be enforced unless you are the President of the United States. If they were, false accusations would keep the authorities tied up in knots 24/7. Sad but true.

So, some folks live in fear and some merely go on with their lives and take normal precautions. I many years of showing real estate, some in not so great neighborhoods, I have felt threatened one time.

One of the facts of blogging is that folks often go farther in language than they would if they were facing a person or in a lecture forum. So, when we write, we need to consider the readers, not just what we want to say.

Social networking has it's risks and responsibilities. I don't know where one begins and the other ends.

Interesting thought provocating post.

Sarah,

Some of your posts bring tears to my eyes, and this one was no exception. When you flashed on your daughter's face, I knew that feeling you experienced and it's so far beyond anguish and into something that can't even be described. I have experienced that when one of my children almost drowned.

Thank you that you shared how you over came that feeling by not letting it grip you for the rest of your life.

God Bless you,

Fran

Allison - It has made me a stronger person, and I'm glad because I've had times (like everyone else) when I really needed to be strong. We're tested for a reason, I believe.

Carole - You're welcome, and you're right. We can think about all the scary stuff and shut down or we can go on. Going on is more fun.

Jeff - Thanks for the quote, I love Eleanor Rosevelt. She was instrumental in our nearby town of Eleanor, helping to provide nice, affordable homes to all people. Hmm, kind of reminds me of the dreams of a certain RES Pres I know!

Peggy - Thanks. :o)

Alexander - I'm going to have to make him read that!!! LOL!

Paula - Thank you for including some safety tips! Very good point. I do work with a partner, and he and my husband both check in on my while I do open houses. I do like having someone who can go with me on appointments and who knows in detail what's going on with me. It's a big help.

Ann - Thank you so much. I don't think of myself as having strength or courage really, but I'm stubborn. I didn't want to change my life because of one guy I really didn't like. Like you said, it takes small steps. To make myself go back to work, I got up and got dressed. I ate breakfast. I drove to work. I walked to the door. By themselves the little things weren't so hard. Each time got easier, until it wasn't a problem anymore. I hope the kids at Virginia Tech can rebuild their lives in the same way.

Sharon - I love it! "Be cautious, be smart, but be creative and LIVE." YES.

Allison - Thank you. You got a smile from me.

Billie - WOW. I did not know this about you, I guess I haven't read back in your blog! Your life is a perfect example of what I'm trying to say. You weren't willing to be a victim, and you did what you needed to do to get the joy back into your life. I'm proud of you for that!

I'm glad that you pointed out that happiness IS a choice, too. IT IS. Every day it is! I'm so glad you told us about this. I feel better about my post after reading about your situation. I'm glad you faced them and I'm glad you aren't about to back down. I wish I could kick your ex-neighbors' rears for you! Give Brutus a pat for me, OK?

Lysa - I'm glad this touched you. Dealing with this kind of thing is different for all of us. One of the women I worked with decided never to discuss it afterwards. She dealt with it all internally. For me and several others, it helped to talk about it. Our loved ones tried to get us not to talk about it, because they thought that meant we wouldn't think about it and therefore we'd feel better. But we couldn't stop thinking about. Talking about it helped me work it out. I could make it into "something that happened to me", like a story about childhood or something. I'm not a victim anymore, I'm someone that had something bad happen once.

Renee - Thank you, both for stopping by and for commenting.

Thesa - You go girl! Don't let the scum bags have power! They don't deserve it. Like the Codger's post this morning, if we stand up to the bad guys maybe we can back them down. It's so much better than the alternative.

Jacque - Amen.

Lenn - You're right about the numbers. I was a bank teller on the bad side of town in big city, in a state that had the second highest rate of bank robberies at the time. The good news about bank robbers is that they are nearly always caught, and that they do "fed time" which is pretty strict. My robber just got out of jail last year. When I think of all the living I've done since then. I feel pretty good about it. I know in most cases the law doesn't do so well with criminals. I'm glad that things such as stalking laws are getting stronger. I'm glad it's being taken more seriously. I think we have a ways to go, but I think we're heading in the right direction. Thanks for your comment and the thoughts you shared with us.

Fran - Oh, now you've brought a tear to MY eye! I want to go hug your child! That must have been terrifying!! God bless you too, and thanks for sharing your comment.

Sarah

My hats off too you.... I too read the post you referred to .. and had pretty much the same reaction. You are one of the few blogs I subscribe to and I appreciate what you have to say. I'll be standing there right next to you diggin my heels in the ground.

Fear is no way to live ones life... Society tries to scare us everyday with the news its a wonder some people ever leave their home. Yes, some people just don't have it "in them" and I understand that not everyone feels like you and I.... But I am all for having a voice and taking the risk... I too will continue to put myself out there... Thanks for sharing

Sarah: An amazing post! You got grit girl! Crime victims may be traumatized by such events far beyond what most people realize.

Jay

Sarah, good thing I don't bet! :)

It's amazing how some people can take your lifeand not even kill you. I am glad you didn't let this person do that.

Personally, I think it "wounds" the perpetrator when you do not give into fear.

Give 'em heck, Miss WV!

Sarah,

You are truly an inspirationally positive light in this group and we are so happy that you chose to shine in the Rain! Thanks for sharing your story.

Sarah, thanks for sharing your very personal thoughts and experiences with us. Everybody should have the right and the courage to do whatever he or she wants to do. I read fantastic posts from women here on AR and I really don´t want to miss them!

Desiree - Two of a kind, aren't we? :o)

Jay - I started writing this only to read your post today. It's a rough world out there sometimes, isn't it? I'm so glad for people like you. I have always loved my nosey neighbors. When we lived in Charlotte, one of my neighbors was reaching for the phone just as someone was trying to force our back door open. The noise alerted our dogs, who had been further back in the yard and hadn't yet noticed the intruder. She didn't have to call the police after all. :o) They got lots of doggie cookies when I got home!

Lysa - :o) Different for everyone. You might have won anyway.

Chris and Rhonda, but I'm betting Rhonda, right? - I TOTALLY agree! After we got dye packs and some other improved security at the bank, we were like, "Bring it ON!" We couldn't wait to give a little back to the robbers ... and there is a whopper of a story that you guys wouldn't believe me if I told, but it's true, and very funny. But maybe that could be for another day.

Lisa - Thank you so much for that!

Axel - VERY COOL NAME. And thank you. All our AR bloggers rock, male or female!

Sarah, you are so right about not letting fear rule our lives. We have to be discreet, careful, aware, but not fearful. I am so glad that I have gotten to know you through your blog. lea

Sarah, I too had a crappy first husband. Being naive kids, it only takes one bad thing to make our eyes open up.

Sarah: I was similarly spooked reading your post! I think about what might have happened when Boomer went to his neighbor's aid, and to me for tagging along--but tempered with what most certainly would have happened to his neighbor/friend if he hadn't!

Jay

Sarah, I just saw your blog. Thank you for sharing your story. It makes us all strong. I agree with you whole heartedly, we can not let fear hold us back. Mindful, but no fearful.

Well done and you should have no regrets.

Joelle Green

I agree with you, and enjoy reading your blogs, so keep on blogging!

Sarah - talk about arriving late, but so glad I showed up. WOW! You are a strong cookie and should be proud of yourself for taking control of your fear and moving on. I totally agree with Maureen and TLW and others that have commented, we need to continue our lives, we need to stay strong and we cannot let these twisted minds get to us. We are so much better than them and THAT's the bottom line.

I had a dear friend that had a home invasion a few years ago and had to go to therapy because fear got the best of her. I took action, I organized a self-defense class for women in our community with the local Karate Teacher and we KICKED BUTT!! I have one MEAN kick and I am not afraid to use it - when you walk in fear, you become a target...when you walk with confidence fear runs from you.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Sarah-Wow, this has been quite a week and some very powerful blogs. This is one of those posts that I need to read and hear. You see I have a son who was attending college in Daytona Beach and he is afraid to go back. When Columbine happened he was deeply affected and two sheriffs showed up at my office, they were concerned because of all the questions he had and believe it or not they were afraid of him. The reality was he was so frightened. Once I got to the school it was quite obvious. Another words the true emotions came out! Now a man at 21 his heart is gentle, this too has affected him, it saddens me to think this incident could change the outcome of the rest of his life. He doesn't want to go back. I have had a heavy heart this week. We as a family have been through some real trying times, I know we can get through this. I am going to share this with my family and especially my son. I thank you Sarah.....These words could not come at a better time!

p.s. Maggie if you are here, Thank You! I needed this. My time on the Rain has been limited recently, so I really appreciate you pointing me to this post!

Fear and Intimidation seem to be "In" these days,Red alerts,bomb threats,terrorist attacks,Sars and on and on. This society is permeated with violence.

These are not what frighten me...it's societys acceptance of them as the norm!

APR

2007

Sarah, I'm blown away by your strength, your transparency, and your willingness to open up to friends and strangers alike. It's apparent that you have a huge heart and that makes you a far better person than you'll ever give yourself credit for. God Bless You.

Lea - I think you said it just right, be careful but not afraid.

Christy - I am thankful for that crappy first husband. I appreciate my husband and our 16 years together (so far!) much more than I might have. I have also explained to my daughter the warning signs of a bad man. They DO put off signs, and if you know how to read them you can avoid them like the plague!!

Jay - I'm so glad you guys followed your inner voices! And I hope those boys are ashamed of themselves and are mortified that they never attempt this again.

Joelle - Mindful, not fearful. AMEN.

Gloria - Thank you so much!

Ines - That must have been so much harder to get over! Your friend was attacked in her own home, where she should have had the right to feel SAFE. It was easier for me to recover because my home was still a sanctuary. I feel for your friend and I think you had the right idea -- take self defense classes and feel EMPOWERED. Good for you!!

Midori - Maggie is WONDERFUL, isn't she? I'm a Maggie Fan!

I'm sorry to hear about how this affected your son. Horrible things like this makes what "could happen" seem much more likely. Please feel free to share this with him, and if you or he would like to talk to me, please contact me. I'm no counselor but I've been afraid and forced myself through it. If I can help, I will.

Joan - You're right, it almost seems as though the news "embraces" big, scary stories. They make for good ratings. Good news isn't as exciting, but we all need to hear it.

Ryan - You do give me far too much credit! But I'm glad I shared, it seems that it helped others that I did, so I can't regret it.

Thanks all for your comments!

"There is nothing to fear but fear, itself." - FDR

Fear can be more crippling than any bullet wound. Thank you for sharing your story - You will never know what wonderful opportunities arise from bad situations - or what wonderful experiences are missed when living in fear.

Mariana - Very fitting quote, thank you for adding that. And you are so right, we miss so much if we live in fear! I have a rich, full life today. I wonder about the girl who quit working. She let herself hide instead of fighting back. I hope since then she's done some fighting back and regained what we lost that day. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

Sarah...

I love your edit. You are right. I think the comments on this post are amazing :)

TLW...ROAR!

TLW......

Again...I wanna apologise for the statement about your pistol way back in the past.......

I did NOT know about what you were and ARE still going through.....

PLEASE forgive me....

=-(

APR

2007

It says a lot about the character of our online community that so many have stopped to offer sincere and heartfelt response to your post. Even more so, I admire your courage for writing so honestly about your experience. Stories like this need to be heard, and heard often. Thank you for sharing this.

Billie - I wish there was a way to Feature comments. These are really worthy of a slew of Gold Stars. Can we get a Raingod to work on that?

Alexander - I have no idea what went on in an earlier post, but how could you know anything like this about someone's past? I hope all is OK.

John - Because of the responses this post received, I know it was the right thing to do. I think the Virginia Tech tragedy brought a lot of emotions to the surface for a lot of people, and this was a good way to share that. I'm blown away by the comments here!

Sarah...

Just to clarify things here. What has happened in the past is STILL going on and has been for six years. This is not something that has stopped. WE do deal with it EVERYDAY. Mentally challenged people live in their own world. They make their own rules and are able to justify the harm they cause in their own minds. I have done a lot of research on people like this.

Just so you know this is not something I can just get over. The day will come when that will be an option. But not today. And not until the stalkers finally give up or something happens to them or something happens in their own lives that will remove them from our lives. In the meantime I will continue to live my life the way I choose to live my life. I will walk without fear. If something happens to me, then so be it.

TLW...ROAR!

I too have a BROTHER that is in his own world...he even attacked me once in my own apartment and I had to threaten to call the cops to get him off me..... he has jumped off bridges...and done other things to harm himself.... BUT that was the first time he did harm to another person...I did not have the heart to just call the cops....he is my brother......

I too have to deal with a person who is in his own world... I live in Orlando FL and he is in Buffalo NY...but soince he is my broither...it still is near to my heart..and it affects me..... his last letter to me was so full of memory lapes that I wonder who he is anymore......

I willl prob. never get over my brothers situation....BUT I......like TLW....... know that we have to live our own lives in spite of what others are like.......

Again...I AM SORRY about getting you upset in the past, TLW...... please forgive me..... =-/

Billie - I wish I could loan you my Trooper brother. Maybe he could just hang out a lot, and eventually they'd leave. No, they seem too stubborn. I'm sorry it's been going on so long. You're a much stronger person than I could ever be. I'm glad you and BB have each other. I'm glad you have Brutus, too.

Alexander - Man, I feel for you, too. My life seems almost embarrassingly easy this morning.

Sarah

Well I guess we are alike you and I. When I was 22 I was raped. It was night in a very safe neighborhood and I had gone for a walk to quite my mind after some very trying experiences. A car pulled up to me and there were 3 men in it. The one in the back jumped out and held a gun to my head and told me not to scream and get in the car. At the time I was living in Palm Desert and it was just a spit in the road. These guys took me out in the desert and raped me. I put up a fight I will tell you but there were three of them and one of me. When they were finished they pushed me out of the car. They told me if I told anyone about them they would come back and kill me. Here it was the dead of night, I have no clothes and I'm in the middle of nowhere. I made it to the road and found a mobile home and pounded on the door but they wouldn't let me in. At least they called the police. I didn't know that though. I made my way to the road again and when I saw headlights coming my way I was afraid that it was the guys coming back. Gratefully it wasn't, it was the police.At first I was scared and then I got angery. He gave me his jacket to put on and took me to the police station. This was before the days of "rape kits". I gave the police such a good description of the car, the guys and what they were wearing that they caught them in three days. They had done the same thing to three other girls but I was the only one that would work with the police. They went to trial, were convected of 4 counts of rape and went to prison.

I guess that taught me that you HAVE to stand up for yourself and what you believe. Do I ever get scared? You bet, but then I get angry at myself for letting fear in and just march ahead.

This was a great post. You have empowered so many females and that is always a good thing. Thank you my dear and keep up the good work.

Roberta ... that was just the most powerful thing. I am so sorry you were raped, that you had to go through that. I know that police can be very matter-of-fact and probably weren't very comforting. The whole judicial system is quite stark, it must have been very difficult to push on and go through a trial.

I'm proud of you for fighting back, and for keeping your wits about you so you could give such good descriptions.

I can't imagine going through something like that. After that robbery I wrote about, I didn't want my husband to touch me. I felt violated by that robber in a physical way, even though all he touched was my hand. (I washed my hands many times that day.) I had to make myself let my husband, who I love very much, touch me. It was mild, but it was there. I can't imagine the strength you must have to fight back and reclaim your life.

I hope it's been an absurdly happy life since then. I hope your rapists got what was coming to them when they got to prison.

Thank you for sharing your story. I had no idea what I was doing when I wrote this post, but I'm glad I did it. Thank you for responding.

Sarah, What I've learned from this post so far is that we ALL have to be very careful not to make judgements about anyone for the way they are, or seem. We have NO CLUE what experiences people have had in their lives that have lasting affects on them. I am fortunate that I am married to a very strong woman and I feel very blessed today to have met 2 more, Sarah and Roberta. Thanks for sharing these parts of your lives.

Broker Bryant, I am just blown away by all the responses here. I knew that AR was full of fun, interesting people that had a lot to teach me. Now I also know I am in the company of some extremely strong people. My experience was so small in comparison to most. This post was about a very short period of time. The things that you and Billie, Roberta, Christy, Alexander, Midori and more have been through ... I could list names all night I think ... I just can't get over the determination it must take to get yourself through life sometimes. I'm in awe of what I've learned here. We can rebuild. I think that's the best message I'm getting from this. Things can be awful, and we can rebuild. Reading all of this gives me HOPE. I hope that's the message others are getting, too.

Please hug your wife for me.

Sarah & Broker Bryant,

Thanks you for the kind words. My grandmother taught me as a young girl, "what doens't kill you will just make you stronger." It's old but true. It took a while for the fear of being alone in the same proximity of the ethnic male gender (of the incident) to leave, and then my grandmother asked me this question. "Do you think that those men deserve to have power over someone else?" Of course my reply was, no. Then she said, "Well every minute you keep the fear alive you are giving power of yourself over to them." I try to live that today. I guess I'm more outspoken than most and that is why I tell people, "What you see is what you get. If you don't like what you see, you sure won't like what you get." :) Again thanks for the kind words and Sarah keep up the good works.

Sarah...

I honestly hope and pray that everyone that drops by this post will take the time to read ALL the comment here. We all have shared so much. Collectively the comments on this post reflect just how human we all are.

Roberta...

You are not alone on the rape. That's really all I want to say about that. For me some things are just better off left in the past. But do know my heart and respect go out to you. I know that wasn't easy. I relate to it.

TLW...ROAR!

TLW

Thank you! :)

I have goosebumps reading through your comments and I have to say that I admire the women in this post for speaking their mind and sharing their experience. Roberta, you are up there in my book....to go through that and to be able to discuss it openly in a public forum takes guts. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you women INSPIRE ME!

APR

2007

Rick & Ines

I know you have either seen the movie or heard about it...."Paying It Forward." I truly believe that when I speak out I may be helping just one other woman deal with what she has had to endure. If my story helps just one person, gives them strength, or insight, then the telling of it is worth while. Thank you for your kind words, but the kudos should go to Sarah for writing the post. :)

No, the kudos certainly go to all of you who commented here! I had no idea what I was doing when I posted this. I just didn't want women to be afraid to blog or college students to be afraid to go back to school or feel guilty for smiling again. I very nearly deleted this post, but it was featured before I could get back to the computer. (I see God's hand now in my delays!)

The comments are what make this post. I wish I could feature them. (I think I said that before, I really mean it!)

I do very much believe in paying it forward, I think you just don't have to wait for someone to do something nice for you before you do. If you act first, you're still going to be rewarded.

I know that some people have a harder time coming forward and speaking openly like this. As Ines says, it takes guts. I am sure there are others who have not commented that were helped by this discussion. I want to thank all of you who commented, because I think you helped more people than you realize. It's fine not speak up, and I'm not going to begin to tell anyone how to heal. I just want to bring it to the attention of the ones who commented, I'm sure they have helped people more by their sharing than we realize. This is very powerful stuff. Thanks to all, commenters and silent readers.

To Whom It May Concern:

Sarah is right. The comments on this post are powerful.

If you have not read "ALL" of them you are seriously missing out on the power of FAITH.

Roberta...Did you read what all the other Ladies had to say on this post?

TLW...ROAR!

TLW

I sure did. Every last one of them and we of Active Rain have some awesome ladies as of friends! Doesn't it just make you proud? It sure does me. To lighten this up a bit I do have a humorous tail to tell that is true.

I have to preface this by saying that because my husband was in the military and stationed with several Embassies during his career, we had to evasive driving classes. I just loved them because I love speed. The driving kind! :) So here is the story.

About twenty years after my incident I was with my assistant driving to the store late one evening. I don't remember what we were going for but I'm sure it was some last minute thing that was needed because it was right after the store closed, so we got there too late. The parking lot was empty except for two cars. Standing in front of one of the cars were about 6 guys. Five of whom were beating the heck out of one of the guys. I mean really beating him not just kid stuff here.

So I drove my biiigggg white caddie (remember when they were boats?) up with the lights shinning in their eyes and they ran around and got into one of the cars and took off. I stopped long enough to see how the kid on the ground was and seeing he was going to live I took off after the kids who had gotten in the car. Wheels squeeling, car fishtailing I followed them. My assistant saying, "Dove I'm not so sure this is a smart idea." The car full of guys had pulled around to the back of the store and I followed. They had stopped and gotten out and were huddled together deciding what their next move was going to be and I pulled up up in front of them got out and pointed my finger at them and said, "I'm calling the police so you have 5 minutes to get out of here." To the surprise of my assistant, they did. This was in the days before cell phones so I went back to the front of the store where they had a pay phone and called the police.

When I told my dad about this, he and my husband made the same remark. "Roberta goes where angels fear to tread."

Like I said in an earlier comment, I don't get scared any more I get mad!

TLW I probably would be dead by now if I were in your situation. I'm dumb enough to go right up to those jerks and stare them down.

P.S I lived the last year in Guatemala living with a gun. I even slept with it. Another story, another post.

You hang in there TLW You know what to do and when to do it! :)

APR

2007

I was once attacked at a business meeting by the Dean of a College, back when I was in banking. I pounded him over the head with my hard cardboard file. Flimsy attempt at defending myself. But he finally realized I wasn't "playing hard to get".

My boss at the bank wanted to send someone with me to meetings after that, but I said it was silly for the bank to pay two people to do one job. None of the guys went in twos. I was one of the first women officers at the bank, so they really weren't sure how to handle it.

I did take them up on their offer when I had to meet at that same College again. We organized our schedules so the male officer had another meeting at the same College.

Eventually I got over it. I wonder if there are women who HAVENT faced some violent act against them. I think I was "blindsided" because I was a street kid and knew how to look out for myself. But I never expected a man of high position to do anything, and so got caught off guard.

Happened one other time with an attorney, but by then I saw it coming. I learned that bad guys can sometimes be men of high "esteem".

Great inspirational blog, Sarah! You're right, every day is a gift and no matter how bad our situations or circumstances may be, there is always someone in this world who would be happy to trade their circumstances for ours.

Thank God that you got out alive and were able to see your family again........keep on blogging!!!

Sarah~ I'm late getting to this but I just wanted you to know how moving your post was.
I've often wondered about being to personal on my blog and using the real names of my family, but I am of the conviction that the odds of putting myself or my family in danger by 'getting personal' is so slim as to be negligent.

I once read that my child is much more likely to be struck by lightening than to be abducted by a stranger.
I will not live in fear.

APR

2007

Thanks for the useful information.

APR

2007

Thank you for sharing with us.

APR

2007

Sarah,

Very inspirational post and yes I read all the comments. When we fear, we give the other power over ourselves. There are legally insane people everywhere, it's impossible sometimes to know who they are and certainly more impossible to know what will set them off and when they may "flip out".

Being centered and prepared is the best weapon for all of us. We need to live our lives but always be watchful. I like to say that men and women are equal, but its just not true. We do not have the physical strength so we need to take other precautions that would give us the edge in a scary situation.

There are so many different "voices" here, that it's impossible to even touch upon all the emotion. Just wanted to make a comment as this post has moved me also in some personal ways that I am not as courageous to blog about. Thanks

MAY

2007

That's right! I missed this one somehow. Very compelling comments here. I believe many women have been in situations that were not our faults. But I kept myself in victim mode for many many years and only hurt myself....by not trusting the whole world I lived in. Wow....look at me now!

Roberta - You are one strong woman. You've got my utmost respect.

ARDELL - I've had a couple of those guys, too. Once, very early in working days, I asked to be transferred to another department away from a guy that was hassling me to go out with him. He WOULD NOT give up. They told me if I didn't like it, I could find another job. I still see that manager who told me that, and I just smile at him now. I would SO OWN HIS BUSINESS if he had said that to me just a few years later, when I'd grown a nice strong backbone.

Keith - Every day IS a gift, and I know I'm lucky to get it!

Jessica - I do not use my kids' names here, they are Tall One and Little One in my blog. (Which is what we say the dogs call them when they talk about us, because we're sure they do.) I don't use recent pictures of them, but have used a few from when they were toddlers. I don't mention their schools or activities. I wish I could, I would love to sing their praises more often. But that is one thing I DO fear. And I think THAT fear could protect my children, so I work with it.

Jason - Did you really read this? Really?

Maria - You're very welcome.

Karen - I'm glad this got to you. It got to me, too. It's enough to just say that, you don't have to say why. I'm glad if it helped you in any way.

Sally - You've said so much right there, Victim Mode only hurts the victim. Even thinking "victim" is hurtful. You're a survivor. You're a person, and something bad happened to you. You're not a "victim" forever. You are for a while, but hopefully you get through that and get to Survivor stage.

Thanks all for your posts. Loved them all, the comments here mean a lot to me.

Sarah

Thank you! You're not so bad yourself and you do have my respect. :)

JUN

2007

Sarah - Kudos to a very strong woman. I hadn't known that until now, but your insisting to remain strong is something we can all learn and practice throughout our lives. Fear is something we all have to hurdle, sometimes daily, and once we can eclipse fear in our own minds for good, even one day lived is lifetime fulfilled. Mucho respect to you Sarah, I hope to continually learn from you.

JUN

2007

Sarah,

How did I miss this post when you wrote it!! Thank you so much for telling your story....you are such an inspiration!!

Heather

JUL

2007

Roberta - :o) I think you're one of my heroes.

Jason - You hadn't known I'm strong? LOL! I am when I need to be.

Heather - I'm glad you found it, better late than never!

OCT

2007

Sarah-You have inspired me not to be in fear of sharing more of myself. I have been careful in my writings to protect my family from the evils lurking. Believe it or not, my in-laws. They have chosen not to be apart of our lives and kicked us out of their family, because we have chosen to be ourselves and nobody else. I know in my heart they live with guilt in their heart each day by their decision, but to share my family with the world, would mean they would get a piece of that all behind the scenes. So thank you for the person you are and having such a great impact on my life and others through your writing.

JAN

2008

I'm glad Rich Jacobson mentioned this in his review of 2007. I used to work at a bank, too. The FBI would come talk to us and describe situations like yours. I'm happy you made it. Thank you for making me stand taller, stronger, and braver via your words!

Julie - Sorry I'm late answering. I had issues with in-laws in the past. They kind of made up their mind about me before they knew a thing about me, and then refused to see me as I was. We finally talked it all out and now they adore me, which I'm still not used to. I know you didn't ask, but I'd say if you want to write it, do it anyway. Let 'em see what they're missing. Maybe they'll take some steps towards you and try to make things better. I never would have thought it would happen, but it did with us. I know not everything can be fixed, but more can be fixed than we sometimes realize.

Natalie - The FBI were very kind to us. :o) (And I'm happy I made it, too!) Funny how sometimes an old post can say stuff to you about situations you're facing currently. I feel like I'm giving myself advice reading this one. I needed to stand a little taller, too -- Thank YOU (and Rich) for calling it up again. :o)

MAR

2008

Wow! I'm reading this almost a year after it was first written and I am feeling your situation as well as all of the comments that have been made. What an incredible post and series of comments for the Active Rain community. I can only imagine how much this post has inspired so many people!!!

Sarah.. Well said. When I first got into real estate there were a couple of women agents in my office who were being stalked, and they told me to be careful about who I gave my number to and where to advertise, etc., etc. It scared me a little so I didn't include my cell phone number on my business card. But honestly we have to be out there in the public eye...Our livelyhood depends on it. So I make an effort to get in the paper for various events. My husband and I were in the paper not to long ago for signing up for a historic home tax incentive program through the City of Eureka and received a letter from a Pelican Bay prisoner (maximum security prison) who wanted us to let a friend of his stay at our house. Yeah right! We ended up ignoring it, but I got that worried look from my husband's face and I just looked right back at him and said with some fire in my voice..."If you think I'm going to stop promoting myself in the media because of stuff like this...Uh, think again."

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