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The Reluctant Vagabonds We Harbour Within.

'Time outs' for me these days involve sitting amongst packed boxes and Swans in Port Credit Harbour, Ontario piles of 'giveaways', 'for sales', 'recyclables', 'for the shredder' and 'for the curb' items.

I never realized that preparation for moving can be so emotionally taxing.
I'll now have much greater empathy for my clients as they prepare for their moves and sort through the years of their lives deciding what to keep and what should be let go of.

Our lives are like shooting stars. They go by so fast.
It's strange how the static objects in our lives, those things that don't change, serve as guideposts to where we've been and what's been lost along the way.

They say you can never go back and I'm beginning to understand that more and more as I prepare to leave the life I have here behind and begin anew elsewhere.

Daily I am approached by people who come up to me with sorrowful faces who say things like:

"I hear you're leaving us."

"Yes, at the end of the month."

"Well that's great for you but not so great for us. We're going to miss you."

and

"So you're moving away! I'm devastated to hear this. I've had my two hour cry and consulted my therapist over the fact that you're moving."

"I'm really feeling sad over the fact that you're moving away. In fact, I'm feeling sadder every day about this."

"You're what!?! You're moving away? WoW! I'm going to miss you terribly."

"I'm very disappointed to hear that you're moving. We're going to miss you."

and so on.

At these ti Presqu'ile Boardwalk~ Brighton Ontario mes, I begin to realize that the old 'cup in a bucket of water analogy' is really false afterall.
We all DO matter and we all do make a difference in the lives of others. And no, we are not replaceable.

We are each unique and fill a place in the lives of others that only we can fill.
Once the cup of our lives is taken out of their bucket, that bucket will never be the same again.

There's one problem though.
It slowly becomes very apparent to me that the bucket of my life is being severely depleted as I am losing the cups that represent so many people all at once, and this can become very overwhelming as it rips an ever deepening tear in the very heart of my being.

If you're not careful to say goodbye slowly and adjust to the loss of each person from your life, all of these goodbyes can become immobilizing.
Sure, you'll stay in touch. You'll visit, you'll email and you'll sometimes call; however no matter what, you know in your heart that things will never be the same.

Somewhere, in and around the Burlington, Ontario area, there are many people who will soon be adding a unique and beautiful cup 'of their life' to the new bucket of my life that I'll soon be filling.
Even this knowledge though, does not compensate for those I'm leaving behind.

As I experience this slow disentangling from my life here, an old post I wrote c Sherkston Shores~Lake Erie, Ontario, Canada omes to mind and these words I wrote ring loud and clear deep within the raw and saddened places of my being:

"Your soul is a child. It is the first to wander off and trust. The first to fall in love with an idea, a view or a person. The last to forget. It is the part of you that tags behind and pulls with a steadiness as it cries to you ‘no, wait, wait, I am not ready to say goodbye . Can’t we just stay a bit longer?’

Your soul is innocent. It lives in a different world than you. A different dimension. It will never understand the harsh events of your life nor the negative character traits of the people you come across. This is not a part of your soul’s vocabulary.

Your soul is blind. Your soul is only love. It is the dancing child within you. The one who calls to you to look up and see that last mauve cloud move briskly across the clearing sky after a downpour.

It is the one who understands what an old dog is saying as his eyes gently and humbly meet yours and something within you softly moves.

Your soul will feed itself. It only asks that you prepare a small corner table in a quiet courtyard where flower petals fall softly to the stones below and your face can be caressed by the shifting whimsy of a gentle breeze.

Then it asks that you take a seat in the remaining old wrought iron chair and listen to what it has to say."

Lately I've been drinking a lot of that old, mellowed brew that my soul serves up each time I sit down to lend an ear to what it wants to tell me.

The stories it tells me these days are often sad ones for you see, it longs to linger behind with those people and days it's grown attached to, while the rest of me moves on.

Well, I guess I better finish this last drop of tea my soul served up this morning and get back to sorting through those tangible pieces of my life.
The intangibles my soul yearns to deal with will have to wait for another day.

Perhaps tomorrow.

Jo-Anne Smith, the author of this article, is a REALTOR® with Summit Group-Quantum Realty Inc, Brokerage, in Oakville, Ontario and welcomes your real estate inquiries. To contact her, visit www.Oakville-BurlingtonHomes.com

Posted by Jo-Anne Smith- Oakville, Burlington and Mississauga Region Real Estate, Ont on 11/20/2008 09:58 AM

Comments (52)

Contemplating Life in the Moving Channel

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52 Comments on The Reluctant Vagabonds We Harbour Within.

NOV

2008

JO-Anne- Sometimes we are the ones staying put, but everyone around us moves on. It has the same effect - starting over with an empty bucket that needs to be filled.

Jo: M & M (Moving and memories)... ah, how I know both. These past seven years of mine have been filled with moves and memories (new and old memories), but I cherish each one. Each move (from here to Oregon and back) brought me new friends and new memories to go with all the older, blessed ones I have. Sad are the goodbyes to friends & clients. But now with the holidays upon us ( I was JUST preparing my Christmas cards), I can send them all a note and wait for one back from them...and the life cycle goes on. I try (now) to appreciate each move more (but pray I won't have another). On this move, I went through ALL old photos, and separated them into three piles, one for each of my boys. I'm finally letting go, but I WON'T let go of their baby clothes yet. LOL

Good luck, my friend, with your move.... as much as it's a pain, it WILL open new doors for new memories.

What a beautifully written post Jo-Anne. Moving and leaving memories can certainly be tough, but there will be many new exciting adventures awaiting you I'm sure. Since you'll be moving to Burlington, maybe we can meet for a coffee some time. I'd love to meet you!

Hi Marilyn,

How true! I hadn't thought about it that way, however now that you've mentioned this, I think on how a parent is left behind when their children all grow up and leave the nest.....it leaves an awfully big and empty space in our lives and hearts.

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Kat,

I know you've been through so many changes this past few years and you certainly know what I'm talking about with the move you made this past year. You have three sons too, just like me....I always felt an extra kinship with you whenever I read your posts with pictures and stories about your sons.

What a great idea to sort all of the photos into three piles, one for each of them. I'll have to wait til after I move to do that though....I'm much too busy right now. I think I'll follow your idea and make them each a special photo album with pictures for Christmas....it will be something they can pass down to their own children some day (they don't have any yet though). My Mother did this for myself and my two brothers one year and I cherish that album to this day. In fact, it grows more cherished to me with each passing year.

Thanks so much for visiting this post and for your kind wishes and thoughts and you'll never know how good it makes me feel to see you doing so well and happy these days.

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Hi Charlene,

That sounds lovely! Would you be up to coming over to my new place, once I've completely moved in, for a coffee or tea and 'getting to know you' visit? I'm really looking forward to meeting you and feel better about the move already....

thank you for your thoughtful comment and for dropping by,

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Absolutely! Give me a call once you're settled in. :-)

Jo: You are a dear, dear person.....and your life is only to get better and better. I feel it!!!

Jo - what beauty there is in your writings, in your soul that shimmers and dances with each word, albeit, at times, laden with sadness. Moves, and we, too, had so many this decade, can be devastating. The last one, from New York City to a suburb of Florida certainly didn't sit well with me, or the hubby, or even the kids... An old friend told us to purposefully go out and find all the things in our new home, our new city to fall in love with. It's tough, but now that my resident woodpeckers are named, we've acquired a Mr. Toady that's been with us since day one, and we've made a few fabulous friends - this is home.... at least for now.

You will find all the beauty in the new place, and in the new people where your life takes you now... :-)

Charlene,

Great! It'll be sometime in December or January (I should be settled by the end of November).

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Thank you Kat! I'm very blessed to have a friend like you......and so very grateful.

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Inna,

Thank you greatly for your wisdom and kindness....

Your friend is very insightful and I think their advice is just what I also need to follow. Isn't it intriguing how identifying with nature in our new surroundings somehow brings us to a feeling of 'home' once more? We never really left that garden of eden, at least not in our hearts and souls where it really matters most.

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Jo, Our old friends are never forgotten and always in our hearts. Things won't be quite the same but maybe they're not supposed to be. And you're making new friends already! When we spoke I told you how difficult my clearing out was---but without it I don't think we move on. May every new and old thing in your life be blessed. Oh, btw, I love the new photo!

NOV

2008

Hi Jo -- Your imagery as always, for me speaks volumes - -our lives are like shooting stars.They go by so fast -- to single out just one. So much in that, and as people leave my life sometimes as fast, with what seems like so little notice of passing or change, I work at remembering to savor each moment. May I ask about your moving? Will you still be on AR wherever you are going? I would miss your writing very mch.

good morning Carole!

I woke up to a winter wonderland this morning....it's so beautiful, however not so great for those who have to drive in it (although it's not staying on the roads just yet so driving is fine).

You're so right...we always carry our friends within our hearts and those who mean the most to me, I will stay in touch with regularly, perhaps even more regularly than I do already!

You're the most amazing and wonderful friend in the world and you always help me to feel better, no matter what situation I'm facing in life. Thank you....and please know that words cannot express... (((-:

The photo is actually from last year, however I need some new ones taken with a photographer. Another item on my 'to do' list. I'd like to have some taken with a nature theme, since that is me....now to find a photographer who is creative and has a deep appreciation for our natural world. hmmm.....

Hi Alexsandra (I love your name btw...my youngest son's middle name is Alexander, named after my great Grandfather),

Thank you so kindly, you're appreciation means the world to me. Yes, life moves by rather quickly with so many people coming and going and we ourselves, coming and going from so many people's lives, doesn't it? I try my best to savour each moment too and I always find things to love about each person who's lives mine intersects with.

I'm relocating to Burlington/Oakville area of Ontario, Canada. It is about 30 minutes west of Toronto on the Lake Ontario shoreline. I'll be transferring to a new real estate office there (as of yet unknown, however I hope to have that finalized next week) and no, I won't be leaving Active Rain ~ NEVER, EVER !!!!

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all the best to you,

Hi Jo,

Surely you missed your calling as a writer. I hope many of the the friends whom you're leaving will continue to be able to be touched by you in your blogs.

BTW, I love your new photograph. You look quite elegant...

Best wishes for your move,

Brian

Beautiful!

A well written post really makes us stop and think about the past and present. Good luck on your new adventure.

Jo,

Comfort yourself with this thought, "Somewhere, in and around the Burlington, Ontario area, there are many people who will soon be adding a unique and beautiful cup 'of their life' to the new bucket of my life that I'll soon be filling." Then remember, you always take the memories with you...to remember is to make present!!! :) Thanks, Fran

Thanks for taking the time to post this ... excellent information

Glad to know you will still be here in the rain. You are going to such a beautiful part of Ontario. Had dinner once somewhere near there, after visiting cousins in Toronto. It was the year of the big east coast black out. Looking forward to hearing about your experiences there and in the new situation. Best success and adventure!

hi Jo, wow can I realte to this. In the past few years my life has changed so much with friends who've moved on as well as new ones that have come into my life. The thing is, no matter where we are, we're always us and with you, that's a great place to be!

Hello Jo,

So beautifully written! I hear you so well it even brought tears to my eyes thinking about my move and knowing what you are going through. Leaving family and friends is so hard to do. You are so right we can never go back everything changes once we move away our friends are still our friends but the whole friendship changes, in some ways it is really sad. Also getting rid of "things" is very hard to do, at that time everything seems to mean something. But just think of all the new cups that will be filling your bucket!!

I love the new picture I can actually see you!!

Hi Brian,

It's good to see you!!! I miss your old-style posts more than I can say....

thanks so kindly for your supportive and thoughtful words, as always.

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Raylene~ Thank you!

Pat~ Thanks kindly.

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Fran,

Thanks so much for highlighting that for me...I need to remind myself of that often. I think once the move is completed and I have a bit more time for visiting and keeping in touch with old friends, I'll feel much better about the whole thing. I'm also very much looking forward to making new friends....

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Jo, I had to come back and congratulate you on this beautiful feature--all your writings are a pleasure to read.

Jo, very poetic and moving about change. I believe that line that things will never be the same again, but I am ok with that best I can be. Why are you moving? Congratulations on your feature. You are a favorite writer of mine.

Thank you Debbie,

~Jo

Thanks Alexsandra....
I remember the blackout too. I was visiting a client out in the country and they asked me to stay for dinner along with various neighbours.....we had a wonderful cookout in the dark with roasted corn, barbecued potatoes, etc. Then we sat around a fire and stared at the night sky and chatted late into the evening. It was wonderful and wouldn't have happened that way if it weren't for the blackout.

aww, Marti, you're really toooo kind and generous with your appreciation. I enjoy and cherish your friendship far more than you'll ever know....

Change is certainly constant, with friends coming and going....I'm just glad that I'm one of the new friends you've made over the past few years.

NOV

2008

hi Trace!

Thank you for your insight and support, as always. Everything does change, and I guess when we're not there to change alongside of it, we grow apart from people and places. I believe though, with effort, we can maintain a certain semblance of closeness and attachment if we really care and desire to.

I tend to hang on to 'things' if they have some sentimental value to me....and therefore I have a lot of STUFF! Seems I can attach sentimental value to almost anything.... (((-:

Actually, I'm not too bad....although I do still have a lot of my son's schoolwork from when they were little. Heck, I even have a few notebooks of my Dad's from when he was a little gaffer attending grade school!

Life....

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Thanks Carole!

Gary,

Thank you kindly...the feeling is mutual. ((-:

I'm moving because my sons are grown and gone now, and it's time to move back to a larger centre (the area I'm moving to is the fastest growing area in Ontario)....also, many of the people I'm closest to, family and friends, live there. I'll be staying in the real estate field though...that's not going to change.

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NOV

2008

Jo - As one door closes another will open ... as we pass through the portals of life our soul sometimes drags its heals ... it is buried in the comforts and familiarity of the past. Once it steps through into the light it warms to the new existence and retains the memories of the past as a place of solace and comfort whenever we need it.

Very cool Jo. It sounds like the new change will allow business to grow faster and on the personal side you'll be more in the center of friends and family. I wish you well. Sometimes change is just so invigorating for us even though as we get older it seems we resist it a bit too much. I think the key to a youthful mind is always to have an open mind.

NOV

2008

Hi Jo,

I am the same way, when it is time to let something go.... I can't friendship or stuff. So I have a few large plastic bins that I but stuff in, treasures from when my kids were little, from when I was little and store it....for what I don't know. I have my barbies and all their clothes from when I was little, I have my girls barbies!! I still have a bunch of my kids baby clothes!! But it is all tucked away in my memory bins. Notice how I said bins....that's right there is a few of them in the storage room. One day my kids will have to go through it and then they will either start their own memory bin or through it away, that way I don't have to.....smart plan?!! I know that when I moved it goes by weight so I did get rid of a lot of things that I wish I didn't.

Beautifully written and inspirational - just what I needed today.

NOV

Hi Kathy,

Sorry to be replying to you so late...I've been in the midst of my move all this past week (final trip (with regards to the move) to Belleville today to tie up some loose ends...

How far are you from Burlington? I'd love to get together with you sometime before Christmas...or in the near New Year.

It is strange how our souls drag their heels, isn't it? Sometimes mine just digs in to the ground below and refuses to budge, like a child throwing a pouting session.

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Jo

Hi Gary,

Yes, I agree with you about having an open mind...also, I believe that once you've made a decision, you should not look back. Just focus on the future and enjoy the adjustment.

Thanks for visiting!

Jo - Kathy and I are about 1-1/2 to 1-3/4 from Burlington, touch base with her by email to set something up.

NOV

Jo, Once again I decided to look for you and find you are now moving! I suspect I have missed way too much and I am sorry about that. I know exactly how you feel about leaving and attaching sentiment to things. I am a New Englander and you may have heard that we all do that here.

Selfishly, it's nice to know you won't be leaving "us"!!! Also, as I know you are already aware, there is more than one reason for your move, so look forward to the new and meaningful relationships you are about to encounter. Don't be sad, although I have to say, sadness in you tends to make your writing even more eloquent than it was..If that is possible.

I wish, right now, that I had your gift of writing so I could make you feel better. But, I do not, so all I can say is my thoughts are with you. I expect to be reading happy posts from you shortly. Take care, friend.

DEC

Hi Trace,

Please forgive me for taking so long to reply to your comment. I've been in the midst of the final leg of my move and also choosing a new office to work for, etc.

I love your idea of 'memory' bins. Are they those big plastic bins? I think I should go through all of the many boxes I have of my son's stuff and make up a bin for each of them...then some day when they are settled down in one spot for good, they can pick up their bin, and like you said, go through it and see what they want to save.

I believe you're sentimental like myself....I tend to hang on to everything that holds a special memory. This makes a LOT of stuff to move when re-locating.

How's the snow situation where you are?

DEC

hi Angela,

Thank you kindly!

hi Karen,

It's wonderful to hear from you and thank you so much for your beautiful comment....

I can imagine New Englanders being very sentimental, much like the maritime provinces of Canada. It might be due to the abundance of Irish blood in those regions...we Irish are a very sentimental bunch. Remember that old saying 'tortured Irish soul'? I think that has to do with the ache we feel about so many things in life....like moving away from an area we've lived in many years.

I hope things are going well in your corner of the world....

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DEC

Hi Jo,

Oh don't worry about being late getting back to comment I totally understand that you are busy. I haven't been on here that much lately, I am trying to get ready for Merry HO HO!!

Yes, they are the big plastic bins I buy them at Walmart they stack well! Yes, it does add up when one is moving.

We have some snow the ground is covered and staying I am afraid. Actually I like the snow when it is falling in large flakes. It is just the bitter cold that I can't take and here in Winterpeg it seems to get that way. How about you? Does the snow stay there? Take care Jo.

JAN

Jo:

I have just been catching up on some of my Active Rain reading. What a beautiful blog you've written. It reminded me of when I moved from Cobourg (just a hop, skip and a jump from Belleville) to where I currently live in Georgetown. Although I will always think of Cobourg as home, I have grown to love my new area, and wish you the same!

All the best in your new ventures...Nicole

JAN

Hi Trace,

Wow, I don't know how I missed this message of yours. Here I am replying a month late.

We're in for a real bitter cold spell here in southern Ontario this week....how is it out there?

Jo - Best of luck in your new surroundings. I hope you're already building new memories to help fill in where the others left off. Stay warm!

JAN

Hi Nicole,

Thanks for stopping by! It's nice to see a comment from someone not too far away from me....perhaps one day we'll meet. ((-:

Thank you so much for your kind words and sentiments...they mean more to me than you might ever realize.

I know Cobourg fairly well, however am not that familiar with Georgetown. I'm glad to hear you're enjoying living there....

Hi Lynn,

Thank you! I'm enjoying getting to know the people and surroundings here in Burlington-Oakville area. The people are extremely caring and friendly and the area, although very cold right now, is very beautiful.

You stay warm too!!

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