Dummy

Melbourne, Florida - On April 19th, 1964, Oren "Mac" Mackerel ate his modest bowl of Special K with skim milk, gave his cat "Dolly" her daily dollop of cream, drank the last of his Sanka and headed for his Sunday Open House, just as he had a thousand times before. 

Mac, a Realtor with now defunct HappyHomes Realty, Inc., was looking forward to a nice, home cooked meal with Miss Lucille, Melbourne city librarian, later in the day. Today was going to be meatloaf, fresh green beans, mashed potatoes, a green Jell-O salad with pears and a big, fat slice of double-chocolate cake. 

Twenty four years later, to the day, Mac was discovered inside the home he was hoping to sell at the Open House. The sale would have helped pay for the diamond engagement ring he had on layaway for Miss Lucille down at Jessup's Jewelry. 

Melbourne police, contacted by a homeless man on his Blackberry, were shocked to find the mummified Mr. Mackerel in the home's formal living room, "looking as if he was pointing out the features of the home and its furnishings which, according to flyers, were being offered for sale with the home."

Captain James Dangle with the Melbourne Police department said, "It appears Mr. Mackerel died of heart failure during an Open House some time in April of 1964. His Open House flyers and a plate of cookies were still on the kitchen table, untouched. It's absolutely bizarre that no one found him before now."

Captain Dangle is pretty sure twenty four years sets a world Open House record. He plans to contact representatives of Ripley's Believe It Or Not to find out. "Hey maybe they'll come to Melbourne and do a show about it. You just never know."

Disclaimer:  This "News Item" is a work of (comic relief) fiction.  Only the MLS photos are real.  Any resemblance between the characters, persons or Realtors® is purely coincidental. 

 
Post is included in group: "Whacked"!!!
Post is included in group: AR Comedy Club

53 Comments on Mummified Real Estate Agent Sets Open House Record

NOV
19

Laraine

Very funny we all need a good laugh!

11:24am • #4
6 Featured Posts

Tim

Boy, isn't that the truth!

11:36am • #5

Sometimes I feel like I am a mummy at my open houses as i am the only one there in these empty homes.  HAHA. Thanks for the laugh.

11:37am • #6
401,311 Points 59 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

WOW!  You had me going there!  HA!  Great creativity, I must say!  Congrats on that little gold star too!

Debe in Charlotte

12:25pm • #8
6 Featured Posts

Thank you all!  My gosh, I guess I'll have to keep writing these.  I'm very new to Active Rain and didn't even know there was such a thing as a "gold star." I'm honored.  (guess I better go back and read all that intro info) 

12:31pm • #9

So, apparrently,  Mac, the realtor, had the house overpriced?!  Great funny story!

"Marvelous" Mary M Novak

Livingston County MI Real Estate Rocks!

12:31pm • #10
Localism Sponsor

Very nice! Open Houses can be scarily quiet!

12:35pm • #11
4 Featured Posts

Funny story- I thought it was true at first too!  I'm sure we all felt like we could turn into mummy's at an Open House and no one would find us for days!

12:38pm • #12

Haha thanks for the laugh. Great story!

12:57pm • #13
115,204 Points 2 Featured Posts Outside Blog

nothing like a good cup of Sanka. I worked early early bird dinners in College, lots of Sanka and margarine because their Doctor told them they couldn't have butter. Lo's of fun especially the day the Social Security check s come out

1:01pm • #14
1 Featured Post Localism Sponsor

So I was thinking that he really did die there and no one found him... just for a little while though! Open Houses almost always = Waste of Time.

1:05pm • #15
6 Featured Posts

Ha!  Sanka and margarine. How bad can it get? Did you serve them Geritol chasers?

1:08pm • #16
293,862 Points 27 Featured Posts Outside Blog Hit Router

Laraine -

Great story - you had me for a while!

However, I have a REAL Chicago Story that happened to a bird dog friend of mine scouting potential distressed property, about 7 years ago.

Indeed, this IS real!

There was a small ranch house in the Jefferson Park Neighborhood of Chicago, on the Northwest Side.  On Central Avenue - a busy street - about a block and a half north of Foster Street.

My colleague noticed the front of the house had a nicely-trimmed lawn, but the back yard was overgrown, as if no one had cut the grass in a long time.

He parked the car, walked up to the front door, and looked into the side window from the front porch.  A man was seated in his chair, back to the window, reading the Chicago Tribune.

My colleague rang the bell - no response, not even a movement, not a reaction.

He got upset, started banging on the door, thinking he was being ignored.  Again - no answer.

He went around and rang the bell on the back door.  Again, no answer, and when he came back to the front, the seller, in the easy chair with the newspaper, was unmoved.

He left, indignant!

Two weeks later there was a story in the local Nadig Press Newspaper.  A Chicago Police Officer bought the house from a distant family member, privately.

He went to the door, noticed the man seated in the chair, took the same announcement steps as my friend.  Of course, no answer!

It seems that was the relative's uncle, who the Cook County Medical Examiner estimated died about 5 weeks earlier, newspaper in hand, in the chair.

The neighbors apparently didn't like the guy - known as a neighborhood hermit and old coot.  But, they cut his grass each week because the house was looking unkept, which hurt the way their own houses looked on the street.

True story here - no fooling!

Look it up!

DEAN & DEAN'S TEAM CHICAGO

2:12pm • #17
162,577 Points 10 Featured Posts Outside Blog Hit Router

Well... You got me, I clicked!  Thanks for the laugh - I needed one today.

2:24pm • #18

I thought it was true as well, good thing I read the comments :)

2:48pm • #19
Outside Blog

I think I walked in tht agent a few years ago.  The cookies were stale.

2:56pm • #20
410,701 Points 81 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Hit Router

Great story, and it's such a treat to see comedy and real estate together in one post.

2:59pm • #21
3 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor

For a minute there, I really thought this was real -- thanks for the [BIG] laugh!  Great photo too ....

3:08pm • #22

Ita hard to tell "him" from some of the agents I have met during open houses.

3:22pm • #23

you got me. I have had some buyers that never call me back. Maybe I should go check on them.

3:50pm • #24
294,976 Points 8 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Hit Router

The market does follow cycles that we can tract, I suppose we will find someone 25 years from now long after his poorly attended open house.

4:05pm • #25
638,444 Points 108 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

Based on the number of responses that we have had from open houses over the past year or so, this type of thing seems more feasible.  :)

4:07pm • #26

Too funny!  Thanks for the laugh!!

4:30pm • #27
346,402 Points 9 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

I know people in real estate are soo slow to change -- maybe this will be a wakeup call!

4:32pm • #28
316,369 Points 40 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Laraine--Very funny! Now Dean's story up there is not quite so humorous but sometimes truth is stranger than fiction as they say.

4:36pm • #29
164,448 Points 14 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

This is too doggone funny. Thanks for stretching the envelope and it gives me an idea or two as well as the inspiration to spread out a little with my own posts!

5:01pm • #30
6 Featured Posts

Russel.  Glad to hear you got inspired.  By all means, spread! 

6:31pm • #31

Too funny...thanks for the laugh

7:00pm • #32
269,453 Points 3 Featured Posts

Sounds like no one comes to his open house either. I feel sorry that he didn't sell it before he expired and became listless.

7:35pm • #33

I have had Open Houses that I thought would never end but really.

7:58pm • #34

Funny....I needed a laugh!

8:34pm • #35
Localism Sponsor Hit Router

Laraine, when is your book coming out? I'd love to read it!

10:20pm • #36
233,745 Points 5 Featured Posts

Oh my goodness - I suspect that could happen to any one of us:-)  Now the question remains - If you only had 4 hours to live, would you really want to spend them holding a house open???

10:21pm • #37
NOV
20
105,959 Points 3 Featured Posts

Laraine, here I was only going to open AR to look someone up and bang! You have just proven the caption does make all the difference in the world!  Thanks for the chuckle,

Your Raleigh Realtors

6:58am • #39
224,740 Points 2 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

LOL-It's too early in the morning for me.....for awhle, I was trying to put meaning to this post.  Enjoyed the humor!

7:05am • #40
561,642 Points 82 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Hit Router

 

 

Featured in the Group "Whacked!!!"

7:08am • #42
2 Featured Posts Hit Router

What's even more surprising is the cookies were untouched!  lol

7:27am • #43
123,816 Points 3 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Gees, I start getting stiff after the first hour or so...  It could have been me.

7:38am • #44

That was classic and I wish it was real.  What a great way to start off my morning thank you very much!  i think some of the homes I have listed may still be for sale in 24 years...

Ted

8:20am • #45

OMG that is so crazy.  How could he not have been found for so long?

8:41am • #46

Thanks for the laugh.  I have sat at plenty of open houses - although I have always been good at keeping myself entertained (busy), I have on occassion felt like a mummy. 

9:13am • #47
2 Featured Posts

This was great-so imaginative.  Thanks for the hearty laugh today.

9:14am • #48

thanks for the laugh

had me there for a second~

10:12am • #49
160,905 Points 6 Featured Posts Outside Blog

That's so funny, thanks for sharing it!  We can all use some real humor these days!!

6:15pm • #50
108,324 Points 11 Featured Posts

Poor Mac!!!! 24 years at his open house and no commission check.

Thanks for the laugh.

6:24pm • #51
6 Featured Posts

Ted - Your comment made me laugh out loud....can you imagine having a house for sale for 24 years?  HA HA HA!

6:28pm • #52
NOV
22
638,444 Points 108 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

I think this must be where you accidentally deleted my comment from before.  No biggie - it wasn't really all that witty. 

2:34pm • #53
6 Featured Posts

Jason - Oh my god, now I remember!  Yours was one of the comments I deleted.  Is there anything more embarrassing?  Deleting a Jason Crouch (the MAN!) comment from one of your first Active Rain posts? I'll make up for it, I promise. 

3:45pm • #54
NOV
24
385,099 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Laraine:  This is totally hilarious.  I can easily see this happening with just about any open house being held these days.  Thanks for sharing.

1:47am • #55
6 Featured Posts

Karen - glad you got a laugh.  Yes, I can see it too.  Maybe we should just limit our open houses to gated communities with lots of "nosy neighbors"....just in case.

6:40am • #56

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Laraine Shape - Broker

Melbourne, FL

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Address: 2903 W. New Haven Ave. , Melbourne, Fl, 32904

Cell Phone: (321) 698-6405

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