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19 Comments on I am thankful but..can't everyone help?
Yes so many people come and don't do anything but sit and eat. No washing dishes, no clearing the table. Just wait on me
What'dya want me to bring?
Seriously, since you are a self confessed "wuss" when it comes to standing up for yourself, you get what you allow others to do to you. So I would suggest that you "hire" the backbone. Have a family member (hubby, brother, sister, kid, etc.) handle the scheduling and the posting and enforcement of the new house rules:
Take your post above, itemize it and have your "enforcer" make sure your guests are in compliance. You don't become the dumpee and you also don't play the heavy.
My 2c worth.
Could you try to re-institute the young ones washing up? Blessings to you for being willing to serve your familly in this way.
Suzanne, it pays to set the expectations. You can do it, even with friends and family that are unacustomed to pitching in. Give them a little chat when they come in, I've got a lot on my mind and likely won't recall which plate/dish you brought, so if you don't want Aunt Mary's old pie plate instead of your new one, please be sure to pick it up. Ditto on the I need help in clean up. Say I really want to be able to enjoy your company. Let's visit in the kitchen while cleaning up and then we'll have a chance to sit a spell and continue our visit.
The holiday is not so much fun when you have all the responsibility. Maybe you should "Just say NO" to one of the two high days. Good luck.
Russ - There are a number of people in this world who were never taught manners. I continue to be amazed. (Mostly by the outlaws, oh, I mean in-laws, or something. hope they never read this!)
Mike- Luckily, I'm only an "entertaining" wuss, catch me on a deal sometime. But, bring the pumpkin pie (and whipped cream, cause I make it from scratch in the kitchen alone right before I bring the pies out, of course!) Drat again. Thanks for giving me some backbone just when I need it. That's the dark meat, right?
Heather- Let's pry the kids away from the Wii and the text messaging and get their hands moving, right? Now I understand my parents much better!
Vickie-Common sense rules again. I'll just be my regular realtor self and set the expectations up front. Thanks. Need to bring my regular self to the table and everywhere else, too. My bet's on me with all the great advice I'm getting. Thanks.
Ellie- Thanks, tried and tried. But, they won't hear of it. Unless I run away...what are you doing on Christmas? I'll do the dishes! :)
It's okay. I could be alone. Or not have a home to do it in. And, you know what, I love cooking and am glad that they want to come. It's just a little gripe! I'm so thankful in the long run.
For the people who bring dishes, get some color dot stickers. When they get there, put a dot on the bottom of the dish, and tell them that that way you can keep track of their stuff after we all wash and dry the dishes after dinner. Red for sis, blue for auntie. Another trick is to hold off on serving desert until the dishes are done.
I want your stuffing/dressing recipe! I need a snack now since I read your description on Dean's blog, it is making me hungry! Please send me a link!
I like the idea of enlisting someone else to be the enforcer. Some folks just need to be directed, especially since they are in someone else's house, they might feel timid about taking charge of a project. So if you have an enforcer who puts a towel in their hand and says dry these, and puts someone at the sink and says wash these, maybe some of your workload will be lightened.
There is an amish saying "Many hands make for light work", they don't mention the enforcer :) Hopefully it will work out better for you this year. It is at least worth a try.
I am the enforcer for my Mom. I send out her menu list and ask folks to put there name by what they are bringing. It does amaze me how some feel they can show up, eat, visit, leave and offer to bring only a simple dish for a family of several. I just don't think some people get it! Anyway, we struggle through those times because they are family and we want to enjoy those days with the ones we love the most. Good luck this year.
Maggie and Mike- My enforcer asked if you could come over to help out. He's more of a wuss than I am. LOL. But, I will take your advice. I'm heading off to get some gumption. Does anyone know what that means anymore? and, if that doesn't work, after it's all done, I'll just sit in the corner by the fire with a glass of wine and be thankful that everyone came, ate and had a good time! Thanks to you both! Have great holidays!
Suzanne...
Sounds like you NEED to get some help. I do all of the cooking here at home, including all of the holiday baking etc but I have plenty of help cleaning up and that makes all of the difference in the world!
Richard - You just keep getting better and better! My broker does all the cooking at his home, too. It's about time I set some guidelines.
I appreciate all these comments and will use the advice, I promise. All the ideas are great! My holidays should be a little less stressful and far more enjoyable thanks to you all!
Suzanne - It can be stressful and frustrating. I think for the most part the majority of our "feasts" the workload is spread pretty evenly - I learned over the years to not hesitate in asking someone for help as well. Or making a statement directly in front of the crowd - that "OK It's YOUR Turn to Load the dishwasher! " My kids were all brought up that they need to help out whenever and whereever and it is fun to see (and makes me proud) when we have these FEasts, they are johnny on the spot helping mom and dad or wherever they can. SOmetimes I value their help keeping the smaller kids entertained more than in other areas! Don't be shy - ask for that help! Scoot someone off their butt! What are they going to do leave? nope - and you'll find they will help MORE because the do not want to be CALLED out on the spot again! I love holidays and the gatherings...
Suzanne,
Our get togethers are mostly a family set-up and clean-up event.....no matter the site.
Have a great Thanksgiving.
Suzanne, honey...you need rules! Here's a few tips to help you out.
1. Keep the booze in the kitchen--especially the good stuff. People who help deserve a cocktail or four.
2. If you wash it twice, it's yours. As soon as your relatives hear about this rule, they will bring disposable containers that don't require any washing. :)
Happy Thanksgiving!
Amanda- What great ideas! Well, those are definitely worth working with. My idea of a great dressing recipe is, of all things, something called the AR cookbook. Who knew? It does involve some wine...wild turkey or anything at hand would work, too.
Val, great ideas, too, thankfully, no rugrats to keep entertained. Some elderly to keep entertained. I'll tell you a good story about that later.
Dan - You have a commendable and, apparently, trained family. Not so much here. But, I continue to be optimistic, as I am, after all, a realtor in this market...
Happy Thanksgiving to all who gave suggestions. I wish you all the best!
Suzanne, perhaps if I had commented on this one earlier, you might have gotten your first feature. It was well-written.