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Free Association Friday - Are You a Rescuer?

By
Real Estate Agent with Licensed by the Louisiana Real Estate Commission SALE.74032-ACT

Some of my “deepest” thoughts seem to come as I stand in front of the bathroom mirror putting makeup on or drying my hair.  I suppose this is because it is one place where others leave me in peace – my daughter, Gypsy, outgrew watching Mommy paint her face once she was able to paint her own and RenRed and Fiddler?  Well they’re guys.  So I have the luxury of 15-20 minutes of uninterrupted thought patterns.  Sometimes I’m actually able to focus on one subject and come to some sort of conclusion! :-)Makeup Session

Anyway, this morning as I was contemplating achieving world peace, the thought came to me that I am what I call a rescuer.  This synaptic sojourn happened as I listened to my cleaning friend fumbling with the silverware caddy to the dishwasher.  I could tell that she couldn’t get it reattached properly no matter what she tried.  My first inclination was to go show her how to do it.  Then I reasoned with myself that she is an adult and that she would figure it out eventually.

And I wondered, “Why is it that the minute – no, the second – I hear or see someone having trouble with something, I want to jump in and show them how to do it?  Memory after memory passed like a slide show through my brain.  It seems that the story of my life has been rushing to the rescue of people who are having difficulties of one sort or another.  And let me say that my help is not always welcome.

Not everybody is looking to be helped, and I’m seen as butting in where I don’t belong.  Or worse yet – as a know-it-all.  But I’m just trying to help!  And everyone likes help, don’t they?Teen

Then, just as quickly, a memory came rushing, pushing the others out.  A memory of Fiddler, my son, probably about 13 or 14, complaining to me after I had given him instructions about doing something.  I don’t remember what it was.  It doesn’t really matter.  After I had told him what to do, he sighed.  When I asked what the problem was, he said, “Mom, if you tell me every time, then I can’t ever show you that I can do it on my own, without you reminding me.”  Ouch!

My session in free association thinking led me on to remember the numerous times I had tried to keep my children from harm, from messing up, from doing things the hard way.  The mother’s call to rescue.  And I realized that I had been cheating them.  How else are they to learn, if I am constantly rescuing them from their mistakes and their difficulties in learning to do the hard things?  Well, I realized that they won’t learn at all.  That in fact, I would be stunting their growth.

Yes, we as parents are called to protect our children and keep them out of harms way.  But if we never let them exercise and use the things that we have taught them, then they are like a bird whose wings are clipped.  We are inadvertently making it more difficult, if not impossible, for them to show us that they can do it on their own – that they are capable of handling the difficult situations and figuring things out themselves.

Of course, they will sometimes make mistakes in these attempts – some kids more than others.  But like my cleaning friend, once they figure it out, it’s something they won’t forget.  So, I’ve learned to butt out, and enjoy (most of the time) watching Gypsy and Fiddler spread their wings.  And one day, they’ll fly!

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You're at Home with Heather
Shreveport and Bossier City, Louisiana Real Estate

Shreveport Home Connection
Coldwell Banker J. Wesley Dowling & Assoc. LLC

Serving your real estate needs in Shreveport, Bossier City, Benton, Haughton, Keithville, Stonewall, Blanchard, and Barksdale AFB

Licensed in Louisiana

Comments (2)

Shirley Parks
Sands Realty 210-414-0966 - San Antonio, TX
Broker, 210-414-0966, San Antonio TX Real Estate

Hi Heather, You are making me laugh at memories of my own self doing the same things you are describing.~

Dec 12, 2008 01:23 PM
Heather Goodwin
Licensed by the Louisiana Real Estate Commission - Shreveport, LA
Results That Move You

Oh, Shirley.  I hope I can laugh at it all one day, too!

Dec 12, 2008 04:06 PM