So often we are sucked into the mindset that "giving is always a good thing". Wouldn't it depend on the reasons we keep giving? Within any healthy relationship there is always a sense of a give and take for any situation. Finances, home, career, family and intimacy all desire a healthy form of discussion and communication in order to have positive results.
Boundaries are the emotional and physical space between you and someone else.
When one fails to recognize that they are giving too much of themselves and disregarding their own personal happiness then something is clearly wrong and the need for reevaluation of our boundaries may be in order.
Be assertive with others and communicate your answers clearly so you are keeping your healthy personal boundaries. DO NOT say yes when you clearly mean NO.- If you say no and explain you do not have the time (or the money) to give them and a guilt trip is thrown on you, then clearly that person is stepping over your boundaries. A REAL friend understands.
- "Helping Others" for the sake of being "needed" and gravitating towards 'needy' people. If your self worth is being dictated by how others feel about you then you clearly need to set some healthy boundaries for yourself. People Pleasing is NOT healthy. And smothering occurs.
You can recognize the takers; the ones that only take and don't try to meet halfway with anything.
- Entitlement and Control issues can be clearly seen by the guilt trips they throw on others in order to manipulate and coerce others to do things for them. Smothering occurs as well.
- How about the silent treatment when you say no? What's worse than the guilt trip than not talking to you at all? BARRIERS are evident. No room for give and take.
- They play the victim in most cases so you feel sorry for them and then continuously give...for the sake of keeping the friendship. Ewwwww!
- Intimidate and criticize you so you feel worthless. The tone of voice gets louder if any discussion ensues.
These are just a few examples for givers and takers; where's the givers/takers?
Setting healthy personal boundaries requires communication skills and being assertive with your wants and needs. Remember, it works both ways in any relationship and I can guaranty that people respect you more when you are honest and tell them how you feel. If they do not accept your decision and don't try to work with you (communicate) to have a happy medium (even if it's to agree to disagree) then it IS NOT a healthy relationship.
Relationships occur when two or more people are engaged in conversation in personal, business, financial, romantic, friendships and the work place regardless if it is online or offline :)
I have worked on my codependency issues for the past 11 years. Believe me, it's hard work to break old habits and fill the void inside. Changing the thinking. The rewards? The turmoil lies dormant and I sleep well at night.
A healthy relationship means I have a healthy sense of self and so do you.
We respect each other and have a give and take situation.
Win-Win Situation.
Do you have healthy boundaries?
Note: In the Real Estate Industry we deal with people 24/7 and have to have healthy boundaries. Don't ya think?
© 2008 Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman, All rights reserved
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Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman is a Realtor-Associate with Century 21 Liberty Homes in Mililani, Hawaii. With a sharp understanding that a listening ear is the key to a client's needs she serves the island of Oahu (Honolulu County) and all Hawaii Military Relocating to Hawaii, Hawaii Retirees, Hawaii Job Transfers and Hawaii Residents. Website: www.hawaiihomesmarket.com
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Okay...coffee really kicked in this morning....lol!