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A Harsh Conversation With My Dad-The Holiday Blues!

My parents are enjoying their new home in Alabama. When my dad got on the phone on Friday..

I started to cry...during the holiday season I am usually this way and I've been this way since I was a little girl...

I get very blue...so blue..one might call it depressed....I've learned through time to change my focus and my take on the holiday season....for me the holidays are the gift of giving....and help the less fortunate..for me it helps..and I get through it..

With the feeling of joy and I actually feel the true holiday spirit in what the holidays mean to me.

My dad has noticed this about me too...I'm up..I'm down....and it started a conversation..I wasn't thrilled about..but in truth..maybe in his mind it needed to be said.

He told me its not uncommon for people to be depressed during the holiday season..depressed so much it would cause one to commit suicide..

Ouch..he had to go there..considering two of our family members have committed suicide....my brother's stepson at the end of 2000 and my sister Jan. 1, 2001.

**EDIT: my sister January 1, 2001 and my brother's step son..at the end of 2001! Sorry got it mixed up!**

Man, my dad still worries because he still hurts and the truth we all do but I imagine as a parent who lost a child to suicide...will always worry..and be concerned for their other children!

We seem to avoid these conversations..to this date..we all try so hard to bury the sadness..but the truth is we will never be able to..It's truly our loss and the fact of the matter we deeply miss our loved ones.....when you love...you feel the loss..and its forever!

Fortunately for us the human spirit is so strong and gets stronger..and its very easy to divert that sadness into bringing joy to yourself by thinking of others!

Before I hung up with my father...I shared with him a few words.

"Dad I know, yes dad, dad I realize that, Dad yes, DAD, I love my life and I promise if ever I feel so blue..to think about suicide..you will be the first person I call, I promise!"

Damn, now that was harsh...a little too harsh at that moment..I was on my way to a party...

I never in my life imagined having a conversation like that with anyone especially with one of my parents.

I've been thinking about the conversation ever since...and would like to send a message out..loud and clear.

If you are feeling blue you are not alone! Please if you are having a tough time coping with the holidays or are feeling depressed...call someone...or talk about it!

Call your doctor’s office.
Call 911 for emergency services.
Call the toll-free, 24-hour hot-line of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at :
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) to be connected to a trained counselor at a suicide crisis center nearest you.

There is something so heartwarming about giving...and it doesn't always require you to dig in your pocket..whether its your time by helping your neighbor bring in their groceries..or giving a homeless person one of your blankets..a smile..a hug..a simple wave..what you give out is what you get...and in reality there is a good chance...you would bring joy into a strangers life...and in the process possibly brighten your own!

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by The Activerain Network and it's members and those providing comments are theirs alone, and do not reflect the opinions of Midori Miller and CENTURY 21 Sundance Realty. Midori Miller and CENTURY 21 Sundance Realty are not responsible for the accuracy or content provided by The Community.

Posted by Florida Real Estate Trainer | Daytona Beach After School Training | Midori on 12/22/2008 02:10 PM

Comments (64)

Holidays in the ActiveRain Channel

holiday blues, depression, joy, strangers, suicide prevention, wisdom from my dad, call the suicide hotline, midori miller, daytona beach

Originally posted at: Daytona Real Estate Training: A Harsh Conversation With My Dad-The Holiday Blues!

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64 Comments on A Harsh Conversation With My Dad-The Holiday Blues!

DEC

XXOO Midori. If you are ever feeling blue, you can always call me! You know I will make you laugh. Are you going to Alabama?

January 15th girl! :) Can't wait...they are in their brand new house...and the creek is flowing! Don't worry girl..I have moments of blueness..but you can bet...we'll be chatting soon! xoxoxo

My goodness Midori.

There are no words to comfort folks who have period of depression. I can only suggest that you try to smile. A smile will brighten your moment, if not your day.

I am a firm believer that a person's moods are largely determined by our genes, the amount of seratonin available for control of the feeling of well-being.

In other words, It isn't your fault. It's your chemistry.

Midori - at least in this part of the country part of it is "seasonal affectinve disorder". The days are shorter and they are the shortest right around Christmas as it is celebrated at the end of the wonter solstic. Light therapy helps and so do other treatments. A few members of my family suffer from it. One of the most important things friends and family members can do is keep an eye on the people they love. Are they sleeping a lot? Not sleeping much? Eating a lot? Not eating much? Is this normal for them? There are all kinds of signs but often when we see them we do nothing. You dad is a smart man.

Midori, A good friend once told me that you can not have two thoughts in your mind at the same time. If you feel sad try to push aside the thought and think of something that is pleasant . Happy holidays .

Midori - Unfortunately this is a time when the blues can be worsened and we need to be aware. Enjoy the holidays in Alabama...

I admire you for bringing this up. Like Teresa in MN we have many people in MI effected by SAD. Today I am a little, no a lot blue....just found out my daughter who is in Seattle's flight home was cancelled and she can't get out until Christmas Day. I had quite a crying jag this morning. Your dad can't help but worry, he's a dad and that is what they do. Are you going to AL for Christmas?

Midori I know there are many that feel the same way you do. I guess it is hard for me to understand. I am hoping that you get rid of your blues and have an awesome holiday!!

Lenn- I may have to get some seratonin! You are right and the best way to handle the holidays...just like everything else in life...one moment at a time! Thanks Lenn..you definitely made me smile!

Teresa-I swear I feel I am afflicted...I have always said that...even in Florida for me it gets very cold...I want to sleep and hibernate until winter is over! I don't necessarily get so depressed...but my dad noticed..I'm not my chipper self! p.s. I think during the winter months...I try to keep control...by keeping busy...by helping others...and by being very grateful! My dad is very smart and one of the few who will tell me like it is!

Gita-I stay very busy during winter...its intentional..

Gary-thank you..I have always noticed this about myself...during winter...and the holidays! I truly feel joy during the holidays...when I help others!

Missy-Watch out or I might call singing to you! :) Snowed In...can't say it would make me happy either! One of my boys are coming...I think! I am going to see my parents in January and take some well deserved R & R...and I hope to be able to go without gaining too much weight! Mom's fried rice...homemade cherry cheesecake brownies...its hard to say no!

Bill-sometimes I don't even understand but it happens...and its been a pattern most of my life!

Midori...thinking about you today & sending loving thoughts of encouragement and grace with my prayers. You're one special lady!

Midori - The holiday season for folks, especially elderly, can be very depressing. I truly can understand your dad about his thoughts and concerns. I, myself, am a worry bird and would be the same way if I would have experienced suicide in the family.

I'm thinking about you - hoping you are have a great time spending the holidays with your family in Alabama. Merry Christmas!

Hi Midori:

Yes, it's a fact, this is the toughest time of year for depression. Makes you think of all the people you know that are all alone...

My parents are worriers also...

Merry Christmas,

Toula Rosebrock Logo

Very good post, for those of us who dont get the holiday blues, we forget that there are so many people who have the hardest time during the holidays. Hoping you have a great week!

I usually get the blues a tad myself, I think lots of us do...but this year my parents traveled out to be with us, so all is happy...if only it would stop raining long enough to dry out the ground a bit so that my dog and son can get outside and run off some energy!!! ( I KNOW we need the rain here in Southern California, so I am not complaining...just wish I could come up with a good indoors energy zapper for those two!! LOL ) Holiday thoughts to you and yours!!!

I echo the sentiment above. Thanks for reminding us that not everyone is jolly this time of year!

Midori - You are a strong character to bring this up. Too often, we are scared to talk about "real" stuff in these places, because it might make us appear weak. I've struggled with depression for years, but it took my wife to pull me kicking-and-screaming for help. Am I cured? Of course not. But at least now I know the symptoms and keep an eye out for the signs. Try to avoid the deep falls.

Keep fighting and there are many of us here on Active Rain, Twitter, Facebook that will be your support system if you need it.

Suicide is a year-round concern for millions of people. The "myth" that they increase during the Holidays was recently busted by a study. Being depressed is bad enough, trust me I know.

The holidays are really hard for some folksand I would imagine many find it harder this year. I have never been so depressed that I would have seriously considered ending my life but I know of others who have. This is a good reminder to reach out and be aware of those close to us this season. Merry Christmas!

Midori, I know you're not "depressed" just a bit blue. Heck even I'm there this year. With everything that has happened in our world this year, it's hard not to be I guess. I'm usually very Christmasy, but.. it's hard to be in that place right now. Tell Pops we're gonna be ok.. We just need a clean slate to work from and some attitude adjustments around the town :)

I see we still haven't brought back the fruit ......

How brave of you to put such intimate feelings out there like that. You are truly admirable. The hardest part is over, you've acknowledged you have a problem. So many of us are in denial of our own faults and therefore can never begin to overcome them. May positive thoughts and prayers be with you.

OK Midori this post is heart breaking in many ways. Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. Now I have something that may just make you smile. Bertha will be making an appearance in about an hour so stay tuned.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas Midori!!!

Hi Midori...Your dad is vulnerable and knows you are too. We all are and most of us have not been through the type of losses you two have.

It is impossible to always be as happy as we would like to be. Fortunately people are able to be more honest now about their feelings.

It is so much better to share how we feel than to repress those feelings and thoughts until they overwhelm us.

It is so easy to think that others are "OK" and yet we never really know what is happening inside of them.

Recognizing that you are feeling down and addressing it, perhaps seeing what can be done with medications if that is what is needed, will go a long way in improving your spirits.

Know that there are many of us that will gladly lend you an ear anytime.

Kate

Midori, Thanks for reaching out to others and offering areas of help and hope. You never know whom you may just have helped.

Midori -I want to commend you on putting this info out for others. Also I hope you keep that promise to your father if ever you feel too depressed. If not your father someone.....Now as you said go help someone and find your inner peace :)

Lola-sorry that I didn't call you back..in truth I'm talked out..that is all I did today non-stop! :) But I will call you tomorrow, can't wait!

Petra-Thank you!!!!! Happy Holidays to you too! xoxoxo

Toula-that is my point..there are some really big things in our world that really bother me...those that are alone..sick..homeless..during the holidays. I am really ok!

Lauren-Thank you and happy holidays!

Christine-Enjoy it...my brother and I are trying to coordinate his visit with mine and my brother's move..so that would be all be together in Alabama..now that would be fun. We might just pull it off! Have fun and happy holidays.

It is hard sometimes during the holidays, I know, but you are such a bright and cheerful person that I am sure even when down you can perk yourself back up! What part of Alabama are your parents in?

Debbie

Susan-Happy Holidays! :)

Toby-I only want to talk about the real stuff! Thank you for your very kind words and for you support! Nice to see you on my post. :)

Nannette-Me either..I hate pain..I am too selfish..and too chicken..and I do really love my life. My dad really impacted me with that conversation and once it's said and done..I was the thinking the comfort it might have given him and hey, that's my dad..he would have made a great salesman!

Lysa-LOL..the fruit? Where you been? Thank you for making a guest appearance on my post..I always appreciate your words of wisdom.

Midori - What a honest and open post! Thanks for sharing and reminding us to reach out. Also glad to see you're still going strong on the rain. May you have a blessed holiday season!

Thanks Hank and by the way, regardless of what they say...more flaws to follow! :)

Broker Bryant-you too..now what is Bertha up to?

Kate-THANK YOU! I just think you are something! :)

Barb-Ahhh, Thank you...I do hope someone reads this that could really use it!

Midori, you know you can call me ANY time.

I am lucky with the friends I have. When I got divorced, I called one of my firneds because I needed to talk. He said, "I'm kind f busy... is it important?" I told him it was... 30 minutes later we were sitting over an appetizer. I had offers of places to live, friends to talk to... everything I could have possibly needed.

It made me realize the importance of friends and the importance of being a friend.

Kathy-you have my word..and you have to know...I don't lie to my dad..I don't have to..we can talk about anything and I feel very fortunate. Ahhh, thanks girl and happy holidays! :)

Debbie-Thank you! My parents are in Cullman and love it! My sister and brother are there and I have another brother moving in January..we call it the Terwilliger compound..with some acreage!

Cythia Sloop-I am so very happy to see you and I hope you are well! :) Now this made my day! I'll have to send you an email. I am wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday..and a very healthy, happy and prosperous New Year! xoxoxo

Lane-first of all thank you..thank you..thank you! I love your last statment...

It made me realize the importance of friends and the importance of being a friend.

I do have a very strong support system..I know that I am never alone! BTW, you know I'll be giving you a buzz in the next day or two. :)

I have a friend who is clinically depressed. She is basically a shut-in and, due to chronic health problems, is on welfare, which doesn't help with the depression. It's amazing what a few words sent her way will do for her psyche. Whether I email, talk to or visit her, she is always grateful that I took even that small time out of my day to let her know I care about her. It doesn't make the depression go away, but it does help to know that there are people out there who care. So, take a few minutes out of your day to tell the people you love that you love them. You never know what is going through their mind at the time and you never know what the day is going to bring.

Midori,

Thanks for sharing. Depression is a horrible disease. some of my family suffer from it.

Midori, From reading all of the comments, it is quite clear you are surrounded by love and friendship! I can only imagine what losing a family member to suicide must be like. How traumatic. Just keep putting one step in front of the other...you'll make it! We are all thinking of you:)

Have you ever considered going to a tanning bed in the winter? Just 10 minutes or less should help, I've heard.

Where in Alabama are your parents?

Midori, great post....Some of us can't understand this, you have opened my eyes. Keep your chin up and continue focusing on the less fortunate....you will be blessed for it. Have a Merry Christmas!

So sorry that you have had to have such sadness in your life. It was very brave of you to share.

Midori - It is a tough time of the year. Lenn is very correct (at least I believe it) that this affliction is genetic. It crawls through it's victims like a black fog drifting in and out of your life like dry ice clouds hugging the perifery of your awareness. Maybe it is seasonal in appearance but I know it slips into your life at any time of the year. It does not exist and in a flash it encompases your world.

I think it is like somehow your head and heart get shaken and the pieces that once neatly depicted your life get all jumbled and what used to be as clear as a Vermeer takes on the appearance of a Chagall. And most of the people around you are mystified that you can not see the world they see.

I know the empty cup. I know the full chalice. I was not born with the scale that balances the two. So when tears appear without reason, when emptiness rings hollow without notice......you are not alone.

I also know that the very time you need to hear that you are not alone, your ability to hear those words is non-existent.

So march on...........I will keep you in my heart. I truly understand the consternation of the question...am i in the belly of the beast or is the beast in the belly of me?

Midori, Sorry to hear about what you are going through. I also want to hibernate in the winter or any time I get cold as an adult. As a teenager I loved to swim in all the coldest springs in Florida but not anymore. I also get moody and have always been semi-claustrophobic. I prefer a window view in a restaurant or at least adequate lighting. And please, no sentimental or sad songs in winter!

For 2007 I had to maintain my home temp at 78-80 degrees as my spouse went through the final stages of a deadly blood cancer. that took him just before Thanksgiving 07 unexpectedly. We just did not recognize that it was final since he had beat other deadly including esophogeal. My dad also beat major cancers - for 30 years dying at 87 four years ago. I got into real estate because I had had to settle my mom's estate at 23. But these last 2 years have been the hardest in my life. I have bounced back from some really crazy things. Many people suggest I should write a book. I am a survivor. I know I will come through this too. This is the first time I have not been able to lose myself in my work or kids who are all grown. I try to remember with gratitude all the marvelous ways I have been blessed as well and it gets me a little further along.

Reach out when it gets hard. Sounds like your dad is a jewel! God Bless and Happy Christmas.

It's true. MANY people get depressed at this time of year. I never considered the suicide aspect though. Excellent post, providing this information.

Now hey! Snap out of it girlie! Go do a happy dance or something. Don't make me come to your office and do a bootie dance to make you laugh! HAHAHA! OMG! That actually sounds like fun!

DEC

Good Morning Midori. Whew. Read this post a few times. It got to me. Then I read a post you wrote in November of 2007 - about wisdom from your dad. You wrote within the post this:

"The moral of the story- Little actions mean so much...those actions creates moments....moments creates memories! My dad taught me to make it count, anything and everything I do."

Writing this "little" post will count to anyone who reads it. The harsh words you had with your dad were probably comfort for him - you made those words something your Dad could count on.

I will think of you and your dad this week and do something to make it count for someone who is feeling depressed. Thanks for touching my heart -- Gabrielle

Hi Midori,
I send blessing and Merry Christmas wishes to you and your family. My prayer is that you will be able to experience the Joy of Christmas.

Deb-Thanks for the reminder! Happy Holidays.

Russ-My pleasure and have a happy holiday!

Elizabeth-You know what? That is brilliant..I used to tan in a bed..some time ago but it might be worth trying..and it really makes sense! Thanks so much and wishing you and yours Happy Holidays!

Beth-thank you!

Ellie-I don't know if it was brave..but defiinitely worth sharing...the conversation got me!

John-Thank you ..you seem to always say the right words at the right time! You are so poetic..Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Pat-trust me we have so much in common...thank you for sharing...and if ever you want to chat...CALL ME! Keep smiling and I'll do the same. Happy Holidays..it almost sounds so contrite but truly have a wonderful holiday! I'll be in touch!

Lisa-you can come to my office anytime! Bootie dance..Happy Dance..I'm in..happy holidays girl! xoxoxo

Gabrielle-Its funny your words jumped out and me..and sometimes we have to just remember..I went back and reread my post from 2007...My dad is pretty smart...and always seems to leave an impact on just about everyone he touches! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments..and wishing you and yours a very happy holiday!

Cynthia-Thank you...you are so very kind!

Midori, this is such an intensely personal post and so revealing. Although I am by nature fortunate to be in a positive and pretty much happy state of mind (sometimes to the irritation of those near me!) I also have blue moments. I read this post twice (and have been subscribed to your blogfor awhile)and was struck by your remarkable sense of knowing yourself and the ability to be able to look at yourself and express it openly and honestly. I also know that you have a very fun and delightful side which i witnessed in a video awhile back that Lisa posted. Thank you again for this compassionate post and I wish you the best in the coming year!

Russell-thank you! I feel very fortunate..that I have so many who care..I've been told I am miss mary sunshine..and in most instances I am but the joy I feel in every day life..is so different from the holidays..Do I feel guilty? or maybe do I feel ashamed..I have..not sure what it is..but its always been this way! Your words struck a cord..and I know...in my heart of hearts...everything will be ok! Happy Holidays and wishing you and yours a very healthy, happy and prosperous NEW YEAR!

Midori - I will put you and your family in my prayers for your comfort, strength and courage. I'm so sorry that you have had to endure such tragedy. I've learned to take one day at a time...sometimes even just one minute at a time. Know that feelings come and go but feelings are not facts. Often we can change our feelings by changing our actions or thoughts. Like taking a power walk a couple of times a day. Exercise can lift a mood faster than anything else. Avoid lots of sugar and alcohol and down music as these things can make it harder to keep your spirits up. Keeping an updated list of "gratitudes" also helps. It sounds as though your gift is that you have gained wisdom as a survivor and now you share that blessing with others. Sounds like the true meaning of Christmas to me!

The holidays arae sad for me as well. Both my parents are deceased and I lost a brother this year. But, when I start feeling sad, I call one of my six sisters and reminisce. I also love to look at old photos. A sad post indeed. But I pray you enjoy this Christmas. Wishing you much happiness in the New Year.

Judy-for me its moment by moment...I know we can't be happy all the time and fortunately I don't feel sad all the time..and you make a very good point...feelings come and go..sometimes..they are stronger. It's funny when my sister passed away...I had a journal..it had the ugliest thoughts in it..I go back and read it sometimes...most of the pages are long gone...the thoughts were horrible....but there is a page...in there...and everyday I would list what makes me smile...you'll laugh....

on the list....

my sons
the beach
slurpees
sunflowers
the sun beating down my face
McDonalds Meal #4 supersize
rollerblades

I used to list 100 items a day...it helped..and got me through the phase of acceptance! Yes I did gain lots of wisdom...and experiences in life...that have taught me to really appreciate my life. Thanks for your thoughtful comment...and wishing you and yours a very happy holiday!

Rebecca-well that is the thing isn't with siblings...reminising...we seem to do a lot of that...with lots of laughter...ragging on one another...I love my brothers very much and we have a blast! If ever you want to chat????? Wishing you and yours a very happy holiday!

MIdori - I so often feel exactly the same way. What you have done that many of us hesitate to do is to talk about it. You've addressed it and brought it out into the open. That's the first part of dealing with it for me. I lost it with my Dad last saturday. Then I started crying about yelling at him. We've since had a good long talk and are fine. Moving some things off my plate has also helped me reduce my stress. GBU and Merry Christmas!

Midori - All of your ActiveRain friends are here for you!!! You can call any one of us at anytime to talk if you are feeling a little down - that is what friends are for!!!

Midori, so sorry to hear about the loss in your family. We all have our losses and your Dad is right, this time of year is especially difficult for many. This is probably one of the hardest times of the year for me as well. There are a lot of us out there that simply just get through the holidays.

When you experience a loss, this time of year makes it very difficult. None of us ever know just how many people out there are going through that pain. And I feel for you. Hope you have an excellent new beginning in 2009, Midori.

Through giving and being with others it does help so your words are wise.

Midori, Thank you for sharing something so personal. I too get blue at the holidays. I have a small family that doesn't seem to speak (my husbands parents have been mad at us for years and I am not even totally sure why) and it ususually my son, husband and I. My mom committed suicide back in March, 2002 and it is so hard. I know. My sister is still in denial and refuses to believe it was so.

I think it is normal to be blue now and then. How else would we know we are happy if we don't get blue now and then? Things always turn around...ALWAYS!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

When I was 14 years old I had my suicide ALL PLANNED.... and I did NOT tell anyone about it because I WANTED to be able to carry it out and NOT be stopped.

Thank goodness there WAS one person who DID know, even though I had told NO-ONE about my plans.....

While I layed in my bed the day of my planned deed, ready to carry out my plot, He stepped into my room and stopped me....

I will NEVER forget the day GOD proved He loved me...and spoke to me face to face.....

If He had not talked to me... and convinced me of His love and caring about me.....I would NOT be here now.....

GOD ROCKS!!

=-)

DEC

Connie-I can understand that...I've had a few squabbles with my folks...BUT I will say..its not that way anymore...we've been through a lot as a family...and I think we can talk about anything now...and say what sometimes really needs to be said!

Wishing you and yours a very beautiful holiday and enjoy the day!

Barbara Jo and Bill-You made me smile huge and I know that...and I say...thank goodness for blogging and for my friends here! Happy Holidays

Gena-many!!!! I can tell you that...including the owner of our company..its the first thanksgiving...and Christmas without her George...and we as a company miss him very much..and we know...she will never be the same. Happy Holidays girl! xoxoxox

Cristal-my sister's name was Crystal..I always thought it to be the most beautiful name ever! :) My husband has the same problem with his family and fortunately...my family loves him...heck I think they love him more! LOL

I believe it...we would never know what a good day is if we never had a bad one! Merry Christmas and sending you warm wishes and hugs! xoxoxo

Alex-all I can say is WOW and you've come a long way baby! Yes I have faith...always..and I know that I am never alone..or given more than I can handle! If it wasn't for the grace of God..I would not have ever been able to write this! It's a hard thing to talk about andpeople don't want to hear it..it happens and its very real! May your holidays be so very blessed...and you enjoy good cheer and friends. Happy Holidays Alex..

I tend to get the blues too, and I do feel it is in my genes. Thanks for this extremely personal post. It touched me deeply as well as all the comments.

Christmas in Alabama is great! :) Best wishes to all your family!

I am GLAD you are still here too, Midori....AND I WANTED to MEET you at the AR NAR get together in Orlando, but I had to leave around 12AM..... I know a LOT of people did not get there till later.....

=-)

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