I don't know how old I was, but I do know the stuffed panda was a lot bigger than I was.  So I must have been pretty young.

I will forever appreciate the perspective I gained from growing up poor in a very large family of 7 children.

Santa always brought our tree AFTER we went to bed on Christmas Eve.  I later learned that my parents always went out to get a tree just as the Tree Sellers were packing up to go home on Christmas Eve.  They were able to get a screaming good deal at that time.  If they hadn't found a way to buy one at a fraction of the cost in that manner, we couldn't afford to have one.  I guess my older brothers and sister knew that, but I've always been more of a believer than a skeptic.  I also believed all the kids who had trees before Santa brought them on Christmas Eve had not been as good as I was, and so their parents had to buy their tree, while mine was a true "Santa Tree" because I was a good girl.  I expect my parents encouraged that belief and I was just the most gullible.  My brother would never believe that...because he really wasn't "good" all year like I was.

We would put up the platform and the trains that run around under the tree before bed. Then Santa would come while we slept and put the tree up on the platform by Christmas morning along with the presents.

Most kids find out there is no Santa from other kids.  My Mom had to tell me there was no Santa.  Thinking back on that Christmas Eve Night, I'm sure it was as hard for her to tell me that, as it was for us many years later to tell my 7 year old sister that Daddy had died the night before.  No one wants to look their small child in the eye and explain there will be no Santa or presents tonight.

It was "A White Christmas" and for whatever reason, my parents had ordered all of our presents from SEARS.   Maybe it was the first time they had to use a credit card for the presents, or maybe it was the same logic of catching the just before Christmas sales.  In any case, the presents had not arrived by Christmas Eve due to heavy snow for days before Christmas.

Finally, around 5 o'clock p.m., by Mom had to tell us the presents would be coming in a big Sears truck...or not.  We all sat on the top floor (we had a storefront "home" in Philly and lived above my Dad's record store).  At first we were all looking and praying for the Sears truck.  I think the original story was that Santa's sleigh was stuck and Sears was helping Santa out by getting the toys to all the kids on Christmas Eve.   Maybe my parents said Santa was sick, I'm not sure.  But Sears had to help with the delivery.

We sat looking out the window for hours and hours.  "I think I see it coming!"  "Where?"  "No, look left!...no...just a truck.  It doesn't say SEARS on it, and it's not stopping at our house :("  Soon we started playing that car game where you pick a color and whoever picks the color that equals the most cars that pass by, wins.  Knowing me, I probably picked purple and lost.  I'm always picking "the dark horse".

I don't remember going to bed with visions of sugarplums dancing in my head that night.  In fact, I don't remember going to bed at all.  I think I fell asleep still looking for the Sears truck, until my Dad carried me off to bed in his arms.  That was gift enough for me. I adored my Dad, and even used to go to sleep on the top of my dresser at times, so he would have to lift me up and carry me to my bed.  Competing with 6 other children for attention can breed creative thinking.

I don't remember Christmas morning at all.  What I do remember was how extraordinarily happy we were when SEARS gave us a "double credit" for all the things my Mom had ordered!  SEARS invited us to come to the store and spend it.  If my Mom had ordered $100 worth of presents, then we had a credit of $200!  AND we got to pick ONE thing ourselves!  My Mom picked the other things we NEEDED, like clothes and socks and stuff.  We each got to pick one toy.

I still remember the store clerk crying as he saw me coming up to the check out.  I didn't know why he was crying.  I didn't often see grown men crying in those days...never really.  It was one of those smiling through tears kind of crying.  I had picked a big stuffed panda that was twice as big as I was.  I still remember struggling with taking him with me everywhere, even after we got home.  I have a clear memory of trying to take him upstairs to bed with me...no easy feat.

Watershed Events, those terrible things that turn into our most happy memories, are always the best.  Perhaps it's my perspective of finding the silver lining for each cloud, that has made so many watershed events in my life.  "ARDELL living in ARDELL's World", as they say.  Still, I thank whomever instilled in me the ability to find the silver lining...most every time.

I want to thank Jim Kukral and his SEAR's Contest for inspiring me to write this post.  I have no idea what the rules are for the contest, so I'm sure I didn't follow them :)  But seeing the kids pictured in the post, shopping for their presents at SEARS, reminded me of that special Christmas Season, so very long ago.