Palm Bay, Florida - Like thousands of other Brevard County residents, Missy Clamp's home is for sale and she's made every possible effort to beautify the home and make it 'sparkle' for potential buyers. 

She even went so far as to put out a plate of crackers and Cheese Whiz for her last "open house," hoping the treats would make people feel at home and want to write an offer.

But the home she and her husband Rod put on the market 2 years ago still hasn't had any serious interest.  "We even reduced our price several hundred dollars," Missy said.

She and Rod were sure their latest marketing ploy would result in multiple offers.  But their "free toaster at closing" giveaway failed to attract any interest. 

"I can't believe nobody jumped on that free toaster," Missy mused. "It's never even been used!  Maybe it's because of Christmas and all.  People might be afraid they're going to get one and don‘t want to risk getting stuck with two of them." 

The Clamps are anxious to sell their Palm Bay home so they can move back to Akron, Ohio where Rod left a lawnmower repair business he owned with his half brother, Edward.

According to Missy, "the lawnmower repair business down here in Florida hasn't been what we'd hoped it would be.  Rod ain't had but two jobs this whole year.  We need to move back in with Rod's mom and dad until the economy picks up again." 

Missy went on to say "I done everything them home selling TV shows said to do.  I made the master bedroom look real romantic, took some of the aluminum foil off the windows and even tried that fung shay stuff.  Plus, Rod buried a statue of Dale Ernhardt upside down in the front yard."

"I keep the toilets flushed, empty the ashtrays, run the sweeper every couple of months, empty the kitty litter box when I think about it, spray Glade air freshener around, try not to smoke in every room and keep all the dogs in one bedroom when buyers come to look. Nothing I do seems to work." 

"It looks like we might have to reduce our asking price another few hundred dollars to attract some interest.  What else can we do?"

Disclaimer: This "News Item" was written by Ralph the real estate dog.  It is a work of (comic relief) fiction. Only the MLS photo is real. Any resemblance between the characters, persons or Realtors® is purely coincidental.