Molly had just cleared our breakfast dishes from our table, you know, the one in front by the plate glass window, and I was placing my (porcelain, not China, but made in China) January Edition Codger Collectible™ Mug down after a sip of the organically & shade-grown, Fair Trade, Guatemalan Roast coffee, helping my brain fire on all remaining synapses, when I heard a hearty:
“It’s a FINE morning here in Codger Corners!” The baritone voice belonged to Isaac Barrington Guudlender, president and owner of “Guudlender Bank & Trust,” Codger Corners’ only bank.
“Good morning to you, Trigg,” Carl boomed back, “what’s an old Swede like you doing up and out so early?”
“I’m about as much a ‘Swede,’ Carl McIntyre,” Trigg smiled, “as you are an Irishman—or is it Scots?”
“Scottish,” Carl answered, “and my ancestors earned that name the old fashioned way—they worked for it!”
Carl
“Mine as well.”
“What does bring you in here so early?” Medford asked, stirring his usual pollutants of cream and sugar into his coffee.
“Rita Marie kicked me out,” Trigg answered smiling, “said I needed to go worry somewhere else and suggested I come here.”
Harold
“So—what’s on you mind?” Harold, the now completely retired barber, asked.
“My aren’t we perceptive,” Guudlender answered, and then continued, “day before yesterday, a couple came to me wanting to take out a home equity loan.”
“Sounds pretty normal,” Medford said, “what of it?”
“Well, I ran the numbers, and—well—they don’t have any equity in their home,” Guudlender began, “and their credit rating is—how may I say this?—well, in a word, crappy.”
“You must run across this fairly often,” Carl suggested, “with the local economy the way it is.”
“Yes I do, but this is a little different. When they left, after cussing me out for not writing the loan,” he explained, “not unusual, it happens, I saw them go next door to the Piranha brothers.”
“Surely, even they turned them down,” Harold said, “didn’t they?”
“Nope,” Trigg said, somewhat sadly, “Ira Piranha called me about an hour later and thanked me for the referral.”
And then he broke into song: “We got TROUBLE—RIGHT HERE IN Codger Corners…”
“Ummm, Trigg—this is a melodrama—not a musical—you need not break into song at inappropriate moments!” we said almost in unison.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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