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Do You Answer The Phone During Family Dinner Time?

The circus was coming to town and would be in town for only one weekend. Father promised Johnny and David he would take them to the circus. family time The boys were so excited to go. After all, father worked long hours and missed many of the boys events because his phone would ring for a big business deal.The boys were used to the words, " A client just called boys, we will have to do this another time." The let downs had become a part of life in their household. Mom would have everyone sitting down at the dinner table, as soon as the family prayer was over more times than not father's phone would ring and the boys knew he was leaving the dinner table to talk to a client.

In the excitement of the circus being in town the boys got up extra early this Saturday morning and rushed down to the kitchen table to get their breakfast. Father was ready to go as well. The family sat down to eat breakfast and as usual Father's phone rang. Father answers the phone while Johnny and David watched in fear of the inevitable, another promise made to be broken, another day alone without their father. The boys knew too well the scenario and the excuses made.

The boys hung on every word as their father spoke on the phone. Then they heard their father say, " I am sorry, this is going to have to wait until Monday because I am taking my sons to the circus today. "

When you are at the dinner table which is one of the most sacred times a family has together are you jumping up to answer the phone? What is the example you are leaving for your children when you do that or not? You see, we are the leaders of our families and our children will become us. What are your children internalizing when they see you leave the dinner table to answer the phone and run out the door to show a house to a buyer?

Studies have shown that families who spend dinner together have distinct advantages over those that don't.

Better grades in school

Better readers

Better health and nutrition

Less drug use

Save money on food

There needs to be a sacred time in your family daily and weekly where no one and nothing takes prescedence over your family. This time, whatever it is, whenever it is, can be set by you and your children. Many families choose dinner time, many choose Sundays. But set aside that time. This could be a new year's promise for yourselves and your family.

family time

Start by setting boundaries with your clients. Stop asking how high when a client asks you to jump. You can argue all day long about how you can not afford to miss that ONE client, that magic million dollar buyer you have been waiting for. And I will say, you can not afford to miss one more week without time spent with your children. There will always be another buyer, another seller but there will never be another family like yours.

I have found through many years of working with buyers and sellers that not one of them has expected me to place them above my family. I do not work on Sundays and everyone I work with knows that. Do you know what they say to me? They say, "Good For You." We don't lose clients because of our Sundays and I promise you, either will you.

My friend, Missy Caulk raised 5 children and never missed a soccer game, football game, cheer leading performance and she runs a great business. It can be done. And if you happen to lose that one client because you have a life and a family, well, they did not deserve you to begin with. If Missy could do it with 5 kids and I could do it with 6 kids than anyone can do it.

So start the New Year with a promise to your family that from now on you will turn your phone on silent during dinner.

Follow me on Twitter at Twitter.com/CoachKaterina.

Do You Answer Your Phone During Family Dinner Time? by Katerina Gasset is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Posted by Nestor & Katerina Gasset Realtors® Wellington Florida Luxury Homes on 12/27/2008 08:44 AM

Comments (154)

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Originally posted at: South Florida Real Estate and...: Do You Answer The Phone During Family Dinner Time?

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154 Comments on Do You Answer The Phone During Family Dinner Time?

DEC

I do not answer my phone at dinnertime -I also do not answer my phone when I am with clients. My clients are aware of this when I first meet with them and explain to them how I work. They have no problem with that because they are aware of it up-front. They know I will return their call in a timely manner . I would not expect my family to be put off or less important to me than any of my clients! Even if you have to make an "appointment" with your family, Do not break it. You wouldn't break it for a client so why would you break it for your family?

Valerie- Thank you! You get it! And you are so right, set your phone rules upfront. I always tell my clients, if I am on the phone with a client I am not even clicking over unless it is an emergency. And when we are with clients they are who we pay attention to, that is why I won't even text when I am with a client. That is rude just like I don't let my kids text when I am talking with them:)

You mean that are meals that do not consist of eating protein bars at your desk?

I am only kidding.....my son is now 21 but we used to eat together every night and often went rollerblading or something together................my son could count that my word was good as could my clients and customers - lead by example and parent by example......

Our family eats dinner together almost every day. It's a special time during which we catch up on what everyone was doing during the day. We take turns telling what our best part of the day was (very enlightening). During dinner time the telephone doesn't get answered.

Sandy

This should be required reading.

Respecting your and your family's time is often the hardest thing to teach a salesman. The cell phone has made it even worse! It is so unusual to find people that understand this, so lets hope many read your blog.

Bill

I remember as a child the time around the dinner table. It was a very warm special time, and it is too bad that so many family don't get to do that today. Hopefully holiday dinners let them know how fun that time can be!

Katerina- No one, not I nor the children, can talk on the phone during dinner time. I have tried to set nightly time aside for the kids as well. I do work some hours on the weekends, but it is usually my morning hours when the kids are sleeping or just roaming in pjs. Late evening hours after they are fast asleep, I return to my work.

It really helps to keep me in balance and as I am the main provider and caretaker my household, my kids need me to be there. It also helps my business because it makes me more refreshed.

Rarely, if ever. I used to, but came to the conclusion that everything is off from 5:00 - 8:00 every night. People can wait....families know when you're short changing them.

Julie- and so in turn, your son will lead his family from your wonderful example. Merry Christmas.

Sandy- You are another wonderful example for your children. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Setting up boundaries is a tough thing to do. Once you do it creates a little more peace of mind and will enable you to work harder and more focused when you do work.

William- and texting has made even the cell phones worse. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. This is the hardest part of sales, knowing when to turn it off!

Jean- My mother did not have sit down dinners but when we saw our grandparents, they all did and I treasured those moments, hours. Those are wonderful memories and the manners I learned too! Like elbows, elbows, off the table, this is not a horse's stable.:)

Rebecca- That is what I do as well. I work mostly while my son is sleeping. My other kids are all out of the house now. Since I homeschool I have to be even more strict with time management and when I work and when I don't. But dinner is private sacred time when we sit down. We are working on doing it more often. We do have family dinner about 4 times a week. But Sundays is my church day and My son and I do lots of things at home together on Sundays with no interruptions.

Larry- you are right, people can wait, clients can wait and no one will ever fault you for spending time with your family. Merry Christmas.

Morgan- coming from an abusive x marriage of 20 years, I know how hard it is to set boundaries and also how necessary they are.

Once you have them in place, people respect you and even when they try you, and meet up against the boundary, then they back off and respect you more still. Thank you for commenting.

Katerina, There are NO real estate emergencies. I have very strict work hours and it has never been a problem. Thinking that we need to jump when asked is a terrible way to run a business. I'm not sure why Realtors feel that have to do that.

Nestor & Katerina,

I have a slightly different take...We do not have a 'regular time' for dinner, but each day we have dinner as a family together...all 7 of us, and more at times. If the phone rings, we answer it for fear that someone needs us and our needs are subordinate to theirs...this teaches others first, us second...total selflessness!!! JMHO, Thanks, Fran

Katerina- I agree 100%! When we sit down to dinner as a family, I don't answer my phone. The half hour it takes will not change life as anyone knows it. I do try to set Sunday's aside but I will set up a showing for one of my listings--only takes seconds.

Hey great post! Boundaries are a must when you are raising a family in today's society. My kids feel and act better when there is structure all around them. They know how to roll with the punches, but I still love it cause they need there Mommy and Daddy time. That makes a balanced family. Families that play together, stay together. :)

Cheron Lange

Can we add texting to that ? Im trying to convince my hubby not to text during dinner, I think I will show him your post. I love that you take a stand on Sundays!

Lauren- that includes Texting. I do not allow any of my kids to text during dinner. I think that is so rude! It annoys me to no end!

Katerina, The kids grow up SO fast but we used to eat together--and did NOT get the phone. I still don't when we are all together but I do work on Sundays--my clients are usually not home during the week so I sometimes only have two days....I hope you had a very Merry Christmas and loved the photo.

Hi Katerina. You are soooo right. I was a single mom and missed out on so many things with my kids when they were younger. I know I drive them crazy now because I try to not miss anything anymore...they are adults now so they feel a little smothered sometimes I think. :)

To answer your question, NO I DO NOT! I used to when I first started in the business, but once my daughter arrived, life as I knew it changed (FOR THE BETTER)! You are 150% right that if someone doesn't understand that our families are important to us, than they are simply not worth our time. Let them find another agent to shlep them around town...

Carole- It Sundays is when you need to work with your clients that is fine as long as you are taking another day off during the week to recharge your batteries. They grow up way too fast.

Bryant- I totally agree- there are NO real estate emergencies. There is nothing that can not be solved during business hours. I also don't get why agents don't get this and accept the treatment as doormats. The other thing, a post I am drafting, is why do agents lie and say they are available 24/7? I mean, if a client calls you at 3 a.m. are you really going to answer the phone? And if you say yes, your head needs to be examined! That is a recipe for burnout and disaster, disrespect and abuse. Thanks for your comment.

Fran- Well one person may look at that behavior and internalize selflessness while someone else may look and see pure selfishness. Depends on the reason you pick up the call. Is it to really serve whether there is a pay check at the end of the day or out of pure love of Christ with no strings attached. I doubt if 98%of agents are answering for the latter. You are in the title business, if someone were to call you after hours, there may be a good reason for it but I have yet to meet a buyer or a seller whose call can not wait for one hour.

Tami- I let Nestor set up the showings on Sundays:) You are right, does not take long but when they are one after the other for 50 listings, well, then it gets crazy around here:) I do not answer my phone when I am in church. In fact normally I don't even take it with me. That way I don't get tempted to check emails:)

Cheron- Thank you for your comment. It was very well put. Families that play and pray together stay together. Family time is sacred. We need to honor it. Merry Christmas.

Pamela- It is better late than never. I am sure they really appreciate your indulgences. Merry Christmas.

Michael- and you will attract clients into your life who appreciate and respect your family time. What I find in my coaching is that agents who let their clients walk all over them, become slaves to their clients under the pretense of service, there is a difference, and then they begin to complain about this or that client did this or that, well, they set it up to be that way. I am glad you have your boundaries.

Katerina.... I agree 110%. Though I will be one of the first ones to admit answering my phone 98% of the time, if I am busy or in the middle of something, I will ask if I could call back at a specific time convenient for the both of us. And it might be easier because I don't have a family, in regards to your example, but I would bet I would have more loyal clients if I said I was busy with family... besides, those would be the ones that I would want to work with the most. Because they would respect family and know how important they are. And we need boundaries...Overall, great examples... even though I didn't have time to read the comments...

jeff belonger

Jeff- You don't have to read all the comments. But if you want to attract more of the family loyal clients than make appointments with yourself and say you are with family, you are your family and time for yourself is highly important.

Katerina - Growing up, we ate dinner as a family almost every night and on Sunday mornings, after church, we had breakfast together. This is something I have carried into my own family - I do not answer my phone during meal time and no one is allowed to text.

I'm not sure my children "get it" - that not all families have this dedicated time. It's something we've always done and work around to ensure it almost always happens. They've had friends in shock when asked to sit down at the dinner table. No TV trays in our home.

Debbie- It is sad how many kids grow up without this special effort to gather round the dinner table. Memories of table talk and meals will last a lifetime. I remember well. My children all remember. And now we have a new family to raise in the same way. Thank you for sharing.

Katerina,

We do not have caller ID at home, so we do not know who it is that is trying to reach us, but we assume that their call is important...we let them know it is our family dinner time, but we are available to them if they have a need!!! It works well for everyone!!! Our home number is published and is distinct from my work number!!! So it works well for us!!! Family time at dinner is very inportant, and a good time for educating our children on proper behavior...!!! Thanks, Fran

Fran- Ah, I remember well the lesson my father and my grandparents on both sides taught us about behavior and manners. Too bad manners is not thought much of any more. I remember, how we had to pick up our fork and knife, use our napkin, ask for someone to pass something, saying thank you and you are welcome, asking to be excused from the table and many other things. I lived in Europe for 4 of those years and learned how to have the European table manners which carried over when we moved state side.

DEC

Katerina,

I now know why Italians take so long to eat...it's the only time they get to enjoy family!!! LOL, Thanks, Fran

Katerina-this is a great post to remind us all that work is important, family is more important.

We have a children for such a short time and as you said, we had 5. Why have that many if we aren't going to spend time with them. I already miss those days....(time for grandkids)

If they are your clients, they will wait. I promise.

Dinner time is a great place to start, we say "No one is to answer their phone during dinner". No one.

I've been debating if I will change this when the boys are deployed in February and will get to call home so infrequently. Help!!

I agree. Family time is family time. I think that you need to train your clients to understand that we are not on-call.

No, I never answer the phone at dinner time. My vmail is the best secretary there is. It gets every word! Surprisingly, my wife will answer her cell phone at the table!

My father was a preacher. As such, he always answered the phone, because he never knew when it might be a parishioner or someone else in distress. (This was long before the days of cell phones and caller ID - phone numbers then were 3 digits long.)

At dinner one night, we sat down and bowed our heads and he opened his mouth to say grace, and the phone rang. He stopped and answered and took care of the call. Sat down, opened his mouth - ring, ring! He answered and took care of the call. Sat down, we bowed our heads, and a THIRD time this happened.

After that call, he sat down, we bowed our heads, and he began grace with, "Hello?"

I am struggling to learn this. We have no children, but until I learn how to balance the stress of real estate in a down market and family time with the wife ... well I'll be in the dog house, hence no children.

I do not answer my phone when I'm with clients, but struggle to give my wife the same respect.

A viscious cycle. I have been working on having "time out" periods. A few hours a night when everything is off and I don't have to work.

It is a work in process.

Always - whatever it takes in this market. If I don't take the calls - there may be no food on the table! FEEDING MY FAMILY COMES FIRST!

Family First. That is the rule. My clients all know that if I do not answer or call back with in a reasonable amount of time it is because we are all human. Not machines just grinding throughout the day and nite.

Most times when you call me I answer the phone imediately. If I do not you know why.

Great post -- I think in this market it important for reminders like these -- NOTHING is more important than your family!! Best of luck in the New Year! JE

Katerina-I use judgement when answering the phone during meals or with family..many go to voicemail..but my sons, my parents, my dear friends do not! Usually if one of the the VIP's are on the phone..its like eating dinner..with friends and family and creating another special moment.

When I do not want to be disturbed at all..I leave it on my voicemail..I'll be back in the office..or returning phone calls..and some agents..specify when they will be returning calls..during the business day!

for year to date in our area mls...1998 closed transactions for the entire year as of the 26th...and 1200 REALTORS..yup this year was an exception...if you don't answer you might not be eating! Its all about good judgement.

Just check caller ID something everyone should now have, if it is a canvasser- no-, telemarketer--no... family, maybe, depending ,if they are the ones that talk non-stop... no,, if a delightful conversation will pursue... yes.

It is just me and my husband, and I do not answer the phone at dinner. That is our personal time to discuss our day.

Katerina - this is an excellent post. Children (regardless of their age) do not understand when you sssshhh them when you take a phone call. I am trying very hard to spend the time with my children (without my phone) and have said to clients - I am with my daughter right now and - may I call you back? No one has ever decined, and I not only do my children appreciate it, but I believe the client does as well because it speaks to character.

Absolutely! Many people don't have the same "family dinner time" as me and I don't want to miss the opportunity for new business. While I'm still physically and mentally capable of working -- and my friends might argue with me being mentally capable -- I need to make as much money as possible, especially in this economy, with the intent of staying off of the welfare system when I am no longer physically and mentally capable of working. I don't want to be a burden on society, and then only way to do that is to make myself available to a world of 6½ billion people, any one of whom might need my services at any time.

If I didn't work on Sundays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, and other holidays, I would, indeed, have lost business. I work with people of all religious persuasions and ethnic cultures, and they are hungry for someone like me to work for them at their convenience, not mine. When the price is right, I'm only too willing to.

My Clients on Christmas Day 2008 were, I suspect, Muslim, judging solely by their ethnicity. Not only that, but the Sellers, Seller's agent, and my Clients' agent, probably also were Muslim, judging solely by their ethnicity.

A few years ago I got a significant monetary tip from a Jewish guy because I did an inspection on Christmas Day for him.

As I learned a few decades ago, not everyone watches the holiday football games, nor celebrates the various religious holidays, etc. Being self-employed, I can TiVo the games, watch the highlights, celebrate holidays whenever I want, etc.

Helping people when they need help is of great interest to me, and if I wasn't willing to help them when they needed help, continuing their calls down their list of providers eventually would have landed them with someone else who would have.

I should also disclose that my family includes only one other person, my husband. I do have a large extended family, though, which includes a lot of people at ActiveRain.

One of my goals for 2008 was to take one day off a week. I "sorta" achieved that goal. As a single person without other family in the home, I feel a little guilty at trying to get time for "just me" even though I REALLY need it. Therefore, that goal is still on my list for 2009. Baby steps ... baby steps!

Great post and very insightful. My thoughts are if there is importance in the call, they will leave a message. Family must come first in anything we do in life. If we lose that, we will have nothing in the end. Family is forever and we should all be mindful of this.

I have been in the " Always On Call " club but am coming to the conclusion that I need to set some time for family ( mostly grown/gone ) and also for myself.

I can't agree with you more. This all goes back to my motto, "Be where you are at." Thanks for sharing, Jim

I will happily feature your post. Great job!!!

When my kids were young and even when they were grown up but still living at home, we always ate dinner together and had no phone calls or TV allowed at dinner time. It was a special time when we caught up with the daily happenings. We talked and discussed things. It's too bad most of the families now do not eat together. They are always rushing out and just grabbing something to eat on a run. I find we are closer to our kids even when they have moved out. I believe it has something to do with us bonding together at dinner time. Nowadays with just my husband and me at dinner, I let the phone rings unless I am expecting an important phone call. I let the caller leaves a message.

Katerina -

The key is always blocking your time, and separating your time off and family time FIRST.

That time is sacrosanct - no phone calls taken then. There is such a thing called "voice mail," you know. As long as you check these at regular, scheduled intervals, and let your clients know you do, you'll always be ok.

It's worked for me for 15 years in RE.

DEAN & DEAN'S TEAM CHICAGO

Just two kids here... but the reason I came into real estate was so that I wouldn't have to spend all of my time doing everything except spending time with my kids. There is a LOT of time that we can squeak client activities in... but family ranks pretty high on the priority meter.

Excellent advice! I learned early on in this career the clients who don't respect OUR time are clients we end up wishing we had done without. ;-) Family time is sacred.

I have a very bad addiction that I am making a new years resolution and that is to "crackBerry' :) I need to work on reducing my commitment to that and renewing my commitment to friends/family/client

You are right our family should come first-no calls at dinner. Thanks for reminding us of how important our family should be. Happy New Year.

Family should ALWAYS come first. We don't take calls when with clients or when eating dinner with our kids and this is communicated up front. We do have a very professional outgoing message on our phones which communicates how valueable our clients are to us and although we aren't able to take their call at the moment, we promise to return messages when we firstbecome available, which of course we do. I don't remember it verbatim but we've gotten a lot of compliments on it and it seems to effectively pacify the callers until we can call back.

We don't have any children, but we do eat at the table together and talk...without phones. Time with family and friends shouldn't be interrupted for a phone call...

What a great post about the need for balance in our lives. When I first got into the business I would answer the phone not matter what time or day it was and it really was not appreciated by the caller (most of the time). Now turn it off on weekends and evenings. I enjoy the family time and it is important.

Katerina that is the one time that is sacred to me as well and I will not answer the phone either. If someone can not wait 20 minutes there really is a problem.

Awesome post, and a great reminder of what's really important in life. To answer your question, I never answer the phone during family time.

Nestor & Katerina - What a great post. I beleive that real estate business can wait until after dinner. Customers will understand that you have time for family and time for business.

Growing up we ALWAYS had dinner together and we ALWAYS had to stay home on Sundays, and although in my adolescent days it was sometimes a hindrance on my social life, looking back I am so very thankful that it was the way it was. My family is a tight knit group, people find it very strange that my three brothers and I get along the way we do, with each other and our parents. I can say with out a doubt, it was how we were raised. We were raised as a family, so we act as one.

This is an outstanding post, and I agree with the person who said it should be required reading.

Thank you for this,

Brendan Winans

I agree with you 100%! I have only been in this industry for about a year, and for the first 6 months I struggled to keep it all together. Juggling kids, sports events, time with my husband, and anything else called "life". It made my husband upset and the kids too. Transitioning was hard, but now I get it! Everyone and everything should come second to family. I would rather lose a deal than my family. Once you embrace this, everyone is happier...including myself! GREAT POST!!

Thank you for that little reminder. I am so bad about that. That is my New Years Resolution! Thanks!!!

All in our family have penalties for things that we do that anoy others in the family. Mine is the cell phone. Use it during a family event of any kind, the phone is taken away for 24 hours. Sometimes we don't realize how harmful things can be to others. We get upset that our kids back talk us, yet when they want a meaningful conversation, the cell phone rings and we answer it. And we have the thought of complaining that our kids text all the time.

When I first got in the business a friend of mine (also in the business) told me a story about meeting an elderly gentleman at his house. They were on the porch discussing business when the man's phone rang. He ignored it. It quit. Then it rang again. He ignored it. It rang again. Finally, my friend said "are you going to answer that?" The man looked her straight in the eye and said "I bought this phone for my convenience". I thought of this story as I got a property call on Christmas Day. Needless to say, it went to voice mail.

Amen. Pass the green bean casserole please.

I don't have any children, but I think it is a GREAT idea to devote a specific amount of time every day to your loved ones!

You are so right! One more good example of acting like a professional. What other professional answers the phone 24/7. Well, me neither, and I don't think I've lost any clients. If I did, who cares? This is my job, my family, church, and home are my life.

Hi Katerina,

My clients understand that I have a family, and I return phone calls promptly. They know their boundaries.

Catherine

There have to be limits. If one does not set boundaries then it becomes 24/7 and what other profession is 24/7 ?

Russel- Since you don't have children I am sure that you can set aside personal time for yourself that is a sacred time, of meditation or something along those lines in order to work on your own self. This sacred time should not be interuppted. You will not lose business if someone gets your voice mail while you are in a 20 minute meditation. And if you believe that you would, than you are living from a scarcity mindset instead of an abundance mindset.

We work with many different cultures and ethicities here in South Florida. Our county has the highest Jewish population outside of Israel and New York. So I have a lot of friends and clients who are Jewish. They all know I am a Christian. Not once have I asked their home to be shown on Yom Kipper or any High Holy Day and they have never expected nor asked me to do anything for them on my holy days of Easter or Christmas.

I do not work on weekends or holidays and we carry 30 to 50 listings. Granted, we don't work with buyers. We have a buyer's agent for buyers. I have never lost business because I chose to go to Church or be with my family first. In fact, I have been blessed with more business because of it and this year we had to hire 3 new people to help us in our business and we are getting ready to hire another listing manager. We are blessed because we believe that there is more than enough to go around. We are blessed because we stick to our values. When we don't compromise our values we earn respect from our clients and peers.

Short and simple answer: NO, we don't! Because we do work with buyers (if we have to) we are subjected to showing property on the weekends IF the buyers work during the week or their schedule doesn't allow for any other time. We try to keep our appointments in the mornings and early afternoons. Our daughter arrives at the bus stop at 3:30 and I hate for her to come home to an empty home.

When our time is finally up, will we wish we had spent more quality time with friends and family, or that we had answered more phone calls? The choice is obvious, and it should be to our clients as well.

Katerina...AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME post! I am guilty for taking calls when i shouldn't, and working on Sundays when I shouldn't. My broker even incorporated "If you call on Sunday, I'll call you back on Monday" on his voicemail. Thanks for the reminder of how precious family time is.

It is a hard thing to do by not answering the phone. I'm getting better at this. Good to hear you made it to the circus.

Katerina - Dinnertime and family time - all cell phones are off. My kids have learned not even to look at theirs, my mother-in-law was the worst offender - she used to talk loudly through almost every meal on her phone, I would put my fork down and glare at her. And we should all remember that it is always dinnertime somewhere.

@Missy - I think I would make that exception for your boys in the military - it would be heartbreaking for them to get that phone priviledge and have you not answer - maybe you could put the speaker on and share the conversation with the family.

There truly does need to be some private family Quality Time... and then of course, I get a call on Boxing Day, at 9AM, day after Christmas, and am asked if I had set up the showings they asked about in the email they sent (they being the prospective client) and I said no, I had not seen the email... and the fellow gets all cheeky with me... said I was incompetant...

And I go and look, and lo, there was an email from this fellow with a list of under $40K mobile homes he wanted to see "today" meaning, the 26th... he sent the email at 12:30 AM Christmas day... that is after midnight, on Christmas day, and I was supposed to have set up the showings between then and 9AM the next morning... hmmm...

Sorry, cant help that fellow.

Back to family...

No phone for me during dinner time. I learned long ago that family MUST come first. I work to live, I don't live to work...It never failed when I would be tucking my daughter in, I would get a call..A few years ago I changed my voice mail to: "If it's after normal business hours, I may return your call the next day." Gets me off the hook.

I find clients do respect our family time, if we let them know up front what to expect from us.

I have one 14 year old daughter who means more to me than real estate ever could. I rarely miss anything that she is in and she is "in" a lot, baseball, flute, voice, show choir and I love every minute. Her performances, games etc.. are appointments in my planner and that's that. In addition, scanning, e-mailing and other technologies have made the exchange of information lightning fast so most things can wait.

FAMILY AND PRIVATE TIME IS SO IMPORTANT. WHEN I FIRST STARTED I GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE DEAL AND JUMPING HOOPS. THAT GOT VERY OLD. NOW I WORK WITH MY CLIENTS AND NOT FOR THEM. IF THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR THEM, I TELL THEM THEY MIGHT FIND ANOTHER FIT WITH A AGENT THAT WILL WORK FOR THEM. YOUR POST WAS SO KEY TO HAVING A HAPPY LIFE. I ALSO HAVE A BUSINESS PARTNER NOW SO VACATIONS AND WEEKENDS ARE WONDERFUL, AND WHEN ITS MY TURN IT A PLEASURE TO BE WITH CLIENTS AND OUR BUSINESS HAS GROWN FROM THIS. NOW ON THE OTHER HAND WE CLOSED ON A LARGE ESTATE ON DEC 12, AND MY PHONE WAS ON TO AFTER 8 PM BECAUSE OUR CLIENTS HAD 2 CLOSINGS GOING ON AND RELOCATION AND THEY NEEDED THAT EXTRA HELP. BALANCE IS KEY AND EVERY MOMENT IS ONE THAT I DO NOT WISH TO LOSE. SO ENJOY YOUR FAMILY TODAY AND GOOD THINGS WILL COME TO YOU.....HAPPY NEW YEAR

Katerina: I totally agree. Family is number 1 with me. You have only one chance with kids. You only have them with you for a short time. Work will have to wait sometimes. Good for you folks.

WOW, I woke up late this morning, played with the kids, swam in the pool for a while, brainstormed with Nestor about 2009 and then came in to check Active Rain, and met with a nice surprise, a featured post and lots of comments! Thanks so much!

I am so glad to see this much passion for your families

Always remember that if you take care of what is important to you, all that you need will be provided to you with opportunities that are boundless.

Especially in tough times, you must, if you are to succeed, understand the law of abundance. There is always enough. If you take care of yourself and your family with sacred attention and family time,you will be rewarded with clients who will appreciate that in you.

Nancy- There are always those rare exceptions. That is part of being self employed. Also, when you first start a business, you are out of balance. But as soon as you can do what you are doing, the better.

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Having a partner is huge. If I did not have Nestor to help me, I could not half of what I am able to do now. When I am coaching he takes our son into the pool or out to play to keep him away from me so I can pay attention to the agents that I am coaching.

When we are with our clients, we are there for them 100% and they appreciate it and understand that family comes first. Like kind attracts like kind. If you want others to respect your family time, you must respect theirs and set those boundaries up front.

You are so right, not every client is a fit for us and so it is, that is OK. You don't need every single client!

I agree. Family dinner hour is sacred! Even if it is a simple meal, I believe in sitting around the table. That is the time when we learn the most from the kids.

I also try to not answer the phone when I am with clients as well.

Toby- This is not an easy thing to learn when it is just you and your wife, but it is the most important lesson. You are being tested during hard times. How far will you go for a deal?

When you are stressed you begin to worry, worry is the misuse of the imagination. When you begin to worry, you create thoughts of scarcity and doubt. When you have thoughts of doubt and scarcity you get more of the same. What you focus on expands.

When you are busting you butt to work really hard because you are working out of fear or desperation, you keep those people away from you that will change all that for you.

I promise you that if you work more on yourself and spend time on your marriage, you will be blessed with clients that appreciate you and make your life wonderful.

Plus, if your marriage falls apart all the money in the world won't mean SH&%.

My husband started this rule several years ago, before I had my real estate license. I have to admit at the time I didn't appreciate at it, but now that my phone rings 24/7 I do appreciate the rule being in place. I good reminder for time management overall for 2009

Richard Shuman:

This is your comment: Always - whatever it takes in this market. If I don't take the calls - there may be no food on the table! FEEDING MY FAMILY COMES FIRST!

We are in the worst of all markets here in Florida. In 2007 our market became ground zero. We had the worst year ever in over 20 years in this business. But I still did not work on Sunday and I still did not answer my phone when I was at dinner with my family. And guess what! I still was blessed with deals that did close and we did make it through. Then 2008- a great year for listings. We just hired more people.All this while agents are dropping out in droves, not renewing their NAR dues, and getting second jobs.

IT all comes down to your attitude. Whether you say you can or can not you are absolutely correct.

Your words, "there may be no food on the table!" is a scarcity sentence. Feeding your family physically is only one area of your family's life. What example are you setting for your children when there is no time that they come first? If you miss a call, there will be another call. There is more than enough for everyone. Where there is one buyer there is another. There is no way that you can service every single buyer. You are not a fit for every single client.

Feeding my family spiritually is first, physically is second. But faith that there will alway be food on the table when I do the right thing which is to take care of my children's emotional well being, teaching them by example that money is not as important as our relationship to one another, that God always provides a way when we follow his teachings. Always and forever. Katerina

John Novak- Awesome comment!

You said it the best!

When you get to the other side, it is never about the call you missed, the deal you did not get. It is always about your family and who you wished you had spent more time with. People want to be better parents, better fathers, better spouses, better mothers deep inside of their souls.

Most of the comments are in align with your values which is great, you will be blessed by holding to your values.

Some of the comments have a ring of scarcity within them. I would like to send the movie, The Secret, to each of you who think that there is not enough, that if the phone rings that you have to answer it or you may lose a client. I used to think this way. My business was rough and tough and I made it more so by living with this attitude, a scarcity mentality. Then I saw the movie The Secret, it changed my life and my business and reignited my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Now there is abundance in the midst of an economic downturn there is a ton of opportunity. You just need to open your eyes and believe.

Great article. I do not answer my phone if I am with my family!

This is a great post. I do not usually answer my phone during dinner and it is a general rule, although there have been exceptions. Spending time with family is so important and I have not yet run into a client who has had a problem with having to wait for a return call if I don't answer.

I believe we should put God first, family second and job third. If I have made plans with my family, I don't break them. If they find another agent so be it. My family is more important to me.

Great article and I'm a case by case person myself. I don't have a stead fast "don't answer the phone rule" for a multitude of reasons. First we have two children living out of state (it could be them and they could have a real need) and I have a grandparent in a nursing home and I am the second closest in miles and if it is an emergency I am 2nd on the list to call... So I have to say thank goodness for caller ID. I use it and answer if I need to answer. Otherwise.. leave a message and I'll be happy to call you back after I am done with my dinner or my client.

My family does come first and it's those calls that I will take during dinner. Heck my mom says I have super duper spy skills and always call just when she is about to take her first bite. She usually says... how did you know we were about to eat (as it is not always at the same time)?? and can I call you back?

I hope you have a very prosperous 2009.

Rhode Island Real Estate- good for you! He did not deserve you and you certainly don't need that in your life!

WOW- what great responses to this post! I am happy that it stirred you to make a comment! This is so important and I am glad that you are adding what your thoughts are on this subject. Thank you so much!

103 comments, keep them coming!

I think that NOT answering a ringing phone shows self-control and high self-esteem.

Use voice mail...Caller ID

Test your strength: Shut your cell phone off for 24 hours straight.

Being a mother of 3 beautiful children it is important for me to define my family time and professional time. This way my children learn to respect my professional time and my customers respect my family time. During dinner I do not answer the phone, that is what my voice mail is for. My customers know that if they leave a message I will call them back as soon as I can. It has always been a pet peeve (or good business practice) to return all phone calls the day I recieve them even if I am working on a problem and have not yet obtained a solution I will call them to let them know where we are at and when to expect an answer.

Good for you! I have a similar version of running my business...very infrequently do I have to work on a Sunday or after 6:00 pm. It does happen but those times are the exception not the rule. As someone else chimed in, "as long as you set the upfront expectation with your clients you'll be fine".

I have to admit that I've been guilty of this over the years but family time is so precious--I'm turning my cell phone off now.

Nestor and Katerina,

As a rule, we do not answer the phone during a family meal and especially if the caller id says unknown caller. It seems that telemarketers call during meal time quite a bit!

I actually turned off my phone for most of Christmas Eve Day and all day Christmas. It wasn't until mid day on the 26th that I turned it back on. Of course, I did miss the phone call from my cousin asking what time Christmas Dinner was, and another cousin saying that his mother in law wasn't coming for dinner, but they both remembered that I have a land line too and were able to find me! Sometimes there are more important things than business! Happy New Year too.

This is something we should address with our clients up front (prospects are a little harder to manage expectations, but that's what our voice mail message can say). Clients really should not be calling at dinnertime. We should tell them we have normal lives with family time - just like they have - and we respect each other's time and privacy. They are our clients and we provide services; but like any other profession, we have lives that occur outside of business hours.

Turning off the phone - not just for clients but even for friends and family - during dinner time reaffirms our priorities. Clients rarely have a crisis that can't wait until later (and if it's that kind of disaster, call 911) and friends can always be called back.

We must remember that all of our electronic devices - phones, email, blackberry, etc - have an Off button that often creates more magic than the device's fancy features.

Katerina--By the looks of it, your family had a wonderful time at the circus. Family first is the only way to be self employed. It can be done and clients do understand. I wouldn't answer a phone at a closing or a listing appointment, aren't my family members just as important? You bet they are!

no questions and with no hesitation - my family comes first! i turn it off during dinner, during family time and even leave it at home when we are all out together - nothing is more important than that!

It really is so important to sit down as a family each evening -- or at least 3 - 4x per week. Many times, you just have to make the committment. I love that you take Sundays off -- that is something I'm thinking of doing in 2009.

Katerina, ya' know? That's why God created voicemail! I once dumped a guy who took a call from a client while we were at a lovely restaurant. He did not get lucky!

Nope, don't answer the phone even slightly afterward. Don't want to get indigestion from real estate nonsense! Private time for family should be a priority.

A while back, I changed my phone answering policy. I have a very pleasant message on my cell phone that says that on weekdays I return all calls between 11-12 and 4-5 and evenings and weekends I will return them as reasonably as I can. The cell phone is a tool meant to benefit me, not a tool for anybody that wants to to get a hold of me at anytime day or night.

Sorry most of you, long distance yes, local no. The ability to be with our family in a self employment environment is why this situation presents itself in the first place. It's easy, I'm having dinner with my family, may I call you back?

I don't answer calls during family time. If it is important, they will leave a message and I will call them back at a more appropriate time.

Fabulous advice. When our children were small, my wife finally convinced me to take the home phone off the hook while we ate. (pre-cell phone days). It gave us a chance to be a family in a business that often runs you v.s. you running it.

Another fun thing I used to do was take my 2 sons with me on Saturday mornings while I freshened up directional signs, yard signs and re-stocked flyers.

Your post is exactly what I needed. I wanted to let you know that one week before my daughter's wedding, on a Saturday night at 6:30, we were having a dinner for her and my phone rang. I didn't answer it, and 5 minutes later it rang again, from the same long distance number. Two voice mails had been left and I felt a little uneasy since this phone is also my personal phone. So, I excused myself and picked up the phone and listened to a message from a woman who couldn't hardly spit out her words, but she said she wanted to see one of my listings "when she came back into town on business". (in the first voice mail she didn't even leave the address of the property). Since she said specifically that she wanted to see the property when she came back into town, and since there were activities planned for my daughter that whole weekend, I decided to return the call on Monday morning. This was the ONLY time I have ever done this, but I felt I owed it to my daughter, who has by the way come second to lots of calls throughtout my career.

GUESS WHAT? The call was a setup by my seller who had their neice call and act like a buyer because they had decided to give my listing to another Realtor whom they had befriended during my listing period. Kind of coincidental, I know, but it happened. They thought this would give them a reason to take away the listing. And, this just goes to show that the clients who call you during those should be sacred hours are indeed the ones who you wish you had never worked "with" in the first place. Trouble, that's all.

Terri- Any person no matter who they are who would stoop that low to set you up are not worth having as a client. I am glad you found out and are fine with that. When people do things like that, I wonder, what else are they doing behind your back. Why not just be up front and say they want to try another agent? This reminds me of the people who cancel the listing to do an in and around so they don't have to pay your fee. I don't want those people in my life.

Have I lost a client or two? Perhaps. But it did not break the bank. I just move on the clients who will appreciate all that we have to offer. You did the right thing. Your daughter's wedding only comes along once in a lifetime ( hopefully:)) and she deserves your undivided attention. Thanks for your comment.

Terri, despicable behavior! Never mind the timing, that is TERRIBLE behavior for anyone!

It really was terrible, but I learned so much from it.....especially about being more selective in who I work with. I didn't have a great feeling from the beginning.....and there was even more to this story. Just shows that Katerina is so right because these people started out calling me at 8:00 PM and later from the very beginning......and she was a fanatical at texting....was very hard to keep up with all of her texts, but I did. Believe me, this was a nightmare, but so glad it is over.

Great post. No I don't answer my phone at dinner time or when I am with a client. However, I have to say I was out with a Doctor client and didn't answer a call one time. When I returned the call after my appointments perhaps an hour later the caller informed me he had set up an appointment with another agent. He bought the home and I missed a $7,000 commission for not taking the call. However, I still made the right decision and unless I have an unusually important call I simply will not answer at dinner or with clients.

Kevin- You may have missed a $7,000 commission for not taking a call, but you made the right decision. You were with a client and that client deserved your undivided attention. I would not want my doctor to be taking calls while I am with him in the examination room. One of the things I insisted upon when I hired a doctor to deliver my babies is that she would be there for me and not be running from room to room and not able to have me feel that she is giving me her all. I would expect that if I were a client of an agent, that they would also give me their attention and not take calls. I think that is just rude. If you miss out on a commission, so be it. There are more commissions to be made.

Terri- One of the best lessons you can take from that experience is knowing that when you don't set up your boundaries from the beginning, they will see how far they can step over them. If they call you at 8 p.m. and you answer. They say, sorry to call so late, guess what you say? Oh, that's alright. You just gave them permission then the next time they call you at 9 p.m and in your case start texting you all the time, but with no boundaries set from the get go, the person has no idea they are overstepping even if it may be common sense to you. Unless you spell it out, they will not know and therefore it leads to some yucky feelings.

Next thing after setting boundaries about the times that you are available by phone or text is to go with your gut feeling. If someone is giving you a hard time in the beginning, they may well do that through your entire listing agreement. In times like those, it is better to depart and say, we are not a fit for each other, I want you to get the best service and I am not the one to do that for you, here, I will give you the name and # of another top producer that I know that may be a better fit for you. ( set it up to get the referral fee). And then move on with your life.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I know you are right and I really have learned from this......am looking forward to being more selective in 2009. Thanks again,

Katerina,

Kudos to you and Missy. I am surprised how you manage your tyme. Actually, not surprised, this is the wrong word, I am jealous of your ability to acheve so much.

Do you, guys, have longer days in Wellington?

Being a real estate agent isn't a 9-5 Monday - Friday job. I am one of those who prides herself on answering my phone. HOWEVER, There are times of the day that are off limits. I agree with you... My family dinner-time takes priority.

Marlene- Thank you for your comment. It is not true that real estate can not be a 9 to 5 Monday -Friday job especially if you are listing agent. If you put together your team correctly and set up your business in this way, you most certainly can have a regular business hour real estate business.I know many successful agents that do.

You are looking at real estate from only one perspective, most likely the residential sales.

All the commercial agents that I know work a regular work week and do not take calls after hours or on weekends. Leasing agents in commercial, same thing.

We worked the land development side of the business, putting together land assemblages and marketing them to to large developers like Centex and Lenar and Pulte during our boom for 3 years. During that time we only worked from 9 to 4 Monday to Friday.

Then another phase of our business, we did a redevelopment project for a city that was going to get redeveloped. We worked with the sellers, homeowners and our developer who contracted the work to us during regular business hours. I did write contracts in the middle of the night, worked on other stuff that had to do with the project but not on the phone or with clients.

Now we work in short sales. The lenders are only open 9 to 5 with the west coast open later. Our negotiators are not working on the weekends. None of our short sale work nor listings being taken are done on the weekends, all my intake phone evaluations I do over the phone during business hours. But we do schedule showings during the weekends for buyer agents.

Our luxury market, our niche market, is also worked during business hours. Our sellers like it that way, respect us and our time and us them. Nestor does accompany the buyer agents on showings on the weekend on our luxury homes but that only takes a few minutes here or there. Most of the showings are done during the week, especially when we get in to more the Equestrian season as everyone is busy with their horse events on the weekends.

We do not work with buyers and that is the key to a regular business hour business. I do not work on Sundays, never have in 22 plus years, never will. Of course there are exceptions to every rule. But they are rare. Sundays to me are sacred and worship days. I go to church for 3 hours and cook for my family, take care of my little one and visit my grand babies, etc. I also do spiritual things on Sundays. God did not have to rest of the seventh day as he never tires, but he did so to show us that we need a day of rest. Every agent that I coach can attest to my promise that if they will take Sundays off they will have better lives, better marriages, better spiritual lives and better business. Katerina

DEC

Very good post -- and it is refreshing to see people have the correct priorities. Thankfully you can leverage services to help so you don't have to worry that you might miss a showing by skipping a phone call. I recommend evaluating AccuShow in 2009 and see how they can help you find a better balance with life/work and inprove your business performance. All the best.

Hi Katerina! GREAT topic and well deserved little gold star! I'm with you--we always had dinner together when the boys were home and NEVER answer the phone during dinner. When the boys got cell phones, they each tried answering their phones ONCE during dinner and those phones were forever more left in their rooms during dinner! That is the BEST time to 'get to know' your children and make an impression on them as to the 'ways of the world' and should never be taken for granted.

Sometimes I wonder what the clients think when their agent answers their phone any hour of the day or night--desperate??!

Debe in Charlotte

Hi Katerina, What you say is so true. It's hard to find a balance and no one is perfect, but they grow up so fast and the time to teach them truth is short. There are plenty of people like you and Missy who have done it well. Great post!

Hello Everyone, thanks again for all these awesome comments. I have tried to address concerns and some comments I felt needed to be addressed tonight. I am signing off tonight now and will be back tomorrow to addresss some more comments. For all those that give your vote of support, thanks a bunch!

Katerina, Setting boundaries around taking phones calls is a tough one for me. I was in a car accident the other day and answered the phone. To my credit I explained I was in an accident and asked him to call back and leave a message. I told him I'd return his call from the Emergency Room (I figured I'd have a long wait and might as well do something.) After the doctor checked me out and I knew I was fine, I set up an appointment to show him a rental, which he is moving into on Monday. My client told me he was a little freaked out that I answered the phone during the accident. Our instincts to take that call are so strong! Good for you for setting boundaries. I'm working on it.

Katrina, this is a great topic. Our family has always had daily sit down dinners and Sunday dinners. It is an important time for families to reconnect from the day. My son and daughter are grown with children now and dinner is the important part of their families day as well. No Phones, No Television, No Computer are allowed during family dinner time. As the old saying goes..."Children learn what they live."

Wishing you and your family a blessed New Year!

Well my little comment sparked such an insightful comment from you Katerina. You do have a complex business... A jack of all trades!

I too have boundraries on when I will and will not work.

Here is to a prosperous New Year!

I'm available for clients and answer my phone mostly all the time. Or I call back. I suppose it's different for me when my children are grown and gone. If we have plans...movie...of course I turn it off. I suppose it all depends on the circumstances.

Marlene- We don't work all those angles at the same time:) Each was a great ride and we had a lot of fun doing those land deals and made a lot of money, more than I could ever dream of making in real estate but that was in the hay day down here. Those days are gone and will not be back again as long as I live here, most likely. We look for the opportunities, learn all we can in that area, apply ourselves in it full speed ahead and then always keep our eye on what is coming down the pipeline next because nothing lasts forever:)

You know what they say, jack of all trades is a master of none:) We are always learning and growing.

You have a wonderful prosperous new year too! I think 2009 is going to be awesome!

Sally- Having small children or even teenagers is a different ball game in this business. You are available because of your lifestyle and your kids are grown as you said. I am sure you have some sacred times besides the movie theatre where you do not answer your phone:)

Guilty as charged. I am trying to be better... but without much success. It doesn't help that I am addicted to my 'crackberry'!

DEC

Hi Katerina, Dinnertime is sacred family time so I do not answer my phone at dinnertime -I also do not answer my phone when I am with clients. My clients deserve my undivided attention. They appreciate that consideration. The next time someone 'disses' you & answers the phone during your meeting, how do you feel?

We sit down as a family each night for dinner, although not both parents are there each night. I've arranged my schedule so that two nights each week my husband picks up the kids from school and starts the evening routine of homework and dinner. Those two nights I may or may not make it home for dinner but they always have a home cooked meal and a loving parent. Those are two nights I know I can be flexible on my schedule.

Katrina - Well spoken. I would have to say that as a new agent I would drop everything for an opportunity. Now, I am very adamant about my schedule and clients who work with me have had to come to understand that I am not available at a moments notice.

DEC

As our three children have grown (and two have moved out on their own), family dinner has become a smaller affair. Many times, it is just me and my wife. On the occasion when our 20 yr old is home from work and joins us, we make the extra effort to avoid disruptions and spend quality time with our son. In fact, we don't even clear the dinner plates until we have completed our conversations, which have at times gone on for 1.5 hours on a week night!

We are finding a new "voice" in our son who, in the past, was kind of a restless spirit and didn't make time to be around much. It's quite refreshing to see him maturing from boy to man.

John- Your comment truly moved me. I have 4 sons and 1 stepson. All of them are over 18 except for our 6 year old who is mine and Nestor's. I have found the same thing with my older sons. It is so wonderful to just sit and have wonderful meaningful discussions with them.

JAN

You and Missy both have impressive track records. My 5 year old knows that his special occasions are special to me. I may be busy often, but there will be time for him.

JAN

For the first 2 or 3 years of my career I would answer my phone no matter the time of day, or what I was doing, dinner time included. My wife had a huge problem with this. We sat down one evening and had a discussion about this, the amount of time I was devoting to my clients and taking away from my family, when I realized that my clients too had families, they too would understand.

It's a hard thing to accomplish, the fine line of balancing a career and a family life. But it should not be a hard decision to make. Family must, and always should come first.

JAN

You have to set boundaries and I do believe that it is disrespectful to answer the phone while at dinner. Unless there is an unusual circumstance, it shows bad manners to me. The people that you are with NOW deserve your undivided attention. The answering machine can take the message and you can call the person back as soon as reasonably possible. After all, isn't our family the reason we work so hard to begin with?

MAR

I totally agree. I have to remind myself not to feel guilty for letting calls go to voicemail when I am doing something for myself or with my family. You really do have to find that balance and remind yourself that clients should understand that we do still have families and lives!!

MAR

Michele- It is so true. We tend to jump when the phone rings as if we don't know there is a thing called voice mail! Balance is the key. Of course, there are situations that come up but that is not the norm and we need to be careful not to make it the norm.