1.  In addition to their regular salary, the 100 paid bloggers of Active Rain (you know who you are) will receive a bonus equal to 2.87% of their point total in 2009.

2.  Rich Jacobson will announce a new channel on Active Rain called "Active Bashing".  This channel will be reserved for all complaints about Active Rain's point system. A monkey with a dart board will determine which posts will be featured in this channel.

3.  A new "females only" group will debut called the "We worship the ground Jeff Turner walks on" group. Other bald men cry while men with hair suddenly flock to this post.

4.  In spite of the economy, a new benchmark will be set in 2009 and an Active Rain Profile will be sold for $10,500.  The winning bidder will also receive a set of Ginzu Knives.

6.  After negotiating through most of 2008, Active Rain is finally sold to Twitter for 33 Million Dollars.  The name is changed to CRAPPER. All Posts will be limited to 140 letters and blogging will look something like this.

7.  After a dismal showing by 2008 Guest Blogger Al Gore in the Global Warming Channel, the Active Rain Gods will announce this years Guest Blogger. Bernard Madoff will post weekly in the Real Estate Investments Channel. Bernie's first words of advice in 2009 are to post early in this channel.

8.  Although the readers of Active Rain didn't give him much notice, Jeff Foxworthy selects the ongoing series of The Crazy Shark Dude for his new TheRedneck Slumlord sitcom.

9.  This popular post reaches 500 comments.  C'mon now Carnac fans, we can do it!

10.  This popular and short survey on bananas will be followed by a long survey on grapes. (Go ahead, take the banana survey.  You know you want to.)

11.  Rich Jacobson will give a new monthly award to the AR member who comments most on their own blog post.  Since Rich doesn't have time to actually count comments for this award, tattle tailing will be encouraged.

12.  With the market improving and less time to write actual words in a post, in 2009 everyday on Active Rain becomes a blogging holiday:  Only photos can be posted on  Mindless Monday, Thunderstruck Tuesday, Wordless Wednesday, Thoughtless Thursday, Funny Friday, Senseless Saturday and Serene Sunday.

13.  In a special announcement, the Active Rain Gods announce that points can be traded for quality products like food and drink. Crappy posts will increase ten-fold.

14.  And yes, what you have all been waiting for since 1990, Randy writes his first post!

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When Carnac first appeared on Active Rain in January 1, 2007, there were only about 250 quality bloggers here, the rest of the bloggers mostly wrote crappy posts. Today that number has increased to almost 500. As a result, some of you may have missed Carnac's previous words of wisdom, so I will reblog* some of it here as a review

*Reblog is AR terminology for "I'm too tired to write something fresh so let me dig into my archives or just steal someone else's blog post."

Carnac's Active Rain Blogger Advice for 2009:

1.  If you aren't getting comments on your posts or your posts are not being featured, it could be that people just don't like you.

2.  Before you start giving advice about blogging here on Active Rain, you should at least have a month or two experience actually writing blogs that don't suck.  (Think Carolyn Kennedy.)

3.. Please don't take yourself quite so seriously.  No one else does. 

4.  This is Active-Freakin-Rain, not Burger King.  You can't have it your way!!

5.  I can make fun of you if I want to.  Don't make it quite so easy.  I'll be back.

And just a reminder, as always pimping your blog on a Carnac post is encouraged!

You may, although you probably won't,  receive a free set of ginzu knives for subscribing to my blog!