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Years ago, when I was in my thirties or so, I had a neighbor lady in her 70s. Francis was a nice enough lady, who often baked cookies for my kids, and she was also blessed with a green thumb. That lady could grow things, and bake things, that bordered on the miraculous. But Francis had peculiar habits, when experienced through the perceptions of my 30 year old eyes. You see, Francis wore knee high stockings, hairnets and wore old loafers that were wide enough for a large man. But worse yet, she forgot simple things I felt she should remember. I couldn't understand it, and I couldn't relate to it, through my 30 year old perceptions. I don't know how many times, I would tell my husband (I was a bride then), "If I get like Francis, just shoot me." You see, I was able to cram my little butt into Dittos (a brand of jeans) back then. But Francis was into brightly colored Polyester pants with elasticized waistbands.
Karma can be an ugly thing to have to deal with. And on a morning last week, I had to deal with it, in a "head on" sort of way. Over the last year or so, I have pretty much become accustomed to "comfortable" clothing. I now realize that elasticized jeans, or elasticized anything, really isn't all that bad. I've also learned, if I buy long skirts with elasticized waist bands, I can sometimes even get away with hiding my knee high stockings, rather than fighting panty hose all day. And you can wear flat-soled shoes more easily with longer skirts too. Now if you really get into it, and you acquire one of those long chenille sweaters (big enough to hide a world of sin, and a small elephant too), you can really get comfortable. I'm finally beginning to understand Francis a whole lot better these days.
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The morning last week though, was a real eye opener. You see, I woke up, looked out the window, and found the skies had opened up to dump a load of liquid sunshine on Sunny California. So I slipped into my knee-highs, then into a long black slip. Over my head, went the chenille sweater. I was about to reach for the long skirt, when the phone rang. When the phone call ended, I realized I was running a little late, so I grabbed my purse and jumped into the car. Yes ladies, you guessed it. I was about 5 miles up the road on my way to an appointment, when I looked down, and saw black silk lace starring up at me through the blurred vision of my aging eyes. The bone chilling realization that I had left my house, walked out onto the driveway (in front of God and everybody), to get into my car was only paralleled by the horrifying realization that I was in rush hour traffic, without a skirt on. However, the good news was that I was comfortably dressed (albeit a Monet painting of The Spice Girls, through my blurred vision).
I am not known for my safe driving skills in California. I have only had one ticket in my life, but the local police and the highway patrol, "zoo keep" me on a regular basis - but I want to tell you, I didn't break any speed limits driving home, nor did I drive on the sidewalks either. The only thing left to confront, was the long walk back into the house, from my car. I believe I made it OK. Or, perhaps it was as with Francis all those years ago - The neighbors just chose to ignore it.
The bottom line is this, ladies - there will come a day and time in your life, when pants and skirts with an elasticized waistband will become acceptable. You will also find that it's not a sin to wear knee-highs once in awhile. But if you see me without my skirt on, and think I've totally lost my senses, please don't shoot me - I'm certain there are a few quality days left, before I shuffle off of this planet.
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68 Comments
on Please Don't Shoot Me If You See Me Without My Skirt On
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OK now you got me in trouble for laughing out loud while the husband is trying to sleep. I've started noticing the short term memory thing a lot this year. Starting to wonder if it is a conspiracy. Is someone putting something in my hot tea in the morning?