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What's your likeability factor and how to increase it...4 places to focus

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Malfi Marketing Solutions ~ for real estate professionals

we all want to be liked

I think it's safe to say that we all want to be liked.  Who doesn't want people wanting to be around them?  I think of my 10 year old daughter and the funny statements she makes about being "bff's" with almost every child she plays with in the school yard.

Like many of you with kids, I often hear the stories each day about her friends.  She considers them her friend because they are just like her, like the same jokes, dress like her, do the same things and they boost each other up equally by thinking they're each funny, pretty and just downright cool.  It really is funny to listen to kids thiat are school age talking about friendships and being liked - it's as if it has become a contest to see who has the most friends, who's liked the most.

Don't we have  a little bit of the same attitude as adults?  Don't we still want to be liked?

We don't increase our likeability by being unapproachable, closed minded, unflexible, disrespectful, ignorant and acting as if we need no one.

Don't we increase our likeability by being friendly, flexible, respecting others, recognizing them, connecting with people on many levels and by simply being real?

I recently read "The  Likeability Factor" by Tim Sanders.  This book offers a valuable look at the four personality traits he says contribute to a person's likeability - friendliness, empathy, being real and relevance.

Here are my thoughts on how these traits can contribute to your success:friendly and making first impression

Friendliness 

First impressions count.  If you're seen as approachable, fun, friendly, open and knowledgeable in your field, people will seek you out.  We're often drawn to people who are like us and share similar experiences so be sure you're willing to put the effort into making people comfortable around you and sharing a part of you that makes them feel you are willing to put the effort into not only your relationship with that person but the services you will be providing to them.  (It doesn't hurt either to show up for appointments with your clients in professional attire - it's a great first impression.)

truly listen

Empathy

Don't you feel almost an instant connection when you're having a conversation with someone and they say "me too".   Time and attention are great gifts that we can give our clients.   Having empathy allows you to truly listen, discover and focus on your client's needs.  It builds a trust because you are genuinely concerned about them.  Don't clients want someone who will work with their best interest at heart?

 

being real

Being Real 

Be yourself.  Like yourself - how can you expect anyone to like you if you don't like you?   We all have flaws, don't be someone you're not and don't be afraid to admit a mistake.   Being real builds trust and encourages your readers and clients to engage with you.

Complimenting also has its place when it comes to being real and likeable.   Isn't it true that whether you are the one giving the compliment or the one receiving the compliment that those words can give you an amazing lift?

I don't know about you, but when my husband tells me "wow, you look really great" or a client tells me "I love what you did"  it certainly helps to lift my mood and often carries me throughout the day.  It's as if those simple words give me a different attititude, a possible adjustment if needed and certainly gives me a confidence that I can tackle anything.  It shows in all the interactions I have with clients and colleagues - I feel good about myself and they see it and feel it too - I'm giving them the real me, no guard up, just me.

relevance

Relevance

We like people we can get along with - don't you think our clients and readers feel this way too?  This doesn't mean we have agree with everyone we come across but finding common ground while respecting that person will increase your likeability.  Find and focus on the client's needs and wants.  Don't make it about you.   Provide relevant information that speaks to what your clients are looking for - blog about it and chat about it.  Engage your clients whether in person or on line - be the same person.   Think about how you would want to be treated if you were seeking the same services you are providing.  Get in touch with their needs and make it about them - it will all come back to you in great ways - friendship, referrals, a lifelong client, credibility and the list goes on.

 

building relationships

These things may seem very obvious but they take great effort on our part to make a difference in how people, our clients, see us and want to keep interacting with us.  Pay attention to even just one of these areas and see what a difference it makes.  Give a compliment, truly listen, pay attention, and ask genuine questions.  I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with what comes your way and the difference it will make in your business and the great relationships you will build.  Isn't building relationships what it's all about?

what area will you focus on?

 

 

What area(s) will you be focusing on in 2009 to increase your likeability factor?

Posted by

If it's not evident to you by now, consumers are very knowledgeable and computer savvy and are using the Internet to not only search for homes but for real estate agents and real estate professionals who they feel are like minded and can lead them to the results they are looking for.  

As we all know, there are only 24 hours in a day to get it all done...are you focusing on the right stuff to grow your business and meet your client's needs? Contact us today to get started!

Ready to take your Marketing to new levels? Anne Marie Malfi ~ Malfi Marketing Solutions.com ~ Copyright 2011

 

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Comments (61)

Everard Korthals
---Preferred Lifestyle Advisors--- - Lancaster, PA
Mountain Realty

We like you Anne Marie :)  Keep up the great work. You can be our fill-in Virtual Assistant any day.

Jan 08, 2009 12:31 AM
Emily Lowe
RE/MAX Homes and Estates, Lipman Group - Nashville, TN
Nashville TN Realtor

I completely agree with you - I think we need to be "true" friends to others in order to be successful in our business.  Who wants to do business with someone that they don't like and trust?  Thanks for the post - congrats on the feature!

Jan 08, 2009 01:48 AM
Lori Churchill Cofer
Beasley Realty - Pullman, WA
Realtor - 509-330-0086 - Pullman, WA
Anne,
Very power packed post...you have spent a great deal of time thinking about this subject....good job....I look forward to future posts!

Lori Cofer Beasley Realty Pullman WA

Lori Cofer, Beasley Realty

Jan 08, 2009 01:48 AM
Andrew Mooers | 207.532.6573
MOOERS REALTY - Houlton, ME
Northern Maine Real Estate-Aroostook County Broker

It is all about others.  Personal hygene can help with making friends.  You have to be a friend to get invited over for beans and hot dogs! Fire breathing breath that causes folks to keep about a 10 foot distance from you is one sign....cleanliness is next to Godliness!

Jan 08, 2009 02:56 AM
Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant
Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision - Lake Geneva, WI

Anne Marie,

Absolutely I agree.  I read some things online that I know I am a 100% mismatch for the blogger that wrote it.  I believe a blog is a reflection of your personalilty so there are some people I know I wouldn't be a match for and vice versa. 

You are just like your blog.  I am excited to be working with you.  You have a genuine, sparkling personality that shines through.

Jan 08, 2009 02:57 AM
Pippa Mac
Chevaux Group Realtor, The Woodlands and Spring - The Woodlands, TX
The Woodlands TX Real Estate

Anne Marie ... you are so right about being genuine and friendly!  pippa

Jan 08, 2009 04:37 AM
Anne Marie Malf
Malfi Marketing Solutions ~ for real estate professionals - Yardley, PA
Real Estate Marketing Consultant/Virtual Asst, Bucks County,PA

James - thank you for stopping by to read and comment and happy you found my advice helpful.  Hope your week is a great one!

Robert - I agree with you and don't think there's anything wrong with admitting it :)

Debbie - I agree with you and while not everyone will like us and click with us - the ones that do will see that in all that we do.

Julie - I agree RESPECT is huge for me too.  We get respect by giving it - doesn't mean we have to always agree or see things the same way but respect the differences.

Joan - Yes, it really did and some fun and interesting exercises too.  Yes, have similiar outlooks, thoughts and experiences really does go a long way - it creates trust.

Jason - thank you my friend and I am going to agree with your wife - you have mastered these areas for sure - by the way - congrats on your recent anniversary - 16 years - WOW - I also love that you are so happy and in love with her after all that time - you make me smile when you twitter about her :)

Vickie - Yes, I agree - the master above has it all figured out - LOL - we should all just spend more time with Jason on twitter and his radio show - perhaps it's catchy??

Russ - Yes, I think agents and most people want to be liked - and I'm ok if someone doesn't like me but those who know me, give me a chance and allow me to know them I think they will see a good and genuine person - that's all we can hope for right?

Diane - I agree - sometimes we don't know how we might be coming across to people and there's always room for improvement.

Tim - You got it!  Yes, I think anyone can learn how to complete contracts but it's the one who truly delivers the services in a personal way that will continue to get and grow their business.  Being yourself is HUGE and so happy that you are making that work and bet your clients are too!

Connie - thank you and agree with you that these things can work for us both personally and professionally and will take us on a great journey and path.

Joanne - LOL - I agree and your mother like mine is very wise!  It all comes down to be true to ourselves and being real in every aspect of our lives.

Chuck - Thank you!  I couldn't have said it better - afterall, isn't that what we're all out here doing - building relationships and being ourselves?  It is all good my friend.

Rich - Hello and thanks for the visit - much appreciated - always love having the AR folks visit and comment - makes me feel "liked" - LOL.  Awww - I'm honored and thanks to the schmuck and you!

Tara - I agree with you - I think it's important to be yourself, like yourself and be the true you whether on line or in person - that personal touch can be seen and felt in all ways - on line, in person and on the phone.  Great point.

Conrad - thank you and I agree - I always love the comments - I learn and connect with people when I read them and I'm with your wife- Respect is huge.  I thank the schmuck very much!!!! LOL

Tim and Pam - thank you and yes, it is human nature and something we learn very early on.  I agree some try too hard and it doesn't come across as genuine - if you are being yourself - it will shine through!

Greg - LOL - I love it and I'm sure you're already liked but the brushing couldn't hurt right?

Donna - LOL - I have to laugh because I have heard the same - my picture makes me look like I would have a very soft, sweet voice but actually it's deep and commanding - so I have heard the same mostly from my husband.  I have learned to be aware of my smiling so that people know I'm approachable and it seems to help. 

Audrey - How could you worry about not being liked - I would have to say you have to be one of the most liked people out here my friend.  You look approachable and sweet.  I agree - being aware and following these simple steps will keep you mindful of how you come across - you have no worries my friend!!

Charles - thank you and I'm so happy you enjoyed reading it and found the advice helpful.

Jason - LOL - they do?  I bet they make a powerful team.  Conrad - I like you!

Kenneth - thank you and so happy that you feel this will be helpful to you as you make plans for 2009.

Lisa - you're welcome and yes, I hope I've put some of the wondering to rest.

More comments to come - just breaking it up.
 

Jan 08, 2009 05:37 AM
Anne Marie Malf
Malfi Marketing Solutions ~ for real estate professionals - Yardley, PA
Real Estate Marketing Consultant/Virtual Asst, Bucks County,PA

John - I agree it is about balance and sometimes you're personality and approach will work for some and not others.  The great thing is you recognize it and know how to approach people and situations.  I have to say I'm like you- most people will talk to me in stores - you would think I worked in every store in Bucks County - people always talk to me and ask me questions - my husband just shakes his head in amazement - LOL - we must be doing somethng right!

Kathy - thank you and I'm so happy you found it helpful.

Roberta - I agree - it's all about relationships and it is sad to me that many don't realize how they put people off by not doing the simple things - it all goes back to my thought - treat others the way you want to be treated.  You are so right who wouldn't want referrals and repeat business these days???

David - You said it!  You obviously did things the right way.

Gena - Good point - we all have to be willing to admit our mistakes and say sorry - I think it takes a strong and good person to do that and I have so much respect for someone that can do that.

Suzanne - thank you!

NBA - you have been flagged for spam - thank you!  and deleted.

Fran - thank you my friend - I know right?  How can you possibly get more likeable???  Keep doing what you're doing - like Jason - you figured it out my friend. :)

Linda - how nice of you to say.  This is true but they will most likely not get repeat business and yes, the trust and respect makes it work.

Cindy - How nice of you!  My photo is the real me - and my statements are too - what you see and what you hear from me is real and well just me - people will know you care because it comes across as real and genuine.  Why fake it - it's too hard to keep doing if you ask me.  So nice of you to also come back to mention Bucks County - I love it too and love Lambertville - not far from me at all.  I'm originally from Boston but now call Bucks County home - let me know if you ever come up and we'll grab coffee or tea in the area.

Gary - so nice of you to stop by - besides Jason - you have to be one of my favorite writers and so it's always an honor to read your comments.  I agree - it's beyond me too!  I am certain your charm wins them over every time!

Vicki - thank you and yes, it works in all aspects of our lives.  If you are kind and respectful in your personal life why would you be different in your professional life - like Gary said - it's a mystery.

Jessica!  So nice to see you too - I've missed you as well and yes, I did take some much needed time to spend with family for the holidays - it was really needed and there was so much to do with planning for all our events - 4 kids - inlaws and lots of out of town guests and a holiday party of 35 the day after Christmas - whew, happy it's all done.   You captured my thoughts exactly!  I'm ok if not everyone likes me - but always appreciate the opportunity to have them get to know me and give me a chance - most of the time I win them over like Gary said but if I don't it's ok - I'm true to myself.  Yes, having that backbone is so important and for those that really get to know you and like you - they get so much from you and you receive back - don't you?  Thanks for stopping by and hoping to talk to you soon and hear about all that you've been up to with your marketing.

Laura - hello.  Yes, isn't it funny that we hear all those funny friend stories?  I am very careful to guide my daughter to treat others the same way she wants to be treated and thankfully she practices that.  Thank you for stopping by to comment as always.

Regina - true - not everyone wants to hear the truth but if you're true to yourself and you're respectful you will come out on top in my opinion.  Thanks!

Jason N - thank you and yes, wouldn't it be interesting?  Yes, always room for improvement and I'm sure one of the ways to measure it is to determine if you are getting referrals and repeat business to also share questionnaires after the transaction to find out what you're doing well and where you might need to focus more - testimonials also tell a lot.

Katie - thank you and yes, it is validation and acceptance when our peers interact with us and let us know they think the same way and when they refer business our way because we are like minded.  You're so right - clients have a choice and they do exercise that by how they feel about someone - there are many choices out there and we all want to be the one chosen.

Mark - thank you for pointing out that line - it's so true and it's how I operate my business and my life - it's the real me - no guard - isn't that easier than being something you're not?  thank you for commenting.

Bridget - Yes, as I said a few times above - you are not going to be a match for everyone - and yes, I have talked to some potential clients and told them that - it's all good - it's being real and true with the ones you do match up with. 

Castellum - Awww!  I like you guys too and would be honored to work with you anytime - just say the word - who knows maybe this is the year that you will be overflowing with work :)  I hope so!

Emily - Exactly - I know I take my business elsewhere when it's not working for me and I don't like or trust the person - I want to be able to relate to the person and them me - it makes it work so much better - thank you :)

Lori - thank you and yes, I think about these things so much it makes my brain hurt - LOL - whether it's for my clients or my own business.  I look forward to you coming back for more.

Andrew - Yes, it's about THEM.  LOL - you are too funny - yes, hygiene does go a long way too and you could have all the right stuff but knock them out with your breath or turn them off with your attire too. :)

Rebecca - Hello my like minded friend!  Yes, we are in total agreement- we are not always a match with another associate/blogger/business.

Your words touch me and so happy that you were able to truly experience that the "me" that is out here blogging and interacting with everyone out here in the Rain is the real me.  I am excited to be working with you too and can't wait to share all our good stuff with everyone.  You my friend are equally genuine and engaging - 2009 is going to be our year!

Pippa - that's right - it is about being genuine and friendly and you have that figured out for sure!

Jan 08, 2009 06:17 AM
Lourdes Hoglo REALTOR® Three Village & North Shore Suffolk Co. Long Island
Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Setauket, NY

Anne Marie very nice post. Sometimes a simple smile is all it takes. :)

Jan 08, 2009 06:59 AM
Anonymous
Joel Greer

That's a great summary of the major points of the book. And it's important to note that being likeable isn't just for likeability's sake...it's to be more effective in sales and in all social situations. You put it together well! Good job!

Jan 08, 2009 09:37 AM
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Jan 08, 2009 11:58 AM
#54
Anonymous
98755

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Jan 08, 2009 12:00 PM
#55
Kim Hughes
Kim Hughes & Company - Mineola, TX
Professional Real Estate Virtual Assistant

Hi Anne Marie,

 

Great blog post!  One to keep for future reference and to share.

 

Jan 08, 2009 12:19 PM
Jonathan Kauffmann
Jonathan Kauffmann, Principal Broker of Nest Realty - Crozet, VA

Great post. Being liked is just half the battle...you have to be good also.

Nest Realty

Jan 08, 2009 03:09 PM
Christine Wade
Christine Wade - Derby, VT
Operations Strategist / Online Business Manager

Isn't being liked kind of like the difference between a warm lead and a cold call?  LOL  It sure makes life easier when you're seen as an overall likeable person!  Great post, Anne Marrie!

Jan 08, 2009 04:57 PM
Anne Marie Malf
Malfi Marketing Solutions ~ for real estate professionals - Yardley, PA
Real Estate Marketing Consultant/Virtual Asst, Bucks County,PA

Lourdes - thank you, I appreciate you stopping by to read and I agree - smiles do go a long way.

Joel - You are so right - you have to be able to deliver in addition to being nice.

Hi Kim - thank you and I appreciate your stopping by - always an honor.

Jonathan - You said - I agree with both you and Joel.

Christine - LOL - this is so true - it does make it easier just letting tapping into your sphere of influence for referrals right?  I appreciate you stopping to read and comment :)

Jan 09, 2009 04:30 AM
Linda DeRusha
Coldwell Banker Advantage - Garner, NC
Broker/Realtor, ABR,ASP,CDPE

Anne Marie,

Thank you for your post.

Looks like you are saying---just be yourself and treat others the way you would like to be treated. If we could do these simple things live would be easier for all of us.

have a great year

Jan 09, 2009 01:50 PM
Ryan Shaughnessy
PREA Signature Realty - www.preasignaturerealty.com - Saint Louis, MO
Broker/Attorney - Your Lafayette Square Real Estate Partner

Good advice - but I do have some concerns regarding agents who want to be likeable, are eager to please, and want their customers to be their friends.  There are times where we need to be advisors and have tough talks with our customers which may make us less than likeable.

Jan 12, 2009 04:21 PM
Anne Marie Malf
Malfi Marketing Solutions ~ for real estate professionals - Yardley, PA
Real Estate Marketing Consultant/Virtual Asst, Bucks County,PA

Linda - thank you for stopping by to read and yes, I think we can go very far by treating others the way we want to be treated.

Ryan - hello my friend.  I know what you're saying - I think it's important to be likeable and being able to relate to those that we work with closely and to do it in a natural way - trying too hard will only come across as just that.  I agree - tough talks are needed but can still be done in a compassionate way.

Jan 12, 2009 11:05 PM
Ryan Shaughnessy
PREA Signature Realty - www.preasignaturerealty.com - Saint Louis, MO
Broker/Attorney - Your Lafayette Square Real Estate Partner

Anne Marie - I agree with your comments.  I would rather be respected than liked.  But I also know that in sales the likeability factor is key to generating leads and business.  I am working with an agent on this particular issue so my point was more of a general statement than a point about your post.  The agent was concerned because a Realtor who the agent had done business with them brought a second deal to a different agent in our office.  It wasn't that they weren't nice, weren't likable, etc.  It was that the agent wasn't able to answer the simple questions and the outside Realtor decided to work with a more experienced agent. 

I am also learning and growing as a manager.  I can be demanding, inflexible and even authoritative in my approach.  As a part of my business plan, I am trying to delegate more and to take a more collaborative approach.   I am taking a page from your blog as well as my business partner's management style.  Sometimes, you do get more effort from people with an "attaboy" than a "glad to see you are finally doing some work."  

Glad to see you posting more in January because I am a huge fan of your blog and enjoy reading your insights.

Jan 13, 2009 12:54 AM