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The #1 Ingredient for Social Media Success...Moving Beyond Bits of Conversation Into True Connection!

If the noise level is an indicator of conversational buzz, then 2008 was certainly the year in which the conversation online moved into the mainstream of public consciousness.

This was due, in no small part, to the effective use of social media in the presidential campaign. No one captured the essential core of this technology as skillfully as Obama's team did through their use of social media to raise awareness and campaign funds. In addition, the news media integrated social media sites, bloggers and iReporters into their broadcast. Everyone was talking to anyone...

In 2008, the main event was the conversation. Twitter took off with incredible speed, breaking records for increased traffic. For many, the conversation was the end game. It didn't matter if anyone was listening or responding.

It was all about being on the move...finding the next new social media network, creating as many profiles as possible and then clicking the cursor to explore the next thing. The result of this dizzying flight of activity was near exhaustion in some quarters as many strove to keep up with blogs, comments and syndicated feeds.

One of the most curious phenomenons observed during this frenzy was the numerous people who were banned from sites like Twitter for 'strange activity'. Sometimes, a visit to the profile would indicate a huge number of individuals who had been 'friended' by the now banned member. I wonder if a new kind of social dysfunction is developing in which a compulsive need to collect 'friends' will soon garner a psychiatric label? :)

As business professionals enter into social media platforms in droves in 2009, the easiest mistake to make will be in thinking that this is just about communicating a message rather than developing Relationships. It's not that the numbers will not be important. They will be!

But what's hidden in the numbers will be even more critical. The true gold core will be the level of connectivity which is embedded within the numbers; the touch points which serve to expand the level of interaction beyond the simple one dimensional format of a profile page. Success in the future will depend on the power of influence and the ability to move followers and friends to action. This only happens when there is a relationship!

Relationships are much harder to nurture than simple conversations. Relationships are fueled by a willingness to listen and understand. They also demand humility to appreciate what others bring to the table and the ability to respond in a fashion that it engaging and interactive. Relationships can increase risk, vulnerability and emotional exposure. And most of all relationships require an investment of TIME.

And...2009 will be the year that many will discover that blogging and social media networking are not a 'get rich quick schemes' in which the numbers of followers alone garner results. Many will drop away because of the boredom that eventually results when no one is responding.

But those who persist in the painstaking work of building relationships will become immersed in an experience which will prove to be transforming. I'm already seeing it happen. In some ways, this journey from the shallow shoals of conversation to the depths of relationships may offer the best hope for revitalizing an industry which has lost its mooring of influence and is floundering to discover how to become relevant once more.

Related Blog Posts...

How to Use Twitter For Business...excellent tips!

Lola Audu, CRS, GRI e-Pro ~ Audu Real Estate

Lola Audu, is the Designated Broker & Owner of Audu Real Estate. Our company specializes in helping people buy and sell homes in the greater Grand Rapids, West Michigan area. We've had the privilege of helping hundreds of clients succeed in their goals of purchasing and selling property including demonstrated success in the negotiation of Short Sale Transactions. You can contact us via e-mail @ info@auduhomes.com or by phone at 616-791-0511.

Posted by Lola Audu~Real Estate Broker/Owner Grand Rapids, Michigan Real Estate on 01/08/2009 07:55 PM

Comments (67)

Social Networking in the Networking Channel

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67 Comments on The #1 Ingredient for Social Media Success...Moving Beyond Bits of Conversation Into True Connection!

JAN

Lola,

Relationships!!!!! Isn't that at the heart of every successful business! I need to absorb this post by rereading it several times!!! Thanks, Fran

We have been trying and with out contributors like you I'm afraid we would be much farther behind than we are . Thanks for sharing you wisdom.

Wow, Fran...that's a real compliment! Thanks for stopping here to read and comment. Appreciate it.

Terry, thank you so much for your kind comment. This is a learning process for all of us. I'm just thankful that I've discovered that it's possible to learn new ways of thinking about things. :)

Yeah. Relationshipes are harder to develop than the little sound bites I saw everywhere in 2008. I'm so glad 2008 is over! I can't wait til all those meaningless sound bites are replaced by real dialogue.

You know Lisa, I think that what you've expressed is what many have been sensing. Unfortunately, there's limited training on how to sustain healthy online relationships. And, the truth is, you can't have the same quality of relationships with everyone. However, if we stop thinking of our connections online as numbers and start to put effort into providing value in our communication, I think that even that one step will have a significant influence in the type of contacts we sustain online. Your thoughts...

Lola I am a big fan of social media marketing as it has served me very well. Relatioship building is very important. I want to focus on doing an even better job with that this year. I have no doubts that this come very easy to you:)

Hi Bill, Thanks for stopping by. Your blog on marketing a home for sale was excellent! I don't think that relationship building is easy for most people...I certainly have to work on it. Doing it in real life is sometimes daunting and although the Internet makes it possible to connect with more people, it takes a different sort of effort to build relationships. But I do think it's worth trying to do...

I have found social media to be a great way not just to connect, but to pick up tidbits of tips, news and other joys throughout the day. It should not take the place of personal realationships, but it can expand them as well as one's mind.

Lola - I was very impressed with the Obama campaign, and indeed the increased use of technology during the election adn the reporting. Social media other than blogging is really no different than what we have discovered for blogging. Yes it works but is not an overnight success, and commitment adn dedication are key. If what you are providing is not of interest to the public, who cares how many area reading - it won't last. It should not take the place of real life interactions, but supplement it. I am having a great time and learning so much.

Jeff

JAN

You read my mind :-)

Yesterday I logged on to Twitter and realized that while my "I'm following..." list is small in comparison to most others, the people I am following with I genuinely like and can't wait to meet in person.

The relationship building is my key - if I can't feel that then I really don't know why I would take the time to interact online.

Lola - since learning all of this is such a big part of my 2009 business plan it helps to keep me grounded in the fact that IS still about building relationships. I've been here several months now and do feel like I've made a handful of "friends". I use that loosely since we haven't officially met, but I have spoken on the phone and/or had serious dialog with them about some subject.

Lola,

I will need to read this several times also but what a great message. Relationship is what it's all about whether business, family or friends. Thanks for an excellent post!

Lola - the social media applications that keep popping up are, in many ways, overwhelming and overlapping. It seems as though there are 'similarities' in several different platforms, but some just survive longer than others. But it IS the way of the world, and with technology in a constant state of evolution ... well, it just makes sense that social networking will follow suit.

Kristal...true wisdom!

"I have found social media to be a great way not just to connect, but to pick up tidbits of tips, news and other joys throughout the day."

Your comment describes some of what is embodied in actually connecting with people vs simply participating in a one sided monologue. In real life, we interact with people in all sorts of ways...it really is no different online. This is supposed to be enjoyable. I think sometimes some of us miss that fact.

Jeff, I agree with the observations made by both you and Kristal, that social media should NOT take the place of real life interactions. There are those who think it will be a substitute...it can't and won't.

However, it's now clear that it's here to stay, just like radio was supplemented by TV. I'm curious about what you have found to be most notable, striking or interesting when you meet people in real life whom you have only met previously online?? Actually, I'm curious for an answer from anyone, not just Jeff...

Kris, whenever I follow a person on Twitter, I take the time read their bio and often visit their website. I may also look at who their followers are. By taking the time to do this, I've developed a list of individuals who I'm interested in learning about and from.

It makes all the difference in the world! For me, it's expanded my world. I'm continually fascinated by different perspectives and love the fact that I can interact with people in a variety of different fields. I absolutely love it!

Connie...Here's a challenge for you this year. Pick up the phone and call an individual you are following or have interacted with online...even if it's just to say you appreciate the contribution they have made in your life. I think it will be a very profound experience for you...it was for me. :)

Dorie, I'm going to be doing a follow-up post. I think you'll appreciate reading it. Thanks for stopping to read, contemplate and comment...

Carol...you've made an incredibly important point. I think that there will continue to be a profusion of social media applications popping up. Trying to keep up with the applications and all the 'conversations' will be exhausting and deliver less and less return. However, taking the time to invest in people and relationships will yield an increased value in time invested and knowledge gained. Understanding this will make all the difference in the world.

Lola, first of all...congratulations to you on 250,000 points, that is quite an accomplishment.

I think that if we focus too much on the technical side of life to include social media...and not enough on the personal side we will lose clients. I think you have to know your audience...I'm fine texting a 20 something about when to meet at a showing or something easy. I'm fine sending them comps over the computer. But when I write a purchase agreement, I want to be with them face to face. I don't think you can replace one on one face time with Twitter, Facebook, Linked In. I probably am showing my age...well over 40 here, but I just think we still need to be about relationships and life skills first.

Hi Cindy, you're talking about foundational principles with this portion of your comment...

"...but I just think we still need to be about relationships and life skills first."

If we don't have the foundations in place which enable us to communicate, share and support others, no program or network will work @ its highest potential. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Plaxo...they're all just tools. It's up to us to be the experts in knowing how to use the tools and how to create something with them. They are a means to an end...not an end in themselves. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Lola - Thank you so much for such an informative blog about Twitter. I also read the link you provided on How To Use Twitter for Your Business. There's so much social networking out there that it's hard to keep up on the latest. This helped a lot.

You're welcome Pamela. Hope you stop by to read more in the future.

Thank you so much for the insightful words. I will definitely pay closer attention to how I develop my "relationships" with clients this year.

Lola- I didn't read all the comments, but here is my opinion. I don't ever try to get the most subscribers, followers, friends, whatever the media calls them, because I try to learn who the people are. Relationship building has a always been important to me, and I want to be able to offer something to them, just as they offer something to me. I have met several people from the various sites personally or by phone calls, and it's like meeting an old friend, usually. Sometimes I have been fooled by the online presence, but typically my instincts have been pretty good :)

I love the variety of people I have met, and the Groups I have joined on the different sites.

Great insight, and along the lines of thought I have been contemplating lately. JUST returned from lunch with 2 Tweeters. Our discussion turned to the value of AR, Facebook, Twitter, etc. My experience of going to networking groups has been less than hoped for. I have purchased jewelry, tea, cosmetics, etc. and shared my "wares" (information) with all. In 6 months there has been no reciprocity, of a tangible kind. My brain has been picked, but not paid for. In less than 6 months on AR, Twitter and LinkedIn I have had 5 lunches/contacts with "real" connection, and made connections with out of state people that feel just as real. I am continuing my quest to find the "right" match for me, in the world of "social networking" on and off line. Thank you for putting my feelings into words.

Dawn, it can make a real difference & it's definitely a more enriching experience when you're connecting with people who bring value and insight to your life as well as in some cases, a whole lot of fun. :)

Kathy, that's been my experience too. I've also met some interesting people in the groups that I belong to, but that has not been the most active part of my interaction online. Just curious...would you share some of the things that you look for in a profile to determine if this is an individual who might be interesting to follow/get to know?

Cheryl, thanks for stopping by my blog today. I visited your profile...you've taken some interesting pictures. The point you make about your experience with networking groups vs online social networking is very interesting. You know, I think that many people would echo your sentiments.

I am afraid I am still learning the art of the simple conversation....... I need a REALLY important issue to talk about to really keep a conversation going...

Otherwise I feel as if I am wasiting my time.....

I am still learning...

;-)

Lola........What a poignant message. Not to mention, using President-Elect Obama's masterful use of social netowrking in his campaign is right on-point. I agree; 2009 year will be the year where those who realize this is not a "get-rich" platform, will likely throw in the towel and move on to the next quick fix. Great post!

Alex, the key is finding someTHING that really interests or inspires you. The art of conversation in my opinion is searching for the reason WHY you're talking to a person at the moment. Sometimes, it's because you have something to learn, sometimes it's because you have something to give...encouragement, information, inspiration. And sometimes, it's just about having fun and enjoying life. When you find what really speaks to your heart, conversation isn't hard at all. It's worth looking for. :)

Thanks Amber. I appreciate your taking the time to stop and read and leave a comment.

Lola,

I had to jump in and second your comments about the Obama campaign's incredible use of on line networking. I was professionally involved in politics in the 70's and early 80's and graduated from the RNC's campaign management college. We would have thought we had died and gone to heaven if we could put together the kind of communication network they did for this campaign.

My first exposure to the sophistication of their communication program was back during the primaries when I made a contribution to the campaign. It was late at night when they were doing matching donation challenges. The next thing I knew, I was chatting by email with a veterinarian in Chicago who matched my contribution and we were sharing our thoughts on the campaign. Amazing!

It will be interesting to see how President Obama uses the technology during his presidency.

That is the thing, Lola..... I only have a couple of really important things I focus my life on...a LOT of conversations people try to strike up with me are really full of "fluff"...things I do not look at as important...

As soon as the conversation moves into the "fluff-zone" I no longer have any interest in maintaining it...

That alone has made for some really awkward moments.....

;-)

alola - Social networking sites offer the opportunity to expand your network and connect with people who you would otherwise not have the chance to meet. But then you have to take the time to develop a relationship.

JAN

Lola - Thanks for the great advice. I am in an affliated business to real estate and because of the business I am in, I am constantly getting emails on e-books and courses on social media that see it as a post of gold. I love your comment And...2009 will be the year that many will discover that blogging and social media networking are not a 'get rich quick schemes'. I fully agree. It will be interesting to see how this develops through the year.

Lola, great insight at always. I must admit I struggle with the Twittering etc. because I haven't figured out a way to tranfer my habit of checking email constantly to having Twitter open constantly. I have been with some who Twitter throughtout the day no matter where they are and what they are doing and I sometimes worry that they are missing out on what is going on in front of them because they are so engrossed in their online activities...just a thought

Lola, what a well written article. You are so right about what is going to happen. I will say that face time which is now Blog time is very important to keep on on the latest in our industry. It also gives us a better idea of what is happening around the country and not just in our block. Thank you again for such a insightful article.

Great post. Very right on the money to. Thanks so much. Have a great 2009.

Terry Miller

Lola, your words really strike home. I admit I was wary of getting started in this venue and am still very much a neophite. But I am learning that there are ways that work for me, that responding to what someone says when it really speaks to me, connects me, gives me satisfaction just like a conversation with someone you meet who is like-minded. You feel that connection to the world we all need and want. I imagine at 250K points you have developed many real relationships here, hopefully that is my future. With time, connections and sincerity, I think the opportunity is there for all of us.

A great observation about social media. I love social media, i own several localized sites and they are taking off.

http://www.westernmontanagrapevine.com

Lola - We can always count on you to post from the heart! Almost as inspiring is the time you take to reply to the folks who comment on your post. Now that is relationship building! You teach by example!

Hi John, thank you for sharing your thoughts in this discussion. I always appreciate hearing from fellow "Grand Rapidians." :) I also experienced the incredible impact of the Obama campaign through the interest of my kids in the candidacy.

I was amazed by the organizational skills and the skillful use of social media to connect and motivate people in an area which would traditionally have been thought of as hostile territory.

One thing that really struck me was the way the Obama campaign used social media to enable people to identify others who shared their interests/passions. This allowed another level of interaction which had never been tapped before. Your story about the matching donation with the veterinarian in Chicago is a great example of this!

Alex, I appreciate your sentiments because I too prefer in depth conversations. But, I'm learning that it's really not about what I prefer. As I've learned to ask the question about WHY I'm in the conversation at that moment and seek to remain engaged and receptive to the other individual, there have been many seemingly frivolous conversations which have led to more profound interactions. Its' about focusing on others...

Pam, that's true. I have especially enjoyed touching base with brokers/agents in other states. It has given me a better perspective on what's happening in our industry.

Sue...appreciate your dropping in on this conversation. My thoughts...while social media @ it's best will not be a get rich quick scheme (although, I'm sure there will be some of that) the sustained value and power of the medium will accrue to those who strive to mine the gold of connecting with others in a way that provides value in their lives. There is unlimited potential for enrichment in every dimension when connections are made in this way...

Diane...you're sharing a very important thought! I personally think that there's a little disrespect to the individual with whom you are present if you continue to ignore them to check on who else is entering your sphere electronically. It's somewhat like being with a person who is continually looking behind your back to see who else they can talk to besides you...When I go into appointments, I turn off my phone.

Rick, thanks for your comment. Appreciate your stopping by.

Terry, thanks for reading. Happy New Year to you too!

Joanne...the opportunity is there for all of us. One thing I'm sure of is this...relationships will continue to yield value in my life long after any accrued point totals will. :)

Hi Tom, thanks for dropping in. I visited your local grapevine site. Would you mind sharing with our readers what your experiences with these local social media networking sites has been?

Thanks Pat! Appreciate your comment.

Good post. I guess it comes down to quality and not quantity.

JAN

I have enjoyed getting to know others via social media and making those connections much faster. I think that turning those on line connections into real ones is where you can make a difference with your ROI

JAN

Hi Lola - it is amazing this world we live in, and how very quickly all the social media evolves and changes. And as you wrote, the true test to sustaining any of this is time and what one invests in any of these networks. I've been fortunate to have taken a number of my online connections into real-world connections, and that part is awesome.

Ann

Lola - I was just checking back to see if you responded to my comment. First thanks. I like to know that the blogger read it. Second, I will call someone. And I'm sure you're right, it will make a difference. Now who to call. Hmmmm. :)

Lola, good post. Everyone is tweeting, the police departments, local newspaper, government offices, NAR, and on and on. It's great I've learned a lot of good stuff on those little blurbs. ;-)

JAN

Ann, you're one blogger that I know I'd enjoy meeting in real life!

Connie, I did read your comment. Let me know how your call goes. :)

Teri, Twitter has been a real treasure trove of information for me.

Mike, Thanks for your comment.

Nannette...that's true, but I would add that the quality of the content also makes a difference.

JAN

What I wonder is, with the advent and increasing reliance on these new online social networking sites: what truly is the time commitment to achieve this: If relationships are key, not true conversations, how can an agent be expected to really do things the right way to:

build true relationships on twitter, facebook, and a plethora of sites
respond and build relationships on trulia, zillow and active rain
build real-life relationships in their own community
volunteer in their own community
more traditional prospecting
traditional online prospecting
servicing clients
learning new technologies
eating
sleeping
and I could at 300 other things here

My fear is that agents get so caught up in the heat of the moment, they lose site of priorities, what they can given a finite amount of resources, etc.

Any thoughts?

Chris, Great questions. I think we need to have more of these kinds of discussion and think critically about the choices we are making. First of all, if we don't take care of ourselves...eating, sleeping, exercises etc. and maintain the most important relationships with our family members and close friends...then much of the rest of it doesn't matter.

I don't think one can do it all. I've always maintained that Superman & Superwoman are comic book characters. They don't exist in real life! I've certainly made choices about where I invest my time. I'm not active on every social network and have cross-posted what I write on several different mediums.

That being said, I am enjoying the process of getting to know individuals who I think have something valuable to say. It's not a fast, easy process...it takes time, but I've gained a lot and I also appreciate the opportunity to contribute something to others.

Thanks for stopping here to add some value to this on-going conversation.

JAN

I too believe you can't do it all but a shot gun approach has always worked for me before. I am still going that way

Lola, you always write an excellent post...you do have a way with words! I think what you had to say hear is very true...it is about the relationships you establish and listening to what others are saying!

Yes, its about connecting! I love that! YOu do have excellent posts and its well layed out!

Utah homes for sale

Utah Dave

JAN

Lola,

Thank you for the reminder of the need to rebuild the lost art of conversation, or more importantly, listening, in order to build relationships. It takes me back to my undergraduate psychology and education courses. I remember an expressed concern that many people were/are so occupied with thinking about what they want to say next that they don't stop to listen to what someone else is saying, or allow them to even get a word in in the first place. If we don't actually listen and reply thoughtfully in turn we can guarantee that no substantial relationship will be formed. I agree with your comment on the quest for "friends", or points for that matter, possibly leading to psychological conditions and labels. Another possible pitfall could be getting caught up in those quests of others for friends by blindly accepting their request for "friendship". How many people can we legitimately connect to and keep up with? I don't have the answer of course but numbers in the hundreds seem questionable to me. There are only so many hours in the day. Like so many new technologies and services web-related there is great positive potential in social networking sites, but there is also great risk of wasted time and energy. "Communicating" with comments of the length and depth of a high school yearbook signature will not relationship or viable network build. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I enjoyed reading and thinking about you had to say.

Sincerely,

Chris Garvey

Russ, you're right...each of us will have a different path through which we traverse the blogosphere. But, it's important to at least know what works for you...shot gun or otherwise. There will also be different levels of communication w/in our circles of friends & that's OK too.

Sonya, Thanks. Appreciate your comment. Are you guys layered in piles of snow too? :)

Hi Dave, thanks for stopping by.

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