Why doesn't it happen like it does on TV? Like on the diaper commercials where mom and dad are in all white kissing chubby cheeks of babies on a clear clean rug with no stains? Or on the Gerber commmercial where the food goes from the bowl to the babies mouth with no protest? I should have known. My mom was a doctor and my dad was a lawyer - we are african american - why wasn't it like the Cosby show??? My dad didn't wear great sweater's all the time nor did he have time to take naps on the sofa in the middle of the day, go out to eat with old friends all the time, or set up elaborate scenarios to teach us a lesson. My momdidn't have time to complain about her figure, join a gym, learn Spanish, always have her hair done and nice outfits, and always have the house gorgeo
us and clean with dinner made and all the kids clothes clean with no maid - EVER!
Life just isn't like TV. People complained that the concept of the Cosby show wasn't realistic because people didn't identify with highly educated African American professionals with good kids. Uh.... that isn't it. The unrealistic part was that the house ran like clockwork, everything stayed clean, and there was no maid to help get it done. Doesn't happen. So I figured, maybe it was just my parents who didn't have it on the ball - I could do it like the Huxtables! NOT!!!
Well, here's the sitcom that is my life... Yesterday was my day off. Well 1/2 day. I pictured it going differently. First of all, mom's don't get to spend their days off playing golf, having lunch with friends and trendy little cafes, getting manicures and pedicures and cool stuff like that. At least not mommies like me - with kids like mine! I was just about to leave... I told my momthat I would stay until naptime so that she could get a break, and I kept my promise. No computer, no calls, just with the kids. Here's how my day off went...
7:20 - Got up late, my oldest has dressed himself. Has yet to brush his teeth, all I care about is that his pants are not too short. I don't want to have to pull something out of the dirty clothes. I checked the pants - fine. I sent him back to brush his teeth.
7:30 - My husband has already started to "make" the oldest's lunch (he showed him where the Lunchables were), and started on his coffee. I told him it was pizza day and he could buy lunch - so he put it back.
7:32 - I put some cheerios and milk in a big cup with tall sides so that he can take it with him and have breakfast in the car. He starts to eat it sitting on the stairs.
7:35 - Baby girl wakes up... and wakes up Dave. Dave is not in the room they share, he is in our bed - where he has been since 4:30 that morning. He has peed our bed, and wanders downstairs with some of the evidence on the front of his pajamas.
7:45 - I have changed diapers and I am trying to encourage my husband to leave so that he can get our son to school on time... he's still making his coffee.
7:52 - They leave.... late.
8:01 - I make breakfast for my momand the 2 kids still at home. Grits, eggs, and beef sausage. My 2 year old comes in and says, "Munk and shirios, peeese." So I have to stop and get that for him... I cut up some strawberries too to buy myself some time to finish breakfast.
8:04 - The one year old screams in disgust... she wants hers too. How dare I get him something without getting Baby girl something. I got her a cup and bowl of cheerios and strawberries too.
8:15 - Breakfast is done, and now I have to feed them. Dave sits in the highchair and feeds himself. Baby girl wants to do it herself too, and wants no help... Needless to say, I am still finding grits in the strangest of places.
8:45 - My mom reminds me that I have laundry to do. Uh... knew that! I said, "yes mom" respectfully, but annoyed on the inside. I went downstairs and washed another load. It is never going to all be done - so it seems pointless and hopeless.
9:00 - Snuck in a call. :)
9:35 - I sat on the floor and played with the kids. Well, they took turns sitting in my lap. When one would come and sit down, the other would come up and fight for a spot. They all think they are only children.
9:45 - They are bored with me, so I snuck in another call.
10:02 - It is time to start planning lunch - yes, they really do eat that much. I did another load of laundry. It still hasn't made a good dent in the week's washing.
10:40 - Sesame street is blaring, and I am getting antsy. 50 minutes until nap time. 20 minutes until lunch time. I gave them each some arrowroot cookies to tide them over.
10:59 - I can't wait one more minute until lunch time - they get noodles and half a banana and some watered down apple juice.
11:20 - Time to get everyone changed and in the bed for nap-time. I started to read them the second story when the phone rang. I gave Baby girl a book, and Dave the book I was reading and went downstairs to answer the phone.
11:35 - I don't hear anything so I figure they are asleep. I started on my calls again.
11:40 - While I leaned on the counter in the kitchen on the phone, Dave comes up. He doesn't say anything, just looks guilty. I figured the look of guilt came from the fact that he knew he was supposed to be in the bed (he is still in a crib, so he had to climb out and come down the stairs) for naptime. I decided I would finish up the call and deal with that in a minute.
11:42 - Call is cut short because Dave is doing a strange thing with his binky. He keeps taking it out of his mouth and looking at it like he is confused. Still on the phone, I took a closer look. There was stuff all over it. He tends to throw up sometimes, so I figured that was what it was... then the smell hit me....
IT WAS POO!
My eyes travelled down and it was all over him. He had rubbed two big circles of poo onto his cheeks... and on his arms... and on his legs... I said - "Oh my gosh - gotta go." They understood - stuff happens when I am at home - and let me get off the phone with no questions. I was worried that he may be sick - you know diarrhea or something. Nope. I sent him upstairs and told him to get in the tub and stay there. I undressed him carefully, expecting more of a mess... it was solid. The boy had gone into his pants to get the poo. He created the mess himself.
11:52 - I bathed him, changed his clothes and sent him downstairs - just in time for Baby girl to wake up. I sent them both downstairs with my mom, who hasn't budged. It is her day off. She puts them on the sofa with her, and gets back to her nap. I started the cleanup.
12:45 - Still cleaning.
1:25 - Started cleaning the stairs. My momcommented that if that had happened to my brother, he would have just moved to a new house rather than clean up poo. I wonder if she saw the look I gave her. Probably not.
1:45 - Finally finished the cleanup (it wasn't that bad, but his crib was gross, and I couldn't stand the idea of poo OUTSIDE the bathroom. Naptime is over - not that anyone took a real nap - and I need to leave to get some work done.
6:54 - Missed my 4:00 meeting... and my 6:30... and my 7:30. It is my husband's men's group meeting with the guys from church. He came home, helped feed the kids until it looked like bedtime - told me he was sorry things went the way they did - and left to go bowling. It is only once a month, and he always misses it because of my 6:30 meeting, so I wasn't annoyed.
7:30 - Couldn't wait until 8:00 for bedtime, so I put in a load of laundry, marched them upstairs, changed diapers, and started the bedtime story. I got 20 pages into Henry and the Paper Route by Beverly Cleary and Dave was finally falling asleep. Baby girlwas throwing her binky. I decided that I was not going to get it that last time, and she lost it. She screamed and screamed until my mom came upstairs. I told her that I was handling it. She went back downstairs, and I let Baby girl scream for another 10 minutes or so.
8:15 - I got up and got her binky. Gave it to her and rubbed her back. 2 minutes later she was snoring.
8:20 - I am giving a baby shower for some friends of ours and I have finally finished the mailing list and the email list. I got on the computer to send it to the showeree to approve, and then I just gave up on the work day. I got a bowl of rice, a soda, and a fudgsicle, and retired to watch the rest of American Idol. I promised my mom I would come back down and do another load of laundry.... I didn't make it.
Needless to say, I was up and out the door this morning bright and early. I was gone before my husband even got his coffee. I kissed the babies, and my husband, told my oldest get in the car... he didn't have shoes on - so I told him to just pick them up, and put them on in the car. I am at work now, getting a day off - from my day off. I wonder if Clair Huxtable had days like mine??? Doubt it.
:)
Eva
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