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Signing Up For Parenthood-The Contract is Forever!

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Talk 2 Midori, LLC BK645709

My 22 year old son called me last week..he was extremely sick..and recently laid off..last man hired first to go..sorry about your luck but when business picks up you'll be the first man hired!  Great and not really comforting especially for a 22 year old impatient man! And especially not for his mom who is miles away!

I've seen this amazing transformation in him...in the past..he would have just packed his bags and come back home! In the past...he would have ripped into his employer for letting him go and in the past..he would have created holy havoc...because life wasn't going his way..

But he didn't and I am convinced he is his own man! :) 

So I asked the question....have you talked to your father?  NOPE...we can't communicate...we can't seem to deal with one another...mom he just doesn't like the man I've become.  Here we go...round 35 of differences between Bob and his dad!

So the kind words came out of my mouth...I don't know where they came from...all I know is the fact..I've been taught and brought up to take care of my own...regardless of circumstances...regardless of inconvenience and regardless of how I personally feel! 

"Bob, you know how your father is and you have to know that he loves you but he can't ever help you or even communicate with you if you don't put some effort into it...It's a two way street...and your dad..is a little narrow minded but you with your open mind can find the right words and actions to make things better!"

"Remember one thing...pay attention to what I am saying...you were raised by me....I was raised by grandma and paw paw.and he was raised by grammy and grampi..understand? Different generations..different perspectives of life....different thought processes....and remember your father loves you the best way he knows how!  You have to continue to build this relationship and one day..he will be gone...no shoulda...no woulda..no coulda...because you'll live your life filled with regrets!"

Bob understood and now to get his dad to understand..

I sent him a few bucks to get medicine and food and lots of word of encouragement..and then my next mission to talk to his dad!  There is a reason why my ex-husband is an ex and one of our biggest problems was communication..when I have to talk to him now..its not easy and there are days...I just want to jump through the phone.  But it seems even though we can't communicate..the message is recieved loud and clear!  And at the end..guilt seems to eat his dad..and regardless of differences..his dad does the right thing.

My son has been on five interviews and each time he arrived... at his appointment..the position has been filled! Hmmmm.....what a surprise..there is a surplus of unemployed people and not enough jobs!

I guess what I am trying to say here is that so many pass judgment on their children and there comes a point..where the judgments can and will impact them!  Yes it took my son some time to mature but some parents choose to walk away before that beautiful part of life begins.... some parents wait until their children's life is rosy and they are living the life their parents expect! 

I do not know if ever things will be Rosy between Bob and his dad but I do know one thing...parenting never ends...and it never gets easier..or less heartbreaking or joyful..parenting is a gift that sometimes is taken for granted. And if you chose to bring children into the world...its one of your purposes whether you like it or not!

So what happened?

Tuesday he came home and found bags and bags of groceries on his front step..yes his dad did right by him and made sure he had food!  While my ex doesn't really relate to Bob at all..without a doubt he tries and loves him the best way he knows how!

Yesterday he went on another interview..and I do not know the outcome..but I did find out..he can collect unemployment to hold him over..but for him...its not something he wants to do...and just like most men in the U.S. he would rather work!  

As a parent..its difficult to really know what's going on..yes we talk..yes we see each other but as a parent its my job to check and make sure....

They have food on their table...are employed...happy...healthy!

Have you chatted with your kids lately?  If not..you should... and for me no shoulda..no woulda..no coulda...because regardless of the age of my 3 young men...I will always be there for them..and love them..even if I do not like the choices they make for themselves! 

I was the one who signed up for parenting not my boys...and the contract... is forever!

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by The Activerain Network and it's members and those providing comments are theirs alone, and do not reflect the opinions of Midori Miller AKA Daytona Beach Real Estate Trainer and /or CENTURY 21 Sundance Realty. Midori Miller and CENTURY 21 Sundance Realty are not responsible for the accuracy or content provided by The Community.

Comments (14)

Jim Lee, REALTOR, CRS, ABR
RE/MAX Shoreline - Portsmouth, NH
Buying or Selling? Ann & Jim are the local experts

"You did not correctly enter the text of the graphic displayed. Please try again."

But when you come back your original comment seems to be gone.

Jan 22, 2009 12:08 AM
Midori Miller
Talk 2 Midori, LLC - Daytona Beach, FL
Online Marketing For Real Estate Professionals

Jim I was trying a new twitter tool...and I don't like it! :)  I fixed it thank you....and will stick to tiny url! 

Jan 22, 2009 12:10 AM
Heather the Realtor Orlando, Lake Mary
LemonTree Realty - Orlando, FL
First Time Home Buyers, Bank Owned Homes

Wow very touching. I am blessed to have parents that I can talk with. My mom I would love to strangle her at times, but I still love those times, she is my mom. But I also know that LIFO feeling had it happen to me around that age. Last In First Out.

Jan 22, 2009 12:31 AM
Andrea Palmer
Jones & Co. Realty 239-333-5556 - Cape Coral, FL
Phone 239-333-5556

I am so with you on this I have two boys and they will always be my babies!

Good luck to your son finding a great job!

Jan 22, 2009 12:42 AM
Cynthia Tilghman, RealtorĀ® Onslow County NC Home Specialist
Kingsbridge Realty, Inc - Hubert, NC

Midori,
I was taught "there are two sides to every story" and the older I get, the more truth I see in that.  Communication is very difficult for some people but in my opinion, your Ex did communicate his love by leaving the groceries.  I wish your son luck in finding work soon, it's very tough now with so many people looking.

Jan 22, 2009 12:47 AM
Anne Marie Malf
Malfi Marketing Solutions ~ for real estate professionals - Yardley, PA
Real Estate Marketing Consultant/Virtual Asst, Bucks County,PA

Hi Midori, so true - parenting is forever and it's the best thing I ever signed up for without a doubt.  Not only have I helped shape another person and guided her to be her own strong person but she has provided more valuable lessons to me than I ever dreamed of.  There's no doubt about it - you're a great mom and I love the love I feel from your post.  Keeping your son in my thoughts and prayers that good things will come his way.  ~Anne Marie

Jan 22, 2009 01:06 AM
Rosalinda Morgan
Brookville, NY
"The Rose Lady"

Hi Midori - Yes parenting is forever and even now that my kids are both grown up and living 3000 miles away, I called them often if they don't call me.  I worry about them all the time.  You're a great mom and I wish your son the best of luck.

Jan 22, 2009 01:24 AM
Crystal Ledbetter
Texas Home Group - Montgomery, TX

Touching post, I am still waiting for my  son to find himself, loving him for who he is in the meantime, Thsnks for the communication reminders!

Jan 22, 2009 01:35 AM
Midori Miller
Talk 2 Midori, LLC - Daytona Beach, FL
Online Marketing For Real Estate Professionals

Hi Everyone-I know he will be fine..but I have heard numerous stories how parents who are not happy with how their children have turned out!  Is it the parents life or your children's life.

As far as there are two sides to every story...I do not agree...as a matter of fact with most stories...there are several sides and will change as the years progress...it has nothing to do with the story...but everything to do with all who are involved and perception and perspective....

While my ex communicated...not in a timely fashion...because they do not communicate very often...he did not know and lives 10 minutes away from him...and as far as him doing right by him...please read the above post completely...

Thisis not about my ex husband's feelings or mine either...its the point...to take care of your own.  Kids do not sign up to be born...but parents make a decision...and to end it too early...is a big mistake and sometimes parents forget what kind of child there were once themselves! 

Jan 22, 2009 04:22 AM
Fred Chamberlin
Guild Mortgage Co - Oak Harbor WA - Oak Harbor, WA
Oak Harbor/Whidbeynulls, #1 Experienced FHA Mortgage Consultant

Just remember Midori, grandchildren are God's way of rewarding us for not killing our kids when they were young. You are right, kids are part of a parent forever.

Jan 22, 2009 04:41 AM
Sheldon Neal
Bergen County, NJ - RE/MAX Real Estate Limited - Maywood, NJ
That British Agent Bergen County NJ

Hi Midori !

... that's an important message in your post ... and I got a really nice feeling about the relationship you have with your son from reading it. Bob is now 22, but I bet you remember pretty clearly when he was only half that age, and life's challenges were just about which sandbox to play in (or which video game to play !)

Now, Bob's challenges can be a lot more daunting - but that's when the support and direction of those close to you will help you get back on track - and with you in his corner, I have no doubt Bob will bounce back and be starting a new journey before too long

Best wishes to Bob and he's lucky to have a parent that gets it...

Sheldon

Jan 22, 2009 05:33 AM
Missy Caulk
Missy Caulk TEAM - Ann Arbor, MI
Savvy Realtor - Ann Arbor Real Estate

Midori, growing up is hard

We are parents forever

They will fail and do things we don't approve up

We can't always stop them from making bad decisons.

But, we love them through the pain and try to bite our tongues. (I told you so)

 

Jan 22, 2009 09:46 AM
Midori Miller
Talk 2 Midori, LLC - Daytona Beach, FL
Online Marketing For Real Estate Professionals

Fred-LOL  my mom really believes that...grandchildren will redeem the child!  I don't know...I'm not ready for grandchildren just yet but I admit..I love other people's little kids!

Sheldon-I'm giving it until tomorrow to give him a call...its sure hard to wait and not treat him like a boy! 

Missy-I've never forgot what it felt like to grow up..I don't know...I can really put myself where they are standing..probably most mothers can!  As far as biting my tongue yes I really try hard not to say those words!

Jan 22, 2009 11:56 AM
Lane Bailey
Century 21 Results Realty - Suwanee, GA
Realtor & Car Guy

Dads are different.  I miss mine.  I lost him not quite 12 years ago.  When we talked on the phone, we argued about politics and all sorts of other stuff for 20 minutes, then we each told the other that we loved them.  I learned to argue my points with someone that I loved and respected... and disagreed with. 

My mom would never take me on like Dad would.  He would kick my butt at pool, cards, whatever.  I knew when I beat him that I really beat him.  But if I was in trouble, he was there...  And I tested that a few times.

Jan 22, 2009 12:57 PM