A Conductor's Woes:

   The final rehearsal had not gone well, but the conductor and orchestra decided to go ahead with the concert program as planned. On concert night the first half of the program was adequate and well received.  During intermission, the bass players got hold of a bottle of whiskey and drank  more than they should, but went back on stage as if nothing had happened.  The orchestra started Beethoven's Ninth Symphony (Choral) with great promise, but the violas missed a cue, and the second bass was out of tune.  Suddenly two trumpet players got up and left the stage!  The French horns and trombones tried to cover the missing parts with uneven results. The conductor was now struggling to hold everything together.  Then the conductor turned a page and discovered that string had been wrapped around his music and it was a mess. What a terrible situation! It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, the players showed poor teamwork, two men were out, and the basses were loaded!!!

Original Author Unknown-although my Mother told me the joke.