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Are you a cronic assumer? ;) Book recommendation too!

I was reading a book tonight, which is really quite interesting. It brings a lot of points up as to human nature. One of which, happens to be assumptions. It points out how it creates really bad communication and kills relationships. This is especially true in sales and marketing, isn't it? How many times have you assumed you knew what someone wanted and they ended up really wanting something else? Or you assumed they knew to call you if they found a house, only to find out they didn't really think they needed to and assumed they needed to go through the agent at that open house or on the sign? How many times did you assume you would get a listing, only to find out they listed with someone else - and because you assumed you didn't bother to really ask for the listing?

The book I'm reading is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz and in it, he says this about assumptions:

Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

He goes on to say...

The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking - we take it personally - then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whold big drama for nothing.

Other points he makes:

Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

He also encourages you to be impeccable with your word and to speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.

Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

The book is based on the Toltec's philosophy and science. Check it out and if anyone else has read it, i'd be curious to hear your thoughts on it!

Posted by Jane E. Haas on 05/07/2007 12:13 AM

Comments (4)

real estate, sales, marketing, the four agreements, toltec, philosophy, psychology

4 Comments on Are you a cronic assumer? ;) Book recommendation too!

Good post. I read something similar. Only the word used wasn't assumptions, but rather expectations.

One of the causes of people's unhappiness and disappointment is their expectations. If you do a favor for someone, don't expect them to do one for you in return. You set yourself up for disappointment if they don't. It makes a lot of sense. We've been programmed to think that everything we do should be rewarded. Everything we say deserves a response. Etc. And then we get disappointed and depressed when it doesn't happen the way we expected.

Love is another example. It should be unconditional. Yet we expect that, if we love someone, they should love us in return.

It's a good philosophy to have on ActiveRain. For example, when someone writes a blog post, they won't be disappointed if no one comments to it, because they're not expecting a response.

I think a lot of people would be happier if they thought this way.

05/07/2007 02:31 AM

by Leon Austin, Colorado Notary Signing Agent (Leon Austin - Mobile Closings and Notary Services)

Yah, I think expectations and assumptions are pretty much the same thing.

And taking things personally! How many of us do that? Even over silly things, such as saying hello to someone we know and they dont' respond - how many reasons for not responding goes through your head? Or unreturned phonecalls? Sometimes it's a simple as just forgetting to call someone back - or the person you said hi to simply didn't hear you!

05/07/2007 02:37 AM

by Jane E. Haas (Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage)

Assumptions (wrong I know) are constantly on my mind. Oh why knock on that door, they don't want to hear from me and they go on and on. Good post!

05/07/2007 10:01 AM

by Kelly's Real Estate Possibilities at your Fingertips! (Century 21 Superstars)

Heheh, sometimes it drives me nuts when someone is a cronic assumer and assumes i'm psychic! lol Don't most parents do that?! heh heh Ever get mad at your kids because you wanted them to do something and assumed they knew you wanted them to do it? lol OHhhh, the list of times when we do it could go on and on. Now, how many can assume blame because they assumed something?

05/07/2007 10:19 AM

by Jane E. Haas (Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage)

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