I was reading a book tonight, which is really quite interesting. It brings a lot of points up as to human nature. One of which, happens to be assumptions. It points out how it creates really bad communication and kills relationships. This is especially true in sales and marketing, isn't it? How many times have you assumed you knew what someone wanted and they ended up really wanting something else? Or you assumed they knew to call you if they found a house, only to find out they didn't really think they needed to and assumed they needed to go through the agent at that open house or on the sign? How many times did you assume you would get a listing, only to find out they listed with someone else - and because you assumed you didn't bother to really ask for the listing?
The book I'm reading is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz and in it, he says this about assumptions:
Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
He goes on to say...
The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking - we take it personally - then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whold big drama for nothing.
Other points he makes:
Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.
He also encourages you to be impeccable with your word and to speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.
Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
The book is based on the Toltec's philosophy and science. Check it out and if anyone else has read it, i'd be curious to hear your thoughts on it!
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Good post. I read something similar. Only the word used wasn't assumptions, but rather expectations.
One of the causes of people's unhappiness and disappointment is their expectations. If you do a favor for someone, don't expect them to do one for you in return. You set yourself up for disappointment if they don't. It makes a lot of sense. We've been programmed to think that everything we do should be rewarded. Everything we say deserves a response. Etc. And then we get disappointed and depressed when it doesn't happen the way we expected.
Love is another example. It should be unconditional. Yet we expect that, if we love someone, they should love us in return.
It's a good philosophy to have on ActiveRain. For example, when someone writes a blog post, they won't be disappointed if no one comments to it, because they're not expecting a response.
I think a lot of people would be happier if they thought this way.