I got a call today from a friend of mine. She's a good friend. The kind who can call you up and let you know that you're not going to get a listing because one of your former clients is poo pooing you around town.
So she shared this little tidbit with me. And she wasn't doing it to be mean. She isn't that kind of friend. She was doing it so I would be in the know.
That got me to thinking about this crazy world of real estate and how really, it's a career that can challenge and grow you...if you will let it.
For example. I have struggled with abandonment issues even though my parents are still maried and they are great people and all that. Let's just say it's what I brought with me from childhood into adulthood.
Today, when my friend told me about the poo pooing incident, it immediately brought up my struggle with abandonement. That's because for so much of my life, I filtered everything through that lens. And so, when I began thinking and feeling the thoughts I've known for so long, I had to stop and say to myself, "Hold on bubba. You can't please all the people all the time." In this case I helped these folks successfully sell their home and buy another. Her "complaint" was that I did not communicate well.
You know what I wanted to do, right? I want to jump up and say, "Oh yeah. Well let me tell you something, Mrs. ______. You WORE me out with your complaining about things that I had NO control over. And furthermore..."
But then I thought, "You know, maybe she has a legitmate complaint. And maybe even what I need to do is to contact the family and to apologize or visit with them to let them know I understand they were unhappy with their experience and that I'm sorry for the communication issues." At the very least, it would probably stop the poo pooing (a good thing!) and show them that I'm still a guy with a pretty good heart.
In the meantime, this incident has also kind of gotten me thinking about how we treat each other in the grown up world. Really, what I think we are doing is still acting out our playground antics from elementary school, except now we have money and power.
Think about it.
There are the bullies.
And the cool kids.
And the shy, quiet people.
And the people who don't fit in.
And there are those who are hateful.
And there are nice folks too.
And whatever issues you brought with you to adulthood will show up quickly in real estate. That's because this is a bumpy business. We represent two parties who are trying to work together, but who also have individual interests. And in lots of cases, individual interests get in the way. And then people get angry or mean or hateful or however they act in regards to how they handle stressful situations. And I have found that whatever is getting thown at you will bring out in you the insecurities and/or reactions that are within you and that make you who you are.
If you've got stuff you haven't dealt with yet, it can be a boon or a bane in this business. For example, channeled properly, anger can drive you to be highly successful. However, when channeled incorrectly, your own anger will eat you for lunch.
I'm no counselor, but if you're angry at your parent(s), be very careful! You'll pass it onto your children in someway or other without even trying.
One thing real estate has done for me over the first two years is to keep reminding me that I need to work on some things. And I'm doing that. God, my wife, a pretty cool "family coach" and the book, "The Shack" are doing a pretty cool work in my heart.
If you wonder why you keep reacting in an unsuccessful way whenever the meanness shows up or the stress happens, you might take a good hard look inside your heart. Something might be lingering there that you need to deal with.
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