Want To Be A Good Listener? Start With A Note to Yourself

Prelude to Listening Skills

This past Sunday I watched a story on 60 Minutes about a man, Robert Cotton, who was accused of rape and was in prison for some 12 odd years for a crime he didn't commit.  He looked very similar to the actual rapist and was in the line-up which is where the rape victim, Jennifer Thompson, identified him from.

What was amazing to me was that often if the perpetrator isn't in the line up the witnesses will "tend to pick someone from the line-up who looks most like the perpetrator."  As Lesly Stouts recanted after speaking with some experts on the subject of memory, "Memory is "mailable, full of holes... easily suggestible."

The line up system has two problems, Stouts explains,

1.  It's often unreliable

2.  It's highly persuasive to Jurors.

Gary Wells, the expert interviewed during the 60 minutes segment, discussed memory with Stouts and explained that recognition memory is quite quick.  It normally takes about 10-15 seconds for recognition memory.  In other words, if it takes longer than 10-15 minutes for someone to remember something then that person is most likely using something other than recognition memory.

Another problem with memory is that a reinforcement strongly alters memory, "dramatically".  Take a minute to watch this video,

Fight or flight also causes flaws in memory.  Stress has a deep effect on memory.  A person won't forget the event happened but the details are unreliable when the person is faced with a stressful situation,

Pausing to Listen and Write Is A Good Business Move

Now think about this when it comes to real estate and business.  Think about REO's, foreclosures, divorced sellers, first time home buyers, short sales sellers and your communication with them.  Do they take notes when you are educating them on the real estate process? If they aren't I would encourage them to do so. 

In your client's anxiety and excitement how can their memory possibly digest and remember in sum total and with absolute certainty all of the advice and information you will be giving them?

Do you always take notes when you are interviewing clients or meeting with them either on the phone or in person? In your excitement to assist your clients and in your expertise having dealt with similar situations before (the ho hum syndrome) how can you be sure you will remember all the details exactly as they told them to you?  How can you be sure that during your busy workdays you didn't overlook a detail a client told you or hear something differently than what a client said?

How can you be sure you can remember it all?

Sometimes the Old Fashioned Way Is the Best Way To Listen and Remember

I take notes on every client call and on conversations with business associates.  I highlight and scribble notes in the margins of books and periodicals I read.  If I have a thought about something I read online, I will take a moment to scribble it down, even if I make a note on a document in my computer.

At a conference I attended last year the speaker teased those of us who chose to write our notes instead of type or solely use a hashtag and tweet them.  She said it was cute.  Oh I had my Smartphone with me and my laptop to boot.  I knew though, that if I wrote my notes with a pen on "old fashioned paper" I would not only remember what the speaker said but I would remember where on my piece of paper I wrote the words.

Learning is fundamental, but listening and remembering can be tricky.  I take my business seriously.  I will now start asking my clients to please make sure to take notes for their own best records, regardless of my handouts, because I take their business seriously.

I will continue to hone my listening skills. My cute listening and memory basics have taken me to the bank many times over my competitors because my prospects were blown away that I remembered and was able to touch on the things they said to me.  My clients can't believe how much I really listen.

I will always put pen to paper and write notes to myself.

Want to be a good listener? Start with a note to yourself.

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