I never cease to be amazed at the number of people I meet who have never been on a canoe trip. I understand if you are a native of New York or some other northern state but if you're from the Midwest and haven't been on a float trip, you are really missing out!
So what is a float trip? For most it is a short vacation, usually involving some camping interspersed with sitting in a canoe for long periods of time.
why the heck would you want to do that? Well it is usually accompanied by a plethora of adult beverages and some fun loving red-necks!
As you can see from the photo my wife even let me bring my girlfriend. Notice most of the people in the photo have some kind of a drink in hand.
The purpose of a float trip is to leave everything else behind, forget your troubles and worries and just relax!
Proper float trip etiquette should be observed, take some Mardis Gras Beads with you to reward those who are willing to display their goods!
Be prepared to share some of your adult beverages with other floaters.
Take along some food supplies as the alcohol Will undoubtedly make you hungry. Secure your cooler and supplies to the canoe, in case of the event of overturning your canoe. Overturning a canoe is not an option it usually happens when you really don't want it to.
Be prepared, others in your party may seek to overturn your canoe!
Take along some artillery, squirt guns, Super Soakers, even a cup to scoop up water and throw it on someone else can be a plus.
Keeping in mind the temperatures are usually in the upper 90's or even the 100's, ice is critical. Dry ice is Ideal. If you place dry ice on top of the items in the cooler you will freeze everything below it. If you place dry ice in the bottom of the cooler the wet ice will last longer and your beer will be cold.
ICE BOMBS, Ice bombs are a lot of fun and can provide a great entertainment source on a float trip. Using a plastic beverage bottle, place a small amount of dry ice in the bottom of the bottle, add a small amount of water; screw on the cap and throw the damn thing as far as you can.
As the dry ice expands the bottle will eventually explode, making a really loud noise and providing a lot of laughs for all the rednecks on the river.
The canoe: The canoe is merely a vehicle to get you drunk self back to the campsite, If you bungie them together you are much less likely to overturn and have to rescue your floating beer cans.
Bunjieing canoes is an age old trick turning your group of canoes into a flotilla of unsinkable barges that can weather the most turbulent rivers.
What can you expect on a canoe trip or float trip. Well, first a lot of really drunk people, and surprisingly a lot of really genuinely good people having a really good time.
You will see things that make Mardis Gras look like a fourth of July parade in middle America, and you will see hard working red-blooded Americans cutting loose and having fun.
So get your gang together and float one of the rivers near you this summer. Missouri has several great rivers to float.