Boundaries and being #1...

By
Real Estate Agent with Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks CA (Sacramento Area) DRE# 00809499
http://actvra.in/4m5n

Last night Wife Swap (I admit I watched it... but American Idol wasn't on) had a real estate agent wife swap with a fun-loving wife. The agent put her job first and it looked like the main bonding time was when the young kids cleaned their office ( a hubby/wife team). Her kids were polite, darling, and lonely.  They said they felt like crying inside. They knew her job came before them.

I don't care how busy of an agent you are, there is no excuse for putting your kids second.

Kids in the tubWhen I first had kids, in the mid 80's, I wouldn't even admit to my clients that I had kids.  It was still a man's world, and I felt it showed weakness to show I had other non-work priorities that might interfere with their seeing a home. (Now I can't believe I felt that way, but I did.)  Even so... my hubby and I worked it out where I sold 20-30 houses a year when my kids were 3 & 5, yet spent a TON of time with them.  I was a super Mom. I worked at their parent participation pre-school, we did art, they learned to play rummy, we danced, and we read, read, read together.  My goal was to raise them thinking I didn't work.

I realized quickly I needed to set boundaries, or this business would suck the life out of my family.  My boundary "line" was "If it doesn't make me money or support my family I won't do it."  So when my broker asked me to be on a decorating committee... up came the hand with my "line" on it.  But when he asked me to be on the company softball team, I imagined my kids playing in the dirt while I practiced, watching their Mom be active, and maybe learning a little about team sports.  I was in!  Water cooler talk? nope.... didn't make me money.

I took my home phone number off my card, and didn't let anyone interrupt me at home.  When I was at work, I was at work.  But when I was home, I was at home.... coloring, looking for cool rocks, digging in the mud.

Goofing aroundAs they grew older, I worked on school auctions, PTA, and in the classroom.  My husband coached softball and fixed the fields.  Then he coached their water polo teams, and built stuff around the pool.  All the while we had their friends over all the time.  We had 3 or 4 kids who called us Mom or Dad.  We were always involved, and both made them #1.

So can a real estate agent do it?... be a successful agent while raising kids who feel they are number 1? They can if they decide to. My desk is dripping with dusty trophys and plaques. But the best "award I have is this...

 

Me and my girls"Momma...

Thank you for being the mom all of my friends are jealous of.  No matter where I go geographically, my friends are always jealous of the relationship I have with you and the person you are.

 ...I love that our family can entertain ourselves with each other infinitely.  If we were on a deserted island with a radio and a deck of cards, we would be just fine.  More like Swiss Family Dunbar.

...I love that you have helped me build a strong enough foundation for myself that despite all of these things, I can still live 300 miles away and only see you and Dad every 2 months.

...And I love that you have made me a woman of substance.

I love you, that is all."

 

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 

Check out my other posts that might be of interest.....

HOME BUYERS AND SELLERS..........Buying a Home, Selling a Home, Loans, What Happens if....

LOCAL INFO................................. Fair Oaks, Carmichael, Sacramento, Folsom, Citrus Heights

ABOUT SALLY DUNBAR.................. How I learned to...., Personal stuff, My Wordless Photos

OTHER STUFF............................... Inspiration, Attitude, Humorous Stuff, Charity, the Economy

TECHNOLOGY, BLOGGING ............. Active Rain, Technology

Posted by

_______________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Your Fair Oaks Realtor for homes for sale in Fair Oaks and the Sacramento Area of California.... I'm your gal (Sally Dunbar). I'm occasionally knowledgable, periodically humorous, and always willing to tell you everything I know.  What more could you ask for?

Here are the newest listings for Fair Oaks, Orangevale, Citrus Heights, Folsom, Carmichael, Gold River, and Roseville - all CA, of course.

More Blog posts by Sally Dunbar at www.FairOaksHomesAndMore.comSally's Website at www.sallydunbar.com to search for all homes in the MLS, and for tons of information for buyers and sellers.  You'll find schools information, market statistics... you name it, I got it!  Come visit me.

 

 

 

Sally Dunbar, 35 year Broker Associate, Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks, CA (916) 524-1548, SDunbar@GoLyon.com "Your Fair Oaks Realtor"

close

This entry hasn't been re-blogged:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
Topic:
ActiveRain Community
Groups:
Active Rain Newbies
Agent Mom
Family Ties
Club Chaos
Diary of a Realtor
Tags:
about me
family
raising kids
sally dunbar

Post a Comment
Spam prevention
Spam prevention
Show All Comments
Rainmaker
1,005,107
Steve Loynd
Alpine Lakes Real Estate Inc., - Lincoln, NH
800-926-5653, White Mountains NH

Sally... We are truly judged by how well our children turn out as adults. Yours are supper and understand what level of support it took for them to be well adjusted and caring adults. The next generation will also benefit from your setting of boundaries..teach your children well and their children will thrive from that up-bringing. Kudos..

Mar 21, 2009 02:44 AM #1
Rainmaker
214,781
Sally Dunbar
Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks CA (Sacramento Area) - Fair Oaks, CA
Fair Oaks Realtor - Fair Oaks Homes for Sale

Thanks Steve.... my kids and family are truly what I am most proud of in my life. I'm proud to know that I have two girls who will in turn raise their own wonderful children - they'll keep paying it forward. (Not for awhile, however... first things first!)

Mar 21, 2009 03:04 AM #2
Rainmaker
1,808,354
Elizabeth Weintraub Sacramento Real Estate Agent, Top 1% of Lyon Agents
Lyon Real Estate - Sacramento, CA
Put 40 years of experience to work for you

See, Sally, that's why I don't have any kids. :)

I can love everybody else's kids and have none of the responsibility nor guilt feelings when my job comes first.

sacramento agent

Mar 21, 2009 04:13 AM #3
Rainmaker
589,246
Mary Douglas
United Country Ponderosa Realty, Red Feather Lakes, Colorado - Red Feather Lakes, CO
REALTOR, Red Feather Lakes, Colorado

Hi Sally, I loved your pictures, and the story of how you did a fantastic job, drawing the line.  I think the letter is one of the sweetest letters I ever read.  Congratulations!

Mar 21, 2009 02:47 PM #4
Rainmaker
214,781
Sally Dunbar
Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks CA (Sacramento Area) - Fair Oaks, CA
Fair Oaks Realtor - Fair Oaks Homes for Sale

Thanks Mary - maybe someday I'll print the whole letter... it was two pages of specifics.  Really unbelievable.

Mar 21, 2009 03:39 PM #5
Ambassador
1,817,904
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth

Sally, boundaries are definitely where it is at. And you feel so powerful setting those boundaries. OK you watched Wife Swap. I watched the Bachelor but could only take that show for two weeks.

Mar 22, 2009 03:31 PM #6
Rainmaker
214,781
Sally Dunbar
Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks CA (Sacramento Area) - Fair Oaks, CA
Fair Oaks Realtor - Fair Oaks Homes for Sale

Gary - thanks for being honest.  I watched the last few episodes of the Bachelor.  And now the jilted "chosen one" is one of the total stars on Dancing wtih the Stars, which I'm addicted to.  I admit, I love entertaining TV.  I work hard all day, and think my way out of so many things, that mindless entertainment is thrilling!  But Wife Swap was totally out of "there's nothing else on".

Mar 23, 2009 02:28 AM #7
Rainer
83,856
Andrew Haslett
Van Warren Home Inspections, NAHI CRI - Fort Knox, KY
Heartland of Kentuckynulls, Best Home Inspector

"Momma...  

...And I love that you have made me a woman of substance."

Sally, it doesn't get any better than that! There is no finer compliment.

Mar 29, 2009 01:26 PM #9
Rainmaker
214,781
Sally Dunbar
Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks CA (Sacramento Area) - Fair Oaks, CA
Fair Oaks Realtor - Fair Oaks Homes for Sale

Andrew - thanks so much... that's my favorite part too.  Both my daughters are women of substance.

Mar 29, 2009 01:40 PM #10
Rainmaker
600,692
Donne Knudsen
Los Angeles & Ventura Counties in CA - Simi Valley, CA
CalState Realty Services

Sally - Another great story.  I'm so glad that I discovered you today and have enjoyed getting to know you through your blog.  While I don't have kids, I do have a family and lots of friends and I totally agree that in order to be a balanced person, we need to have both a professional life and a personal life.

I don't work 24/7 like a lot of people in my business because, quite honestly, I have a life.  When I am working, I am working and my clients get my undivided attention.  Howerver, I do take time off and when I do, I am OFF DUTY!  I make sure that all of my clients/prospects understand this from the get go and if that's not the kind of mortgage LO they're looking for then I tell them that I'm not the right person for them.

Apr 26, 2009 09:05 AM #11
Rainmaker
214,781
Sally Dunbar
Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks CA (Sacramento Area) - Fair Oaks, CA
Fair Oaks Realtor - Fair Oaks Homes for Sale

Donne - Thanks so much for checking in on my older posts.  And good for you for having alife.  Whether it's our kids, our parents, our spouse, our friends, our dog... there is someone in our life that needs our undivided attention frequently... without our phone ringing.

Ultimately, it makes us a better agent (or LO).

Apr 26, 2009 09:17 AM #12
Post a Comment
Spam prevention
Show All Comments

What's the reason you're reporting this blog entry?

Are you sure you want to report this blog entry as spam?

Rainmaker
214,781

Sally Dunbar

Fair Oaks Realtor - Fair Oaks Homes for Sale
Ask me a question
*
*
*
*
Spam prevention

Additional Information