real estate humor: Top Ten Funny One-Liners
- 11/09/09 11:46 AM
10. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere. 9. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. 8. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with? Whatever she wants - he's sleeping. 7. Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep. 6. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony? It isn't hard. 5. How can you make your wife crazy while making love? Call her from your cell phone. 4. What does the bride of a Polish … (3 comments)
real estate humor: Disorder in da Court - Funny Court Quotes
- 09/21/09 01:04 PM
The following quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts. They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had to stay calm and not laugh while these exchanges were actually taking place. --------ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ----------ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ----------ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. … (3 comments)
real estate humor: Do You Have Feelings of Inadequacy?
- 09/13/09 07:54 AM
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Grey Goose. Grey Goose is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself. You'll also feel better about your actions. Grey Goose can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world you're ready and willing to do just about anything! You will notice the benefits of Grey Goose almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that … (4 comments)
real estate humor: Actual Comments Made on Students' Report Cards
- 08/04/09 10:58 AM
Supposedly, these are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded :( 1.Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2.I would not allow this student to breed. 3.Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4.Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 5.Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. 6. This student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. 7.This child has been working with glue … (22 comments)
real estate humor: What happens in the pub, stays in the pub
- 07/31/09 06:13 AM
Dear Bob, I enjoy your sense of humor so I thought you might like this true story. I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered: I was listening to my iPod. -Randal Sent to me via email. God i love that dry British humor! … (5 comments)
Enjoy these bits of wisdom from George: Always do whatever's next. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting … (1 comments)
real estate humor: A Really Bad Day
- 07/17/09 11:11 AM
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst day of my life! First, all night I can't sleep, and my alarm doesn't wake me. As a result, I arrive late … (0 comments)
real estate humor: Crystal Ball Predictions
- 07/13/09 06:49 PM
Have You Gazed Into a Crystal Ball Lately? Bob Boog Some folks ask me where I think the real estate market is headed, and lately my answer has changed. At least slightly. I used to just answer: "My crystal ball is in the shop," but now I think I'll say, "The market is definitely looking greener." The market is looking greener? What the heck does that mean? Just that several home-shoppers have surprised me by asking questions regarding Eco-Friendly homes and "Green" features. Most of the questions revolve around some simple energy saving devices but when I stop to think … (0 comments)
real estate humor: The Gender of Nouns - Humor only an English major would Love
- 06/29/09 01:05 PM
What is a noun? A noun is a word used to denote a person, place, thing, or idea.In the Spanish language, nouns are defined as being either masculine or feminine. Examples: English has masculine and feminine nouns too, but in English they are called "male" or "female" words. Here are some examples: COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed. HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but … (2 comments)
real estate humor: Short Sale Poems
- 06/06/09 06:23 AM
Okay, just for fun, write down your feelings about short sales in a short poem or haiku. I realize that you're probably busier than a one-legged Riverdancer and can't rhyme like a rap star, but that's okay. Jot down a haiku. What is the proper haiku format? Haiku: a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables. You can give the poem a title, or not! Example: PoemI gave up my homeTrying to do a short saleAll was for nothing.Wish that loan rep was in jail! Haiku#1Mystery bank ladyworking on my short saleNever calls me back. Haiku#2 Mystery bank … (6 comments)
real estate humor: You know you're really broke when..
- 04/16/09 12:45 PM
Everybody could use a smile, right? Okay, well you know you're really broke when... At communion you go back for seconds. American Express calls and says, "Sorry, but you're gonna hafta leave home without it!" Sally Struthers sends you food. You rob Peter...and then you rob Paul.You say that you're gonna clean your house, but really you're just looking for spare change. You can't afford hot water for Top Ramen noodles.You decide to invest in a do-it-yourself dentistry kit. You're thinking of removing the metal plate in your head to bring it to the recycling center. Your idea of a delicious family meal is … (1 comments)
real estate humor: Is Renting a Cheap Apartment Better than Buying a Home?
- 03/13/09 12:34 PM
Recently, an article on Yahoo.com listed five reasons why renting beats buying a home. In his article, writer Jack Hough argued that renting a cheap apartment makes more financial sense for most people. As a realtor I don't completely disagree because homeownership may not be for everyone; however, I find that most people value homeownership for quality-of-life reasons. So here are my five reasons why buying a place might still be worth the price. 1. Less Crowded. Most of the cheaper apartment buildings in my area are also the most crowded in town. Some of them resemble giant, modern, beehives. Yes, … (2 comments)
real estate humor: The Economy is So Bad ... Angelina Jolie is Adopting an American Kid
- 03/03/09 09:25 AM
You've probably already heard through the Internet, radio or on Fox News how bad the economy is. One place said the economy is so bad that ...Angelina Jolie is adopting an American kid. Another said the economy is so bad that a woman got an exorcism. But when she couldn't pay for it they had to "re-possess" her. Jay Leno remarked that "Times are so bad that three of OctoMom's kids are already working for Nike." My suggestion is to try to lighten up and encourage the people you meet to think on a more positive level. Try it sometime. The … (5 comments)
real estate humor: 20 Things I've Learned from Movies - Do you have any?
- 09/11/08 10:51 AM
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. Once applied, lipstick never rubs off - even while scuba diving. You've very likely to survive any battle in war unless you make the mistake of showing a picture of your sweetheart back home. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do. If your town is … (1 comments)
10. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere. ;)
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