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The OLD Alphabet needs to be more realistic to float my boat
The Old Alphabet : A is for apple, and B is  for boat,  that used to be right, but now it won't  float!   Age before beauty is what we once said,  but let's be more realistic instead. 



Now The Alphabet: 

A's for arthritis;  B's for bad back,  C's the chest pains,  perhaps car-di-ac? D is  for dental decay and decline,  
E is  for eyesight, can't read that top  line!   
F is  for fissures and fluid retention,  
G is  for gas which I'd rather not mention. H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;  
I for incisions with scars you can show.  
J is for joints, out of socket, won't  mend,  
K is  for knees that crack when they bend.  
L 's  for libido, what happened to sex?  
M is  for memory, I forget what comes  next.  
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;  
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow! P for  prescriptions, I have quite a few,  just  give me a pill and I'll be good as  new!  
Qis  for queasy, is it fatal or flu?  
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two. S is  for sleepless nights, counting my  fears,  
T is  for Tinnitus; bells ... more

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