joke: Luv's Huggies Pamper's and Depends!
- 02/03/14 11:53 PM
I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called "Depends". Well here is the low down on the whole thing. When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper em. When old people have an accident in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will! Have a great safe, warm day from Glenn Freezman! ================================================================= … (6 comments)
joke: I took my daughter to the Barber Shop (Joke)
- 12/31/13 12:41 AM
My little girl went to the barber shop with me. She stands next to the barber chair, while I get my hair cut, she was eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.' She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.' I don't know where she gets it from? Happy New Year to you all! Glenn Freezman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BGr3bN0Iog&sns=em
joke: Turning around NO!!!
- 12/30/13 01:02 AM
The difficult task is to turn around a no. Not, "no, I've thought about it, but I'm not interested," but, "no, I feel like saying 'no', whatever you're offering, the answer is no." If the fractious child or the skeptical prospect or the frightened boss is coming from a place of no, your proposal just isn't going to work. Shaking that rattle or waving that spreadsheet isn't going to work, because it's not going to be judged on the merits. The facts are irrelevant... if your partner (and yes, the person you're with right now is your partner, engaged in … (2 comments)
joke: A Morning Mommy Joke!!
- 12/22/13 11:32 PM
When my wife was six months pregnant with my second child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. He said, 'Mommy, you are getting fat!' She replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.' 'I know,' he replied, but what's growing in your ass? I offer todays smile for FREE, No Points! Please, whomever you are that needs to make sure I don't get points and actuially takes the time to put in a complaint, understand, I couldn't care less, I do it for Karma!! … (2 comments)
joke: A Chrstmas Story (Humor)
- 12/20/13 12:24 AM
The teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?" Patrick addressed the class: "Me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys." "Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?" "Me and … (6 comments)
joke: Christmas Carols For The Dysfunctional (Humor)
- 12/17/13 04:12 AM
SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and.. PARANOID: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me. PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why. DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely. … (3 comments)
joke: BREAKING News!! ..... from the North Pole...
- 12/17/13 12:48 AM
It has been reported that due to the negative impact the Great Recession has had on economies all over the world, this Christmas, Santa Claus will have only two “Ho’s”, not three as is the custom. Additionally, it was reported, that if the recession deepens further or the recovery continues at its current slow rate, in 2014 Santa might have to do with only one “HO” Happy Holidays from Glenn Freezman ============================================ … (0 comments)
joke: The "Unattended Bag" in the Airport! (Humor)
- 12/09/13 12:13 AM
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself, 'I'm going to take that.'
Have a great day from Glenn Freezman ================================================================= … (0 comments)
joke: Snow in the forecast? (Humor)
- 12/05/13 11:54 PM
I was watching the news last night because there is Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that! I hope you all have an amzing day! ================================================================ … (12 comments)
joke: Who Says Men Don't Remember? (JOKE)
- 12/05/13 12:54 AM
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was. In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and … (7 comments)
joke: Brand New Breakfast Cereals from General Mills
- 12/02/13 01:54 AM
This is just funny, not Political, but I can GUARANTEE that it will not make the "Blog Roll" For anyone that is going to bash me, don't bother, I am an equal opportunity offender and I PROMISE whatever gets in next time, I will not change my way of looking at the world. I love my country it's the Government that frightens me.
… (6 comments)
joke: I have a confession to make...
- 11/20/13 11:08 PM
I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power a few short years ago.. At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Barack Obama took his Oath of Office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles,fire a 21-gun salute to the President. It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated. Every one of them missed! Make it a great day from Glenn Freezman ========================================================================= … (8 comments)
joke: Urgent Employee Notice
- 11/13/13 05:46 AM
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who … (24 comments)
joke: We Love to Bargain, Bicker and Bluff!!!
- 10/16/13 12:07 AM
I'm a Jewish guy in the title insurance business, we like to, “Bargain, Bicker and Bluff” Two Jews walk into a real estate closing … RUN!
Jews don’t always have the best luck in real estate. We still haven’t closed on the West Bank or the Gaza Strip. As a matter of fact, the whole business of who owns what in the Middle East could have been solved a couple of thousand years ago with two little words...title insurance... I was born 2000 years too late.
Make it a great day from my family at Family Abstract, Inc. to … (6 comments)
joke: HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHTS AS PRESIDENT
- 10/07/13 02:09 AM
Hillary Clinton was sworn in today as President. She has disposed of Bill and is spending her first night alone in the White House. She has waited several years for this!! FIRST NIGHT Suddenly! The ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." SECOND NIGHT The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...? Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really really don't want to … (10 comments)
From my family at Family Abstract to yours, all our very best! ======================================================================== … (4 comments)
joke: My Wife Has Been Mising For A Week
- 10/01/13 05:55 AM
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
I hope you all have a great day from me and my family at Family Abstract, Inc. ========================================================================= … (6 comments)
joke: Old Love... Last forever!
- 08/28/13 05:08 AM
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail." The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you … (8 comments)
joke: The Jewish Quarterback... You know this must be a joke!!
- 08/26/13 02:01 AM
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th storey window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a … (6 comments)
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I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".
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