just for fun: A Chrstmas Story (Humor)
- 12/20/13 12:24 AM
The teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?" Patrick addressed the class: "Me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys." "Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?" "Me and … (6 comments)
just for fun: Brand New Breakfast Cereals from General Mills
- 12/02/13 01:54 AM
This is just funny, not Political, but I can GUARANTEE that it will not make the "Blog Roll" For anyone that is going to bash me, don't bother, I am an equal opportunity offender and I PROMISE whatever gets in next time, I will not change my way of looking at the world. I love my country it's the Government that frightens me.
… (6 comments)
just for fun: Urgent Employee Notice
- 11/13/13 05:46 AM
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who … (24 comments)
just for fun: The Affordable Boat Act Passes Into Law!!
- 11/12/13 04:21 AM
The U.S. government has just passed a new law entitled "The Affordable Boat Act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April, 2014. These 'affordable' boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance, or repair costs. This law has been passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an 'affordable' boat of their own, because everyone is 'entitled' to a new boat. … (5 comments)
just for fun: Update on Kathy's Surgery
- 10/17/13 05:31 AM
Dear Family and Friends, Most of you know our friend Kathy went in for a surgical procedure for a Butt Lift, using the Obama Care Medical Plan through your new state run insurance exchange. She didn't have the most pleasant experience. She should've left well enough alone. We wanted to show you how it turned out. We hope this makes you aware of the quality of care you will receive from the Affordable Healthcare Act (Obama Care) Please, PLEASE, PLEASE . . Don't get a Butt Lift using the Obama Care Medical Plan. The "Obama care qualified Doctor" was a 3rd … (2 comments)
Jews don’t always have the best luck in real estate. We still haven’t closed on the West Bank or the Gaza Strip. As a matter of fact, the whole business of who owns what in the Middle East could have been solved a couple of thousand years ago with two little words...title insurance... I was born 2000 years too late.
Make it a great day from my family at Family Abstract, Inc. to … (6 comments)
just for fun: AMA Insight on Obamacare... No Matter which side your on!!!
- 10/04/13 06:27 AM
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the
Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the
Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and … (5 comments)
just for fun: Romance is Alive In My House!
- 04/19/13 12:53 AM
My Wife, being the romantic sort, sent me a text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you! .... I replied , “I am on the toilet. Please advise
just for fun: Why Why Why? From Your Title Insurance Guy!
- 03/26/13 03:30 AM
It seems like all day, every day we are asked why? From the time our children are old enough to speak, WHY is one of the words that every child picks up very early in age. My kids first words were, Power of Attorney and Trust Fund, but that's just me. We are asked, WHY is that Judgement still of record, WHY won't the bank take my short sale offer, WHY won't the lender order another appraisal, WHY does the opposing negotiator pay the Buyers agents commission in a real estate transaction? I say Why ask WHY? Sometimes it feels … (2 comments)
Just in time for this year, a group of leading medical people has published data indicating that seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver. At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is "Let My People Go". Lunch ______ A Jewish man took his Passover lunch … (6 comments)
We try everyday at Family Abstract, Inc. to make your day a little brighter with a smile or a laugh. In our work, we promise to bring joy to your customers if you'll give us the opportunity to prove it.
just for fun: Stand-Up at Comedy Club Back For An Encore! I'd Love Your Feedback
- 02/28/13 05:05 AM
I did it again! I was asked to perform at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. There were about 150 people in the audience this time. I changed about 50% of the material and also my shirt, the Judge still didn't approve. I am going to see if the Active Rain Gods will allow me to run a contest regarding real estate, mortgage, appraisal, home inspection, title etc. and the lunacy we all see every day. My ultimate goal is to write and perform a 30 minute set that is All About Real Estate, perhaps at an Active Rain Conference. Who … (7 comments)
just for fun: The Top 20 Things I learned from my Children
- 02/27/13 02:46 AM
As a partner in Family Abstract, my role has always been street smarts and my partners book smarts. We make the perfect combination, but the wisdom that I have culled from our kids in the last 22 years is beyond reproach and not available any where else! For a funnyThursday blog post, I offer my top 20 24 list, Enjoy and PLEASE have a great day!
For those with no children - this is totally hysterical... For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. … (6 comments)
just for fun: Todays Laughs come from the Elderly!
- 02/26/13 02:12 AM
Our clients at Family Abstract, Inc. range in age from 21 to 101, my favorite group are the seniors. The wisdom, knowledge and overall sense they bring is remarkable. I hope you enjoy the following quickie jokes. A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid-eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns … (13 comments)
just for fun: A Good Question... For a Joke on Tuesday!
- 02/18/13 10:53 PM
A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?" The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun." "And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man. "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.. The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet? His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert." "So tell me then," added the boy. "Yes, my son?" "Why are you living in … (5 comments)
just for fun: PARAPROSDOKIANS...Winston Churchill loved them, you will too!
- 02/17/13 11:26 PM
PARAPROSDOKIANS... Theyare figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. At Family Abstract, we often start the list of something new and have clients, borrowers, sellers, realtors and their mortgage lenders add to our list, this month Paraprosdokians, when we got to 25, it was time to share. We hope you enjoy them. Please add to the comments any that you may come up with, let's see if we can get to 40. 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to … (13 comments)
just for fun: Understanding Your Wife On Valentines Day, Paperback Edition
- 02/14/13 12:41 AM
As a public service, Family Abstract Inc. is willing to send anyone a copy of the NEW PAPER BACK edition of Understanding Your Wife On Valentines day. Simply send $549.00 for postage and handling and we'll take care of the rest! Happy Reading and good luck to us all! I love my wife I love my wife I love my wife This is a recording! Have a great day, hug them, squeeze, love them, give them your heart and your soul. Tomorrow is coming! Here is a quick Valentines Joke: Fred was driving home from one of his business trips, … (15 comments)
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Title Matters is a blog edited and maintained as a cooperative effort by the owners and employees of Family Abstract, Inc.
By combining our knowledge, skills and energy we can share what we know, find answers to questions, and do what a good title company is supposed to do – bring all the parties together!
The teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?"
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