real estate sales: "Off-side parking" - New Blooper Blog!
- 05/13/20 06:17 PM
Hi My AR friends! I know we can all use something to lift our spirits, so I am reposting one of my blooper blogs, and I have added a lot of new material. If you laugh just once, then it was worrth the time. Stay safe and well!
Huh?
"Off-side parking" (I told you not to drink and drive.)
"Located between Malibu and Santa Barbara" (Your eye for detail is underwhelming.)
"Dull occupancy" (...Rather like my last blind date.)
"Close to Hole Foods" (This must be a donut chain...)
"Screened doors lead to new dock" (Next time check the tide levels before building.)
DUH!
"Now in moving condition" (Apparently … (21 comments)
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real estate sales: BLOOPER DAY IS BACK! (MLS gaffes and laughs)
- 02/24/20 05:35 PM
Blooper Day is back by request my friends. Please enjoy some of these oldies I posted, as well as a lot of new hilarious MLS gaffes to add to the bag of crazy:
Fruits and Nuts"Raid your kitchen of empty wine bottles" (I'll bet I can kill off a good Cabernet faster than Raid. Just sayin'...)
“Plum missing” (Offered by Little Jack Horner Real Estate and Produce Company.)
“Overlooks steam” (For those in the market for a porno movie theater...)
“Sink spayer missing” (That explains the dog collar in the garbage disposal.)
“Sledding doors” (Why bother - you’re already going downhill fast.)
Screws and Screwballs“Security bras” (Does … (54 comments)
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real estate sales: MLS Humor - Sell or "Smell"
- 06/26/19 01:48 PM
Hi, friends – welcome to this week’s edition of “How to shoot yourself in the foot in a public forum.”
Gone To Waste“MUST be accompanied” (Is that why an accordion player is trailing me?)
“Tall pams sway in the breeze” (Oh yes, the Pams - my favorite women’s basketball team.)
“Call or don’t go” (Charming. Do you also cook small children?)
“Nice back dried up” (Oh, I just thought you were breaded.)
“Very small car garage” (Send in the clowns…)
Obviously Wasted“Don’t let peeling pant influence you” (If anyone peels off my pants, it better be Clooney.)
“Notice of tenant moves” (Does one of his moves involve peeling off … (38 comments)
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real estate sales: THERE ARE NO SECRETS IN LA-LA LAND
- 04/30/18 06:17 PM
There are no secrets in LA! Word is out regarding who bought musician Moby's stunning home that I just sold, so I may as well share it with my AR family. Patrick Martin and I had the listing...and WE didn't leak it! Nevertheless, congratulations to all!
http://observer.com/2018/04/leonardo-dicaprio-buys-moby-house-los-feliz/
DiCaprio, however, may have scooped up the 4,644-square-foot residence for an undisclosed family member, per the Los Angeles Times.
It could be that the vape-loving actor just wanted an extra house, because why not? He does already own three homes in Los Angeles, including two in the celeb-filled Bird Streets area, in addition to one in Silver Lake. … (10 comments)
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real estate sales: "Cow first" - Great MLS Bloopers
- 03/13/18 04:35 PM
It’s Blooper Friday, and the spelling and grammar rebels are at it again, folks. Welcome to the Blooper Blog. Please enjoy these hilarious gaffes:
A Roo
“Flex bedroos” (The latest trend in kangaroo housing...)
"Pants are optional choice" (Tell that to your arresting officer.)
“Great locomotion” (As we say in California, “EARTHQUAKE”!!!)
“Closet Sunday” (Sorry, but I live in West Hollywood where all closets are empty.)
“Interior designer comes with house.” (My mistake - it seems someone still is in the closet.)
A Moo
“Cow for more info” (Sorry, but I don't speak moo.)
“Must coop sellers banker” (Why – does she lay eggs?)
”Acheway to kitchen” (Everyone aches when I’m … (29 comments)
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real estate sales: “Matching back smash” - Hilarious MLS Bloopers
- 02/04/18 03:14 PM
I
It's Blooper Day! Well friends, it has been an exciting week full of post-Super Bowl celebration. However, it seems a few folks still have hangovers, and these MLS bloopers are a great indication:
Kick-off
“Matching back smash” (This agent has a future in the WWF.)
“White quarts in bath” (If it’s a quart of vodka, count me in.)
“Stunning shaking cabinets” (Another exciting listing on the San Andreas Fault.)
”Beautiful root top view” (The only view from my roots is gray hair.)
“Give feeds back” (Said the cow to his stomach.)
"2 beds, 2 bats" (Great feature - everyone gets his own rat with wings.)
Halftime
“Vines cowering patio” (It’s … (22 comments)
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real estate sales: “Guess area” - Head-Scratching MLS Bloopers
- 07/05/16 09:25 AM
Hey, Friends – it’s time for this week’s MLS Blooper Reel. Here are some of my favorite oldies, as well as a few new bloopers that will make you wonder how some people are able to find their way home at night...
No Pain“Will show in gropes” (You'll have to buy me dinner first)
“Guess area” (That's how I refer to my stove.)
“Near miking trail” ('Sounds like Mike has a urinary tract dysfunction.)
“Substndard plunb” (Yet not as substandard as your spelling.)
"Seller needs 30 day rentaback" (This give new meaning to "spineless.")
No Gain“Wrap this one up in a blow” (I would if you hadn’t snorted it all.)
“Modern constriction” (They’re called Spanx.)
“Attic … (33 comments)
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real estate sales: “Radiation heat” - Nuclear Fallout on the MLS
- 02/17/16 10:25 AM
Hi Friends, some of you asked for another MLS blooper post, so I aim to please. Here is a mixture of some new head-scratching bloopers, as well as some of my old favorites that I thought were so funny they deserved another round.
Plug In The George Foreman“Radiation heat” (Buy, fry, and die.)
"Really goose house" (We bend over backwards for you.)
“Flame retarded fabrics” (It seems the flames had the same effect on you.)
“Sale due to divorcee" (Did you really believe she was your hubby's mechanic?)
"Chandeeleer excluded" (Why - because it fell on your head?)
And Now For the Side Dishes“Drawing for a pad” (For those with urinary challenges...)
“Nice … (43 comments)
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real estate sales: “House on coroner” - Eye-popping MLS Bloopers!
- 10/22/15 10:36 AM
Oh, yes, it’s blooper day, and I found some eye-popping gaffes on the MLS this week! I think I finally figured out why we consistently see such errors – agents are letting their pets write their listing remarks. On the other hand, I suspect that my dog can spell better than some of these culprits, so I may be casting unfair aspersions. Enjoy:
Is There A Pulse?“House on coroner” (How convenient – he’s already there to pronounce himself dead.)
“No balls after 9 pm” (My ex had the same problem.)
“House will shit all buyers” (That's one helluva fast exit strategy!)
“Sorry – already bought” (Sign on … (28 comments)
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real estate sales: “Nothing speared” - Side-stabbing MLS Bloopers!
- 10/10/15 09:44 AM
Hi Folks, I decided to combine a new Blooper Blog post with one I posted in October several years ago, because some of these gaffes are all-time classics. Here’s some "autumn color" for you, so please enjoy:
Amenities You Can Live Without“Nothing speared” (That’s a good selling point…if you’re a tuna.)
“New plow price” (Uh, who's "plowing" whom?)
“Village ppl home” (Village People? This must be in West Hollywood.)
‘Built-in girl” (Caitlin Jenner I presume...)
“Good seals in attic and basement” (Maybe you should think about installing a pool…)
And Then There’s Dexter…“New head in shower” (New inmate in San Quentin)
“Has sold bones” (That explains why only the head was … (41 comments)
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real estate sales: "An acher" - Painful & Hilarious MLS BLOOPERS
- 10/01/15 05:02 AM
Welcome back - it's Blooper Time. I am all for having a martini or two, folks. Maybe even three if it’s at least 10:00 AM. (I have my standards, you know.) However, I do draw the line at drinking and typing. Read these real estate bloopers and tell me if you agree that there should be a breathalyzer test for fingers:
Corn Squeezins = Loss of Reason“Pone found at open house” (Proudly offered by Alabama Fats and his Cornbread Combo.)
“Seller says he’s don” (Hence that horse head staring at you from under your blanket.)
“New studdo in back” (New bottle of Viagra in medicine cabinet.)
“Cabbage lights line … (143 comments)
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real estate sales: Dress for Suck-cess - Dubious Fashion Trends
- 09/25/15 03:25 AM
An UnReal Estate Film Treatment
(Re-posted at the request of AR member Bruce Walter - thanks, Bruce)
C'mon - tell the truth - you've seen many agents who present such a bad image you know even their own parole officers wouldn't hire them. Today at an open house I saw an agent (with his client) who was decked out in shorts and flip flops. By contrast, at the same open house there was an agent in a very tasteful skirt. The agent's name was Steven. Okay, I made up the last one, but you get my point. Thus, I have decided to create a mini film treatment for your consideration … (50 comments)
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real estate sales: “Professional stagger” - More Hilarious MLS Bloopers!
- 09/11/15 04:50 AM
Welcome to this week’s marketing typo blooper reel, friends. Apparently Siri and auto-spell have become my writing partners, as a lot of these MLS and advertising gaffes would suggest. I prefer to believe that haste makes waste, and not that stupidity is on the rise… but you be the judge:
Some Folks Misfire“Buyers live to love in this area” (Sold by Orgies-R-Us.)
“Big stink in kitch” (Big dog hiding under the table.)
"Send gnomes and numbers" (That explains the little pointed hats on the hat rack.)
“Really rice house” (Thank you, Wan Lobe Missin'.)
“Professional stagger” (That's what we call my Uncle Paddy after a six-pack of Guinness.)
"Clothes at 5 pm" (Nude at … (49 comments)
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real estate sales: THANKING YOU THIS LABOR DAY
- 09/06/15 04:33 AM
THANKING YOU THIS LABOR DAY
We DID do it - we built a great nation, my friends. Thank you all , young and old, for your incomparable contributions. So enjoy Labor Day, and be thankful for all we have here in our beloved USA!
GWEN BANTA - SOTHEBY'S INTERNATIONAL REALTY, SUNSET BLVD/BEVERLY HILLS
Please follow me on:
Twitter - https://twitter.com/SherlockofHomes
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/gwen.banta
#HollywoodHillsRealEstate #LosAngelesRealEstate
And be sure to view my beautiful California listings at:
http://www.gwenbanta.com Thank you!
… (18 comments)
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real estate sales: Lucy and Ethel 's Real Estate Adventure
- 08/24/15 05:07 AM
Oh, Ricky!
There is some old saying about the best laid plans going asunder, and I am about to tell you where asunder is: it's a place in New Jersey. Picture a lovely suburb of tract homes in Jersey, circa 1969. One year my mother Marie decided we should sell the family home and get something bigger than a bread box. I didn't mention my father Boyd, because he tried to stay clear of the caper - in fact, he tried to steer clear of ALL her capers. He would just sit in an overstuffed chair in front of the tube, as if anchored for safety, seemingly oblivious … (20 comments)
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real estate sales: "New farmers stink" - MLS Bloopers and Stinkers
- 07/25/15 06:45 AM
Something may have been rotten in the State of Denmark, but the MLS isn’t smelling much better. Check out this review of some of my favorite stinkers and clinkers from the MLS and real estate ads if you’re in the mood for a few giggles:
Something Seems Amiss…"New farmers stink" (Old farmers don't smell much better.)
“One moth incentive” (Do you wave wool sweaters before their little eyes?)
“Come see a good hose” (Or a dumb hoser...)
“This yer special” (Aww, yer special, too… in a really slow kind of way.)
“Ice cram served” (That’s sounds harsh.)
“$10k bonus to close end” (Have you tried the “ice cram”? That should close … (41 comments)
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real estate sales: "Charmin Home" - Wiping Out On the MLS
- 07/09/15 12:21 PM
Friends, I'm out of town this week, but I thought you would enjoy this Blooper Blog re-run:
From blundering fools to complete tools, the bloopers on the MLS were hysterical this week, folks. I received some great contributions from John M. Scott of beautiful San Francisco, Jane Peters from right here in our beloved L.A., and Bruce Walter from the great Hoosier State of Indiana. Enjoy the goofs, and have a wonderful weekend, everyone!
First the Fools…“Large fool for fun” (Let me guess - slogan on your business card?)
“Three badrooms” (Cue the music: Two turtle doves and an agent in a du-u-unce hat.)
“Small lender” (That's politically incorrect - I believe they prefer … (31 comments)
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real estate sales: What's Your Beef? (Great MLS Bloopers)
- 06/24/15 11:34 AM
Hi Folks - the blooper blog is back, and the MLS gaffes are more hilarious than ever. I think you will enjoy my list of this week's favorites:
First a Moo
"Cows returned after 9 am" (Uh, got milk?)
"Golf curse home" (A home that is obviously not up to par...)
"Pack as soon as you arrive" (Apparently someone found my underwear in the glove compartment again…)
"Guess room" (That's what I call my kitchen.)
"Closeted Tuesday" (Cover of Vanity Fair on Wednesday, Caitlyn?)
"Red shudders" (I shuddered, too...at your spelling.)
And Here's a Zoo...
"New three-bedroom horse" (For the latest in mobile homes...)
"This house is a seal" (Yet another example of … (28 comments)
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real estate sales: "State of the arf sound" - Great MLS Bloopers!
- 05/10/15 08:54 AM
Alert the media, as out of the mist appears the masked Blooper Blogger! Hey friends, I'm back with a list that was too good not to write up. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles, Portland's own Carla Muss-Jacobs, and Juli Vosmik of Scottsdale for their hilarious contributions: Mass Confusion "Has curve appeal" (Is this a house or a Kardashian?) "A Liz Pendants has been filed" (Who knew you could file a lien on someone's jewelry?) "Home has been remolded" (So has your cerebral cortex.) "New combo with all the right stuff" (Welcome to Burger King.) "Pool and gassy area" (That explains all the bubbles in the deep end…) "Filled with characters" (You … (24 comments)
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real estate sales: The Blooper Scooper - Hilarious MLS Gaffes!
- 03/16/15 05:57 AM
Hey friends, it's time for the Blooper Blog again. I accumulated some whoppers during my hiatus, as apparently carelessness remains rampant. On the other hand, perhaps we can attribute the gaffes to the fact that it's margarita season. (Oh, wait, maybe that's just at my house.) Here they are for your enjoyment:
Wasted?
"Two stoned house" (Too stoned agent.)
"New piles in kitchen" (New dog needs potty training)
"Please put on boots before entering" (Apparently the dog is a Great Dane.)
"Modern flares throughout" (Nice touch if you want a home visible from the International Space Station.)
… (24 comments)
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